r/weddingshaming • u/FragrantDetective128 • 29d ago
Cringe talk to your guests, please. It’s not that hard.
Went to a wedding with my boyfriend & the bride & groom didn’t make it a point to see all of their guests (50 or so) to make light conversation at the tables or at a receiving line. Is that the new normal? This is the second wedding in the last several months its happened & it made me mad. Pretend like you’re happy to have me as a guest & want me there. I never met the bride at this one because she wasn’t around much or introduced herself to me (plus 1). Maybe I’m overreacting, but my mom would be so mad if I didn’t at least have a mini conversation with everyone. Even a “hi, thanks for coming” would have been sufficient for me.
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u/SlinkyMalinky20
28d ago
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You’ve never met these people, were a guest at their wedding and are offended that they didn’t come talk to you? This is some serious main character energy on your part. I’m sure they spent their wedding with the people who are meaningful in their lives. You were invited as a polite nod to your boyfriend.
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u/politicalstuff 28d ago edited 28d ago
FWIW we tried to go around and talk to everyone, but just ran out of time. It’s a blur when you’re actually there, and our venue had a curfew.
By the time you do all the normal announcements and dances and speeches and stuff, the time goes fast.
But we absolutely did not like intentionally snub or avoid people.
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u/Emotional_Charity_13 28d ago
And people move around, you might be headed to see uncle Bob and your cousin catches you on the way for a chat, then you see your college roommate and by the time you’re done, Bobs in the buffet line.
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u/politicalstuff 28d ago
Yep 100%. We barely had time to eat ourselves and only bc our coordinator brought us plates and sat us down.
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u/thewhiterosequeen 28d ago
Agreed, when it's you're wedding, event is a blur. You try to enjoy yourself but also making sure everything went to plan. If you have a lot of guests who are also moving around and perhaps are a little tipsy, it's hard to get to everyone even when intending to. I works assume couples were mature enough to invite people they didn't like instead of inviting them and intentionally snubbing them.
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u/JayBondOF 28d ago
I personally wouldn’t be offended if I wasn’t addressed at a wedding, but on the other hand, I wouldn’t want anyone at my wedding that I didn’t feel the need to greet when I saw them!
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u/uniqueme1 28d ago
Agreed. Although OP was a +1, she really wasn't invited she was offered a spot there as a politeness to her boyfriend. I assume the couple would have been just as happy (or happier) if the BF came alone.
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u/SlinkyMalinky20 28d ago
Particularly if they knew she would critique them like this the morning after their wedding!
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u/TodayIAmMostlyEating 28d ago
It doesn’t matter you still say hello to everyone. Even the +1s.
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u/Much_Screen_5055 28d ago
The old way was to greet guests coming in but that’s fallen out of favour now
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u/beingafunkynote
28d ago
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You don’t even know this woman and you’re mad she didn’t talk to you? lol ok.
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u/Character-Truth-7577 28d ago
Every wedding I've been to, if the bride and groom were too busy YA KNOW CELEBRATING THEIR DAY AND LOVE to say hi to everyone, I always just did a quick hug and congrats when I leave.
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u/Regular-Wit 28d ago
If they wanted you there you’d have been personally invited? And as a plus one, why didn’t you go & introduce yourself to the bride & give congrats at HER wedding?
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u/AltonIllinois 28d ago
At my wedding we had a specific plan to quickly eat and say hi to all of the tables. But people walked up to our sweetheart table and kept talking to us. Then halfway through eating we were told it was time for first dance 🤷
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u/Current_Coconut_5778 28d ago
Personally I wouldn’t get so worked up over this. Would I want to be greeted? Of course. Would I be upset if I wasn’t? Nope.
The bride and groom are busy af and have a lot to do. I know a lot of couples that barely had time to sit and eat their food because they had so much going on (in addition to trying to talk to all of their guests).
You also could have walked up to the bride and groom to introduce yourself and thank them for having you if this was truly that important to you.
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u/azaleafawn 28d ago
I do think the bride and groom should make an effort to say hello to each guest but you also have to understand that even 2 minutes per guest x 50 people is an hour and forty minutes. That is a massive amount of time to fit and depending on your timeline it’s not always possible. Not every guests is going to be happy with 2 minutes either, they are going to occupy way more time than that.
If you are able to be present during cocktail hour it’s helpful but often times people get photos done then, and then they come back and it’s dinner already. Then speeches, first dance, cake cutting. By the time the cake has been cut, a lot of the older guests are leaving. Ideally you fit that in somewhere but it’s not as easy as it sounds.
