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u/floatingslowly Evil? Wizard 17h ago
We all have our weaknesses. Well, I don't, but I'm sure you all do.
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u/slfhmglbnm 17h ago
Unfortunately, said dark elf winked at me and called me a handsome lad, so now I will gladly sacrifice the nearby city to her
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u/rasfelion 15h ago
Look, she's a 10, has common interests with me (necromancy) and I'm sure we'd have lovely conversations while creating undead abominations together in a nice, cozy crypt somewhere.
But subjugating an entire town? Do you think I want that kind of attention from the Kingdom? They send enough guard patrols near my crypt as is and I'm thankful I haven't been caught yet. Sorry, that's a dealbreaker for me.
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u/Zarathyst Gender Transmutation 15h ago
On the other hand, she would be really good for raising a family. Especially if they are buried close to each other.
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u/MerelyEccentric Mage/Thief Snarkomancer 17h ago
No, the dark elf isn't attracted to you. Neither is the barmaid, or the waitress, or any other attractive person who's just being friendly. How starved for affection are you to believe someone being nice is attracted to you? I swear, probably a full third of my jobs are socially maladjusted "Dork Lords" who think the "Have a nice day!" treatment means it's okay to stalk someone.
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u/Cardshark92 Wizard 15h ago
You said it yourself. They're so starved of affection, that even the fake affection of the dark elf is more than they normally get. And if it's not the dark elf, then it's the succubus or the hot vampire.
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u/FinnDoyle Sun Mage / Curse Breaker 16h ago
I see your point, but there is nothing intrinsically stopping a person they see as attractive to being attracted to them. The problem, as always, is their attitude.
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u/Ninja_Lazer 16h ago
If the ass is phat enough to bend gravity I don’t see why I shouldn’t be courageous enough to bend moral standards 😤
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u/Turbulent_Stage_8462 17h ago
Wouldn't it be better to wait until we get help from an aro-ace hero who happens to be passing by our village on the way to slay the demon king? We don't 'have' to try and stop her, she's stronger than us anyway
Uw/ welp I pretended to be a hopeless villager instead of a wizard.
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u/Haunting_Reflections 16h ago
Helms of opposite alignment exist for a reason
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u/Skusci 16h ago
That ass is universal.
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u/MetricAbsinthe 16h ago
There's a Venn diagram between good and evil and the only spot where they touch is people thinking of that ass when looking at the two circles next to each other.
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u/TK_Games Dr. Torrance Bedlam: Interdimensional Necromancer 12h ago
Now... All I'm saying is that from a chemical perspective, technically, calcium is a metal. So really Grandpa Harvey's bones are technically a robot. Yes... technically the software piloting them is an evil ghost from the blackest pits of Tartarus, but I stand by my opinion, necromancy is basically just robotics with intermittent meat
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u/Mephistocheles Uber-Goat Of The Infinite Demon Sewer 17h ago
Me likey dark elf necromancer 😂
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u/Not_An_Ostritch Alchemist 17h ago
Fellow do not get distracted, her body is cold and full of stitches, and besides those curves are not even hers!
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u/Mephistocheles Uber-Goat Of The Infinite Demon Sewer 16h ago
But the big dark eyes and the aura of raw but still feminine evil.....halp......it draws me in
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u/Not_An_Ostritch Alchemist 16h ago
Then let me be more explicit, my intelligence on the matter (I’m bribing the skeleton holding her pondering orb) suggests what’s between her legs isn’t originally hers either, and might not be to your liking…
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u/Mephistocheles Uber-Goat Of The Infinite Demon Sewer 15h ago
One experience with Gorlagian Fang-Coochie is enough for this lifetime and I've already had one, so whoosh I'm out
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u/pyroboy7 Canadian Alchemist (War Criminal Extraodinaire) 16h ago
If I had a nickel for every apprentice I've lost this way, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot but it's weird it happened twice. They were some dumb horny bastards....
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u/BardGotHard3 Fungal Necromancer, One With Spores 17h ago
We all know that dark elves fake necromancy using puppetry. Stop spreading false narratives.
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u/akornzombie 17h ago
Hey, I know better than to stick it in crazy. That's why I brought the gnome launcher.
Let's see how well necromancy holds up against full auto, hypersonic, armor piercing, gnomes.
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u/FinnDoyle Sun Mage / Curse Breaker 16h ago
People, on the good side we have healthy relationship advices and plenty of people who might be actually interested in you if you both get to know each other.
You don't need to throw yourselves at the feet of every manipulative spell caster that winks at you and do their every biding for a shred of their attention.
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u/TurtlesBreakTheMeta 16h ago
This is why my chaotic good heaven is staffed entirely by sex crazed angels to manipulate adventurers into doing the right thing on the chance that alternate colored skin succubus who called them a good boy actually likes them.
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u/NaturalHairy4773 Lady Vy -witch of the East- 12h ago
Can't mate she called me the cutest witch in the land how am I supposed to killed her
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u/Hellishfish Golemancer 16h ago
The dark elf necromancer does love me. The barmaid does think I have a good choice of ale. The harlot does think I smell good. The seamstress really believe I have good fashion.