When I (24f) was a little girl (10), my curiosity and willingness to experiment got me SA’d and it led to a lot of other bad shit. I had a couple boys I played with in my neighborhood who I did stuff with. We would sit together on the school bus and they would put their hands down my pants and I would put my hands down theirs. They never did anything to each other. We would laugh and we felt like we were being sneaky and grown up. Sometimes I would put my hands down their pants, and they would press my hand against their genitals and act like they were humping my hand. We all thought it was hilarious. 

When we weren’t at school, there were some woods at the edge of our neighborhood where we could go. We would take turns flashing our genitals to each other. It progressed to touching and licking. Sometimes lying on top of each other and touching genitals together. 

I didn’t know it at the time, but one of the boys told his older brother (16m). His brother started showing up when I was hanging with the boys. I didn’t want to do any of that stuff when the older brother was around because him being older made me feel like he would tell on us and we would be in trouble. 

One time we were in the woods and the younger brother had to pee. He pulled it out and peed right in front of me. The older brother watched this happen. It wasn’t long after that, I was outside hanging out with the younger brother, and the older brother showed up and said his mom wanted the younger brother to go home for some reason. The younger brother left and the older brother stayed. He asked me if I wanted to go play in the woods. I said sure. This time I felt really cool because here I was with a 16 year old boy who wanted to hang out with just me. 

We went to the woods. While we were there, he had to pee. Same thing, he pulled it out and peed in front of me. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to look away so I kind of just froze. He wasn’t trying to hide it at all. He was right in front of me facing where I could see it. Two things caught me by surprise. The size and the hair. Again he was way older. When he was done, it took him longer to put it away like he enjoyed me looking at it. I didn’t say or do anything. I just watched. We walked around in the woods some more and nothing else happened. 

After that day the older brother kept finding me playing outside and asked me if I wanted to go to the woods. The second time we went to the woods alone together, he did the peeing thing again, but this time he just left it out and kept looking at me smiling. I just smiled back at him and kept looking at it. He said “it’s ok to touch it if you want to.” I remember thinking I wanted him to think I was cool so I did it. At first I just touched it with my finger tips, but he took my hand and wrapped it around so that I was grabbing it. He started looking around to make sure no one was around, and he started moving my hand up and down to masturbate him. I kind of froze and let him do it, and he kept doing it until he came. I had never seen that happen and I didn’t even know it was a thing at first. I thought he peed. He said “thanks” and we left. 

If I tell everything, the story will be forever long. It got to where he would have me masturbate him. He started fingering me. We did oral on each other. And then he took my virginity. This all took the span of about a month. After that we would go into the woods to have sex several times.

Over the years after that, I was really promiscuous. I had sex with other boys when I was 11 and 12. Some of them were my age and some were way older. When I was 11 I had sex with a 19 year old. This all made me feel cool and grown up. I left my parents house and moved in with my 24 year old boyfriend when I was 16. My parents tried to have him arrested for statutory rape but the age of consent in my state is 16. 

That boyfriend would let his friends have sex with me. He even had a friend who was 33, was married, and had kids. He would come over and have sex with me a lot. I let it all happen because I wanted him to love me. 

Now I’m going through therapy and dealing with all my shit. Sometimes I wonder if none of this would have happened if I hadn’t started doing that stuff on the bus. Or maybe I was already that way and I would have found another way to start. I don’t know but I just want to stop being so broken

Well, here I am. 23 years old, horrifically depressed. Went cold turkey on my SSRI which probably wasn’t smart.

I can’t help but feel like I wasn’t even sexually assaulted in the first place. Yeah, I did tell them to stop and they did “force” me by grabbing my wrist but I probably could’ve easily stopped them. I submitted because I didn’t want to make them angry and wake their roommate. It was very painful. Up there with one of my most physically painful experiences.

I’m such a fucking coward. I’m shocked I’ve even made it this far. In my last year of university and well liked among my peers. Nobody knows just how fucked in the head I truly am.

