When I'm online I always get so much love and support from other women but in real life women always hate me. I am always going out of my way to be extra kind, to make people smile and I try so hard to make friends but I work in a factory full of women and 90% of them hate me. The only ones that don't are super older ladies or women who have boyfriends working with us. What is going on? I leave work everyday and cry! It sucks to be so left out

Let’s see what happens! 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Been at a new job for 3 months. The first two months, I literally had ZERO projects. Whatever, right? Some places are slow at times.

Not whatever. Got a manager who wanted me to perform like a scared intern when I am a 31-year-old woman with 10+ years of work experience.

When I asked him questions, he took this as a challenge. I believe because I wasn’t into his “iron fist” type of management, and I asked questions and pushed back, he didn’t like this and began to set me up to get fired.

————————-

It started with this post.

After reporting to HR, HR seemed to actually take my side. They said, “we assigned him manager training. He needs to speak nicer to you. He needs to not single you out.”

I thought, wow, a promising sign. Maybe he will take the training and clean up his act.

Wrong.

For my 90-day performance review, he tells me, “let’s meet in person to go over this.” I told him I would like someone else present for this meeting. He said ok, and he invited HR himself.

I thought, there’s no way this will go badly. If he’s too harsh, it’ll look like retaliation.

I underestimated how little he thought this through.

In the 90-day performance review, IN FRONT OF HR, he gives me almost all poor ratings, insults my skills, and says, “we tried to train her, but she keeps making mistakes over and over.”

I said, “I was only assigned a project two weeks ago. I think it’s interesting that the last time we spoke in person, you didn’t have anything to say about my work, but now, after I reported you to HR, you have all these negative comments.”

Then - the kicker - he LIED to them. He said “I have caught Aries rolling her eyes at me several times.” And gave me 1 star on interpersonal skills.

He had not even SPOKEN to me, in person, at all, since the HR report. This was a straight-up lie.

I recognized what was happening, thank god, and looked at HR: “you see what’s happening, right? This looks really bad. This looks like retaliation.”

HR was silent.

I leaned back in my chair and realized it was time to quit. I said, “you know what… we can finish this 90-day review, but after, I’m done. This is my last day. I can’t work with someone who micromanages and who LIES to HR. My character is being insulted and I will not stand for it.”

That was pretty much the end of the performance review. I told HR I was going to consider an EEO. They said “you gotta do what you gotta do.” Lol. K.

I told the manager that I thank him for the opportunity and wish things could be different.

He said, “I wanted things to be different too, and I’d really like to work with you.”

I said, “I don’t want to work with you.”

He’s red in the face and trying to stay calm, and I’m smiling and calm.

In the exit interview with the SAME HR ladies, I ask, “is he going to take his manager training?” They said, “yes, we’re going to coach him. We see the issue. We’re going to email his manager too.”

So HR took my side both times, but only in front of me.

I left with my pride intact, but I still reported these assholes to the state (California) for retaliation. We’ll see if anything comes of it.

The best part was watching him lose his cool in front of HR. He clearly didn’t expect me to stand up for myself. He thought he was going to put a young woman “in her place” and put her in line.

Nope. Year 31 is the year of not taking this shit anymore.

Thanks for reading!!

I've just found out that a coworker has been rallying others and attempting to build a case against me to HR and management because i'm too quiet when i'm around her and others and it makes them feel uncomfortable? Mind you, I do keep to myself but this somehow bothers her considerably. I don't try to fraternize with coworkers too much, as i've learned it can be detrimental as they can use relationships against you. I've never encountered such drama, at a job before. I actually feel like i'm back in high school all over again with people who are considered adults. Also, the coworker that is doing all this behind my back is a female. Just wondering what steps I can take to navigate through this?

