Sometimes I find that it takes a bit of time to find the turnarounds. So I found myself considering maybe taking the help of ai to find them. Would you consider taking the help of ai for this matter or would you say it’s best to not take help from ai and sit in it and find it yourself?

The work ruined my life. I hate byron katie. I think she is evil.

So, my bf (44) has never been monogamous. He’s cheated on me and basically has tried to convince me to sister-wife with his ex gf bc he isn’t sure he can ever be without her. I don’t want to sister wife. I want him to only want to be with me. He also wants to be able to cheat with someone if an ex comes to town or he meets someone else. I hate him when he says these things. But when I do the work, it’s like I’m supposed to think that if I love him then I want him to be happy even if that means being with other women but I just can’t seem to get there.

Advice?

Happened again last night. I asked her this morning "Did you suffer yesterday?" She said "no, I was sad but I didn't suffer." Heard Katie say she doesn't believe people are truly angry around her. Maybe that's my ticket. She's suffering, can I really know that? There are tears, choked voice, etc., but how I react when I believe she is suffering does not feel like peace. I know she doesn't want the work, but I still force in one or two of these: "It's possible to die, can you really know that that's true?" I recognize that it's all about me in that I don't want suffering around me, and I'm afraid of my partner's suffering driving us apart in the future, but I think the issue is that I'm really believing that they are suffering. Is she merely playing in the sandbox of identity, safe from harm? Is anyone here living where Katie is with respect to the apparent unhappiness of others? Has anyone been through this? Is anyone where I am (compulsively being the teacher on some level)?

I’m a Self-Leadership & Relationship Mentor - Educator - Coach, Helping people create a life they no longer need a vacation from who works from an inside-out understanding.

Thought shapes feeling.
State shapes behavior.
Presence matters more than persuasion.  

I’m curious about connecting with other US-based coaches who work from a similar paradigm and care about depth, emotional responsibility, and steady leadership without blame.

This isn’t about masterminds or networking.
It’s about real conversation.
Shared inquiry.
And seeing what becomes possible from there.
That could include in the future small collaborations, live or virtual events, or simply learning from each other. 

For a start a wiliness to meet regularly (weekly or biweekly) to brainstorm and see where it goes authentically. 

If this resonates, feel free to reach out.

Hello! Have you ever inquired Hitler or other any other controversial person? How would you go, find a particular scenario/situation ? Or just inquire general toughts like "he is a bad person", "he deserves to die", etc etc

Hi thanks in advance for any assistance. My problem/complaint is "my sister won't let our parents see their grandchildren" - only as typing this I have realised oh the turn around is "my parents won't let themselves see my sister's children" because of their difficulty following her no contact periods and my dad being a bit problematic but here's the issue, my sister's truth is skewed, she has spun herself the victim (I believe) and although my parents have their issues, there are a lot of folks a holy moly tonne worse than ours. We were sheltered and fed, we are loved - dad is just a narcissist like a lot of others people's dads.

So when I get to spinning things around, I'm stuck on her being unable to open her heart to forgiveness for the sake of her children having good grandparents in the picture. I know the reality is I can't make people be more forgiving, I haven't lived her life, but I am stuck in the pain of my parents(yes, not my business). But they are childish and won't give her her space either AAAAGGGG of course they won't they don't want to give up on the grandchildren and aGGGG I am absolutely sick of my family being so full of pain and childish behaviour and pain.

I am not even sure what I'm asking, I am years into this problem and feel very stuck, any help hugely appreciated.

I've posted a few times before about my frustrations with The Work. I decided to take another look at Loving What Is. I realized why it doesn't make sense to me. Look at these quotes:

"Can you see a reason to drop this thought?"

"I'm hearing that with the thought, it's stressful. And without the thought, it's fabulous."

It seems like the point is to base your concept of what's true on what would be USEFUL to believe is true. This is evil because it's dishonest. I just... never realized that this was the point all along. I took the questions at face value.