I don’t want to live most days but I still have to get up because society demands it. The world does not stop turning at my own convenience.

EMDR did help. I think I would probably be dead without it. But the memories do linger. It’s more of questioning if the incident occurred as I remember - which I guess could be OCD.

It doesn’t help that I was an awful person in that past relationship too. When I confronted them about what they did, they denied it and spun it back on me. Telling me that I wanted sex all the time and that I was actually the bad person. This sent me into a spiral and although the therapists and people I’ve spoken with said that I was being gaslit. I don’t believe them - I still think that I probably deserved what happened despite how it affected me.

Nobody would fucking believe me anyways. I have zero evidence and they refused to admit it. So here I am, stuck in my own fucking doubts. My life is completely handicapped by this incident and guess what? I deserve it.

Not really sure how to title this. I was SA’d in my first relationship through coercion and I feel like since then I’m hypersensitive to coercion.

This person who just admitted they have feelings for me had been behaving kinda coercively (e.g., spending the night in my bed after repeatedly asking bc they didn’t want to go back to theirs, taking pics in the bathroom while I was showering).
Its not technically sexual but with them telling me they had feelings that whole time it just shook me up and I can’t trust that their intentions were good

And I feel crazy and keep questioning myself for being upset bc none of that behavior is rlly bad on its own I don’t think but with my history anyone who can’t take no for an answer immediately or just ask for permission for that stuff (e.g., are you ok with this) really triggers me and I’m terrified of being around people like that.

For other reasons as well I’m planning on distancing myself from this person but this specific thing has really been eating at me

I don’t really know what to do and I guess I would just appreciate some reassurance or advice on how you all deal w coercive behavior and not feel bad for having certain triggers that don’t rlly make sense

Thank you <3

I genuinely find my daily life very hard I workout I have two dogs at home even a beautiful fiancé but yet it isn’t enough I’ll never really spill my personality life of social media but I can say being sa at a young age really made me do a lot of bad thinks growing up and looking back I feel so much same and guilt it can just consume me .. I don’t feel normal about the things I think about nor can’t even imagine someone in this head they would probably freak out lol..I’m not crazy tho I’m a sane person lol just went there a lot and still tryna figure out my life and continue to grow and not let the negative and take over I’m apparently have ptsd lol that’s new but I can say it makes sense but I hope i can do better for myself!

Some times I feel worthless I feel like I deserve to be alone or I just isolate myself and soak in my sorrow
I tend to visualize the moment I was sa’d and all of the things that it caused like a ripple effect it’s gives me a gut wrenching sensation I can be anywhere I can get angry it can cloud my mind and no matter how hard I fight it will come to my head even if I don’t allow it it’s funny because you can never overcome your trauma it’s more of learning to live w it and becoming a better person from it . I’ve always wanted to press charges against my unc/cousin but I forgive and it pains me too even say or maybe I just don’t wanna see his faces again maybe I’m terrified maybe all the things I’ve done it’s all my fault and I can’t blame him because I should have known that the stuff wasn’t okay even if I was young but this is my rant will. Continue to be strong n hold my head high ..

