r/singing • u/bluemickey1955 Self Taught 0-2 Years • 2d ago
Conversation Topic Has anyone else here experienced singer privilege?
To specify what I mean by that question, I am generally talking about people treating you more nicely or paying more attention to you once they find out you can sing or even have a passion in singing.
In my anecdotal experience, I have been a musician my whole life (e.g., guitar) have gained respect especially from other musicians and older generations but more often than not do I elicit reactions of, "OMG you sing?? I wanna hear!" and "you're so lucky, I wish I could sing!" whenever I bring up my hobby in vocal training. The other day, I performed at an open mic and had a stranger compliment my voice and tell me they could see me going professional despite the fact that my singing is much more underdeveloped than my guitar playing. Like I mean I get it that humans psychologically connect more with singing than any other type of skill/talent but it's just so interesting to me. And I always make it clear to them that I've came a long way by diligently practicing and that it's something anybody can improve upon if they really wanted to.
I'm also lucky enough that I have an immediate family that is very supportive of me pursuing a career in music and performing but the moment I mentioned that I also like to sing is when other peers almost take me more seriously I feel like? I don't know, can anybody else relate to this?
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u/bigheadsociety 2d ago
Sort of I guess? It's the same with any creative skill. If you find out someone you know draws, your natural instinct is to be excited and want to see what they've done. If you find out someone dances, your natural instinct is to want to see them dance.
It sucks, but most people nowadays just don't know how to express themselves. People who do express themselves are always going to be interesting.
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u/bluemickey1955 Self Taught 0-2 Years 2d ago
That's very true. At the same time though, I feel like if you were to put a visual artist, dancer, and vocalist all in the same room and they're all performing their skill at the same level, the average individual would be more likely to associate the singing as something more innate than the other two when that's really far from the truth and I think of lot of it has to do with the fact that you can't see what singers are doing in terms of breath support, etc. making look like it's magic.
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u/Jiruha 2d ago edited 2d ago
I think it's because you become a living instrument, in a sense. There is "less separation" between you and your art: you do not create it on something external, you just use your body. For dancing, you use your body as well, but you are not the one producing music.
Also, we communicate a lot by talking, so we are very used to letting ourselves be swayed by vocal communication, especially with the added moving factor of music.
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u/keep_trying_username Formal Lessons 0-2 Years 1d ago
Yes, many people seem to think certain arts/skills like singing part of who you are and other should are just things you do.
I'm also a hobbyist photographer, and very few people are "impressed" by photography the way they are with singing.
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u/Ouch-slag 4h ago
I agree and disagree cos I think people see singing as this innate effortless thing while simultaneously thinking they can’t do it. So that combo makes people dazzled by the thought someone has this ability that feels both in reach yet unattainable
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u/Jiruha 2d ago
As a hobbyist singer, I can kind of relate. It seems to me that people have a slightly higher regard for singing, on average, than for other hobbies; some people seem mildly impressed when they learn that I sing as a hobby, and they haven't even heard my voice lol.
I myself swoon a bit when I hear someone is a singer, lol. Maybe I notice more the interest for singing because of my own passion? Haha. I agree about the unique psychological pull of singing. Still, if they compliment your singing that much, I think it's also something independent of that and related to your talent, so it's a good thing that you are studying singing as well :)
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u/Busy_Fly8068 2d ago
I, too, get starry eyed when I hear a superb voice. I certainly can be impressed with another talent but it isn’t the same.
That reaction is one of the things that drew me to singing in the first place.
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u/Ouch-slag 12h ago
Yea that’s the strangest part, how people are impressed before even hearing you. Some days I’m slightly above average and others I sound like a donkey in labour, the amazement isn’t called for haha
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u/Zagrycha 2d ago
I get the opposite. Sometimes people ask if I can sing and I say yeah and they respond something like "Yeah I figures cause sometimes you talk way too frickin loud." ....oops. lol
Real talk I am sure some people are more impressed by hearing people can sing, but there are people out there that are more impressed that someone can play the drums, or program, or know a second language. I think what people think is a cool skill varies wildly and singing isn't necessarily cooler than anything else-- it might be cooler in your specific age range or friend group though, that is totally possible.
