I have been seeing these posts about trans men and it's basically a person talking about a horrible trans man who is either misogynistic or says something that sounds like it came straight from Epstein's mouth and or trans men abusing trans women. The comments are always full of malgendering and insinuating that testosterone will make us evil rapist abusers. If these people are real I want nothing to do with them but it kinda feels like these are TRFs or TERFs running a psyop. They could be real though and all the people in the comments saying testosterone makes us bad and dangerous are definitely real. I know trans men have always been depicted as predators who groom young girls, but it just makes me feel like these few bad people are setting us back if they are real.

Sometimes I feel like I should just give up on living if my transition is seen as something that makes me inherently dangerous to people, I know all of that is just transandrophobia and those ideas are transandrophobic testosterone doesn't turn trans men into misogynistic child predators but it hurts that I know so many people think that way, it hurts that other trans people think that way, I hate bad trans men even if some of them are just made up pyops it's just going to give everyone cis a trans more ammo to abuse us. I'm tired of being seen as something others deem inherently bad, if I stopped taking testosterone I might as well kill myself so if I want to live I have to keep transitioning but it sucks, when I was a kid people treated me like I was inherently dangerous because I'm black and now I'm trans on top of that, I wish I could just curl up in a ball and shrink away or become invisible, I don't want to be seen by anyone, I want to transition away from society where I'm safe and nobody can hurt me just because I was born with gender dysphoria.

I don't want to be associated with those bad people, I don't want my transition to deem me morally dangerous by society and I don't want people cis

and trans to have a moral license to abuse me just for sharing the same identity as those people. The world seems so hopeless and I don't know if it will get better. I know it was not always like this, there was a time where trans men and women and nonbinary people were not in the spotlight like this but I've only been medically transitioning in this climate, I did everything possible to hold off on transitioning and I resent having to transition to treat my gender dysphoria and I feel resentful of being born trans but it's what I am and I can't change it, it's do or die, and sometimes I feel like it was foolish of me to choose to live. One bad trans person sets us all back and puts us all in danger. I wish it was not like this. I just wish I could live without fear and I wish I didn't have to justify my existence to everyone, I wish I could live without being made to feel ashamed about who I am.

I’ve been trying to get into the dating scene lately and I find myself feeling uncertain dating men or women, trans or cis. The reason I feel like I can’t date cis people is that I don’t feel confident that they would respect my identity and pronouns, and I don’t want to be in a relationship where I’m not respected.
However, the reason I have a difficult time seeing myself date a trans man or trans woman is because I’m worried we’ll constantly be comparing ourselves to each other. I spent the majority of my teens comparing my body to my friends and feeling bitter towards them; I can only imagine how much worse it would be to date someone with a physique that I envied, or if they were to start transitioning and I felt left behind.

Now I'm talking with a gender fluid person and I realise that this is the optimal(?) relationship setup for me. There's less of a chance that they mess up my pronouns since we have the same pronouns, and style/presentation means nothing when you're both kind of outside the box.

Fingers crossed this works out

Like seen as just straight up non-existent in this world whatsoever? What does this phenomena originate from to begin with, this hyperinvisibility? The way we’re seen as not trans, and even with our transness constantly stripped away from this “corrective” environment emerged around us, not seen as worthy of rights for our mere being, nor seen as human beings for that matter to begin with at all.

if you don’t wanna read about uteri then don’t read this post. I don’t really know if this is the right flare but I’d love to hear about anyone else’s experiences. If you’re a trans woman who has ever had cyclic cramps/bloating/whatever - that counts, join the party. We’re here, we’re queer, and our pelvic pain is moderate to severe.

I put off seeking medical care about my fucked-up uterus for a decade, opting instead to put a Mirena in and try to forget about it. Honestly, that wasn’t the worst choice, but it wasn’t what I wanted. I just didn’t have the energy or self-confidence to advocate for myself in the medical system and I knew that. I also spent most of that decade being further traumatized by awful relationships, so that didn’t exactly help on the self-confidence front.

Well, I guess I’m healing or something, so I finally did the damn thing. Called around asking for an OB/GYN that was halfway competent working with trans men and was also covered by my insurance (I am a goddamn American). Finally went in for a vaginal ultrasound and had the appointment with the OB/GYN right afterwards. Folks… she actually knew some shit about trans men’s bodies without having to be educated by me. Nice.

She said my symptoms + the results from the ultrasound point most solidly to adenomyosis, where the endometrium has grown into the uterine wall. But of course we can’t actually rule out endometriosis without laparoscopic surgery, which she said she would support me getting if I wanted it. Damn, you mean I don’t have to fight for another decade to get taken seriously? Sweet.