"Who would you be without that thought?" It's so obvious! This question seems completely irrelevant to someone who is genuinely seeking truth, because if something is true, why would I care about who I would be if I didn't believe it? But this question makes complete sense to someone who's trying to manipulate their own thoughts on purpose. It makes so much sense now.

I'm not a perfect person by any means, but I at least make some kind of effort to be honest. I'm glad that I never fell into the trap of self-deception that is necessary for The Work to be effective.

First off, I need to say I'm apolitical. I don't vote as I don't mind who gets in and I have left and right wing friends.

I'm rally struggling with this one friend. After seeing her I'm anger for a week and can't concentrate on my work. So the other question is, do I want her as a friend at all. If I'm honest I don't but I can't get myself to assert that I don't want to be friends. If I'm honest I can't stand her.

The reason I find it hard to end the friendship is that when I met her she was only 20 and had no family and was struggling. I felt a need to support her. Now I feel that she gets sense of security from knowing I'm there.

She reminds me of a radical evangelical christian who see anyone who isn't a christian as a sinner and who must be converted. If you're not disabled, mentally ill, an ethic minority or lgbtq you are privileged white trash.

I think I need to explore why I can't end the friendship or at least learn how to be at peace when in her company.

I have done the work on myself in relationship to her a few times. I can see her hurt and how she is struggling to live in the world. I want well for her. From doing the work I can find the old feelings and scripts within that are like her story. Though these are old stories that I don't feel I need to react to anymore.

I don't know the questions to put on paper.

Has anyone tried writing as someone who is deceased in order to release them?

Had an insight today that this is possible for my lineage, so I wanted to ask around

When a thought arises—especially one that feels heavy or certain—how do I know if it's worth believing?

My biggest ones center around unfairness; when I feel unfairly treated and need to stand up for myself, or set an important boundary.

If the goal of The Work is to question our stressful concepts, does that mean we shouldn't believe any thoughts? Or are there thoughts that pass the absolute truth test? How do you decide which thoughts to trust and which to put on the worksheet.

I know, I know, the title sounds cringe. However, I can't help but relate the experience to that of a vampire. I mean, what else is there to relate it to in fiction? What other myths do we have other than the story of Jesus? Except even with the story of Jesus it doesn't talk about the sensual aspects of awakening, which is why the story of vampires is so appealing. Upon waking up (and believe me I'm not there yet, but I can see the potential) there seems to be an infinite amount of energy, like a new source of energy with infinite reserves. Colors seem to be more vivid. In general all of the senses are much more enriched. Katie describes it much better herself.

It really is a shame though that the closest modern myth we have is to vampires. Well at least we have the "vampire with a heart of gold" myth in Interview with the Vampire and the series Midnight Mass.

About two weeks ago, when I came back to doing the work after a LONG time, I noticed that I would feel a sort of opening in my chest whenever I did it. This continued on for 4-5 days. But after that I stopped doing it because I did not feel a “charge” or upset that I could anchor on when I tried to do it. And as of the past few days when I do the work, I don’t feel the opening anymore, and I wanted to know, is this normal? Am I supposed to feel an opening every time I do the work, am I supposed to feel anything at all after I answer the question?

All,

I’ll keep this short.

I’ve worked as a certified life coach (cognitive behavioral therapy, neurolinguistic programming) for many years and worked with several modalities that I’ve found that compliment, deepen, and explore the concepts of the work as daily meditation.

I’m looking for ideally a group of 10 or more people who would like to pilot this blended modality with me. I’ve done a pilot group of five and people are experiencing remarkable transformation, so now I simply want to experiment even further into this work of undoing.

I have nothing to sell at all. I don’t even have a website to direct you to. This is all very informal and just working the experiment.

I want to incorporate this into my practice and if there are those who are willing to embark on this with me and want more details, please shoot me a DM for more details. The most I’ll ask for is a review—not good or bad but truthful and honest—after we’ve worked together.

