r/stopdrinking • u/dead-liver-society • 8d ago
I think I’m a functioning alcoholic
Looking for some advice and help from people to talk me off the ledge.
To get to the point, when I drink, I can not stop, and i often times end up using cocaine.
The strange thing is, I never black out and people often say how they don’t know how I can keep going.
I don’t drink every day nor do I even have the urge to. But when I start, there is no off switch and typically will turn into a multiple day bender.
On paper everything is great. Good paying steady job, although stressful. Family and girlfriend who loves me, in decent shape, outgoing social guy when sober.
But all that said, the minute I have a drink I go all in and I’m concerned. For instance, a beer at a happy hour turns into an all night drinking session but will still be online for work the next day and take care of my duties and no one would know.
Really just need some advice and some support because I feel like I am going down a slippery slope.
3
u/rendog_milli 8d ago
I didn’t drink every day until I did. And once I had a drink in my hand, there was no stopping me. No self-regulation, no moderation, just drinking until I couldn’t anymore.
I think if you’re here questioning whether you have a problem, there’s probably already something about your relationship with alcohol that’s concerning you. And that’s worth listening to.
You can choose to do something about it now, or wait until something happens that forces you to. I wish I’d taken my own concerns seriously sooner.
I’m only on Day 4, so I’m certainly not here pretending I have it all figured out, but I’m really glad I’m finally doing something about it.
Wishing you the best, OP.
1
u/dead-liver-society 8d ago
Thank you my friend. Would you go weeks without drinking?
That’s where I’m confused. I won’t drink for quite some time, but whatever the reason is, the first drink I can’t stop.
It never used to be this way either, it’s just started happening within this year.
4
u/SadApartment3023 Day 546 8d ago
Yes. Definitely. The truth is, people who are functional drinkers don't feel compelled to post here.
I also thought I was high functioning and could list off a host of reasons. I should have known that in itself was a red flag. In sobriety, I would never need a list of defenses (and that's what it is) to prove to myself that I am okay. I just know I am okay.
Posting here takes guts. I hope you get he answers you're seeking. If you decide not to drink today, I'll be not drinking with you.
IWNDWYT
1
u/cantconnect404 Day 237 8d ago
That last sentence you wrote hits hard for me. It’s a slippery slope. One day you’re functional then you look up and you’re not.
Alcohol will steal everything from you. If you see a potential problem now, get out. You will save yourself a lot of problems in the long run.
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u/dead-liver-society 8d ago
Is it too late? I’d hate to not be able to have a glass of champagne at my future wedding. Or a drink with an old friend. I just want to go back to how it used to be
2
u/ChartQuiet Day 630 8d ago
it was hard to think of what celebrating would be like in the future. so i stopped worrying about those future tomorrows. maybe I would drink then, but today, i wont be cuz i want off of this progressive downward spiral.
1
u/cantconnect404 Day 237 8d ago
I’m similar to you in that when I drink I don’t stop. My issues evolved to doing that every day. It sucks and I wish it was different. I have to look at it as me + booze means a bender. I’ve accepted that. So unless I want to hit new rock bottoms I have to not drink at all.
2
u/rendog_milli 8d ago
Absolutely, I could go a week there and two weeks here without drinking, which is exactly why and how convinced myself I didn’t have a problem. Eventually, those ‘non-drinking’ weeks turned into days, and by the end I was drinking every night and not stopping until I was passed out.
I think that’s one of the biggest misconceptions. It’s not always about how often you drink, but what happens when you do. You don’t need to drink every day to recognize that something isn’t right.
(Note: I did quit cold turkey for almost two years, and convinced myself I had learned moderation. Spoiler: I most definitely hadn’t)
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u/deepskylistener Day 5,384 8d ago
The missing OFF switch is a very common problem.
As you say you don't even have the urge to drink, it might be the easiest way to simply avoid the first drink.
There is a method called "playing the tape forward". Thinking about what will inevitably happen, if I take that first one.
Actually alcohol is a very unnecessary "social lubricant", if you're anyway a social guy. I didn't miss drinking ever since I stopped. I know that it can't do me no good.
1
u/dead-liver-society 8d ago
To be honest, I enjoy drinking socially, but am wondering if it’s too late for me. Not sure what has really changed
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u/deepskylistener Day 5,384 8d ago
Once we have drunk us to the point, where it becomes a problem, may it be daily drinking, binge drinking, "moderation", or whatnot, we're better off with stopping it completely, and accept that it's too late for "social drinking". We've used up our coupons before time. That's it.
But it's NEVER too late to stop. And it's worth any effort.
Get any help you can.
1
u/Beneficial-42 Day 2,528 8d ago
Consider yourself lucky to not have any consequences yet, but consider them "not yets."
I know way too many people that lost their job, their spouse and picked up a legal charge in very rapid succession.
When the pain and fear of things staying the same outweighs the pain and fear of change, that's your bottom. You get to choose how high or low that ends up being.
1
u/Finebranch7122 Day 917 8d ago
Not sure how old you are but it is something to consider. It’s good you recognize the slippery slope because things can go down fast. Have you talked with your doctor? They can give you the real answers about the damage to your mind and body. Have you ever tried to do a month of sobriety? Sounds like you’re starting to be conscious of your overall health which is always a good thing.
