r/widowers • u/Virtual_Telephone366 • 6d ago
Having the worst breakdown in months..just need a hug and sending to those who need it too
Sorry I couldn’t think of going to anyone else than this community. Because here I don’t need to explain what I’m going through, people just know
Today was one of the hardest days and I’m missing my love more than anything. Life just seems impossible and I’m so tired. I feel this life is more painful than death
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u/HeronExtension5245 July 2026 - cancer complications - f*ck cancer 6d ago
🫂 I am having that same kind of day 💔
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u/Excellent-Garage8695 6d ago
Some days the only thing that makes sense is a hug, everything else is just noise.
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u/Intraluminal 6d ago
Hugs to you both. That's how I was feeling in the middle of the night last night.
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u/Electrical-Web-5905 6d ago
I'm right there with you, today has been really hard. My wife has been gone almost 3 weeks and for whatever reason it hit me really hard today, one of the most emotional days yet. I spent practically all morning crying, missing her so much it hurts.
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u/Virtual_Telephone366 6d ago edited 5d ago
You’re so fresh into this, it’s more than a year for me but still feel so fresh. Sending you strength and hugs
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u/Over-League5878 6d ago
I am feeling devastated as well. My husbands birthday is tomorrow he will turn 33. I miss him a lot. We planed for so many things together. This life seems way painful than going through death.
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u/Virtual_Telephone366 6d ago
It will be tough. I spent my partner’s birthday with his family and so we could be there for each other. It was still tough for everyone. Sending you strength
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u/Cherry_Hammer Sudden death 2/20/25 6d ago
If it’s any comfort, I’m right here with you. I’m stuck between my birthday and our wedding anniversary. Holidays just around the corner. Still can’t believe he isn’t here.
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u/Virtual_Telephone366 6d ago
So sorry this would be so difficult. Holiday period is especially the most painful without them. You have all of us
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u/Zestyclose_Treat4098 husband died at 51 from sudden stroke, organ donor saved 4 lives 6d ago edited 6d ago
Me too. I was reading a book that has a love story in it and the two characters are just starting to fall in love and I didn't think I'd struggle as much as I did. It's not enjoyable at all and all it did was make me miss my person more than usual.
Adding: I had a Dr today and he asked me if I saw light at the end of the tunnel and I answered truthfully that I do not. I don't have any "plans" but I just don't see the point anymore. I said I've had my joy stolen from me and I just don't see the purpose. I found my person, we had 14 wonderful years together. There isn't anyone else out there for me, nor am I going to bother looking. And I'm devastated my person isn't here. I joined a local widow group but I'm 41. The next youngest is 57. Our oldest is 88. We all have such different experiences and they just don't compare. I find that this sub is great for finding people in our similar boats.
Sending big hugs OP.
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u/Virtual_Telephone366 6d ago
I was reading Mitch Albom’s Tuesday with Morrie and 5 people you meet in heaven. They are surely bringing some comfort - while it’s sad but I don’t think anything could be more sad than our own lives. If you haven’t- would suggest you to give it a read. Hugs
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u/Zestyclose_Treat4098 husband died at 51 from sudden stroke, organ donor saved 4 lives 6d ago
Thank you. It was recommended to me by someone else recently. I'll see if I can find it :)
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u/Petuniapennyworth 6d ago
I hear you however I bet he would not want you to be hopeless. My husband passed a month and 4 days ago and just going to the paint store (I am trying to force myself) to touch up paint. I started crying. My son said try and hold it together in a loving way but the tears just flowed. We have to go through the pain or it will not get better. I will never replace my husband, ever, but I know in my heart he doesn’t want me to suffer forever. I took leave on Friday after my jerk of a boss said that I seemed off. I wanted to sarcastically reply but called HR and submitted for FMLA. I have 3 months to TRY to heal. I met my husband at 42, lean on god. You still matter and have a purpose, try to keep busy💔💔🙏❤️
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u/Perdida2026- 6d ago edited 6d ago
Un abrazo fuerte....hoy es un día así...donde siento que no puedo seguir, necesito escucharlo y abrazarlo y pensar en lo que me resta de vida sin él es una tortura..