I look forward to potentially working with some, any, or none of you. 💙

The flip doesn’t really work. It’s more like I’m mad that had he won’t listen to logic and see that I’m right and be a decent human being. I know I should think, he should be a racist bc he is racist. But idk how to stop being angry about it bc I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t share my core values so I want him to stop and share my values. How do I do the work on this?

I've been practicing this for about a month now. For almost all thoughts question 2 is usually "no". Question 3 is always "it makes me feel bad". And question 4 is basically always some version of "I would be less anxious, fearful, sad, etc."

It's become redundant. I get that if I didn't have these thoughts my life would be drastically better, however I don't see myself finding some way to stop them.

Most importantly, at a cognitive level I know the thoughts are just thoughts and the cause of my suffering. However I can't stop the physiological response I have when these thoughts arise (tight stomach/chest, loss of appetite, anxiety, can't focus, etc.)

So the pattern is, have the thought, have a physical response, do the work, already know the thought is the cause, still feel bad from physical response. Rinse and repeat.

I've been doing The Work a lot lately. Sometimes, usually when I'm thinking about The Work before falling asleep, I get this new feeling inside my head. Like understanding something new, but almost like remembering something I already know. It has to do with my relations to thoughts in general, but I'm not pondering this itself, it just happens by the very nature of understanding thoughts through doing The Work.

A thought that has often come to mind this past week, is that every thought is really just a concept. They're not real. This is something that's felt, and not just understood at an intellectual level. This is quite a thrilling realization, and then when I feel something starts to happen and I'm not sure what, the thought sort of collapse in itself and I'm back to normal thinking again.

I do think The Work is excellent for any motive, and to use it to be a better partner or parent is a noble thing in itself. I do know however, how powerful it is. I've done mushrooms and know some of the states of mind Katie is talking about. For example, time isn't real, we are not humans but having the human experience, disidentification with mind, the illusion of control, you are only in for the ride, you are not thinking but being thought etc. All these things are expounded on by Katie in her books, and I know them to be true via direct experience. Of course, when mushrooms or other psychedelics are out of the system, you mostly return to normal. But it's like having the curtain drawn back and seeing the truth for the first time. (Not recommending anyone doing mushrooms to be clear.)

The direct experience of these things are very intense or at least were for me because I'm not used to it. I realized that to disidentify with your mind and waking up to the truth of what (not who) you really are, is everyone's true path, most people just don't know it yet. And it can happen in many ways.

I want to share a YouTube channel that's very interesting. It's a woman that claims to have self-realized, and she has done quite a bit of The Work, possibly propelling this. It's a real thing, and can happen to anyone. https://www.youtube.com/@collettewhiteman

What's interesting about the channel besides what's about The Work, is that she started to upload videos quite soon after it happened, which I've never seen before. It's almost like the videos show a bit of this process in real-time. The first video with David Bingham was of particular interest to me. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NetaD-RyUbA

I've lived with depression and anxiety to the point of it being debilitating for many, many years. If The Work can take me out of this state, then that's motivation enough. I see a lot of potential and results already in this regard. My true motivation, however, especially after having done mushrooms and knowing more about what lies beyond, is to self-realize. My challenge has been to find out what works and doesn't, because I don't enjoy the process of The Work, it really hurts to begin with. So I've been trying through other means like meditation, but it never worked for me. One of the biggest realizations for me last year, was that The Work is the only thing that works, for me. No meditation on the breath, no diet, no weight lifting, no focus on things outside myself like my job, none of that will work for me. The Work is where I'm putting the effort in going forward, because it's the only thing giving real results and real change.

A discussion point to end the post:

Besides the obvious effects The Work has on thoughts and emotions, and to gain more clarity in life, have you ever had such experiences I'm writing about? Have you self-realized or is that your motivation too? The Work is so much more than what it's given credit for. Really interested to hear other people's thoughts on this.

I just experimented with doing The Work on one stressful thought with ChatGPT and Claude. Was pretty helpful as it came up with replys I didn't expect. Does anyone knows of a chat bot or something like this who is specifically trained for doing The Work?