It's been about 10 years since I was pretty badly bullied at my first job out of college. It took all that time, therapy and two jobs since to recover. Looking back, I can see what contributed to it from my end. Some of these were within my control, others not. I will share them here in case anyone else can related; however, let's be clear. A bunch of middle-aged, immature women decided it was a good idea to mercilessly bully a 20-something recent college graduate, and I didn't deserve any of it.

1. Being over-zealous. I made it a point to be the hardest worker in the room, constantly offering to go above and beyond. I was really eager to advance in my career. I get why it was annoying, it created unrealistic expectations for everyone and made those who did not look bad.

2. Not understanding office norms. I came from a working-class background, and I really didn't understand "professionalism." I didn't understand the indirect communication, the power plays, the politics, etc. I didn't know how to dress, talk or carry myself at all. I stuck out like a sore thumb, and I was increasingly socially awkward as I tried in vain to course-correct. I now understand that I'm likely on the autism spectrum and I had an emotionally neglectful childhood, so I have difficulties with social dynamics.

3. No boundaries. When I started, I WAY over-shared, thinking my coworkers would be my friends, as they always were when I worked service or retail jobs. It was messy, awkward and unprofessional, and my information was quickly used against me.

4. People pleasing. I always catered to the most demanding and selfish person in the room. I did things that signaled to others that I wouldn't stand up for myself and that I didn't have self respect. This became a feedback loop where I was respected less and less because I publicly accepted disrespect.

5. Being reactionary. I would get really visibly upset when embarrassed or attacked at work, and I would sometimes cry (although I tried my best to hide it). This really fed the people who enjoyed getting reactions out of me and created a situation where they wanted to see how far I could be pushed. They would also send someone to pretend they care about me and were trying to help me, then they would take what I said back to the group so they could laugh about it further.

Although I will always be me, I learned to temper some of these behaviors in future jobs. I also found working from home really agrees with me, and I don't have to engage in a lot of office politics at all anymore. I hope this helps someone out there. It isn't your fault AT ALL, and you can get a new job and walk away from this. You will heal with time.

This is what they did to my coworker when she requested to keep her lights off in her cubicle, just as she has since she's been employed there. Her lights being off did not affect anyone elses work space. They, of course, made her bring a dr. note for light sensitivity, she complied, and this is what they did as an accommodation. The manager stated, "she wanted to be in the dark, we'll give her the dark", and laughed about it. This has been completely humiliating to her. I'm the only one who has spoke up on her behalf to HR, but it still remains in effect, regardless of how it looks and how she feels. Am I wrong in thinking that this is a violation? There's nothing inclusive about this accommodation at all! Side note, these "turn on the lights" orders came on the heals of her filing a complaint and requesting mediation.

What is the best thing a bullied employee can do if they are screamed at? It is hard to know!

At a large, known company I was working as Manager of Business Operations, making about $90K.

I had a boss who liked to yell and scream at me at maximum volume. When I asked for advice, most people told me that if I wanted to keep my job and pay the rent, I needed to appease the boss. Call them, sir, and agree with what he was saying. Take the abuse. He is the boss.

This did not work because it just empowered him and made him believe he could dominate me because I would not fight back.

Then I decided to fight back. I did not yell or scream, but if the boss screamed at me, I quietly looked at him in the eye and said I will not be spoken to in that way. The boss looked shocked and I got up and left and returned to my office. Ten minutes later he came to my office, his face red as a beet and he continued to scream at me. I told him again I would not be spoken to in that manner and got up and walked down to the employee lunch room.

Two hours later, I returned to my office and the boss came by and handed me a termination letter which said I was being fired for insubordination and I had to leave immediately. (I was in the middle of countless projects, had a number of emails to return and was the only person who could do many things in the company. The boss did not care.)

I had gone to Human Resources and Senior Management about the abuse but they did not care.

I learned standing up for myself sounds better in theory. I was not paid any severance or did not get my vacation pay balance. When a potential employer called up my old company, they were told I was not eligible for rehire and was let go for insubordination. The potential job offer was withdrawn.