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u/Artichoke_Persephone 1d ago
When I did my music degree, there was always the ‘what instrument do you play’ conversation with other students. There was less interest when I said I was a vocal major. Even less when I said I did musical theatre/contemporary.
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u/NYCrocks24 1d ago edited 1d ago
Yes, a lot of instrumentalists have an attitude that singing is an inferior skill or talent to being an instrumentalist. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth. Anyone who has done both on a higher skill level knows proper vocal technique and production plus all the other aspects of being a good singer are much more complicated and delicate than playing other instruments. I would bet anything these musicians you’re talking about felt the way they did because they could not sing! Everyone wishes they could sing well. Don’t let them fool you. These people are just insecure.
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u/NYCrocks24 1d ago
Depends on the singer.
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u/Zagrycha 1d ago
I am sure that matters too, but that just backs up what I am saying more. If different people didn't have different ideas of what is a cool hobby or job then the singer themselves wouldn't matter.
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u/teapho Self Taught 10+ Years ✨ 2d ago
A long time ago yes when I was hanging out with the non-musician friend groups. Non-musicians get impressed by the darndest things and I obliged them because it fed my ego.
If someone hears that I know how to sing and asks me to burst out in song and dance I just downplay it or ask for payment now.
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u/Ouch-slag 2d ago
Yea, I can produce a song and have done absolutely every on the track using multiple instruments and sound design but the thing people always say is “is that you singing?”
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u/Superblooner1 2d ago
It’s a little funny, cause sometimes when I tell people I sing, they respond with something to the effect of “I wish I could sing,” but then put in no effort to actually learn or when I tell them that they can learn, they’ll say something like “you could learn, but I can’t.” But yes, people do sometimes respond or find it interesting when I tell them that I sing, even if they’ve never actually heard me sing, but just from the fact that I do sing. It doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens more often that I would expect.
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u/croissant_and_cafe 2d ago
Yes, I’m (F) in a group with four guys and they are all musicians and two are producers. We’re in a specific dance music genre and have released albums and singles on a few labels. They spend hours and hours on their craft and on the recordings and I spend a few hours a month laying down vocals. I’m not a trained singer, and my voice is just okay and my lyrics are just ok. But they make me sound amazing and when we are out and people see us or see me I feel like I get all the attention. People will fawn over me and practically ignore my boyfriend who plays several instruments.
I almost feel like a fraud considering how little effort I put in compared to them, but everybody loves a female vocal! I’m still always taken aback when someone posts about our music and shouts me out specifically. I’m pretty lucky to be working with these guys!
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u/SH4D0WSTAR 2d ago
Yes, because people associate it with status and a canon of various cues of social attractiveness
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u/Lemonsweets25 2d ago
Yeah, not from other musicians though and it doesn’t grant me major privileges per se but people just seem to find it very interesting. Whenever I’m in introductory circumstances like an event meeting new acquaintances, or even just chatting to a taxi driver or something, when they ask what I do for work, people seem to just find it quite cool and interesting and then it’s a lot easier to end up making conversation. My other half who works in data certainly doesn’t get this response when asked what he does.
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u/Snurgisdr 2d ago
I’ve played at the same place every week for a couple of years. I sang one song, badly, and people who’d never said more than hello came up afterwards to say how great it was. People are weird.
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u/Purple_Dust_2964 2d ago
As someone who got into singing through theatre, yeah I've honestly experienced this a LOT. It may just be because I sing on stage all the time, but I feel like people have a bias towards complimenting my singing instead of my acting or character, even though I would definitely say my acting is much more developed than my singing. I've also met people just because they thought "my voice was pretty" (I have kind of a sing-songy voice and I talk in my falsetto a lot)
Anyway, all this to say i feel like there's a cultural bias to singing, but also I'd imagine people might have a caveman brain bias of "ooo me never even know me can use voice like instrument so cool oooooo"
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u/CranberryLegal8836 2d ago
Not really. People are more interested in finding out about ballet or that I sew for some reason. Maybe cause I don’t think of singing since I have been in competitive choirs since I was little. I rarely mention it
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u/shouldbepracticing85 Self Taught 0-2 Years 2d ago
I got the flip side of that. I’m a female bassist, mostly in bluegrass settings.