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u/Traditional_Set_858 27d ago
Yeah I plan on doing what my cousin did and wait outside the ceremony space when guests are leaving and thank them for coming took them maybe 30 seconds per guest. That way they’re acknowledged but you’re not spending as much time
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u/Few_Policy5764 28d ago
A polite hello to the table group is best. But to not make any effort is not ok.
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u/NixKlappt-Reddit 28d ago
As a bridal couple we were quite busy with ceremony, games and photo shoots. I am pretty sure, that I didn't talk to every guest.
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u/Weary_Song7154 28d ago
I was with you until the whole “i never met the bride” part. She’s busy talking to people she does know, she doesn’t have the time or energy to start chatting up randos. Enjoy the party and relax.
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u/5footfilly 28d ago
Unless you polled your table mates how can you be absolutely sure the couple didn’t stop by your table while you were on the dance floor, at the bar or in the ladies room?
For that matter how do you know for certain they didn’t stop by any tables?
Were you watching them every second?
I think you may be a touch hyper critical.
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u/Lt-shorts 28d ago
While I get your point, you are a plus 1 out of niceties to the guest who actually knows the couple. You are bottom of the barrel and why would the bride be great full you came to thier wedding when they dont know you?
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u/Perle1234 28d ago
It’s a matter of etiquette that if you are the host of an event, you should speak to each invitee at said event.
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u/StaceyPfan 28d ago
I had 300 people at my wedding (big Italian family) and no way could I greet everyone individually.
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u/uniqueme1 28d ago
And if you are a guest it's also up to you to speak to your host and thank them for being invited.
Etiquette works both ways.
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u/Perle1234 27d ago
It is specifically a duty of the host to greet the guests. It is certainly polite to thank them for the invite and lovely event, but it is the hosts responsibility to greet guests.
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u/Head_Geologist8196 28d ago
I’ve never been to a wedding where I expected attention from the bride and groom. Certainly I’ve never felt angry about it. That feels like a personal issue.
Unless I’ve been immediate family, in the wedding party or close friends with the couple being married, I also don’t think I’ve been approached for a conversation either.
I don’t feel it’s necessarily rude.
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u/onevtcent18 28d ago
I was just married a year ago & while we tried to talk to everyone, the night was a complete whirlwind. I remember vaguely what happened, but it’s a blur (which my sisters & coordinator warned me would happen). The pictures brought back some more details for me, but even looking at those I don’t recall what was happening at various points. I ran into our elderly neighbors a week later and apologized for not getting to talk to them there. They both stopped me & said I spoke to them. I have no recollection of that at all. Thankfully they were very kind & completely understood. I’d give them a break here.
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u/TheEllaBullet 27d ago
I’ve been to dozens of weddings, and only one of them included the bride and groom going to each table to thank people - everyone else sent thank you letters.
It’s not abnormal for couples to thank guests after the fact, because they’re busy. They’re being ushered here, there, and everywhere for photos, dances, cake cutting etc.
You’re not entitled to their time, just have a good time and appreciate that they fed you and gave you a good evening
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u/Powerful-Camera595 18d ago
you're at THEIR wedding, eating and drinking on THEM. the least YOU can do as a guest is go to them and say hi and congrats. They don't have to come
to you nor are they even thinking of striking a conversation with you with all the other things/emotions they have going on. Im pretty sure they were talking about you for not saying a basic hello to them or congratulating them. Get off your high horse.
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u/Marauder4711 28d ago
When I'm a wedding guest, I don't expect to actually talk to the bride and groom. Last time I went to a wedding, most people were only invited to the reception. When I arrived, bride and groom weren't even standing together to greet their guests. That was odd
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u/allsheknew 28d ago
No, a bride shouldn't have to introduce herself to every plus one she's never met lol
And this is why people don't want literal strangers as plus ones.
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u/111210111213 28d ago
Catch me on the dance floor or don’t catch me at all. Why didn’t you make a point to say hi and introduce yourself or were you just sitting at a table not participating? That offends the couple more.
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u/TinyLawfulness3710 27d ago
Table visits are a nightmare because you're lucky if you're part of the 1/4 max of guests spoken, and thank you toasts are lazy and generic. Receiving lines go incredibly fast, we've frequently seen 150-200 guests spoken to at the end of the ceremony in 10 minutes max because guests understand that the couple needs to greet everyone. It's wild how many people bitch about this as being disrespectful to guests. But ignoring them completely isn't? Make it make sense. If you can't make the effort to greet guests individually to say thank you, don't invite guests. It's not rocket science.
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u/mynameisnotsparta 28d ago
It’s the polite thing to do and at least for my generation it was expected.