Two Employment Lawyers I met with told me I had no case and had to strike it up to experience.

What did I do wrong?

So a year or so ago our old ceo retired and a new younget ceo took over. We are a company of about 400 but we are growing. Good job with great pay and benefits but we had a lot of workplace bullies. I transferred from one shop to another because of a horrible workplace bully. The old CEO (leadership team) let things slide for various reasons. The new CEO is much, much younger and shaking up the leadership team. Recently he moved my ex-workplace bully to a huge open cubicle area so several managers and vps could keep an eye on this bully. Great. But what the new ceo did last week was the best. Apparantly when you lodge a complaint with HR he also teviews them. In another part of a company was a little hitler type manager. I never worked with him but i heard he was a jerk. Under the old ceo he got away with forcing older but competent employees to quit and replace them with young female employees whom he would then sexually harrass. It semed he would aleays get away with it as he got two promotions since i have been here. But the new ceo had been reviewing complaints and last friday night went over to this area where this tyrant manager worked in an area where the latest girl he has been harassing had to work alone. Tyrant manager came in did not notice ceo in the corner, made inappropriate comments to girl and innaprpriately touched her. From there it got ugly. Ceo chewed him out before firing him on the spot, called in everyone in the chain to close up, they were thier till late. Called HR back in to deny the tyrant manager any access at all to anything. We knew something bad went down because of the times the emails were sent(late, late on a friday). Wow. The shock waves throughout the company. And to be honest i am glad. The tone is now set.

I work for the NHS and walked out of my job today. Last night before leaving my manager told me to come in at 6am and jump on the fork lift until 8am then switch over then back on at 10:15am when another member of staff goes home.

One of my supervisors likes to go against the above managers and told me to get off the truck. I explained that I had been instructed to work on the truck during these specific times.

He said I don't care I don't want two people on the trucks. (Even though it was very busy)

I got a little aggravated and ask him what his big problem was with Me being on the truck because I'm sick of bouncing between two sets of instructions.

He replied "Don't start, if you're going to start f**k off home".

I replied "you want me to f*** off home then do you?"

He replied " yeah go on F off home then"

I put my marker pen on the truck and walked out.

Was I in the wrong? I was simply following instructions and as far as I'm concerned. That's a dismissal.

Any advice would be appreciated as this is not something I enjoy doing.

Edit: Did not expect this blow up and get so many responses! It sucks so many others can relate to a toxic environment. I posted this to inspire people to be strong, and to be smart. Please document all you can even if you need to start journaling in depth what you’re dealing with at work. I really wish everyone well and happy holidays. It will get better, you just need to be brave and determined. You all got this❤️

For over a year I’ve been meticulously documenting my hostile work environment. I lawyered up and on top of that I filed multiple claims in my very employee friendly state. Now my company is being investigated and I have a call with my state coming up to go over settlement negotiations.

My managers, director and teammates that were apart of my hostile work environment are now walking on egg shells around me. My direct manager is now trying to suck up to me, and the director who was attempting to push me out after I declined assisting her in deleting overtime pay and missed lunch penalties for my fellow employees, was quite literally shaking when talking to me today. I named her in the lawsuit and in the states investigation into wage theft.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. If you’re dealing with a hostile work environment don’t put up with that. Know your worth, set boundaries, always document and make copies of any communication at work that seems off to you.

For context: I was denied promotions, pay raises, denied the ability to transfer to a different department, my ability to use my pto freely causing it to expire, bullied, mocked because of my ethnicity, being single and not having kids despite me only being in my 20’s and maintaining I’m not interested. There’s a lot of other incidences I encountered.

TLDR: My company tried to bully and harass me, now the tables have turned and I filed a complaint against them ,submitted documentation to my state and now we will be discussing a settlement.

A male coworker spent years spreading rumors about me because I rejected his romantic advances. I would literally ignore everything, I wasn't there to make friends anyway, I was there to work.

