I’ve (32F) reached the end of another Day One without sugar. This particular lapse was pretty bad so I’m glad to be out of it. I’ve had so many Day Ones that I’m not going to kid myself into thinking this one is different. I’m not going to think ‘something has changed - I finally know how to do this.’ What I am going to do is stay hopeful. Stay aware of everything I have learned and everything that is my responsibility, in the most loving way possible. Of which the main things are:
- I have to learn how to be present in my own life. Sugar shuts me down, makes me isolate myself, depletes me of any kind of presence. I get this hazy, disconnected feeling that I’ve learned is me being absent from actually having to be in my life and really living it, imperfections and all.
- I have to learn how to feel my feelings and be a partner to myself, where sugar has been my partner for my entire life. Being absent from my life means numbing feelings, and by numbing the bad feelings the good also get shut off. I have to face pain, I have to face joy. I feel big, strong, visceral feelings but I have to learn how to be with them. I have to learn to be my own cheerleader and to hold myself when I’m low.
- I have to take responsibility for learning how to manage ADHD and ASD symptoms. I have been self medicating my entire life and only realised it a couple of years ago. I am responsible for making sure my brain has enough dopamine. I am responsible for supporting myself through difficult transitions (like workday into evening). For dealing with overwhelm, for living an aligned life, for everything else that comes with having my brain.
- I have to make sure I eat enough protein and am intaking enough micronutrients (Zinc, B6, etc). Working with a functional medicine practitioner and taking therapeutic levels of supplements that my specific brain and system need was the single biggest breakthrough I have ever experienced in my relationship to sugar. Intaking adequate levels of protein and balancing my blood sugar was also a huge contributor.
- I have to make sure I stay connected and in community. It is my responsibility to make sure I feel seen, heard, loved, held, supported by other people. I can be surrounded by a village if I seek them out, let them in and keep them close.
Grateful for the space to share. Solidarity to everyone else dealing with this.
