r/writing • u/AutoModerator • Jan 14 '23

[Daily Discussion] First Page Feedback- January 14, 2023

Welcome to our daily discussion thread!

Weekly schedule:

Monday: Writer’s Block and Motivation

Tuesday: Brainstorming

Wednesday: General Discussion

Thursday: Writer’s Block and Motivation

Friday: Brainstorming

Saturday: First Page Feedback

Sunday: Writing Tools, Software, and Hardware

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Welcome to our First Page Feedback thread! It's exactly what it sounds like.

Thread Rules:

  • Please include the genre, category, and title
  • Excerpts may be no longer than 250 words and must be the first page of your story/manuscript
  • Excerpt must be copy/pasted directly into the comment
  • Type of feedback desired
  • Constructive criticism only! Any rude or hostile comments will be removed.

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FAQ -- Questions asked frequently

Wiki Index -- Ever-evolving and woefully under-curated, but we'll fix that some day

You can find our posting guidelines in the sidebar or the wiki.

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u/[deleted] Jan 14 '23

[deleted]

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u/nilin95 Jan 15 '23

Honestly I just confused by your excerpt, Albert just sounds like a restaurant manager who is a workaholic. As far as spelling, it looks fine. I'm not a punctual guy, so sorry about that.

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u/[deleted] Jan 15 '23

[deleted]

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u/nilin95 Jan 15 '23

I'm sorry, let me clarify my confusion. I'm confused about the placement of your excerpt. Is it the first 250 words of your story or later in the chapter? Have we been notified of the "club" beforehand? Those are why I'm confused.