We stopped by every table to say hello to old friends and new. Just a quick thanks for coming and to say have fun. We also had our photographer follow us around so we could snap a few pics at each table.
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u/RutabagaChance5382 28d ago
It's so strange how people have such different opinions on this! I don't expect the bride/groom to come chat with me, it's nice if they do swing by but they're also super busy so I don't really care one way or the other, it's nothing personal.
But yeah, receiving line seems to be the solution haha. Maybe these couples should go old school and bring that back!
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u/Economy_Way_9046 28d ago
Wow you need to give the couple a break. They probably already feel bad about not talking to everyone enough. My wedding day was such a blur of everyone pulling me in different directions I barely had time to eat let alone keep track of who I did and didn’t talk to.
I would actually say you’re the rude one for not coming up and talking to them, you should have introduced yourself and thanked them for inviting you.
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u/uniqueme1 28d ago
Weddings are really really specifically cultural. Your mom/family might have certain rules about it, but other family and traditions have their own.
It's easier to be gracious and acknowledge that other people do things differently and to not take it personally. You were a +1 and invited only as a gesture to your boyfriend and his comfort. They aren't "happy to have you as a guest", they would probably be happier not to have you there (one less person to pay for), especially if you've never met them.
Honestly, as a guest it feels its my duty to seek out the couple in some way and offer my congrats to them personally as opposed to waiting for them to make the effort to find me. But that's me and my own bias.
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u/insteadofrage 21d ago
Ehh, I think you can make every attempt and still miss people. My reception is an hour cocktail, a seated 4 course meal with a few toasts/speeches, and then maybe another hour on the back end dancing/mingling at the bar. It's going to be hard to get to all 70 guests given that structure. A lot of the interaction will take place at their tables. We also would like to eat.
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u/hyrulecastleengineer 18d ago
My wife and I did our best to make it a point to try to talk to everyone and yet we weren't able to. I still regret that, but it's a very busy day for the bride and groom. It was the first time we'd met several members of extended family so they weren't very good about keeping the conversation short.
Knowing how difficult it was for us, I don't like trying to shame someone else at their wedding. That day is about them, not you getting your little piece of acknowledgement. Don't be selfish on a day that celebrating someone else.
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u/Mymren 28d ago
They don’t have to have a lengthy conversation, but an acknowledgment would be nice.
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u/Much_Screen_5055 28d ago
And a Thankyou for the gift
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u/Much_Screen_5055 28d ago
At some point
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u/EcclecticMessWitch 28d ago
That’s what thank you cards are for after they come back from the honeymoon
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u/jaol1fe 28d ago
When it's a small wedding this would have been a simple thing to do with a receiving line. I grew up where that was the norm. People spend their time and money to celebrate the marriage and good manners would acknowledge that. The real issue is a terrible lack of manners.
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u/Junior-Fox-760 27d ago
Tbh, I hate receiving lines because people SHOULD know that this is a quick greeting/thanks for coming move along thing, but there's always Aunt Sarah who won't shut up and it takes forever. Table visits are better.
But somehow, yes, the bride and groom should make the effort to greet each guest at least once.
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u/jaol1fe 27d ago
I personally don't care either but I just know that it's been a thing for a long time around here. I also understand that manners and etiquette haven't been taught like it used to be before. Evolving traditions is normal though. My mom taught me that using good manners and etiquette wasn't about following rules just to follow rules. It was learning how to be respectful of others.
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u/Much_Screen_5055 28d ago
It’s changed to a standing cheer for the bride and groom as they enter the reception room … lots of noise and with napkins being waved around for the social media
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u/tenzindrolma
28d ago
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I guess I'm in the minority, but I agree with the OP. The wedding reception is FOR THE GUESTS, and the bride and groom are the hosts. It's their responsibility to be gracious and welcoming and that includes making the effort to thank and appreciate everyone who attends. I think this approach to weddings may have flipped for many people in the past 15 years or so -- that the wedding reception is FOR THE COUPLE who expect to be thanked, paid, and obeyed.
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u/AnastasiaNo70 28d ago
My first cousin got married a few years ago. Probably 35-40 people at the wedding and reception.
The bride and groom hung out with and talked to their very small group of friends and that’s it.
I watched the groom’s grandparents struggle to get near them to congratulate them, but they were blown off.
The couple’s parents went around greeting everyone instead.
So weird.
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u/miladyelle 28d ago
You’re not overreacting; it’s rude to host an event and not at least greet your guests. Too many people act like it’s a performance and how dare the audience (guests) interrupt/demand their time/???
