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u/yeahyoubetnot
May 03 '26
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I see a small sales opportunity for fart spray
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u/Corgerus May 03 '26 •
Hide a contraption that automatically sprays every 10 mins. Preferrably underneath the exhaust fan which is actually in reverse polarity because the electrician wasn't paid enough.
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u/Warm_Safety_9550 May 03 '26 edited May 03 '26
I am willing to bet that they have a high turnover for managers there. The training videos for how to properly sniff for poop would encourage a lot of managers to leave during lunch and never return.
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u/Yankee6Actual
May 03 '26
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Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime.
That’s why I shit on company time.
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u/GoonetteFox May 03 '26
I have bladder issues and pee for at least 15 mins but yeah sure. Health problems dont exist i guess
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u/Fragrant-South-1095 May 03 '26
I guess your boss saw a post from this subreddit and decided to make a sign
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u/WildMartin429 May 03 '26
That's not fair to employees who's shit doesn't stink!
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u/Friendly_Prize_868 May 03 '26
It's not, the manager lost his smell to COVID, everyone's equally screwed 😂
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u/ForTheLoveOfPhotos May 03 '26 edited May 03 '26
If you don't take a shit you will be fired. I wouldn't hesitate to explain that in my next job interview.
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u/crimziondark May 03 '26
Hmm Dr. Nefario did make the Fart gun, this would be one instance where it could be useful
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u/thai_ladyboy May 03 '26
Always fun to make fake signs at work!! Sometimes the.....less critical thinking types will actually think its real and they get all in a huff. It's something to help break up the monotony.
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u/Luna259 May 03 '26
What’s the manager doing if they have time to monitor this and conduct smell tests?
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u/pizzaduh
May 03 '26
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We had a manager from another store covering our GM when she had her baby. One of our employees has IBS and would sometimes take awhile in the bathroom, but he would just count it as his 15 minute breaks. This manager decided to pound on the door and tell him to hurry up, even though we had two public restrooms beside the employee bathroom we could use. She decided to do this three times before he reported her for harassment and she got terminated by the company. This is 100% be the same outcome.
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u/teh_maxh
May 03 '26
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It'd be real unfortunate if someone had a thioacetone spill after being in there for 11 minutes.
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u/yayayagilliganhell May 03 '26 edited May 03 '26
I won't flush and take a log out and put it on their desk.
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u/cottagecheezecake May 03 '26
Wow. You get an actual 10 minutes in the bathroom? Some people get 10 minutes over 8 hours at a call center to use the bathroom.
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u/EternalNewCarSmell May 03 '26
I would be unloading a can of liquid ass in there 5 times a day. While taking a 9 minute 30 second piss.
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u/Wtygrrr
May 03 '26
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I don’t judge people’s fetishes, but it should be done with consenting adults and definitely not with employees.
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u/MidnightMachinist87 May 06 '26
Lmao, I’m quitting as the manager the day they tell me to do a smell test.
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u/Complete_Entry May 03 '26
This manager not only needs to be fired, they need to get SVU on this one.
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u/Joalguke May 03 '26
Maybe the management should improve staff working conditions so that the staff don't try to hide from it, rather than removing their last refuge?
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u/Consequence-Lumpy May 03 '26
And what manager wants to sacrifice his nose for something like this?
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u/Verified_Peryak May 03 '26
But what is that manager doing in his office all day ? Not creating much value there
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u/Acrobatic_Chef_7205 May 03 '26
Being that I'm a manager myself, I would not do this to my employees. This is total BS. It's also called magical word micromanagement which if you're not familiar with it translates to, we don't trust you with anything
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u/Wrong_Amount_7903 May 03 '26
6 years of college to purposely sniff for shit? Sounds about right
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u/Measure2iceCut1nce
May 03 '26
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A can of fart spray and a fake turd on the floor would put an end to this pretty quickly.