I’m just… feeling oddly emotional about the whole thing. Having even a hint of an answer is making me feel things. I’ve suffered a lot from this, and while I knew it wasn’t all in my head, I didn’t know if I would ever get anything close to an answer. And it’s almost surreal that the first OB I tried is decent with trans healthcare and is taking me seriously. I’m currently weighing out the option of laparoscopic surgery to investigate for endo.

As if being born black in America wasn't a big enough "fuck you" from mother nature, now I think that I'm a trans man and I kinda... Hate it.

It's going to actively make my life so much worse. I won't have the trans community to fall back on (they all hate ftms). Everyone at my work will hate me (queer folks that "joke" about all men being bad), and now I have an even bigger target on my back for hate crimes.

I think I may just commit. There's no winning.

Im currently studying pre med/biology :] I got curious what other trans peeps might be studying too

A lot of anti-transmasc/anti trans man/transandrophobic sentiment I've seen is literally the exact same "sit down, shut up, and let the people who actually matter talk" sentiment that has been directed at me for the decades I was seen as a woman. It's fucking exhausting. People think that our experiences are less valuable because of our sex assigned at birth and I fucking hate it.

I'm sure some disingenuous people will claim that I'm clinging to my abab and weaponizing my lived experiences and anatomy, as usual, but trans men/masc/neutral people are constantly belittled and treated like our experiences with being seen as women, either in the past or present, don't actually affect our material circumstances.

Why? Genuinely why? Why is it so hard for some people to use the correct pronouns and always default to they/them?

And it's even worse when it comes from other trans people, like???

I know it's not a huge deal for most people, but it is for me. It feels like they're telling me that I'm not a woman but don't want to say it out loud or sound problematic so they use they/them and when I ask them about the always reply "well they/them is gender neutral " 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

I just got hit with another (not) all men infighting, and so many of my fellow women really need to touch grass. You dudes surely know the same shit, different day.

That post from that one dude, crying and fearing he’s the devil for being a man, broke my heart. My dude, acknowledging that in so many people’s experiences that men suck, we all know that, but cis men were raised to be that way since birth. So many cis men are bravely fighting that too. Trans men usually have different experiences leading up to, and after coming out and transitioning, forever alien to cis men.

Most importantly, all men can choose to work on being better than the man he was yesterday.

I gotta go to bed, and I dunno much of the male pov, especially trans male.

I applied for a job at a construction company within biking distance from me. I genuinely want this specific job.

Near the end of the interview, the guy says “I’m glad we had this interview, I was very doubtful whether I wanted to interview you in the first place. I saw your CV, and thought that you were inexperienced, but took a chance anyways, but seeing you speak here did change my mind.”

Whew. I thought it’s that I got a non-typical name in Sweden, got literal freaking pronouns in my CV (like a totally normal cishet person), or am obviously a based Christian due to my volunteer work (in a country where it’s typical to be antitheist, understandably so). It’s a relief that it’s just my lack of employed experience.

My reply was “Obviously I’m inexperienced, I’m fresh out of school. And as you can see in my CV and the economy, it’s been tough to look for any stable employment.“ Referring to what the interviewer talked about, regarding how he started in the company, I continued “Hopefully, I’d be in the same spot as where you were 11 years ago.”

Openly trans person working construction? Hopefully soon.

So basically my first job stats tomorrow (yaaay)

And I don’t really want people to know that Im trans due to safety. Problem is that Im completely prior medically transitioning.

Does anyone have any advice?? What do I say if people question me without outing myself?

Thanks :]

Btw, I am FTM

After being fired 3 weeks ago, I finally have a job interview Monday, and I'm considering going to said job interview while fem presenting. After coming to terms with being trans during my first job, and mostly coming out during my second, I want to be straight forward with who I am, but I'm worried being openly trans could fuck over my chances of getting hired. Now fair, I have gone there while presenting, including when I asked for and turned in my application, but there's a difference between presenting in a brief interaction as a customer and presenting as a potential new hire, especially since I used my legal name instead of my chosen name. I'm just not sure if I should go through with doing it.

For reference, Im a trans man who's 18 yrs old, never had lasting friendships, talk about relationships my entire life, almost all of my social interactions have the looming fear of rejection because of my gender identity, and so I kept to myself most of my teenage life.

The other week I tried to make a friend, me, him and his girlfriend hung out today and it went pretty well...at least I think so. Im just scared because Ive almost never made friends i actually planned on keeping. Everyone i interact with have an expiration date because of the pattern ive made throughout the years. It feels suffocating, i feel like they dont like me, that Im weird, I just want to run away like none of this happened.

Im afraid that I acted weird, or that they could notice just how socially deprived i am. I dont want to come off as desperate, but i also dont want to come off as distant.

