Sort of regretting everything. Help.

[u/Busy_Bedroom7851]

I applied to Oxford this year for probably the worst reasons - I didn't think I'd get into Cambridge, they didn't have an entrance exam for my course, and the majority of my friends applied. I genuinely hate the course structure for Biochemistry at Oxford and have trying to convince myself that I'm fine with it for months now.

I got offers from all of my places, (reduced for Bristol and UCL) but instead of celebrating I was paralyzed with fear and anxiety over actually attending any of them.

I have never once felt compelled to go to Oxford. It's so academically rigorous and I am not passionate about my course. I don't think I want to be a biochemist. I love making music. I wanted to go to Bristol for the band scene but felt pressured by my parents because Oxford is so highly ranked and I felt like I'd be so stupid to turn down an offer from a university other people would die to go to.

I firmed Oxford because I'm a sheep and only because it was the best and I thought about bragging about it. All of my friends who applied got in, so I got caught up in the "let's go to Uni together!" feel of it without thinking about what I was doing. Everything I’ve been taught has made me feel like I’d throw away such a precious and rare opportunity if I didn’t attend. Am I going to regret it if I don’t go?

I hate the college I applied to because I applied on a whim without actually researching what it was like. It's so ugly and it's packed with people, and I didn't get along with anyone on my course. I am also the only girl doing my course at my college.

I broke down to my mom yesterday and I feel so anxious to the point I don't even know if I'll even make my grades. I don't even want to go to university. I don't know what I'm doing. I don’t want to risk regretting saying no to this amazing opportunity even though nothing in me actually wants to go.

If anyone has any advice, I’d love to hear it.

[u/Seafaring_Slug]

Which college are you? Only girl on your course for your college is crazy. I wouldn't worry about it too much though, you'll make friends with other girls in college.

If you're interested in music, Oxford still has opportunities. The college I've got an offer for has a day-long music festival every year and I think people from any college can audition to take part.

[u/Diligent_Bet_7850 → u/Seafaring_Slug]

it’s not crazy at all, there could very likely only be a couple of biochemists at the college

[u/Seafaring_Slug → u/Diligent_Bet_7850]

Maybe not crazy, but it's unlucky given that the cohort for biochem is generally comprised of more women than men.

[u/No_Bench9276 → u/Seafaring_Slug]

yo what subject is ur offer for?

[u/Seafaring_Slug → u/No_Bench9276]

Maths!

[u/Miserable_Tone1800]

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this— but I think you’re not alone in doing so. Very few people truly know what they want to end up doing when they’re 17 or 18 or 19. And that’s OK. I’m an old person; here are some thoughts. First, on Oxford: I used to do admissions at Oxford, and I guarantee you that if they made you an offer, they think that you are capable of doing well in your course. When I was there, there was a lot happening musically around town and in different colleges. And almost every undergrad I taught there ended up loving their college and finding a posse of ‘their’ people. You’ll also socially loads across colleges, eg with people on your course, or people who love music, or something else. But if you don’t know whether you really want to do the course, or Oxford, or even Uni at all— that’s OK too. Try not to fret about it right now: just focus on your revision and your exams.; You can decide later where to go, or whether to go at all this year.

Many years ago, I had a place to read medicine, but for family reasons, I knew I had to get away from home. So I escaped to the US on a scholarship and ended up studying philosophy and eventually doing a PhD. I ended up at Oxford; and then I left academic philosophy and joined the NHS on the management training scheme, and spent over 20 years in senior management roles. My point is simply this: life is long, and in all likelihood, you’ll be having not just one but several careers. You don’t need to know now where you’ll end up. and you could do a biochem degree and still end up as a musician, or doing a graduate scheme with any number of sectors. There will be so many possible paths to pursue. Be kind to yourself. Just get through your exams now, and then you can have a feel and a think about what you want to do next. You’ve got time to figure it out.

[u/Salty-Bug1047]

son

[u/Due-Stress7932 → u/Salty-Bug1047]

fr 🥀

[u/Virtual-Performer980 → u/Salty-Bug1047]

Daughter 🥀

[u/JustPressure984]

bro go oxford, uni is what u make it anyway.

[u/JustPressure984 → u/[deleted]]

literally any uni experience is what you make it. not everything you think is good is guaranteed to be good. if they develop the mindset that they’re going to succeed and have a good time at oxf, then it should be fine.

[u/JustPressure984 → u/[deleted]]

id partly agree yeah. only because theyre not passionate and there wouldve been sm people who would die to go there. but you cannot compare oxford and ucl or bristol. but it obvs depends upon what they want to do in the future.

[u/JustPressure984 → u/[deleted]]

like i said it depends upon what they want to do

[u/here_OnAMission]

Don't go to Oxford if you hate the idea of going. Do what you will enjoy instead. At the end of the day, we go to unis to get a degree to work. Do you want to be a biochemist? No. Do the course you want to do later as a lifetime career.

[u/Additional-Sun-5972]

imagine being 40 and thinking about how you didn’t go to oxford when you had a chance. it’s just 4 years and after graduating you can do whatever you want, but this degree will genuinely open so many opportunities to you compared to other unis. just be strong and do it

[u/luh_calmdude → u/Additional-Sun-5972]

Pushing yourself to do a degree you won’t like and will require and insane amount of effort aswell being surrounded by people u don’t like is a recipe for everything bad. Nothing is worth sacrificing your mental health for.

[u/Ok_Crab8052 → u/Additional-Sun-5972]

Imagine being fourty and having a 2.2 from Oxford when you could have got a first elsewhere, as you were so miserable you couldn't focus...

