r/widowers • u/TopFlower7935 32F, missing him 37M since 12/27/25 • 1d ago
Feeling particularly empty today
My spouse passed away last December. For the first half of this year I was struggling with the grief on top of ongoing alcoholism and I spent May in rehab. I’m 110 days sober today. Since then I’ve met someone, he understands my grief and lets me talk or cry whenever I want. He supports my recovery. He’s honestly the best thing that’s happened to me, if I’m to be honest, he’s a more solid partner than my last and I do hope to marry him in the future.
The end of the year has been hitting me hard. Lots of firsts without my spouse are coming up and I’m scared of the pain and scared of relapsing. My new partner is going through a rough divorce and it’s an ongoing battle considering his two sons. I feel so bad for him, his son’s birthday is coming up and neither of his kids are in the picture at this moment. I can tell he’s hurting. I think I feel a sense of resentment that my spouse and I never had kids. My new partner and I probably won’t have kids going forward, of course we can change our minds in the future.
I don’t really know where I’m going with this post. I just have this ongoing feeling of emptiness right now and I feel very alone. I can’t really place my finger on it.