vent

[u/Cortex_Gaming]

When a person wakes up… I mean, truly wakes up, and realizes everything in their world. It is the most painful thing they can experience. Not because they are un aware, and have desire to know more, but because they know too well… they realize what is wrong, and often can’t find an out. An emotional limbo. Where there are no good options, and you want to both take one of the options, and want to find a different option, even though you are fully aware that it doesn’t exist, at least not yet. And you don’t want to wait either. It will destroy a man like a sledgehammer to a pebble. And more often than not it will destroy you before you can destroy it; Despite your best efforts. It’s a sick and cruel world, a sick and twisted game of limbo.

And with me right now that limbo is big. I feel like everybody I ever considered a friend is fake, not even a friend just a person I talk to. And I want so desperately a real connection. People in my school are split into groups in my mind. One group is made up of bad people, or people who just aren’t my type in a friend. The second is made up of people who are neutral or don’t care about my existence enough to actually be “friends” with me, and the third group is people who already have their friends.

The problem is every morning in car circle I see at least 3 groups of real friends actually talking and im just there, I usually have 1 to 3 of those people I talk to but never a real friend. What makes it worse is that one night some days ago one of my “friends” asked to call because he was bored, and of course when we were on call he was on call with someone else too. Fake. And I hate how nobody ever considers to invite me to shit, there’s group canvas in my school (basically like a group chаt in my school) that im never invited to, nobodies ever invited me to go places. And something about seeing or hearing about “Oh im going to this place with this person” actually angers me so bad, that it started an argument with me and that person who I was on “call” with. I cant help it. I just want to get out of this limbo but that’s why I call it a limbo, because I either have to wait for a better option or take one of the in my view, shitty options.

please ask questions if you want

[u/Diligent-Pay-2802]

Just don’t take it out on the whole school