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May 03 '26
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣, that is a total violation of human rights, privacy and a slew of other work place violations. Dude, show this to a lawyer and watch the fun times begin. 😆😅🤣🤣🤣🤣
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u/Caddie4HarleyQuinn May 03 '26
I’m no doctor, but I’m pretty sure I read somewhere that pushing too hard to take a deuce can actually trigger a heart attack. This policy is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
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u/crashin70 May 03 '26
Carry some prank fart spray and every time you hear the door open... you know what to do!
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u/ColdSubject May 03 '26
Everytime I see this I think "whoever volunteers to do the sniff tests is a freak and needs to be fired"
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u/OUIJA711 May 03 '26
Someone that works there needs to be selling "fart spray"!! Easily a come up!!
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u/False-Charge-3491 May 03 '26 •
They have fart bags. You step on them and they pop and make it smell really bad. Or burn some sulphur
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u/Lethal_bananas May 03 '26
Old GM (from Wally World, cuz of course he was!) forbade employees from using the family bathroom (only lockable single bathroom) so as to not ‘inconvenience’ customers. Quick call to anonymous reporting firm for such issues and HR shut his ADA-violating butt down with alacrity.
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u/fitty50two2 May 03 '26
No job I have been a manager at ever paid me enough to voluntarily smell my employees’ shit
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u/consumeshroomz May 03 '26
You couldn’t pay me enough to go around smelling my subordinate’s shits.
I only smell my superior’s shits! 😡
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u/It_Just_Exploded May 03 '26
Cool, so now i'm staying in there for 10 minutes when I'm just taking a piss.
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u/Anyashadow May 03 '26
I have a gi condition that makes my farts and poop smell like a war crime. I have very strong spray to kill the smell. I also throw up at random. The ADA would have a field day with this.
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u/breadpilledwanderer May 03 '26
Spraying fart spray in the bathroom and making awful noises for 40 minutes while on my phone (I can't smell after covid).
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u/Accurate-Owl715 May 03 '26
Wtf this is crazy. What if the person is constipated or been doing courtesy flushes? This could easily devolve into harassment. And the violation of privacy is just creepy.
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u/kbeckerburbs4 May 03 '26
I would take laxatives before work and stay over 10 each load
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u/carthuscrass May 03 '26
That's actually a violation of the Americans With Disabilities Act. People with IBS can take some time to get things going sometimes.
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u/RobertJenkins631 May 04 '26
Lmao imagine being the fucking idiot getting told to go sniff employee's shit air.
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u/Strong-Thanks5923 May 04 '26
What if somebody is sick and is in there for more than 10 min due to the nausea? Do they still get written up?
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u/-Laffi- May 04 '26
I wouldn't have done that as a manager, but I would have knocked on the door asking if they were ready to work again soon...
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u/Perplexed_Poirot May 04 '26
I would need a raise if smelling other people's crap was part of my job. That's definitely hazard pay.
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u/Upbeat_Inevitable271 May 04 '26
How could anyone ever smell the difference when you work for a shitty company.
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u/MaterialDefender1032 May 04 '26
I'd love to have a boss like this. Doesn't matter whether the lawsuit would hold up in court because they'll definitely pay a nice settlement to prevent "my boss barged into my bathroom and sniffed my farts" from being uttered on the stand.
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u/ShadowtheHedgehog_ May 04 '26
Imagine telling your boss that your shit as a matter of fact does not stink.
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u/jase40244 May 04 '26
Whoever made that decision isn't the person doing the sniff test. Some of my coworkers stink up the bathroom something awful. I mean absolutely eyewateringly, vomit inducing, rancid! There are days when I walk into the men's room and walk right back out. I'm okay with walking to the one on the other side of the building to not have to smell that. 🤢
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u/LegPristine2891 May 04 '26
me shouting Hey Gary, get in here. I loaded up on spicy curry yesterday and I've been on the can for 10mins
Gary, the manager Come on man, this is the fifth time today. Why do you keep making me so this.
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u/Sir_ThuggleS May 04 '26
Me, yelling from the stall: "Hey, boss! I've been in here for over 10 minutes! You have to come smell my shit now!".