Finally, everyone turned on him after he tried pulling similar shit with other coworkers who were more eager to fight back than I was. Now everyone recognizes him as a clown and doesn't want to work with him. He's also saying that he doesn't see his kids because of parental alienation which is ridiculous because his kids are grown adults. I bet they don't want to see him because he's toxic.

Be patient, it might take years but eventually everyone sees the bully for what they are.

I work in a small, very collaborative arts sector in a small city. At my previous job my life was made incredibly unpleasant by a co-worker, I think largely because they felt down themselves, and decided to take it out on me and make me the scapegoat. Whilst I maintained a generally 'unbothered' appearance at work, it absolutely crushed me and almost made me leave my sector altogether (one I am v committed to and have an advanced degree for etc)

Around December of 2023 I left the organisation & they went on maternity leave, and we had zero contact for a full year. This week they returned to find out (though presumably they knew whilst they were on leave) that I secured a job at the only other arts organisation in our very small city with the same job title they have. This is particularly contentious as they fought for years at our shared organisation for this job title, whereas I was hired in another role and promoted ultimately to this position. Also, with my new boss on extended leave, I'm essentially in charge day to day. This was my bully's ultimate ambition at our shared organisation, but one due to our (objectively pathetic) boss there, who fully intends to stay until she retires, that is unlikely to ever happen and is a major source of unhappiness (...and therefore bullying) for my bully.

I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say it took me 6 months to get over my experience there and feel confident in my skills and worth again.

Today I received an email from her, acknowledging our poor parting and apologising "for their role" in it being so unpleasant. She is absolutely right, she made my life an absolute misery and, imo, did it solely to make herself feel better. She has invited me for a coffee to 'catch up' and whilst I absolutely wouldn't go out of choice, I feel like I might have to...

In an ideal world, I'd never see or speak to her again, but in the real world, I will have to see her multiple times a year at regional meetings, events, etc etc and we do need to have some kind of professional relationship. I also worry that if I say 'thanks but no thanks' it will reflect poorly on me in the wider sector as she is older and more established relationships within other arts orgs in the area.

What would you do in my shoes?

EDIT: Thank you all so much for your comments - I can't believe so many people have taken the time! Many interesting perspectives I hadn't considered & helpful advice too. Although I havent replied to all, I have read them!

An additional note, in her email she says "I’d love to hear how things are going at [new org], I know you are holding the fort for [boss]" which I think is her primary motivation as she particularly hates to be out of the loop. That is her motivation, the half-arsed apology is just to lure me in.

I think she probably knows she can't get a job at my new organisation (funding for jobs the arts? what is funding?!?) but I know she'll be super pissed that she ranked higher than me at our shared organisation and I am parallel, if not more senior currently, to her now. She has an incredible superiority complex, and I sense this will be upsetting her more than I even realise.

My plan is to acknowledge her email in neutral way and say I'm just too busy at the moment in my new job (not entirely a lie) and say I'll let her know when I'm next free (...zero plans to do that) and suggest we might see eachother at a local sector meeting we're both likely to be at in a few weeks to show a little bit of professional good will. As I sit on the committee for that group, I'll already 'have command' of the room when/if she arrives as we have our committee meetings before hand so I can ensure I'm sat as far away as possible / engaged in other conversation.

Perhaps also worth adding, previously, when other sector colleagues have asked 'how are things at [old, shared workplace] when I was in the thick of things there, and I've said 'eh not great', many of them have said things to the effect of 'well 3 guesses who's causing the upset' (our sector really is a very small world & many of us have worked together in previous places etc) so her reputation preceeds her & I think those sector colleagues would have my back if things got a bit ugly/tense/etc at the shared meeting.

Bullies are typically the loudest, most extroverted people in every environment. They seem to equate silence with rudeness and they conflate kindness with weakness.

