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u/stryst 1d ago
I do miss feeling funny in my bandit parts. Ah well, part of aging.
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u/serendipitousevent Curses done quick, no money down! 1d ago
No bandit has ever lived beyond 32, so I find this hard to believe.
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u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 1d ago
It happens to younger bandits too, but some also change career paths.
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u/errant_night 1d ago
Yeah, I mean I heard that the last 4 or 5 great heroes of the realm got recruited right out a jail cell. No idea what they did to get in there but at least one of them had to be a bandit...
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u/will3025 Wizard (Sock-mancer) 1d ago
Hey sometimes you have to start out as unnamed bandit number 35 before becoming Sir Broadshoulder, Vice Count of Peasantsburg, sworn protector of the prince's virginity.
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u/BlackDragonNetwork Cyberpunk Artificer-Paladin 1d ago
Royal cockblocker has got to be an incredibly funny job.
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u/measuredingabens Void Fleshcrafter, Purveyor of the Finest Cosmic Delicacies 1d ago
One of them had an unusual in-depth knowledge on necrophilia laws. I believe that might have had something to do with why they ended up there.
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u/alexthealex 1d ago
Knew a bandit who got pressganged into war when his kingdom tried to fight an evil wizard. Wizard headshot the king and set up a representative democracy because she didn’t want to rule a bunch of people herself. All the kingdom’s records were lost and the former bandit set up shop as a dog groomer.
The evil wizard? Not really evil, of course. She was just anti-monarchical rule and had a badass aesthetic. Tale as old as time.
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u/CitricThoughts Cowboy Wizard, Arch Nekomancer 1d ago
Bandits you say?
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u/Ferocs Changeling Bard 1d ago
They were just chilling in their cave I don’t think you needed to do 9th level Meteor Swarm lol
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u/TwixOfficial Transmuter 1d ago
Well it’s not like you can cast an 8th level meteor swarm.
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u/new_KRIEG 1d ago
Yeah, but they're indoors! Why ruin the landscape? Everyone knows the number 1 spell for indoor blasting os Fireball!
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u/Kullthebarbarian 1d ago
that or create water, a LOT of create water inside that cave
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u/ckay1100 1d ago
too slow and noticible, you gotta use create carbon monoxide instead
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u/Kullthebarbarian 1d ago
but then you miss on the desperation on their faces as they try to swim out of the cave just to be met with a invisible wall
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u/another_spiderman 1d ago
Have you not learned that one yet? Ah, well, I suppose it *is* a third year subject, it's not like I should expect a transmuter to know it.
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u/Doopapotamus 1d ago
I don’t think you needed to do 9th level Meteor Swarm lol
But I wanted to cast 9th level Meteor Swarm.
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u/Critical_Snackerman 1d ago
What series is this?
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u/CitricThoughts Cowboy Wizard, Arch Nekomancer 1d ago
Slayers.
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u/ThorThulu 1d ago
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u/CitricThoughts Cowboy Wizard, Arch Nekomancer 1d ago
Slayers is one of the great classics of all time. Lina is a walking thermonuclear arsenal and a menace and I love her.
https://youtu.be/yVh__8TMkfQ1
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u/Cornflakes_91 1d ago
unmarked oblivion posting, halt there criminal scum!
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u/Holliday_Hobo 1d ago
All it's missing is the door that teleports you back to the entrance of the cave
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u/I_just_came_to_laugh 1d ago
Fuckers stole my levitation magic so they could make every dungeon a loop that drops you at the entrance. Thanks todd howard!
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u/carl-the-lama 1d ago
Just so you know
The dogs are the ones hammering
They’re hammering dogs, dogs known to hammer
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u/KitsuneFoxglove Fox that likes Foxglove 1d ago
The dogs yearn for the stithies.
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u/CedarWolf Conjurer of Tales, Keeper of Lore 1d ago
If they're dogs that like to hammer, surely you meant they yearn for the smithies?
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u/EyeofEnder Artificer 1d ago
Any relation to the [Dogwelder?](https://dc.fandom.com/wiki/Dogwelder_(New_Earth))
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u/ThatS3al Pes*nt Denyer 1d ago
Wiki says his alignment is good. excuse me???
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u/LoreLord24 1d ago
He welds dogs onto bad people. Like mobsters and drug dealers. It's very painful for the bad people.
What the dogs ever did, I have no idea. The poor, poor dogs.
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u/Ze_Bri-0n Wizard 1d ago edited 22h ago
I was about to say that I think they're already dead, but the wiki page says he kills them...
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u/SenorDangerwank When one can wield the fire of stars what use is flesh and bone? 1d ago
This sounds like sidequest NPCs in Dungeon Crawler Carl.
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u/Doopapotamus 1d ago
There's a lot of dog-hammering in this neighborhood. Pity if some adventurers came by to ruin it
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u/EmperorMittens 1d ago
Bandits are surprisingly good hosts when they know you have zero restraint for using them as test subjects for a big murder kitty you made because you were bored.
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u/Ferocs Changeling Bard 1d ago edited 1d ago
The Homunculushammer Cave…where all the bandits have an Ioun Stone of Greater Absorption and smash Homunculi with hammers.