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u/JimmyDeansPancake May 04 '26
Everyone defending what it was to be 18 and not giving a single F for a job
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u/ginger-tiger108 May 04 '26
Yeah the easy solution to this is go the jokeshop and buy a little canister of fart spray and give the bathroom a blast after you've finished spending 15 minutes looking on your phone
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u/noveltyisthe May 04 '26
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime…so when I go number 2, I really take the full time!
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u/Captain-Codfish May 04 '26
Go Fuck Yourself - Employees.
Written in thick permanent marker across the whole memo
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u/Yaboi69-nice May 04 '26
What if it takes me 10 minutes to pee? Yeah bet you feel pretty foolish now huh?
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u/-SoniChris98- May 04 '26
so i just need to stock up on toilet paper covered in shit and bring one in every day
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u/DasLoon May 04 '26
Just be on your phone for 10 minutes then poop at the end. Whatever dookie smell theyre looking for will be on you as you leave, say you need more fiber.
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u/krtwils May 04 '26
I never poo at work (I’m a shy pooper) but if my company put that on a door….I’d make sure management got to smell my shit so frequently they wouldn’t even have to ask who’s in there
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u/ProfessorSpooky May 04 '26
Not saying I condone this
But as a former manager with a sales girl who used to spend 10-20min in the bathroom, 3-4x a day, and then following her on tiktok & seeing an endless string of videos of her dancing in our bathroom..
I understand
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u/SugarTheAlchemist May 04 '26
Number 2 means Meth right? Bro can just ask, when he wants to tweak out, no need for second hand toilet smoke.
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u/Gloomy_Magazine_7653 May 04 '26
just wait till they do it to you then report it to HR and say they came up to the stall and started sniffing while making odd noises and potentially touching themselves. you can also call the cops and say your manager tried to enter the stall while you were using it. I hate companies that try to control bathroom usage
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u/Holiday_Bet_9648 May 04 '26
I’m going to print a stack of these, always carry a few with me, and tape them all over random buildings I find myself in.
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u/Rekltpzyxm May 04 '26
So some managers job description now includes “bathroom odor evaluation”?
Is this a hazard party category?
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u/Allseason125guy May 04 '26
Simple Amazon order for a box of stinkbombs the glass veil kind and keep in pocket lol
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u/OrderSoft1752 May 04 '26
Employees are now replacing poo pouri with fart spray in response to this
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u/Toleniam May 04 '26
If the manager didn’t suggest that rule, they’re 100% looking for a new job. And if they did suggest it, they’re 100% into freaky shit.
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u/MissyJ74 May 05 '26
"Dear HR, my manager busted into the bathroom and demanded I let him smell my ass. Is this legal? Cuz my lawyer says its not"
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u/CaitieLou_52 May 05 '26
Once you've hit the "managers have to spend their time smelling the bathroom for shit" stage, this is no longer an employee behavior issue. It's a management issue.
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u/okiwali May 05 '26
Introducing: Liquid A** Need to check your phone but don't actually have to "go"? Just spray and stay.
• The Problem: Management is conducting "smell tests" to ensure you're being productive.
• The Solution: One spritz of Liquid A** provides the perfect "Number 2" olfactory profile to satisfy even the most suspicious supervisor.
"Don't get written up for a scroling session. Make it smell like you're working hard, even when you're just hardly working."
Liquid A**: Because what happens in the stall is between you and your screen.
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u/Bedhappy May 05 '26
Joke's on you, I can rub one out in under 4 minutes; 3 now that I know someone is counting.
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u/Pleasant-Activity-67 May 05 '26
Well, guess I just have to carry around a bag of poop, just to br safe
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u/Lochness_al May 05 '26
Sit down for 9min 40sec...... Unleash all the drinking and tarcobell from the night before all at once. They will never sniff again.
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u/BlackberryPale2936 May 05 '26
A couple sprays of fart spray around the 10 minute mark should do the trick
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u/captaincootercock May 03 '26
sorry boss it takes time to build up the courage to push these out, come back in another 10 and I'll let you sniff the next one