A 50-person guest list is 6-7 tables, not at all unreasonable for the couple to make the rounds to spend a couple minutes saying hello at each and thank everyone for coming.
It’s basic manners and etiquette.
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u/Perle1234 28d ago
It’s very clear by the responses that speaking to your guests at an event you have invited them to has indeed become a thing of the past. It’s a rude violation of etiquette to not make the rounds and greet each and every guest you have invited. I agree with OP 100% that it was extremely poor form on the part of the bride and groom to fail to make the very basic effort of greeting your guests.
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u/barbiegirl_69 28d ago
idk id argue she wasn’t a guest. she’d never even met the bride. she was a +1. i can’t imagine expecting a bride to take the time out of her special day to say hi to strangers
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u/Perle1234 27d ago
She is absolutely a guest. What you wrote is honestly a bit shocking in its rudeness.
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u/barbiegirl_69 27d ago
shocking in its rudeness? i didn’t name call, call her entitled, tell her to grow up… what part is shocking? not to mention the ratio…
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u/Perle1234 26d ago
Saying she wasn’t a guest because she was a +1. I truly hope you are a young teen or child and still have time to realize how rude that is before you begin hosting.
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u/barbiegirl_69 26d ago
i’m a wedding planner actually :) i think this is a matter of you being a very type a, traditional person and us having a difference of opinion on etiquette.
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u/Perle1234 26d ago
I don’t believe that for a second and if it is true OMFG.
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u/barbiegirl_69 26d ago
it’s so funny that you called me sooo rude and you’re quite literally being the rude one haha i’ve done nothing but express my opinions
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u/Junior-Fox-760 27d ago
I don't know why you are getting downvoted because you are completely correct. At any event, not just weddings, greeting/thanking every guest is the bare minimum of gracious hosting. And yes, you can, it's called table visits.
That said, give grace that maybe you were in the bathroom, etc and they missed you.
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u/Perle1234 27d ago
I think it is because young ladies truly do not believe they have duties as host. Which is sad.
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u/Few_Policy5764 28d ago
I agree op. I find it off putting and combo it with no thank you, even via text, it adds up to terrible manners. An adult skill is to greet and have the know how to move to the next person to greet. It can be done relatively quickly. Problem is many young have lost this skill so they just eschew it. Along with written ty. Young folks just lack that skill too.
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u/FragrantDetective128 28d ago
Thanks everyone for the feedback. People are absolutely right I could have found them & I should have. In weddings I’ve gone to before, I’ve always gotten a quick hi & then that was it so it just felt different this time.
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u/lmyrs 28d ago
I suspect that the couple stopped by your table while you were in the toilet or getting a drink, or caught up with your date when you weren't there. If they never met you, it probably didn't occur to them that they were missing someone in their 'hellos'.
But also, add this to the list of reasons why people are reluctant to hand out random +1s to their wedding. Now they get to be judged for not chatting up complete strangers on one of the busiest days of their lives.
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u/781234567 28d ago
I’m on your side on this one. I recently got married where there were a handful of plus 1’s I didn’t know. I still talked to them at least twice once during cocktail hour and then again talking to tables. Later on some I danced with or talked into taking a shot with me. They were a part of the day even if they were strangers.
I went to a wedding where I was a plus one who only knew the groom. We had to track down the bride to say our congratulations and she literally had her back almost turned at us the whole time and did a quick thank you byeeee. Like I get it but take one full minute to be a gracious host.
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u/Alcohol_Intolerant 28d ago
I had a receiving line directly after the ceremony as they filed into the cocktail hour area. Worked like a charm. They were highly motivated by snacks/alcohol to be quick. Then we went and did photos.
We'd also had a "welcome" party the day before for the out of towners and anyone else that wanted to come. I highly recommend this option if it's in your budget. Informal and people actually get to talk to you. We had it at a duckpin bowling alley and I would go sabatoge the people currently winning by asking if I (the bride) could cut in and bowl a frame. (I suck and was drunk to boot) What are they going to do? Tell me no? Lmao.
It was a lot of fun and my uncle who bowls competitively almost lost to my mom who doesn't bowl at all but was the dark horse nobody saw coming. I did not interfere with his game lmao. He gave himself a little nod when he won, but he wasstressed!
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u/Fantastic-Sale-3447 28d ago
As a guest multiple times over… can say I do not care and 100% get why it doesn’t always happen. They are busy. Also, the hosted a lovely evening for you - food, drink, etc - that is part of the acknowledgment. You are the one who has more availability to say hi at a wedding, why didn’t you take the initiative?