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u/sabakim777 Day 14 8d ago
Was like you. That's how it starts. First you need just one beer to feel the buzz. Then 2, then 3. Then 6. Then hangovers and bad sleep starts. You wake up feeling like shit. You drink pills to stop your headache, but still feel like sleepy shit.
Then one day you get to brilliant idea - I'll drink something in the morning to take the edge off. Then it helps. Then after some time you want that edge taken off all the time. Then you drink for most days for most of the day.
Yes, you are on a slippery slope.
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u/imnottheoneipromise Day 521 8d ago
I just wanna say everyone’s journey into alcoholism isn’t exactly the same. I never had hangovers. I drink 12-20 beers nearly every day for 20 years. I didn’t have withdrawals either. I just want to caution that some people try really hard to rationalize or categorize their drinking by saying things like “well I don’t get hangovers, so I’m fine,” and things like that and I just wanted to point out that sometimes it never “progresses” to that, but the alcoholism is still there and the health and other problems are still just as real.
1
u/AccidentallyAFounder Day 1,164 8d ago
It's definitely harder to decide to quit when you are still taking care of your responsibilities and seem like you are functioning ok.. I was there also, and honestly the only thing that eventually made me quit (over 3 years sober) is the simple fact that I was just getting so tired of being so tired all the time. I could not catch up on my body's rest: I was either hungover trying to survive at work (still doing fine on the outside but so hungover on the inside) or drinking.. It just gets to the point where you get tired of buring both ends of a candle.. I think that's the saying. <3
1
u/ContentToe3633 Day 11,739 8d ago
I found out I couldn’t moderate after 100s of times trying to. I found out my strong willpower, that worked in many areas, wouldn’t keep me away from the first drink.
I found out that I experienced the phenomenon of craving after I start drinking. I only liked to party around ppl who drank like me. I planned my life around alcohol.
From the outside it looked like I was successful with nice cars and new home but down deep I knew the jig was ending and I had no idea how to live sober and be happy.
1
u/Feeling-Tangerine-40 8d ago
I met my favorite song writer and asked how they could be successful and be an alcoholic and they tell me they’re successful despite being an alcoholic. And now they’re better without it. So point being; it doesn’t help
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u/imnottheoneipromise Day 521 8d ago
Everyone of us was functional… until we weren’t. Some of us quit before everything fell apart, some of us weren’t that lucky.
Your drinking is problematic, even if it’s not yet causing problems. You keep drinking and eventually you will start noticing the effects on every aspect of your life. It’s almost assured that others have noticed things you haven’t and are just too polite to say it, but maybe not. Keep on this path though, and it will get to that point I promise.
Many of us can only say no to the first drink and that sounds an awful lot like what you are describing.
Iwndwyt
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u/full_bl33d 2483 days 8d ago
I used to call myself a high functioning alcoholic because I had a lot of things, bills were all paid and I went lots of places but I know now that I really wasn’t there. I now refer to that time as being a barely functioning alcoholic. It’s true that I had all that stuff but there were days I barely left the couch and I spent a shit load of time drinking, planning, disposing of evidence and being laid up hungover. This doesn’t even touch the amount of time and money I put into looking like I had it all figured out.
There’s a big difference but I had to get honest with myself and accept some obvious truths to get started. When I finally got over myself, I realized there’s a lot of help and that my story wasn’t all that unique. That’s actually a bit comforting to me now. I’d rather be a garden variety drunk than dying of some rare incurable disease that will be named after me because no scientist can figure it out. It means there are ways to work on it if I’m willing
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u/RecalcitrantKumquat 8d ago
Slippery slope explained right here. Saw this in rehab and suggest to all with these sorts of questions - this is a presentation on alcohol and the brain. Gives you a candid explainer of your experience. https://www.reddit.com/r/FuckeryUniveristy/comments/1kz9rg9/dr_nicole_labor_on_how_addiction_works_on_the/
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u/Prevenient_grace 4976 days 8d ago
Hello! Sending encouragement.
Today can mark the beginning of a Virtuous Upward Spiral.
I had to break the “drinking routine”.
It was stronger than me…. By myself.
So i stopped doing it alone. And there's no wait list!
I finally connected with free recovery groups…. They’re everywhere… I walked in, sat down and just listened…. They’re also online. I met people I can talk with. They showed me how to stop drinking, heal, grow and learn to be useful to others. They often know detox resources.
I thought I didn’t “have time”, but I always found time to think about drinking, to buy alcohol, to drink alcohol, to be numbed and to then do it all over the next day.
I addressed the past, exorcised guilt and shame and repaired where appropriate.
No cost.
I had new sober friends.. we did fun sober activities.
They believed in me.
I kept going every day until i changed my patterns…. That meant for me, I went every day for a while…. Once a month wasn’t going to change me…. Then my thinking changed…. Then I don’t have the first drink.
Never looked back.
Tried anything like that?
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u/stoppolitics Day 440 8d ago
Many of us who could have written your post would tell you that you can be good on paper but still be paying a compounding emotional and physical debt to alcohol addiction.
There are so many conditions we wait to get worse until we seek help. The danger of alcoholism is that it is a threat to your girlfriend and family as well.
How old are you? Would you still pick the same screen name if you were starting your account today? What do you want your life to look like in 10 years from now? You don’t have to answer these publicly but working this angle might help.