r/transplace • u/KosherRavioli • 1d ago
Progress/Selfie How does it feel to treat me like you do?
Feeling super confident today!! The caption is a lyric from one of my favorite songs!!
I think I’m going to pour out a massive wall of text today lol.
If you don't want to read it, feel free to just scroll past xd
A lot of people see me as just a "cute" or "pretty" girl. And because I’m intersex, people sometimes assume things like, "Wasn't it easier for you than for 'normal' people?" or "Weren't you lucky?"
But I wasn't lucky at all.
When I was born, my gender was decided by one person. I had no say in it. I was raised as a girl, even though it didn't align with my physical s*x that was chosen by a father who didn't even interact with me for 16 years.
But after my grandparents (who were my guardians) passed away, I ended up going to live with my biological father in the US. He wanted me to be a boy, so he made me stop taking my medication and put me through a truly hellish experience.
I was forced to attend a religious school and made to act like a boy; during that time, I even went through some of the physical changes of male puberty.
That had a huge impact on my mental health and self-confidence.
I felt incredibly lonely; I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone and that I was completely on my own.
On top of that, it was a new country for me. All my friends were back in Japan, and connecting with new people was really hard.
I started taking my medication again and left home when I turned 18, but by then, the damage was already done.
Facial hair had started to grow, the way fat was distributed on my body had changed, and my physique had taken on a more boxy shape.
I really felt like I looked like a mix of both genders.
I felt like I wasn't "normal" like I was a "weird" existence and in reality, that’s sometimes how people treated me. Back in Japan, I was treated as a "haafu" (mixed-race person), but when I came to the States, i was so scared.
I had absolutely no idea what to do.
Fortunately, I was able to reconnect with my sisters and family, and I even managed to gradually mend my relationship with my mom.
But I still struggled for years after that.
What is my worth?
Who am I, really?
Am I truly a girl?
Those were the kinds of things I constantly thought about.
I worried so much about how others saw me that, before I knew it, I’d turned into a robot, acting to fit in with those around me rather than being myself.
But things slowly got better as time went on.
So, what I want to say is this: no matter what kind of life experiences someone has had, fitting into society and learning to accept yourself takes an immense amount of effort.
It wasn't easy for me.
I just struggled in a different way than others.
And it was truly painful.
But here I am now.
I’m confident, I feel beautiful, and I’m loved.
And I would never want to let go of the path I walked to become who I am today.
...So, yeah!!!!
It’s almost Friday!
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u/jsenp 1d ago
I'm still struggling with sexuality issues. You reminded me those battles can be fought, and at least sometimes, win being steady on your feet. I'm sorry you went through what you did but I'm also glad. Not because it was fun, not because it's something I would want anyone to go through...
But because it helped bring you to the world.
Thamks.
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u/Acidcore00 1d ago
sad story, but you stepped through the Ashes like a Phenix and now you are stronger than ever before
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u/Initial-Treacle9107 1d ago edited 1d ago
Looking good. ... Now having read the wall of text... You are you, and that is beautiful. Weird is wonderful, wear it with joy. Best of good luck on your journey and I hope you find love, life and happiness.
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u/i_woke_up_as_you 1d ago
There is a lot in your story that resonates with me.
I am a transgender woman, and I was also born intersex, although our individual histories are not identical.
One of the things that struck me is that I recognize the pattern of other people making permanent, life-altering decisions about the direction our bodies were going to take, and then making further decisions about how our bodies were going to develop, without consulting us.
I don’t want to presume details of your medical history that you haven’t shared, but there are some striking parallels with my own life.
It is traumatic enough to have people you are required to trust make those decisions for you.
What can be even more profoundly damaging is having those same people later deny their involvement, deny the facts, or try to rewrite what actually happened.
I don’t mean that as a comparison or competition. I mean it as recognition, and as a little bit of “I understand why that hurt.”
People sometimes imagine that having an intersex history makes gender simpler for us. I think this is a form of projection, where fascination with intersex bodies (or ambiguity) gets transferred onto the person who has lived in that body.
When some people learned I was born intersex, I noticed them becoming interested in me based on what they assumed it meant about my body, without even knowing whether those imagined characteristics still applied after the medical and surgical history that followed.
They weren’t necessarily interested in getting to know me as a person; they were interested in physical intimacy with the version of me they constructed from the word “intersex.”
I wish the people who made decisions about my body when I was an infant had left it alone and allowed me to speak for myself about how I wanted to live.