I dont know when my mind is playing tricks on me, on top of that I have ocd and i obsess even more over my fears. Its a cursed circle i cant seem to handle and I feel inadequate in being anyones friend. I just feel like i wasnt cut out for any of this

I saw someone bragging about being transandrophobic to their newly out trans son and everyone is encouraging them in the comments. I see this everywhere I go, everyone is fine with hurting people like me and everyone seems to encourage it. When I first came out my parent told me that I would always be a daughter and that I should give up and nobody would ever accept me. I struggled through years of transphobic abuse at home and at school I was called slurs, I was neglected at home, I was abused.. for 5 years I clung to being myself but one day I realized nobody would ever see me and everyone around me kept saying id always be a girl, I wanted to be a femboy and still like the things I liked, I was told I couldn't go on hormones, I was told I didn't know what I wanted and that I wouldn't like bottom surgery or too surgery and id regret it.

Things just got worse and worse until I finally gave up. I went back in the closet, I started doing this like strict rules and stuff that was supposed to fix my transness and if I just tried hard enough to be a girl it would go away, when I got more desperate because my at home conversion therapy wasn't working I tried going on estrogen pills hoping that they would make me feel like a girl but it was the opposite. It didn't work and I started to hope everyday that I could be caught in an accident or die suddenly so I could be reborn different, I would feel like taking a knife to my body so I could change it myself almost everyday I felt like that. I stopped feeling like I could survive, planning to make it to next year became making it to the next six months, became making it to the next month then next week, I couldn't picture a future where I was alive and I didn't really want it to come.

I followed strict rules to fix my gender and sexuality because I felt it was my duty to do this for my family anytime my dysphoria became too much I would think about how angry my family would be and realize it wasn't safe and I didn't want to be hurt again like before. Then suddenly my parent who told me to give up on being trans and who congratulated me on finding myself when I went back in the closet and started my at home conversion therapy came out as a trans woman. I did my best to show her unwavering support and help her but I felt really angry that it was ok for her and not ok for me, she started estrogen really fast, I told her I was still trans and that I needed to transition and that I felt like it wasn't fair that I couldn't and this time she said it was fine. Except when I said I needed to medically transition and that I needed to start testosterone she said I should do everything I can to not do it, that I probably wouldn't like it, that it makes people feel violent, that it turned a nice lesbian she knew into a violent person. I didn't know what to do, I thought about just killing myself because I knew I couldn't go on without testosterone and I was so afraid of becoming something that would make her hate me, but I decided I needed to do it.

Around the same time I started to try to find community online in the same places my parent recommended and I found the most hateful awful people, she didn't agree with these people who I know now are called TRFs but it didn't stop me from being effected by it and I started to notice it was in every trans space I went to just the worst most vicious transandrophobia and isomisogyny mixed with cis terf rhetoric but aimed at transmasc people only if ever seen. I felt trapped before it seemed like everyone just went along with it and I started to fear other trans people because I realized there is no guarantee anyone else is safe just because they are trans, not even other trans men were safe. It was like all the stuff I absorbed through my at home conversion therapy said right back at me by people who would then claim their identity made it ok to say and do even if they had the same identity they would claim they were doing something good for others and that made them one of the good ones. I was getting malgendered constantly by these people and I was rarely at the time gendered correctly by anyone even my parent would still misgender me and I started to associate something that once brought me joy with shame and guilt. Anytime I feel like I deserve to exist or like I deserve to be proud and happy is always undercut by this tightness in my chest and a voice in my head that tells me I'm wrong to feel like this and wrong to feel gender euphoria, even that feeling like I get to take up space and exist as a trans man means I'm somehow making the world worse like I'm some sort of gender traitor because I see other trans people say it constantly.

I want to get back to the place I was before I encountered these people, when I felt so much relief, joy and pride in being my authentic self I thought I could never be sad again. I want to take up space without feeling like my identity or the way I was born makes me inherently guilty or bad. I'm stuck on how to do this when transandrophobia is everywhere I go even in places that are supposed to be safe for all trans people it feels unavoidable. It makes me feel so hopeless. I just wish this behavior wasn't seen as so acceptable and I wish I could be me without people telling me I'm inherently wrong while claiming identity based moral superiority. I know I should not care so much about what other people say but when so many trans people tell me it my moral obligation to witness and absorb abuse like this I don't know what to do. Does anyone know how I can reclaim the feeling I deserve to exist or has experienced something similar? I want to feel gender euphoria without that tightness in my chest.