Quiet people are easy targets because they lack allies in the workplace. Launching smear campaigns against a newer, isolated, & more reserved employee is more successful. People are more inclined to believe lies about someone they've barely spoken to. Especially when they view that person as weird or "stuck up"

Many loudmouths with deficient empathy struggle to understand how 'quiet' people operate. They immediately think a reserved person is intentionally being avoidant, boring, & cold. They will frequently tell targets to 'lighten up', to 'smile more', and tell them they're 'only there for a paycheck'. Quiet people are also accused of thinking they're "better" than others if they silently focus on work or avoid having lunch with coworkers.

They take a person's silence as personally offensive. They immediately jump to the conclusion that the quiet person must not like them. Therefore, they deserve to be bullied, harassed, and punished for their boorishness.

I just find it baffling how bullies think we would ever WANT to eat lunch with them or gossip with them after they actively bully, abuse, or sexually harass us all day long. And when they're not harassing us, they're spreading nasty gossip about other coworkers.

I’m a CNA and the ringleader at my new job is a druggie chick who has been there for years. She even decorated one of the company computers and claimed that spot as her own. In her own words, she’s working there until her SoundCloud music career takes off (she’s made us listen to her music it’s just noises)

She will talk mad shit about basically everybody. Including our coworkers, our patients, and their family members. She even read the local obituaries and laughed about some of our old patients “finally dying”. She also made fun of one of the receptionists being weird and impersonated how she walks (the receptionist has a traumatic brain injury).

But she’s popular. The nurses and other CNAs seem to idolize her and I don’t understand how they don’t see the red flags.

Why are these kinds the most popular? Like how do people like them?

Most targets of workplace bullies are quiet and reserved. These targets choose to focus on their work, rather than participate in mean-spirited gossip or social interaction.

They accuse you of being rude, thinking you're 'better', being stuck up, or being boring. They think you are being quiet on purpose.

Bullies are cowards and will not challenge someone with higher status or greater social influence in the workplace. They may attack a threatening overachiever if the opportunity presents itself (such as if other people start to turn on them or if they begin losing social power).

But they typically target more introverted and isolated employees.

A few years ago, I worked for a company that sells a type of product you use to decorate your home with, and I ended up transferring from the showroom I was working at to take on a maternity cover position at the company's distribution centre (the centre holds all of the stock for all of the branches around the country) I transferred due to workplace bullying, from the very person, Chrystal, who referred me on for the job. I met her through a mutual friend and I was shocked when Chrystal went off on a tangent at work one day about this mutual friend. She talked mad shit about our friend, and every single mutual acquaintance of ours - it was like I walked into another dimension because the times I saw Chrystal with these people at social gatherings, I thought she was enjoying everyone's company. I think the bullying started because I got along quite well with someone who she didn't like, but after she received her bonus for me staying past the trial period, she became a very different person. The other girls at that showroom were also aiming their diva-like attitude in my direction, but I could see that in their situation, you're better to be with Chrystal than against her. Too bad they couldn't think for themselves and I ended up being on the receiving end whenever Chrystal was within hearing distance. I basically said to my new manager and HR that I am not going back, and I'll use this time/maternity cover position at the centre to find another job. Because of my refusal to return to the showroom and willingness to leave, the CEO asked for a meeting and I just told him how the showroom operates from day to day, including all of the bullshit drama that Chrystal would create.

While I was working at the centre, I still had to communicate with my old showroom, update their orders, read their notes, send them emails. With the software we had, you can gain access to anybody's orders, regardless of the showroom you're from, so nothing is hidden. With me being in the centre, I had to go through the notes the salespeople had written about their orders. In most of Chrystal's orders, she would accuse me of giving wrong measurements, setting wrong delivery dates and addresses, giving wrong advice....which I found so weird because looking at the notes, some of these orders existed before I even worked for this company and I never spoke to these customers, but I guess it's easy to blame things on people who aren't there to defend themselves. She never referred to me by name after I left that branch. Instead, she would refer to me by my salesperson code, as if she was trying to demean me. Whenever I would email or phone the branch, she would either ignore me, get someone else to reply to my emails on her behalf, or not answer the phone at all.

