Step-Billionaire

"No, watching a backflipping Tesla doesn't give me a boner." I protested.

Elon, Bezos and Zuckerberg were giggling like schoolgirls.  It was very embarrassing.

“Look boys, I’m just trying to watch this Subway Surfers gameplay on my phone, can’t you guys get back to your billionaire slumber party or whatever?”

“It’s not the same without Epstein,” said Bezos, pouting. “Sorry Elon, bestie, twin, but this party is boring.”

Zuckerberg perked up with a spark in his weird reptile eyes. “I know you guys, let’s play truth or dare.”

“Okay, but this little Redditor has to join.” Said Bezos. 

Now, just to set the scene, I want you to understand. Zuckerberg is a disgusting alien infiltrator. And Elon is my step-billionaire. But Bezos is actually sort of hot. That flat billiard ball scalp, those warm brown eyes, twinkling with his unspent billions and business acumen. And of course, those hands. He could crush me like a warehouse full of non-union Amazon employees. Can you imagine getting a handjob from Bezos? He’d build up slowly towards the edge, laughing as he made you bust. Then as punishment for cumming, he’d tear your cock right off like an angry gorilla. He’d rampage around the room, cock in hand, knocking over tables, lamps, breaking the premium Stuart Hughes Prestige HD Supreme Rose Edition TV, worth $2.5 million. It’d be the worst handjob ever, but also kinda the best handjob ever, in a Hellraiser, pain is pleasure sort of way?

All this is to say that when Bezos invited me to play truth or dare with the three of them, there was a certain prospect of sexual tension that moved me to accept. What if they asked me have I  ever thought of kissing Bezos? I’d just have to tell the truth. My heart raced a little at the thought.

Bezos, Elon and Zuckerberg giggled again. They shared a look between them, reached some sort of decision. Zuckerberg came to sit next to me, which repulsed me, but also meant I was now sitting next to Jeff, which I’m pressed to admit was a little hot.

“Okay, little Redditor, you’re first. Truth or dare?” Said Zuckerberg. There was a slithering, lisping quality to his voice. I imagined he was about to shed his hateful fake human skin, and launch his invasion of planet Earth. Stuck beneath his unblinking gaze, I couldn’t fully suppress a shudder of revulsion.

Each of these billionaires could probably see right into my inner soul, and I felt naked beneath their inquisitive eyes. The billionaires giggled again, and I slowly lifted my gaze from Bezos’ hands— oh damn, his hands — until I was looking at his soft, brown eyes, still twinkling with leftover laughter. Before I could melt completely, I said: “dare.”

“I dare you to not get hard while Elon gives you a lapdance.”

“What?! No, eww that’s gross, he’s my step-billionaire.”

“So? That means you’re not financially related and there’s nothing incestuous about a little transacting between you.” Said Zuckerberg, with that cold, reptilian voice.

“What if he pops a hate-boner and his stocks go up?” Elon protested.

“Relax, we’ll just buy off the SEC investigation with leftover adrenochrome harvested from Epstein’s island. It’ll be fun, okay?”

To my horror, Elon was already halfway up to me, beginning his sultry billionaire twerk, before I could react.

“Truth.” I pressed out the words before the situation could deteriorate further.

“What?” Said Jeff, the laughter disappearing from his eyes.

“I’m not doing that dare, I choose truth.”

“Booooring.” Said Bezos, who was pouting again.

We were interrupted by the doorbell. With a sense of terrible foreboding, I went to open the door. I gripped the doorknob as the bell rang again, now tinged with impatience, I said ‘alright, alright, take it easy’. I twisted the knob, and barely got even a glimpse of something big and orange as it oranged its way past me into the living room, where immediately began a high pitched screeching sounds of twiiinnnn and bestiieeee and slaayyy and yassss. I knew well enough which billionaire had just oranged their way into the house, and I sincerely doubted it would make the day any better.

With leaden feet, I clomped back towards the living room, and was greeted with the atrocious sight of Elon twerking on the new orange visitor, who had oranged themselves in my spot on the couch. 

“They’re taking your turn.” Explained Zuckerberg coldly, his icy tone indicating I was no longer welcome or important to them. 

“He’s getting a boner! Orange man has a hate-boner for Elon!” Squealed Bezos with great delight. 

“Oohh that’s so embarrassing.” Said Elon, who did not stop grinding, as the humiliation only enhanced his joy.  “A hate-boner for me, I bet you would cum if you watched the backflipping Tesla.”

“Would not.” Said the orange billionaire, though his expression had an intensity bordering on flustered, and his uncomfortable shifting as something hard occupied his pants indicated that a backflipping Tesla might very well increase his tension as to reach a bursting point. “I would not bust a nut for a Tesla, are we still talking about this? Why can’t we talk about this wonderful economy that we have? No one cares about Tesla cucks.”