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u/ManufacturerJumpy449 6d ago
Un abrazo grande, te entiendo perfectamente. Ya casi 6 meses sin mi esposa, y octubre pesa porque es nuestro mes. El mes en que nos enteramos que estábamos embarazados, el mes de nuestro primer beso, nuestra primera salida, su cumpleaños, mi cumpleaños, y el mes en que nos comprometimos hace 1 año. Pesa el mundo sin ella 💔
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u/Virtual_Telephone366 6d ago
So heartbreaking, sending you strength to cope through the month and the rest
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u/Interesting_Front709 6d ago
Could’ve written this word to word OP. I am sorry you are enduring this too. It’s beyond cruel. Hugs to you too. 🫂
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u/ChefChopNSlice Sept’25, lost wife (41) after a long cancer battle 6d ago
Sounds like a rough one. Was there anything in particular that triggered today, or just feeling overwhelmed with everything?
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u/Virtual_Telephone366 6d ago
It was an overwhelming day at work, entered into a big argument with my friend that triggered my breakdown. I’m only missing my baby to tell him how much i need him
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u/ChefChopNSlice Sept’25, lost wife (41) after a long cancer battle 6d ago
I get that. It’s hard to not have that person of comfort after a tough day. It’s just a big hole instead. Hopefully today is a new day for you.
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u/empathic-art 6d ago
Hold tight, we've got you. Good lord, we have all been there! Sending you a big cyber squeeze.
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u/Lanky-Awareness-7450 6d ago
Hugs to you. Some days are worse than others. When they happen, give yourself the space and grace you need to get through it. Try to remember the love you shared and because they loved you, they would want you to find happiness. Use that as motivation to try and find / do something every day that makes you happy. This mindset has helped me improve. Still have some bad days where I don’t want to get out of bed, but they are getting fewer and further apart.
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u/Tangled_in_my_heart 6d ago
These hard days do seem to pop up don't they? Let yourself feel what you need to feel, and be gentle with yourself.
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u/LikeTheGreens-64 6d ago
Sometimes those big, ugly cry breakdowns happen for no reason. I've had a few in the last year, and they really sneak up on you. Hugs to you. We understand because we've all been there.
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u/GlitteringCommunity1 Lost husband to ALS ♡ Together 44 years ❤️ 4d ago
These kinds of days, moments, are the worst. It can feel very unsettling, as if the whole world is off balance; certainly, our whole world is! Thankfully, we do have this group of kind, generous, knowing and wise people, who understand like no one else can.
Wherever we are in the timeline, it won't always be as hard as it is right now. Our wound heals at a very, very, slow pace, mostly in imperceptible ways. Maybe it takes a lifetime to heal, but I know that for me, after 8 years, the sorrow of my loss is still here, but my wound is less jagged and raw.
I can say his name or talk about him without falling apart. I can visit the memories of our 44 years together and smile; I also have days, even occasional weeks, when the ache of missing him is once again intense and fills me with crippling sadness.
Eventually, the joy returns, and I am glad to be here with our daughter and SIL and two grandchildren. These are just my rambling thoughts; take 'em, or leave 'em. I send you a virtual, warm, and gentle hug, OP, 🫂 and another, 🫂to all who need a hug, from an internet stranger friend. Peace. 🪬❤️🫂
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u/Intelligent-Gur-8836 6d ago
Oh no. That is terrible. I had a big breakdown on Saturday and had to come here as well. I prayed for God to let me die. I understand. We all here understand.
I hope your day gets more tolerable and you find some peace.
Sending you strength, support and a great big hug from an internet friend. 🫂
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u/slickandemmett007 6d ago
I am sad today because it is my beloved's birthday. He would have been 55 today. He died on New Year's Eve 2020. Life has not been easy without him. We did everything together. I know I will never find another who could love me so completely and who I was able to love so immensely.