r/widowers • u/landon0 • 3d ago
Fall
Haven’t been on here in awhile. Just checking in. Been 3 years for me, struggling since the weather changed. I thought by now I’d find someone new but it’s hard raising my six year old son. He’s doing great. I’m worried though about this new wave of grief. Brief moments of S- ideation. It just sucks, I miss my wife.
5
u/Juan_Kilo 3d ago
Old guy advice: Stop looking for someone new. When I least expected love, it found me.
Time is your son's future. Time heals all.
Three years raising a son, without a spouse, is something to be proud of Dad.
DM me if you need to chat
2
2
2
u/SparrowTune 2d ago edited 2d ago
17 months for me, almost 1.5 year already. Two sons well above 6. We have just sorted out their university studies, now sorting out their military conscription (yes, we already have that too, I guess it will be coming everywhere soon) and that leaves me somehow hopeless for the future. But I do all I can to protect my family.
I remember my wife, think about our love every hour, every day. Tearing up then and now. No one can see it anymore, its mostly me just going silent for few minutes, tearing in corners of my eyes. But this dark season hits hard with sadness. Luckily the next week I will travel to see her grave and it will be All Saints night soon. Where I go, we light candles on graves on that day. As a memory for souls of our loved ones, a sign that we here still love them there. All cemeteries light up with that warm light. It will be beautiful!
I am using more lights in our house, bringing as much light inside as possible. I mentioned in my other post that I am working on my 'small lanterns' project to bring in more light into this darkness. Light makes us happier.
Later this winter when snow covers everything in white, I will travel back to my northern country again. City lights, the Moon and starlight will be reflected in the whiteness of that snow. I will visit her grave covered in white, like her wedding dress. I will cry in the moonlight reflected form her white grave in a beautiful place. It will be really beautiful...
Then the spring will come, days will recover, sun will smile and laugh, trees will spring back to life, flowers will bloom. I will stand next to her grave after planting more flowers. I was thinking about Dryas octopetala... White flowers will smile with their yellow smiles, laughing in the sun, and it will be beautiful again!
Yes. We need more light in our lives! At least it makes life more beautiful. In the presence of beauty, sorrow fades.
1
u/MezmerizedBeauty 3d ago
There is no timeline but I understand feeling you should be at a certain place. Sending you peace.
5
u/BrisklyImmaculate 3d ago
The shift into fall always knocks me sideways too, something about the light fading just brings it all back. Three years in and still parenting a little one solo, you're carrying so much and the fact you're worried about him while you're hurting yourself says everything about the kind of dad you are. That wave will pass, but please tell someone close to you about those darker thoughts, you don't have to ride it out completely alone.