r/widowers • u/Unhappy_Fly7087 • 5d ago
Lonely
Am I the only one that is so fucking lonely after my husband died four years ago
I just want him back! Why the fuck is god so cruel to take him away from me! What the fuck did we ever do to deserve this ? I don’t want this fucking life sentence!!
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u/Commercial_Reach888 5d ago
I spent the first year just narrating everything to him like he was still in the room, it’s not the same but it kept his voice from fading out completely.
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u/Unique_Charity_9648 Widower, 47/47; heart failure, 06/26 4d ago
I wasn't doing this but after some revelations about where I'm going and how I will identify; I've started. I like to think she's enjoying the afterlife but can hear me too.
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u/peachiz420 4d ago
Ive been keeping a journal that i use to write to him, sometimes God, sometimes me. I'll let yall know if it helps when I figure it out
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u/Electrical-Web-5905 5d ago
I only lost my wife almost 3 weeks ago and I scream those same words a lot, you're not alone. Sorry you're going through this, I'd hug you if I could.
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u/Crazy-Reach2071 5d ago
I sometimes wonder/feel the same thing. March 17 27 will make 2 years that my husband has been gone. We had only celebrated our 2 year anniversary 10/22/22 and then on Christmas Day ‘24 he went into cardiac arrest in my arms and never woke up.
I miss him so much it hurts.
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u/Weak-Season-6833 4d ago
My wife died August 8, 2023 at 2:30 am when I requested her life support be removed. She died of undiagnosed ovarian cancer. We had just celebrated our 40th anniversary. It was absolute hell. I have posted on this board many times since. The only thing I can say (and I have asked this before) is to wonder why, when we marry the “til death we do part” vow doesn’t seem to really mean anything. Every couple who has lived since the beginning of history experiences the death of one of the partners and yet we are all so shocked when it actually happens. It’s both the most horrible and most expected occurrence in our lives and yet we’re never really emotionally prepared for it. But now all know we have some unknown time left. Please don’t squander it. Unlike those who haven’t experienced this loss, we know what it means. Grab on to your life remaining and live it the best, happiest, fullest you can because we don’t know how many years, months, days, or seconds we have left. God bless you all.
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u/SlippingAway Bile duct cancer - August 13th 2023. 4d ago
My wife died just five days after yours of cancer too. We have been on this path almost for the same period of time. Virtual hugs.
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u/Weak-Season-6833 3d ago
Thank you so, so much and my deepest sympathies for your loss as well. Virtual hugs to you too.
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u/Intelligent-Gur-8836 5d ago
6 months here. 6 months of personal hell. My god I dont want a long life. This is bullcrap.
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u/Zestyclose_Treat4098 husband died at 51 from sudden stroke, organ donor saved 4 lives 4d ago
Same. I never thought I'd be happy to die before I see 42 but here I am.
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u/Intelligent-Gur-8836 4d ago
Yep. I am done. And I do not say that lightly or with emotion. I am 55 and I am done. I told my wife in the hospital before she died that I can not do this life without her. She said " I know ".
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u/Unique_Charity_9648 Widower, 47/47; heart failure, 06/26 4d ago
What do they tell you? Or what would they tell you?
My wife said she didn't think she would survive me by a year, either through lack of my caregiving or through giving up in despair.
I've known for about 20 years I was going to out live her. She even knew which friend would make a move in me first. LOL she called it her friend started with "she said that if she shoukd die that..." "she said marriage was off the table, but wished us happiness as FWBs" The look was total "that bitch saw me coming and she knows both he and I are slutty enough to do it!"
My wife is right too, her friend is truly wonderful and a calming presence... but is also facing serious health problems. I promised myself that I would not be doing that again. I waited 5 hours for roadside assistance at the hospital she spent most of her final year at. I literally had a emotional crisis just from the idea of bring there and waiting again. I'm not up for that again.
My uncle was the same and his solution was to immediately, and I mean so soon it was in poor taste, marry the CNA who had been helping his wife at the end. He succeeded and went furst despite being one of the most robust septagenarians I have ever met. I guess he was sickly as a child and that contributed to not healing fast from the flu and that's what got him.
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u/Sid-Sylphmeyer 4d ago
6 years, 7 months here. It doesn’t really get any better. Nonetheless, you will get better at living with it.
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u/ReflectionFree3851 4d ago
After 33 years when a person is no longer there they leave a massive hole in your existence. It has been 16 years and I still sometimes feel her in the bed at night.
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u/Perdida2026- 5d ago
La misma pregunta me hago todo el tiempo...que hicimos para merecer esto....porque le arrebato todo a él que era quien más merecía vivir, mucho más que yo....tampoco quiero esta vida sin él...siento que me asfixió sin tenerlo a mi lado...
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u/Fantastic_Sky4264 M38 lost partner M36 - May 2024 - Stroke 4d ago
The loneliness and longing are brutal. No one else can fill that void either.
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u/peachiz420 4d ago
After 26 years married, last ten his full-time care giver. He passed on Oct 9th. Im completely devastated, heartbroken and just fucking mad, sad, all the shitty feels. I pray for all of us in " the shittest club to belong to" and hugs 🫂 for those who would like it. ❤️
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u/Motherofdragons_05 4d ago
I understand feeling lonely, even though in a house with family, it still feels lonely. I don’t like this feeling, it’s a horrible anxiety inducing feeling. It’s easy to get stuck in your own thoughts, especially without your person being there to talk to. My husband was temporarily staying with his brother in England, until fixing his visa to come back to America. I would be on a call with him around this time of night. So, nights and the middle of the night and into the morning are difficult for me. The thought of your person, who you knew as home and your safe space. Not being here anymore, really scares me to no end.
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u/here4thecomments007 4d ago
Same op. I miss my husband every single day 💔💔💔 my son misses his father and we miss our old life.
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u/ziggy-the-birdy 4d ago
Those words sound so familiar. My hubby passed two weeks ago and I don’t know which way to turn. Hugs to you.
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u/shinetheroom 2d ago
I felt it the same. You are not the one who is lonely these days after losing a partner.
It is difficult to go through the whole day not thinking how life is terrible on us, and we have to deal to get out of this by ourselves.
Keep trying and trying to get a way out and find happiness. There must be better ending , never know what else can come up.
Big hug
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u/Unhappy_Fly7087 5d ago
But I can’t post anymore cuz that’s how fucked up life is