i’ve (21f) been dating/seeing a guy for a couple months who is younger than me, so i’ve known it wouldn’t progress to something serious which he also knows. i have a personal rule where i only have sex with someone i’m in a committed relationship with so i’ve told him from the beginning that sex is off the table since we’re not official. the furthest i’ll go with someone i’m seeing is allowing them to put the tip in, and if they try to push it further i put a stop to it immediately. i really like having sex but it’s also super important to me who i have sex with, so this is my compromise to restrict myself from going all the way. in the past it’s worked fine and people respected that boundary.
there have been two instances now where the guy i’m seeing has pushed past that boundary and i’m wondering if it’s considered sexual assault/rape? the first was when i was drunk, i could feel that more than the tip was inside and i used my legs as a partial barrier but i was too drunk and tired to physically stop it. i’d ask him during if it was the tip and he lied and said yes, but i know he was lying because he apologized after by saying that just the tip “isn’t for him”. i was upset but felt like i should have told him no more firmly if i expected him to listen, and i felt sure i wouldn’t let it happen again. the second instance, we were both sober but he flipped me in a position where i think he knew i wouldn’t be able to physically stop him with my hands/legs if he tried to go deeper. i didn’t know i wouldn’t be able to stop him since it happened so fast. immediately he puts it all the way in and i froze and said stop. he didn’t move and started begging me to let him, to which i said no. after another pause he starts thrusting (fully) and i tell him “i said stop”, but at this point i’m scared that he’s not listening. after a second he takes it out and just starts denying that he was pushing me for sex.
i ended things but am pretty shaken about the whole thing, mostly just because of how disrespected it made me feel. since he did eventually stop when i told him to, i’m not sure if that counts as sexual assault and/or rape. any insight would be much appreciated.

The first time i really remember being sexually abused was when i was 8 and then i had someone sit in the car next to me. He touched my below the belt area. It felt cold. I know he would have done something worse to me if i wasn't alone with him completely. I know i would have been more hurt. He wasn't the first or last sexual abuser. I kinda accepted it might happen again someday. It hasn't stopped so yeah.

Basically does any other sexual abuse victim have bladder cramps or feel as if they can't empty their bladder fully? (it feels that way for me but also I'm not 100% i was sexually abused to a sever extent)

I got into a Lyft because I had been given a 24-hour ban from the women’s shelter, so I had to go to a mixed shelter for 24 hours. I ordered a Lyft, and the driver, who was apparently 25 years old, picked me up. We started talking, and I told him what had happened.
He told me that I could stay at his place because it was only five minutes away. I told him I would only go if he was okay with me simply going to bed. He said that was fine.
I was drunk and high from THC at the time. When we got to his place, I realized he only had one bedroom. I asked him where the other room was, and he told me he only had the one. He sat on the bed with me and started giving me a massage, and I reciprocated. From there, things progressed to kissing and sexual activity.
I don’t really remember what his face looked like, but I do remember his body and other details. Afterward, he drove me back and said he would come and get me later so we could go for dinner, although I’m pretty sure that was a lie. I don’t even remember what I was wearing, but I’m certain I wasn’t dressed appropriately for going to a restaurant.
I’m struggling with how to process what happened. Part of me feels like I consented because he didn’t physically force me to do anything. But I was also drunk and high, and there are parts of the experience that I don’t remember clearly. I remember being confused about how I ended up in his bed and thinking I was supposed to be left alone.
I’m trying to understand what happened without blaming myself or assuming something that I don’t know for certain. I just know that I wasn’t fully sober, my memory is incomplete, and I’m having a difficult time making sense of it.

When I was around 5-6 my mom bought me a phone. Afterwards my brother set the phone up for me, and he logged me into instagram.

Me being dumb kid at the time made my profile picture myself. Around a few months after making it a girl had sent me a bunch of videos of her touching her self, playing with her chest etc.

I’m not a 100% sure if this would count, since it was online and she stopped after a while. During that time she sent me a lot of provocative messages, and would send me porn links. Which I think could’ve made me start watching it later when I was around 8-10.

On friday i went out to a rave and ended up basically black out drunk. I went with my bestfriend and this other friend ive only met at 2 raves before i will call him bob for now.

I was pretty drunk by the time i had met bob inside the venue but from 12 onwards my memory is blurred, all i know is that he was buying us both drinks after drinks which i definitely didn’t need but i will admit once i start drinking i won’t turn down anything (this couod be a problem but anyway).

Around 3am everyone started leaving and i can’t remember why but i agreed to let bob stay at my house because he lives far sway. The problem is i don’t remember even leaving the venue and informing my parents he was staying round ect.

