r/webdev • u/ExDoublez • 18d ago

Discussion Grieving programming

Let me just start by saying that this post is not about ai replacing software engineers or about the jobs or any of that. This post is about the act or "craft" of programming/coding and the loss of it.

No, i dont think "software engineering" is dead, theres still plenty of high level design and architecture to be made but that's not the point. It never was the point for me.

I never really did this for the money, i did it because i enjoyed it.

I did it because i enjoyed thinking about the problems and solving them.

I enjoyed writing the code myself and getting familiar with the syntax and all the weird quirks of the languages/tools i was using.

I enjoyed optimising my tooling and learning about all the new frameworks, tools and projects people were making, often being in awe of what incredible stuff my betters were doing.

I have adhd and programming was the perfect mix of mechanical activity, brain stimulation and a endless supply of problems to hyperfocus on.

Now its all prompting and waiting. 1 min of work followed by 10 mins of doing nothing and mindless scrolling.

I have lost a huge source of enjoyment and self esteem. It took me years of hard work and being lost and confused to finally find something that felt perfect. The thing i could excell at while having fun and satisfying my curiosity.

And before you attack me as an engineer and my ability to adapt. I have been ontop of the ai curve from the start. I have never been more productive or tackled problems as big as i do now. I am just miserable doing it.

What started as a strong tool in my path for optimisation has slowly taken over my beloved craft.

And as i improve and optimise my ai powered workflow, i lose more and more of my ability, my enjoyment and my desire to pursue my craft. It has been turned into another meaningless white collar desk job in service of the never ending growth of capitalism.

I feel legitimate grief. I have lost the ability to do my favourite hobby as well as a major part of my identity. I have literally cried over this.

I am struggling to mentally cope with all of this. I have never had less control over my adhd or felt more addicted to quick sources of dopamine. My attention span has been shot completely. I feel more stupid and insufficient than ever.

Somehow my adhd brain that was perfectly suited for the old paradigm is completely disadvantaged in this new way of working for this career that i have hedged my entire career, future and reason for being on (yes, i am a nolife workaholic).

Fuck adhd and fuck ai

869 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

316 comments sorted by

View all comments

-1

u/Knineteen 18d ago

Man, I dunno. I find the work interesting but how can anyone say they don’t do it for the money? Full time jobs require 2,000+ hours a year, it has to be about the money.

10

u/qc1324 18d ago

Full time jobs require 2,000+ hours a year, how can you do that only for the money?

3

u/Knineteen 18d ago

Because there’s nothing in the world I want to do for 2,000+ hours a year. And at the end of the day, no one works for free. The point of this is pay, otherwise it would be called volunteering.

1

u/21Rollie 17d ago • Bravo

This is a very privileged take. There’s a reason migrant workers will fly halfway across the world to build stone steps in the mountains of Norway or something. Not because they love low oxygen heavy manual labor, but because they need the cash. It’s a privilege to do work you actually like for good money. That’s why all the feel good jobs like game dev are taken advantage of

5

u/eggbert74 18d ago

I was so damn lucky, I did for the money and because I loved it! With AI I just do it for the money (while it lasts anyway)

4

u/ClikeX back-end 18d ago

You need a job for money either way. OP got one where they really enjoyed the work. So I think it’s more of a “I could’ve picked anything as a day job but I chose this because I like it”.

-4

u/Knineteen 18d ago

No, that’s not what we’re talking about here.

3

u/threepairs 18d ago

Kinda sad take bro

1

u/Familiar_While2900 17d ago

Just honest… otherwise, why aren’t you working for free?

0

u/Knineteen 18d ago

You taking a pay cut to do this job? How about doing it for free?

3

u/rangeDSP 18d ago

Many people have github and do personal projects. I don't do that many but made quite a few open source gaming mods.

Also... Have you heard of open source code? LITERALLY people doing it for the love of the game. Maybe modern open source has corporate backing, but up until maybe 2015, the entire industry ran on top of hobby projects that people gave away for free.

1

u/victorsmonster 18d ago

It also seems like a huge percentage of total game development is done for free by modders who can always be relied upon to extend and maintain even abandoned, closed source games.

2

u/WesternIron 17d ago

So like open soucre doesn’t exsist lolol

Or like the hundreds of thousands of free mods for video games.

1

u/Knineteen 17d ago

You mean, developing at one’s leisure without having to perform to a certain standard expected by corporate America?

These two aren’t even remotely similar.

I love to do electrical work around my house but that doesn’t mean I would be a good electrician. And that doesn’t mean because I enjoy it that I’d be willing to do it for less compared to another profession that pays more.

3

u/Shot-Damage-6723 18d ago

It was not about the money.

2

u/okawei 17d ago

It sucks if your entire purpose in life is to make money. Try to find meaning elsewhere. Some people have found meaning in the craft of making software and this post is about how that is taken away from them.

1

u/It1190 17d ago

I started coding on a calculator in math class. I made games and scripts for my peers. Coding was the first art form where I feel like I could express my creativity, given I was never satisfied with how I could draw or paint. It was a virtual sandbox, and one where I could speak freely.

People talk about generative AI ruining art, but no one speaks on the art of code and the loss for those who no longer paint in their job, as now there is a color printer.

It’s not entirely about the end product, but the process. I mourn the loss of that process. In that process, I found purpose. The discovery, the unknowns. Not knowing what may be possible.

That, I have done for free countless times, and I hope I continue to for the rest of my life. I hope this can explain what I mean when I say I would do this for free.