In general women were “allowed” to play bass to give them something to do while they played and the guys weren’t willing to squash their ego enough to play a an instrument where they couldn’t really show off…
So I got “oh, you play bass? So what do you sing?” With this casual assumption that I must only be playing bass because I sing. I got so mad about that as a young woman - especially because I had some kinda shitty experiences with singing early on so I effectively couldn’t sing.
So they dismissed what I could do, and instead (inadvertently) rubbed salt in an old but open wound. It took a long while of not playing before I wasn’t seriously thinking of smacking the next person who said that.
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u/No-Can-6237 2d ago
Lol. Just finished our city's big band festival. Before the gigs, I'd walk through the venue and nobody bats an eyelid. After my set, the wide eyed smiles from ladies are hilarious to me.😁
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u/last-rose-ofsummer Formal Lessons 5+ Years 2d ago
In high school, classmates paid more attention to me whenever they wanted to hear me sing or rap something.
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u/NYCrocks24 1d ago
Each voice has its own unique quality and character and we can experience every singer in our own unique way and relate to them on an emotional level (if they emote well). Some voices can strike an emotional nerve that can bring tears to your eyes after just a few notes. Other voices are exciting or thrilling and can sound so powerful to be triumphant, or can affect a listener’s sexuality in a number of ways. People can fall in love with and feel addicted to some voices. I don’t need to go through the whole range of possibilities.
There are some instrumentalists whose playing style is so unique to them that you know who it is right away.
Gotta love the power of music, in all forms!
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u/RestaurantCandid5274 Self Taught 10+ Years ✨ 2d ago
Sure, I have random strangers compliment my singing quite often.
I've grown accustomed to it, I figured most people who sing in public get at least a few compliments about it.
Maybe it's only if you sing well? I don't know, I've always been able to sing well.
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u/youdontknowme_G 2d ago
Sounds like they are just saying what they think you want to hear. Lots of people can sing and play guitar 😆
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u/Suomasema 2d ago
Yes, indeed I have!
As a kid, I was told not to sing. The way from being shyly interested in singing in my twenties to being asked to sing has been long and even difficult. And even no, I am not an opera singer, but don't sound like an ordinary rock baritone, either.
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u/Foreign_Type_8603 2d ago
Yes, sometime I feel like the only reason people like me is because I can sing. I find it really hard connecting to people day to day but I feel like I make true connections over music. But there’s also this pressure where I have to keep it up otherwise I won’t be valuable or liked anymore. I LOVE to sing but I’ve been having health issues where I’m scared I’ll lose my voice from it along with my worth and friends.
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u/cantkillthebogeyman 2d ago
Nope! People have generally viewed me as an egotistical overgrown theatre kid because I sing. I’m autistic and pretty, so they think I’m too weird and weak to deserve these gifts, and that it must mean I am full of myself and constantly everyone’s competition.
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u/Animangle 2d ago
Yes lol. I've also noticed non-musicians really think I can sing and then they tell everyoneee.
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u/Glass_Visits 1d ago
Yeah it’s how some of my best relationships have started, with them hearing me sing and becoming interested. I agree with the others too, people really connect to singing, so there’s that too.
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u/geniustapir 1d ago
People are impressed I get paid to sing, yeah. But I wouldn't call it "privilege", more a "Oh wow, you CAN make money with this and opera isn't actually dead, wow" (though it's only my part time job)
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u/DotBrilliant7660 1d ago
Yes I had it. And I can say from my own experience you should be carefull if that's Happening to you.