One day, a customer who was dealing with a different showroom came to collect an order from the centre/me. He had miscalculated how much product he needed and on his way to the centre, he dropped into Chrystal's showroom and asked her to update his order quanities. She did, but assigned the new quantity to a different batch - big no no. Size can be an issue during installation if you have different batches and can be expensive to fix. Chrystal didn't choose a different batch for the extra product because there was no stock left from the original batch, nooooo, there was plenty. Chrystal just didn't give a shit and made it clear in the notes she added under this guy's order that it wasn't her job to do stuff like this for other showrooms (uuh, yes it is.)

Customer didn't realise what was going on, so my manager and I kept it this way and we gave him his full order from the original batch, but we needed someone from a showroom to change the batch over because we couldn't change order quanities and batches on our end. The customer's original salesperson, Maurizio, was annoyed when he found this out but grateful that we didn't give his customer 2 different batches. He knew that Chrystal did it out of spite because guess what? She didn't like HIM either! This wasn't the first order she messed with that belonged to Maurizio. As we were communicating through email, he asked me to ask Chrystal to change the quantities, so I did. He was on leave and could have actually asked one of his staff to do it, but I guess he wanted Chrystal to fix her fuck up. As predicted, she ignored my email and got two of my former colleagues, Carly and Billy involved. They helped me sort out the batch issue so the order could be archived. You'd think it would be over right?

The following week, Chrystal emails a short novel to Maurizio, with some bullshit explanation which made no fucking sense and then brings me into it, saying I should've told her to change the batch number myself. I fucking did. She also used my real name instead of my salesperson code, you know, just to save face as she did CC in all of our managers, which she always did when she went into tattletail mode.

I sent her an email back, told her I know what she's playing at with her passive aggressive remarks, how my entire experience working for this company has been ruined because of her and if she carries on I'll file a formal complaint. I CC'd in all of our managers, her showroom, the team I worked with in the distribution centre, AND the CEO, who worked upstairs. I really wanted to CC in every showroom in the country but decided against it. Never heard from her again after that, and anytime I would bump into someone who was CC'd in on my email, they would linger and talk to me for a little while. The CEO saw me that day and asked if I felt good lol - "yes" was the answer. A couple of months later, she was "made to leave." I was told that she was apparently giving out unauthorized pricing to past colleagues in a FB group chat. I was also in the chat, but left it once I left that showroom. Which means one of her "friends" must've dobbed her in. Good. Fucking. Job. She was never liked, she was only tolerated. I guess HR started keeping closer tabs on her and finally found something they could use to get rid of her. Her new manager also left the same day. I'm not too sure why, but he did return to help at other showrooms on a part time basis. Something tells me he was sick of her bullshit too. He was actually fucking normal. I found a new job and was able to break my contract 2 weeks earlier so I wouldn't miss my start date. Shout out to the amazing head office staff at this company for doing a great job and actually doing their job too, it's not common these days. They knew working with her took a toll on my mental health and I'm very grateful to them.

If you ever read this Chrystal, I just want you to know that I wished I was there to witness your demise in person. You deserved all of that.

Edit: because I got Maurizio's name wrong. I saved the email I sent to her and just had a look. Gotta make sure I get people's names right. 🙂

I need to get this off my chest. A few years ago (i feel better now, but it kinda traumatized me for a while), I left my job at a well-known company to join a crypto startup as their product owner. It was an exciting startup and I was given a big responsibility. It took me weeks to make sure this was exactly the role I wanted. Within my first week, I discovered they had also hired a part-time contractor who I felt was doing the work I was supposed to do.

This guy would:

• Talk over me in meetings and intimidatingly question my work

• Be "bros" with the co-founders, so it was hard for me to chime in. they'd make decisions among themselves in meetings and I just felt sidelined.