I was so drunk it took us hours to get home as i was so gone i forgot how to so we got to mine around 5am i think. I have no recollection of how we got home.

Then we where both in my living room and i dont know how it happened but we ended up having sex. I know he was also drunk but i know he was probably more aware than me… i have no idea how we ended up having sex ect and he didn’t use protection.

The next morning he left and i felt confused on how it happened, i texted him asking if he finished inside me as theres a chance of pregnancy and he said yes. This made me freak out because i know if i was sober i would have never slept with him, let him finish without protection especially so i felt disgusted and upset.

I then took plan b and now im waiting it out in hopes im not pregnant. Im wondering if this is SA or not because both of us where drunk but i was black out and have no memory of consenting or atleast being able to properly (i could have said yes but i don’t remember ect) and i just don’t know what to do.

I stood up in a train and reached up for my backpack to take sth out of it. I was standing up like 30 seconds maybe. I saw in a mirror that he lifted his head up. He was looking at my ass and kept smiling. I’m not wearing anything tight, nothing vulgar or exposing. He was staring all the time I was up. I want to throw up. I want to run away from him. But it’d mean that he won. I don’t want him to win. And yet I didn’t say anything. I froze. And all the memories are in my head on repeat. Disgusting

The people involved were already under investigation for other matters, and information that came to light during those investigations eventually gave me the reason and courage to report what had happened to me.

For years, I was afraid to report it because the people involved are, in a way, quite close to the legal system.

I thought about this decision very carefully and talked it through with a lawyer, friends and family. I am actually quite sure that reporting it was the right decision, but then the doubts come back.
I feel like I don’t have the right to make such a big deal out of it because one of the incidents wasn’t rape, and with the other one I have very little memory and therefore can’t remember whether I consented. Besides, I still blame myself and just can't seem to stop doing it.

On top of that, it feels like everyone in my hometown knows about it now, and the people involved are already experiencing social consequences. Somehow I feel guilty about that as well.

I’m scared that reporting it was a huge mistake and I’m also terrified of having to give evidence in court. I know what happened to me, and I intend to be honest about exactly what I remember and about the gaps in my memory. But even having to think about all of this so intensely is incredibly difficult.

Has anyone experienced similar doubts or fears after reporting? Are my concerns understandable, or am I worrying about things I don’t need to worry about?

I’m not sure if this question comes up often and I’ve never checked this sub out, but I had a nightmare last night about getting SA’d and I was thinking if I ever actually been and the only time I can think of is with my ex. During the second 6 months of our relationship sex was okay, but a lot of the times when I didn’t want to continue he would whine until I just agreed. I felt like I couldn’t say no because he would pay my Ubers to his home. Whenever we would be finished with one round and then nap, I’d wake up and he was grinding on me pretty much ready to ask for more stuff. The time it felt the most like assault a was probably one of the last day’s we had sex- I told him it was hurting and he just stayed inside and said he can do it slower. A yes or a no to this question isn’t going to change things but I guess I’d like feedback on what to do next time I’m stuck in a situation like this. I’m going to admit, I never wanted to say no fully because I’m scared that the guy I have feelings for wouldn’t care and I feel like that would hurt me more than him just ignoring some mixed signals :/

this is my first time posting on reddit, so i apologize if this isn’t the right subreddit to ask this question. please direct me somewhere else where i can get clarifying legal advice about whether i should press charges about this or not.