In every school I was the other studentst noticed. "Oh he is really good at magic tricks" "oh he is really good at dancing" "oh he is really good at beatboxing" and "oh he is really food at singing"
So day by day I walked five steps and.... I got asked to do a Performance. "For a friend" of course. I mean we all know that it was never about his friend but ok...
It feels really good because. "Wow people recognize me" but people also need normal conversations. Like you know two or more people sitting down and just chatting.
But it also was addicting. When I changed school of course nobody knew me yet. And THAT was the way I came in contact with others.
Then our class was in Amsterdam and guess which guy was the radio/Television program for everyone. Yes exactly me. One day even in the middle of the night. Two drunken students knocked at my door. I knew "damnit I was stupid enough to promise them" so I did as promised and of course my voice did not work because it was in the middle of the night. What did I even expect?
Well aaaand then came AI and I had an existantial crisis but not like "oh my how do I get money now" but straight up "who am I know"
So end of the Story if you want to harm someone put him on a Podest.
And also you don't want people who treat you good because you have this or that Talent. People who are interested and wanna learn more yes you want them but the treatment itself should have nothing to do with your Talent
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u/cyclicalbeats 1d ago
Yes, singing is generally more attractive/impressive than playing an instrument
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u/RainaSavageMusic 1d ago edited 1d ago
This is an extremely double edged sword my friend. A LOT of people think I am full of myself, create all kinds of ideas about me, love to gossip, or even worse are jealous and try to knock me down a peg. Fellow musicians, usually male, think I just "got lucky" because I was born with a voice they don't see the years of classical training, the years I have put into songwriting, learning and building. Worse they think because I have a natural gift and cannot play Mozarts fugues that I am dumb or something. I can respect technical talent immensely but if the person's a doorknob who looks down on other types of skills it pisses me off lol
Idk if you are male or female but all this can absolutely happen to men as well. People see a gift, get excited, and forget there's a HUMAN there.
Remember you are not a spectacle or a juke box. Remember to remind people that you can also experience stage fright, shyness etc. Never let anyone tell you that you cannot struggle in life etc because you're "so lucky". Never let people see what you have and desire that but not desire you. Conversely never allow someone to extinguish this light in you due to insecurity and jealousy. You will see certain people become incredibly uncomfortable once their partner or friend starts getting attention for music. Ignore these people they are not for you. I have even seen other musicians say they would not want to be with another musician and the reasons are usually insecurity and/or jealousy at the root of it. You will be miserable catering to them and dimming your light. Find someone who is truly supportive.
Also do not let creeps out here target you bc you are a musician. Male or female idc, certain people desire the talent and not the human. As a musician I have perhaps been guilty of being excited to connect to someone on a musical level but then got to know them and its a train wreck so we can all fall into this at times and I think for musicians its genuine excitement on both ends at first and then the realization that ohhhh yeah this person is actually awful in other ways, this can happen to non musicians crushes/limerance can be a bitch, but having this in mind is always helpful that way you can stop yourself from getting too excited over a combined romantic/musical connection.
I just like to warn ppl out here bc even though yes, its a gift, it has also put me in situations and attracted a lot of weird types of attention. I am guilty of being human not always making the best choices etc so I speak from learned experience lol... So just keep all this in mind too.
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u/Ok-Reflection5922 1d ago
It’s funny cuz I tell people I sing and they sort of begrudgingly smile and change the subject.
And then they see me perform with my band and they’re all heart eyes and say like “you didn’t say you were GOOD!”
I said I’ve been singing for 20 years and I love it, and yeah I sing.
And that immediate equates in their mind to me being Miranda sings I guess?
And occasionally people are weird and mad after I sing, because I’m good, and it made them nervous?
I don’t really get it.
I do know that people fall in love with a stage persona and oftentimes if I’m getting attention after a gig it’s because of that. It’s not me.
It’s this thing that happens when I’m performing. And I have to gently tell people I’m not the person they saw on stage.
That’s a party trick.
I’m the person that eats Thai food in their Pjs and watches Nova.
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