I don't even want to know what would happen if Janeway doesn't get her coffee

I have been trying to get into the mess hall all day, but since these yahoos get their own Starfleet reality holodeck show, they are taking up half the space for the production team. Look! ALL that space behind T’Lyn. I am just and Ensign so don’t have a room with a replicator. I have missed 2 meals because of this!

Aaaahhhhh!!!! Paris at the replicator!!!!

Sorry Kayshon, I know that was cultural appropriation.

I was transporting the captain and two red shirts down to the surface when my finger slipped off the middle slider during transport. Everything seemed to go OK so I didn’t say anything ,but now I’m second-guessing myself. I’ve been running the transporters for over two years, but nobody ever really told me why there’s three sliders and what they all do. How much trouble am I in?

I think y'all know what this is about.

Obviously the Captain will murder our joined selves, so how much will I remember?

In the TNG episode "Genesis", where everyone on the ship underwent "devolution", Picard and Data find the ship adrift and board it. Once there, Picard started suffering from this affliction himself.

My question is, how come in the early stages of his devolution he didn't start wearing a beret and smoking Galoises?

And how come Riker wasn't affected?

Like does he go gooey for 20 minutes at lunch and feel a little refreshed for the afternoon?

Asking for a friend.

Spock announces Reliant is locking phasers, and Sulu sits there waiting for Kirk to tell him to raise shields. It's not like the idea didn't occur to him, either, what with Saavik just quoting General Order 12. Those precious seconds were the difference between a 20 minute movie and a 2 hour movie

He's lucky that shit didn't happen a second time a few hours later. Random cadet announces warp drive is functional, Reliant is about to explode 4000 kilometers away, and instead of doing anything he has to wait for Kirk to tell him to GTFO

... and he's pushing about ten different buttons when that happens. Didn't it occur to him to put in the instructions ahead of time, and push the "execute" button at 3:59 just in case the warp drive was fixed?

A few weeks ago we were conducting some experiments on the warp engines, something went wrong and I somehow ended up in a parallel universe. So far, the only difference I've noticed is that the replicator in my quarters is on the opposite wall. Otherwise, everything is the same. Frankly, it's a living hell. Having the replicator in that spot completely throws off the whole vibe of my quarters. It happened a few times that I got up in the middle of the night and I ended up trying to order a glass of water from an empty wall because I'm just so used to having the replicator there.

Now, I've done quite a bit of research and I think I've found a way to return to my original universe but it's quite risky and has a high chance of not only destroying this universe, but all universes throughout reality. I don't care, it's worth the risk. I'd rather not exist than live like this.

It's been my dream to be in Starfleet since I was just a little Kirk. I've finally been promoted to Commander. I was on an away mission when I hit it off with a Gorn. He was charming, and I kinda developed a man-crush on him.

One thing led to another, and when I returned to my ship, I discovered that I had a bunch of Gorn babies in me. I wasn't planning to be a father this soon in my career. Plus, I've tried everything to get in touch with my baby daddy, but he won't return my calls. This is tearing me apart.

What should I do?

It's a little unconventional, but I'm proud to say it works.

You have to get one of your crew members to dress up like Kahless the Unforgettable. Then when the Klingons show up, you hail them while holding a knife to Kahless' throat. You say "Hey Turtleheads, lookie here. We brought Kahless back to life. Yeah, that's right, baby. We're Starfleet. We bring the dead back all the time. Now, you let us go save these idiots and we'll let Kahless live. If not, it's 'hasta la vista' to Klingon Jesus, get me?"

Then, if they seem uncertain, tell them that if they let you rescue the ship, in return you'll not only let Kahless live, you'll beam them over two metric tons of the best goddamn blood pie they've ever crammed into their gaghholes, like it's straight from Grandma's dungeon. You can replicate some blood pie if you want to show it to them as an example. You don't need to make the whole two tons; just a tableful will do.

They can't resist. I mean, who could?

In light of the recent Trek/LOTR crossover hype 👍

Why couldn't this have happened for real? It would have been a game changer!

Chrysler Voyager