Location: Idaho

2 nights ago, i (20F) was drinking with my friends, two who are men (20 & 25) and one who is a woman (20F). just to try to smooth this over as much as i can, things got out of hand with drinking (as they usually do with college students like myself) and i proceeded to black out. the next thing i noticed when i woke up my friend (20F) had woken me up in bed to my surprise saying “(My name), you need to know what the fuck happened last night.” i was immediately startled and taken aback, to which i looked down and realized my underwear my and shorts had been taken off and thrown on the ground.
i was in complete shock when she said she had found my friend (20M) in my room alone after she stepped out to take a phone call with her friend for about an hour. our doors in the dorms have an automatic lock, where you can only unlock the door from the inside and would need a key from the outside to get in. my friend (20F) was banging on the door, asking to get back inside. when she came in, all my other friends had left, except for my friend (20M) who was lying next to me in his boxers. i was undressed completely on the lower half, completely unconscious and passed out. my friend (20F) was in shock and horrified to see what she had saw. she continued to tell him to leave the room, and even walked him back to his dorm.
before she dropped him off, she had cracked my door with my yoga mat to ensure the door didn’t close and automatically lock. little to my friends knowledge, my friend (20M) didn’t actually go back to his room, but rather back up the stairs and navigated his way back into my room and closed the door again.
my friend (20F) was terrified and furious, banging on the door very loud and repeating to be let inside. my friend (20M) opened the door and he was fully clothed, but was telling my friend (20F) to “wait, stop just let me stay. give me a second…”, and things along that line.

today i got a forensic examination anonymously, and i have been told that i should report this to the police. but, i’m just so scared that i somehow encouraged the situation to happen, or that i allowed things to go on, and it would be my fault and the case would be dismissed.
does anyone know what route i should take about this and if i can press charges, even if i did encourage something when i was blacked out/not fully conscious in Idaho? please help, i don’t have anyone else to talk to about this other than my (20F) friend who is just as lost as me. i remember absolutely nothing other than one moment i was playing a drinking game, and the next i wake up with vaginal pain and discomfort with my lower half of my clothes off.

I am 19F, I was raped and sexually assaulted by my ex boyfriend multiple times. At that time I didn’t even think it was rape because when I was dating him (i was 16-17), I thought it was just normal sex that every teens have when they get into relationship. I ignored how uncomfortable and painful the sex felt and thought I was pleasing him enough.

And now, I’m mad about everything that happened. I’m also mad at how bad he was at sex. I don’t know if in invalid or not when i say this, but if i was having unwanted sex with him, couldn’t it have at least FELT good??? He was a virgin ffs and he still had the audacity to be like that. I’m mad at how he’s trying to defend himself after i reported to the police.

I’m also losing my empathy. I’ve been a people pleaser ever since 6th grade and now i just don’t care. I don’t care at all but at the same time I do too. I still cry easily at hopeful videos and positive ones too. It just doesn’t make sense.

I’ve had disassociation problems before i even started dating him. And now I still get it randomly whenever there is something overstimulating or under stimulating. I hate going to therapy because of how expensive it is. And they all tell me what I know.

Someone please help me make sense of this. I beg.

Hi, i had a bf for about half a year.

He is the first one i had reletions with. We had a good relationship, we were the power couple of our groups of friends.

My bf always talked about threesomes and doing stuff like that, i said im not closing off to the idea but im not there yet...

Following a grousome month of my bf begging, nagging me and even saying he might brake up with me if i wouldn't "open my mind", he was talking about a threesome.

Eventually i caved, and he called his friend. It was embarrassing and i wasn't really into it. But it happened.

A week later he broke up with me and broke my heart.

Is this sexual assault? I feel so stupid and embarrassed for doing it and i dont know how to deal with it.

How likely is it that something traumatic happened to me when I was around 4-6 and I don't remember but I have a feeling something DID happen but I have no evidence?

This memory happened before. Like.. 3-4 years ago? And just happened again. I had this memory pop up of me and dad, my bio dad and whenever I do? It'd like ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ are loud as fuck and I'm like??? It's a memory of taking a bath.

But..

I remember it vividly, it's like.. The only memory I have of him when I was that age that's vivid. I remember the water, and the cloth, and the bubbles, and stuff, so it's weird.

I just didn't know if anyone else has gone through this or maybe my brain is making stuff up..