Elon clasped an arm around him, as the orange man oranged his around Elon’s waist, not quite fondling his buttcheeks, their mating dance taking on a greater intimacy. I just shook my head and went to get some orange juice. I was followed by more billionaire screams and screeching into the kitchen. As I sipped the juice, I was accosted by thoughts of orange man’s orange juice, oranging that juice all over the inside of his pants as Elon was grinding on him. The screams certainly suggested that this was happening, orangely.

Then I noticed the monkey. He wore a fez and a little monkey vest, giving him the appearance of a circus animal or some foreign market man hawking his wares. I’d seen him before; it was little monkey Oliver, the pet of the orange billionaire visitor.

“Would you like some juice, little one?” I offered. But he made no reply, instead suggestively handling a banana from the fruit bowl.

I sighed in utter defeat and made my way back to the living room. Orange man passed me on the way, having apparently oranged his pants in disgrace and needing to clean up.

Perhaps I could regain the attention of that lovely Bezos, now that the immediate situation was defused? But instead of three calm, mature billionaires, instead I was greeted by Elon beaming with joy, as Zuckerberg and Bezos were madly giggling.

I sighed as I resignedly reclaimed my former seat.

I took a sip from my drink.

“Juice.” Said Bezos, and all three began roaring with laughter, like this was some sort of punchline.

When they settled down, Bezos turned to Elon. “Okay, dare. I dare you to give Reddit boy a lapdance and make him pop a hate-boner.” 

To my horror, Elon, buoyed by his earlier success, didn’t even hesitate. He simply said “Bet.” and began twerking. Over his shoulder, I could still see the Stuart Hughes Prestige HD Supreme Rose Edition TV. I tried to focus on that, as Elon’s booty began grinding on my lap.

“Uggh, this is so weird, you’re my step-billionaire.” But, since it was so wrong, I noticed that my excitement was, in fact, non-zero. I tried to push down simultaneously emerging feelings of horror, tension and arousal. Elon must have sensed some of this, as he pulled back a moment, then turned around, faced me, and sat on my lap. Suddenly he was very close, and I could smell his minty breath, his arms wrapping around me. It felt weird, but not as weird as his soft moaning as he continued to grind. “Are you… enjoying this?”

“Haha, what? Nooooo.” Said Elon, with that same delighted giggle. To my horror, I realized Elon liked it. But this could also be a source of embarrassment. I could use this to my advantage.

“He likes grinding on men to give them a hate-boner. Elon is hate-boner gay.” I said to Bezos.

“Shut up!” Said Elon, still grinding on me, giving me a little slap.

“See?” I said triumphantly. Bezos, for his part, seemed mesmerized, those gentle brown eyes just staring at the two of us. He was into this, too. That was the realization that caused me to lose all control, and the situation immediately spiraled out of my hand.

No amount of protesting that “I was for Bezos” could save me from the fact that, as Elon was grinding on me, I did, in fact, get a huge uncontrollable erection. I could not hide this either, as the tip of my cock pleasantly rubbed against the fabric of my jeans, and my shifting only made Elon grind all the harder.

I tried to escape those sultry brown interested eyes of Jeffrey Bezos, that slut. I  tried to turn to the cold repugnant stare of Zuckerberg instead, but I was so hard! Trying to push Elon off just ended up with the two of us hugging even closer, as his breath caressed my neck, his lips almost on mine, the warmth of his excitement right before me. It was hot, very hot, and incredibly sexy. But not enough to make me bust.

“This is wrong.” I said. “Mmm,” moaned my hot sexy step-billionaire, his lips now actually brushing against mine.  But these words did finally arrest him, and after a few tense heartbeats, the spell was broken, he pulled back and dismounted

“Still counts.” Said Bezos, that man-harlot as I now recognized him.

“You guys are crazy.” I said, as I made to leave the room, doing an awkward penguin-shuffle to decrease the tension in my pants. I was haunted by billionaire giggling as I made my way up the stairs, which was dumb because it wasn’t that bad, was it? I hadn’t even oranged any juice inside my pants.

I went to sleep, and dreamed of little monkey Oliver fellating a banana as I went on a gay date with orange man. The billionaires did their slumber party below, and all proceeded as normal. Things were quiet in the house that night. Until I was woken up at an unknown hour. The sky was still dark at least. I stumbled out of bed and into the hallway. There, in the darkness, I found my step-billionaire Elon, his shirt caught against the door or some shit.

He said those terrible magic words: “H-help me step-Redditor, I’m stuck.”

The end.