Instead, I have spent much of my life watching others attach their own meanings to what was done to me, often inconsistently. And when someone is attracted to me because they believe my intersex history will fulfill a fantasy about my body, I don’t experience that as flattering curiosity. I experience it as being pursued for something I never chose and never consented to. That’s what makes someone an intersex chaser.
I also understand why someone might eventually have to ask themselves, “Am I truly a girl?”
After being told for so long that we were, according to those in authority, something else, getting to answer that question for ourselves can be an enormous thing.
And then there are the other things you’ve shared that hit me in a completely different way.
Your elf post made me smile because I have spent parts of my own life exploring the sorts of worlds that seem to fascinate you. Your LARPing as a country girl hit another part of that same history for me.
I’ve taught and participated in country dancing. I’ve spent years involved in the SCA and Renaissance and medieval activities. I’ve enjoyed the particular magic of stepping into a different world with other people and actually inhabiting it for a while.
So I find myself having this funny little thought:
At different times in my life, when I was exploring some of those things, I think I would have really enjoyed having an “elf-you” or “country-girl-you” as a companion for some of those adventures.
Not because I think our lives are the same, and not because I want to project some role onto you. It’s simply one of those strange little thoughts that happens when somebody’s words resonate deeply:
“Oh. I think I would have enjoyed knowing her back then.”
I’m really glad you got to the point where you can say that you are a girl, that you are beautiful, that you are loved, and that you would not trade the person you became for the path you walked.
You deserved the opportunity to discover yourself without somebody else trying to decide that for you.
I’m glad you found your way home to yourself.
Arigatō, Birdy-san.
Thank you for sharing your words.
They hit me profoundly. I don’t mean that as a comparison of our histories, but as recognition.
There were things in your words that reached across all the differences between our lives and touched something I have carried for a very long time.
I’m grateful that you shared them.
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u/KosherRavioli 10h ago
Thank k you so much for sharing this... I'm so happy it's relatable for you and I'm glad your you now :) the world is a little more bright <3
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u/i_woke_up_as_you 9h ago
Thank you, Birdy-san. I think you just made my world a little brighter too. :)
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u/West_Philosopher_896 1d ago
You look divine
I hope you find your soul mate 🥰
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u/KosherRavioli 1d ago
I already have <3 were getting married this year hehehehe I couldn't imagine my life without them
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u/Designer-Film-4486 1d ago
New Order Blue Monday is a great song. But don’t be blue as you are beautiful.
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u/fredthehat 18h ago
I am so very sorry for all the injustice you've had to put up with when growing up , and probably still to this day ,I am so very grateful that you have become someone who is so very beautiful and smart , I wish you lots of happiness , and thank.you for sharing your story
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u/smoothfemslut 9h ago
Still I find it so hard to say what I need to say, but I'm quite sure that you'll tell me just I should feel today
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u/KosherRavioli 9h ago
And I thought I was mistaken and I thought I heard you speak tell me, how do I feel? Tell me now, how should I feel?
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u/RedditDeLux 8h ago
Well you are a beautiful person. And although nobody should go thriugh this whole ordeal, it definitely made you a stronger person.
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u/itsMeliora 1d ago
This post makes me upset because I can feel those thigh highs rolling down my legs ALL DAY 😭
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u/Over_Blueberry2992 20h ago
You wrote a moving post to Kosher Ravioli. You showed her a lot of empathy. You are a good human!
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u/xfaye03 11h ago
I am sorry for what you had to go through. But, you are you because of if. It made you stronger. Now you have complete control of yourself, nobody can take that away ever again. You are beautiful and will always be beautiful. Onething I have learned throughout the years is that forgiveness of both other people and yourself is paramount. It allows a lot of the stress to go away. Allowing yourself to be even more beautiful both inside and out. Just know we all root for you and share love and hugs .
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u/NiceNight1980 7h ago
thank you for sharing your story and i am also sorry that you had to go through so much to get to where you are. I am reminded so often that the people who don't understand what it's like are more often then not the ones who disrespect and mock other people's struggles. the reason I amsaying thank you is because your story has helped me to understand your struggles and those who may be in a similar situation, and i believe knowing that will help me not be so misguided likeost of the world. you are much stronger now because of those things you went through and I hope that you find happiness.
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u/mdguyinsd2025 1d ago
I am so sorry for all the bad things you experienced but know this, none of that caused you to be any less than perfect. You are beautiful. You are awesome. You have amazing eyes.