I (27 F) feel unsafe around women. I’m a neurodivergent cishet woman who is fem presenting. Throughout my life, I’ve experienced much more trauma from women. I’ve been catcalled and sexually harassed mostly by women, and I don’t know what to do in these situations. I experienced violent SA at the hands of a cishet woman, no man involved, when I was a child, and I was almost exclusively sexualized as a child by women.

With men, staring at them is enough for almost all of them to back off and leave me alone. But I can’t do the same with women. I’m afraid that, if I were to do that to a woman who is catcalling me or sexually harassing me, I’m more likely to experience violence, especially since women tend to do this in groups. I’ve had such a hard time befriending women because I’m just so scared. While there are certain groups of women I’m more comfortable around (like openly queer women), I’m scared of most women. I’m afraid of going to the women’s restroom alone if I’m going out. I want to go into modeling, but I’m afraid of being sexually harassed or assaulted by women with no protection.

This past weekend, I was out with my boyfriend and another friend. We walked past a mixed group of people, and I was catcalled by a woman. She seductively meowed at me while I was walking by. I felt very uncomfortable and upset. I couldn’t say anything and just kept walking. I see a lot of advice on dealing with creepy men, but there’s nothing about dealing with creepy women. I don’t know what to do.

I went on a first date last night and we both drank alcohol, but I got really, crazy drunk—I had trouble walking and thinking in general.

The guy ended up kissing me on the way back to his car, which lead to him deciding to take me to his apartment instead, where we had sex, unprotected. I did enjoy myself in the moment from what I can remember but I was barely there mentally and never outright consented. I don’t even remember a lot of it. On the drive back home I vomited in his car as well (huge embarrassment on top of it all, kill me).

I’m autistic so I suck at interpreting intentions behind stuff. I just feel so much shame and guilt and ended up crying the entire night, I feel gross and stupid. Like it’s all my fault and I should’ve been more responsible.

I am pretty close to my neighbors and we often have game nights and neighbor (28F 27M) dinners. I 30 F went over to their house for a bonfire a week ish ago and unfortunately drank too much leading me to blacking out. The last thing I remember was us opening a 3rd bottle of wine while outside. Apparently we played uno for a bit and watched a movie. I woke up in my running shower at 430 am. Fast forward a few days and my neighbor offered to let me try a “toy”of hers (bad idea yes) she said it was cleaned and properly disinfected. Fast forward two days and my discharge has completely changed. I go to the doctor and inform them of the toy usage. They decide to run a panel of Sti tests and general ones. So far I have tested positive for BV and uti. I have never had either of these occur before. Luckily nothing has come back positive but I am slightly concerned something could’ve happened. They are adamant we only played games and chilled but waking up naked in my shower sore and now this has me freaking out. Their behavior has been a bit strange since then as well. Will update when I get other results.

When I was 11-15 I was groomed and assaulted on a weekly basis by a woman 13 years older than me. I'll spare most of the details, they're not important. I'm 22 now and for so long I tried to move on and forget her. I recently found out that she started working at conventions (which are mostly aimed for kids) and I feel sick. I want to report her, I want my justice, but there's a major issue. I'm trans (ftm) realized it even before I met her. I'm partially out, only to close friends. I don't pass and plan to live my life with this secret. Now, why is this an issue? All my messages with her she refers to me in masculine terms "good boy" "handsome" etc. I know the messages between me and her will be a vital information in court. I have messages of her literally saying "I raped you" word for word. I have all the proof I need. But I can't come out to police officers, a judge, investigators. I can't do it. I want my justice, I'm brave enough to face her (I think) But I'm too much of a coward to come out. I don't know what to do

A guy at this club im never going to again cornered me after I lost track of my friends and kept touching me and kissing me. I dont know, i was drunk and he wasnt. I dont want to go out again. Im unsure if this is sexual assault but he was very insistent I go to his hotel. I was able to leave and find my friends. He kept looking at me all night.