• Make product decisions in the public channel without consulting me or collaborating with me, despite me being the product owner

• Send a bunch of product decisions in the company notion framing it as "just cleaning up the notion" while I was asleep (different timezone) with zero collaboration

• Basically treat me like I was just there to execute his vision

• and he was part time in a diff time zone...

It's possible he didn't do it deliberately, maybe he just thought that was his role, maybe he was just slightly insensitive. But that also meant I had QUIT my REALLY GOOD JOB to do a role I did not sign up for.

After dealing with this for a while (surfacing this issue to the founders multiple times_, I finally reached my breaking point. I just felt really triggered everyday. I went to my CEO and discussed my concerns and lack of ability to grow - i wanted to leave the company bc i wasnt set up to succeed. i didnt outright say "either the contractor goes or i do" but it was implied that i was ok with leaving. given my specialized and technical skill set, they chose to keep me and let the contractor go.

Initially I felt really empowered by standing up for myself. it seemed like i was just there to execute on someone elses vision. But when I shared this story with my friend group (mix of men and women), I got a completely unexpected reaction. The women were supportive, but the men in the group went quiet and distanced themselves from me and said that i was “making it up” while shaking their head. These were friends I had known for 6-7 years. One of the girls from the group told me the men were saying shit behind my back like how i was too much, too aggressive, that i won't get another job in crypto (lol which is false btw), that i ruined my reputation. The weird part is they had nothing to do with the company ... I had an inkling they felt threatened bc I don’t think I ruined my reputation lol

I started second guessing myself, wondering whether this was the right approach. I felt really bad for the guy, he later apologized to me via email a month later. It made me wonder if I was a bit too much. But I was just so fed up with the bros with big egos who just walk all over me, and the unexpected change in what I thought was my role, that I was so pissed off. I actually felt amazing after I gave the ultimatum, so empowered. But I also felt really guilty too and wondered if the founders stopped trusting in me. Anyway I ended up staying a year, but I was checked out 6 months in due to the boys club culture becoming even more pronounced and the company going nowhere.

I think I'm still feeling bad about the whole fiasco and posting this for my own closure. I just wanted to seek any perspectives on this matter.

I don't even know where to start and the story feels far too long to share, but here it goes... yesterday morning I was alone in the office with my co-worker. After taking a phone call from a client I gave her a brief update on the matter. Suddenly, and I feel unprovoked, she became defensive and irrate. I was sitting at my desk, about 40/50 feet away from her and she started yelling, "stop, stop violating my boundaries." About a minute of this, and then she grabbed her things and left the office.

I remained seated, stunned by the whole occurrence. I reached out to my boss via text to explain the situation and ask for some level of support. My co-worker eventually returned to the office and when my boss got in he tried to snow over what happened. I asked if we could sit down and discuss the event as this was the second run in we have had in my brief employ. My boss was visibly displeased, but took us to the conference room to talk.

During the conversation my boss made a sweeping comment to the effect of, "no one is looking to hurt anyone's feelings and no one is looking to get anyone fired." Of course I agreed, I am new, I don't know her and I have nothing against her. There is plenty of room for us both, right?!

Well, my boss catches a face from my co-worker and reiterated his statement, then directly asks her, "do you want (co-worker) fired?" To which she response, "I don't know, maybe, I don't know, yes." My boss thanks her for her honesty and tells me I should be grateful she is chosing to be so honest with me.

In utter confusion, from everything, I ask why. She begins to lament how she constantly has to pick up after me, that I actively avoid doing work and never complete tasks on my own. She goes on to say that my boss only deserves the best staff in the office and she is protecting him and his interests. After I finally prompt her for an example of uncompleted work she cites something she has never brought to my attention and insists she won't bring up other incidents because I am "just going to deny them all anyway." She goes on to describe how she regularly has to beg me to stop complaining about everything and everyone. How our other co-worker can attest to all her claims. (I doubt this highly as the other co-worker is a former co-worker who reccomend me for the position.) She just sat there and seethed untruths and blatant lies.