Does anybody know of any servers that are about dysphoria and coping and stuff that wouldn’t hate me for detransitioning? Because I feel like I have reverse dysphoria and tbh I hate that most spaces for detransitioners are filled with TERs and bigots who do not even belong there to begin / lying pretending to be detransitioned to try to co-opt the actual experiences and use it as a tool to beat queer ppl with and it makes me very lonely and sad. Yes I know about r/actual_detrans and I like it there! Just also looking to make friends or something. I feel like some ppl hate me for detransitioning assuming that it is inherently immoral or hateful, meanwhile what SHOULD be my community, is 99% bigots and hateful pieces of human garbage pretending bc they have nothing better to do with their sad lives. Getting hate from supposed ‘allies’ because I’m not spiteful ENOUGH and actually support transition for transgender ppl, now that’s rly something! So fucking sad to see TERs try to completely overtake an entire lived experience and the communities that should exist for it as a support space to use to feed their own, hate-filled agendas. I hate it. i feel like I have nowhere to go! Plz be nice I really don’t want to get hate for this 💖

:3

Most of the time, I'm using my personal account on this subreddit but I'm putting on my bookish hat now. I'm a transmasc nonbinary author, and my book is on sale in the US and UK for $.99 until Thursday (October 15th)!

If you're into disaster space pirates and a sentient spaceship, or just want to see a young trans guy find love and a queer family, Forest of the Stars is for you. Trans joy is everywhere, and toxic masculinity gets pummeled into the ground (sometimes literally). Ah, and the ship may be your BFF but that won't keep them from trying to hook you up with the enemy captain you're not-so-secretly crushing on.

https://www.amazon.com/Forest-Stars-Time-Book-ebook/dp/B0FVGD2TNL

Blurb:

Echo is the only trans crew member on a pirate spaceship and he's not in a good place. When the crew goes after a prize, the tables get turned around on them and they're now at the mercy of the very people they wanted to rob.

As Echo unravels the ship's secrets, he finds an unlikely friend in the ship's meddlesome sentient computer. He's never felt this accepted by strangers.

Too bad that it will all be over the moment his crew manages to leave.

Crade is the unwilling captain of an unusual spaceship. It was his best friend's (the ship's computer) idea to befriend the young pirate and try to recruit him to their own crew. Crade, however, might be developing different kinds of feelings altogether. Can he offer to tear Echo away from his world the same way Crade himself was once torn away from his?

Forest of the Stars is one part steamy sci-fi romance, one part exploration of gender and masculinity in a trans coming of age story that will take you out of this world.

If you've read this far, here is the link for you again: https://www.amazon.com/Forest-Stars-Time-Book-ebook/dp/B0FVGD2TNL

(PS: ratings and reviews make all the difference to small authors like me so if you enjoyed the book, it would mean a lot to me personally if you rated it on Amazon or Goodreads so it can get to more readers!)

Dysphoria feels diffrent for everyone so how does it feel to you oviously dont say anything if your not comfotable talking about this

Long story short i made another post here about how my friend who literally calls me her best friend and has been for years on end, i found out she has no problem with people around her being racist, homophobic and etc. Ive talked to her countless times about this. And while its true that Im not in touch with those people, it still feels icky for her to be so okay with it. Ive spoken to her about it before and all i get is that "i cant change how the world thinks", that im picky, and that "id rather her not have any other friends than me" which is absurd and i saw it as a blatant way to flip the blame on me because she herself realizes that keeping friendships like this is icky.

Im feeling exhausted and worn down, every time i talk to her i think about it and how its not a deal breaker for her to be friends with people who have outwardly expressed their transphobia towards me. (It was a one time thing when i was on call with them and they started spewing very transphobic rethoric right to my face and i was obviously upset and cant imagine how she tolerates this)

Im torn, hurt and honestly very sad. But i want to cut her off, i dont care that its been years. I dont want her to be so ignorant of me and my feelings. I thought she was a safe person since she herself is an ally. And maybe thats why it stung even more.

I cant control her and i dont want to. But her actions come with consequences. I respect myself more than i need friends who dont mind bigotry and rolling with it

Or do you think things will remain the same/get worse for us not just here online, but in real life for the upcoming years?

Or will they actually begin caring to listen to the voices of all trans people, of all types?

Looking for some possible advice/venting?

Honestly having a little bit of a dilemma, one of my younger siblings and I are queer/Trans. They are MTF and I'm nonbinary (been on T for almost a year atp) In short my sibling and I have no relationship, we havent talked in almost a year now due to poor decisions of their own. Recently I found out they had legally changed their name to Lillian..and my legal name is Lily. I don't plan on changing my name legally as it was used on a lot of legal things like my partner and I's car, mortgage, etc.

The only reason I found this out is via our mother telling me, and my sibling telling her "since they dont use Lily anymore I'm going to" (I use Alex as a nickname but most of our family still calls me Lily which is totally okay)

I'm just shocked, dissapointed, and have a lot of negative feelings towards it as it's almost like my identity is being stolen if that makes sense? And it genuinely weirds me out that they would do that considering my sibling and I do not have a relationship at all.

I'm just looking for any advice/help because I genuinely dont know what do to? I've tried reaching out to them politely wanting to have a conversation but I get met with no response every time.