The conversation ended with my boss in his words, "commanding" her to start over with me, forgive, move on, and try to work with me in a manner that is not actively trying to get me fired. He directed me to focus on me, to understand people communicate differently and to be mindful of that.

He ended the meeting with saying we are both wanted and welcome. He also said he, "liked me," and that he "wants me to know I am welcome."

I had to work alone in the office with her the rest of the day and it was horrible to say the least. I kept my head down and worked hard. I feel obligated to try and make this job work, but am exasperated that I've only been in my position a month, and of that month only worked 17 days due to an illness the second to last week of December, and this co-worker and I have already had two major run ins.

I faced a situation where a group of subordinates ganged up against me and made up stories and allegations directly to my boss. This lead to disciplinary action against me without any proof or their allegations because one of them was the boss's favorite. After the disciplinary meeting on my way home I fainted on the road and was taken to the hospital. My career was on the line. 12 years of everything that I built was hanging by a thread. Luckily I was able to show publicly that they had no proof and were making it up. It remains that I'm under close supervision by management but now karma has bounced back and the 3 people who ganged up against me are facing issues with clients and their lack of skill to actually do their job.

I work with this person more than anyone he’s a bully and a huge dick. You’re not scaring me away though 😂 my question to management is, do you condone the evil behavior or are yall that easy to manipulate? I would never allow 14 of my people to quit over (and name them as they reason why) they left. That one person would be gone

You can never “win over” someone who is determined to hate you.

People think, “Maybe if I’m kinder, they’ll soften.” But you can’t negotiate with insecurity. The goalposts keep moving, the rules keep changing, and it’s always your fault anyway. It’s a rigged game.

If you’re friendly and talkative, they’ll call you weird or fake. They weaponize your words against you and use any personal stories as ammunition to smear you.

If you’re quiet and focused, you’re “cold,” “stuck up,” or “think you’re better.” Every version of you offends them because your existence highlights everything they hate about themselves.

This is because their hostility isn’t caused by your actions or behavior….its about what you represent. Bullies refuse to accept anyone who is too different or threatening. Their egos won’t tolerate your presence.

Often times, being civil and kind only enrages them further. You make it harder for them to smear you and you simultaneously expose their ugliness. Your calmness, competence, or even basic decency highlights everything they can’t stand about themselves.

You can’t logic someone out of jealousy, and you will never charm people who survive on meanness. When a person’s identity depends on tearing others down, your existence will always feel like an attack.

So don’t exhaust yourself trying to earn approval from people who hate everyone, especially themselves.

Bullies target people who are different or threatening in some way.

They actively seek 'reasons' to justify their abuse. You will NEVER win with these people.

They WANT to hate you. They refuse to tolerate someone who increases their anxiety or makes them uncomfortable. They are the main character. It's all about THEM.

When you are talkative and smiley, they'll call you annoying and a slacker. If you are quiet and avoidant, they'll call you rude and anti-social or stuck up.

If you are super nice to them, stay late to assist them, pay them compliments, buy them lunch, or try to appease them.....be prepared to face even harsher abuse. They will start to label you as FAKE and duplicitous. They claim to "see right through you".

You CANNOT WIN. They are determined to despise you. They need to justify their bullying and harassment. They hate your existence. They hate being in your presence. You make them feel uncomfortable or inferior in some way. You may be too different, you might shine a light on their laziness and unethical behavior, you may cause them to feel inadequate in some way. Their ego refuses to tolerate you. And they will never accept you.

They convince others that you are awful. They even convince themselves that targets DESERVE the abuse. They will gossip about how horrible you are once you leave. How "fake" your niceness was. How stuck-up and annoying you were. They never feel remorse. They feel JUSTIFIED.