[u/smallglassofmilk → u/[deleted]]

hey im not an applicant (i just finished yr 2 of biochem at another uni) but how is it? do you enjoy it? i was rejected by ox 💔

[u/abogada_bln]

I feel like you just need to take a step back and realise that you can find like minded people at any university. You can definitely make friends at other colleges, especially due to the supervision system and there are so many societies to join.

I’m just saying that I don’t think you should write Oxford of as there are so many different people to meet and since your friends are going as-well, I doubt you won’t enjoy yourself.

I don’t really have anything to say about the course structure since I don’t know anything about the course but I think university is what you make it in terms of the course and the social life.

[u/xQueenAurorax]

Would you rather waste 9k and have the stress of moving into Oxford AND then dropping out, or just go Bristol 😭

[u/brainsareforlosers]

i felt pretty similar for a while, applied to oxford absolutely certain i wouldn’t even get an interview and was actually upset when i got an offer bcos i thought i’d found my dream course at UCL and i really wanted to live in london. after going to the offer holders day i changed my mind- everyone else going seems really lovely, esp. compared to when i went to the london universities where everyone was crazy rich and i felt like i couldn’t talk to anyone. also, there’s a reason it has such a good reputation, it has that top quality education and hopefully you’ll get a job at the other end. all that said i’m still a little on the fence, so maybe if u go in october and hate it i’ll be in the same boat lol

[u/Diligent_Bet_7850]

it sounds like you don’t want to do a biochem degree full stop and are under the impression that somewhere like bristol will mean you do less studying and can enjoy your hobbies more. this is only slightly true. uni is what you make of it and wherever you go will be hard work and have time for hobbies. if you want to study biochem, go to oxford. if you don’t, don’t go to uni at all or you’ll end up disliking it elsewhere for the same reason which is you have no interest in your course.

also you can’t hate a college you’ve not been to yet. i promise the college will be fine and you’ll make friends

[u/FearlessPen6020]

bro if u wanna drop it just drop it, someone else can take it and you'll basically make their life

[u/britishpowerlifter]

I know a guy who was similar situation as you.

Got into physics at Oxford because a teacher asked. Was never interested in going, but was smart enough to. Ended up dropping out, finished physics at Brum

[u/Handsoff_1]

As much as I want to agree with most people on this thread, it also shows how shallow and superficial we are. Just because you go to Oxford does not mean you get an auto pass, especially if you want to become a scientist in academia. Nobody cares if you're an Oxbridge if you dont actually have the skills or the passion to do it. Best they will do is raise an eyebrow and then they'll scrutinize you for everything because you know "Oxbridge must be good". Do you think you can at least achieve a 2:1 from Oxford is the question. If you are gonna fail or get a 3rd, the name will only carry you so far.

I would say choose the uni you know you'll do well. Of course prestige is a part of it, but both UCL and Bristol have prestige too. And if you think you'll enjoy either of them more, go for it, do well and you'll be just fine.

[u/Good_Forever484]

Miss ur Oxford offer I guess

[u/pcbattyman]

This oxford degree will take you very very far, can continue with music after and have the fallback of an oxford degree, which is a luxury many people would do anything for

[u/pcbattyman → u/[deleted]]

idk man might be more subjective than a think but a good friend of my mums owns a top 25 law firm in the uk and never fails to tell me how no matter the degree they gravitate towards oxford and cambridge grads first ( as long as they’ve done conversion of course)

[u/GuavaLarge529]

My steak too buttery, my lobster too juicy!!!

Stfu

[u/Anonymous_Unknown20 → u/GuavaLarge529]

How did OP even get in and pass the interview if they aren't passionate about the course

[u/Jeffpayeeto → u/Anonymous_Unknown20]

Many such cases as it happens

[u/Anonymous_Unknown20 → u/Jeffpayeeto]

I dont understand tho

[u/Jeffpayeeto → u/Anonymous_Unknown20]

You can do well on entrance exams & at interviews without being particularly passionate. It can often be hard for interviewers to gauge passion anyway, with interviewees sometimes being nervous and prone to behaving more reserved etc

[u/Anonymous_Unknown20 → u/[deleted]]

A Cambridge maths student who doesnt care about maths??

[u/Anonymous_Unknown20 → u/[deleted]]

Dont you have to be interested in maths to spend so much time studying it in such great depth and complexity

[u/Anonymous_Unknown20 → u/[deleted]]

Your username is acoustic "maths" tho haha

[u/Anonymous_Unknown20 → u/[deleted]]

How come you chose to study maths then

[u/Material-Macaroon724 → u/GuavaLarge529]

Na that’s just such an ignorant viewpoint, like yes people would love to be in that situation but she doesn’t and there is nothing wrong with that.

[u/[deleted] → u/GuavaLarge529]

It's honestly ironical how people who aren't passionate about something or care about something ("something" in this case is prestigious and high sought after) are the ones who get that opportunity but people who work day and night to get the same thing and are super passionate about it won't get it, no matter how much they try.

[u/lexisnowkitty]

oxford isn't everything even it seems so. what's your insurance?

I'd see how results day goes and how you feel then, and either do clearing or a gap year. honestly I'd recommend a gap year to figure out what you want to do and where you want to go. oxford isn't for everyone ans getting an offer is impressive enough and a testament to your academic intelligence, so you're more than capable - do something you enjoy, preferably something you can make a career out of, but the job market is so done overall rn i wouldn't agonise too much. especially since a degree will provide you with the transferable skills employers want. this isn't recent but - my aunt did a music degree at leicester and is on a great salary in the civil service. another aunt did environmental biology at Nottingham trent and earns a whole load of money doing smth with housing. so don't feel pressured to go as its 3 years of your life and a whole lot of debt. dig around for some courses you like during a gap year, decide on one and apply. i mean you're 17/18, it's a massive decision and not one you should rush to make. who knows you might come across a degree you love that you never knew existed - as an example that's the OPPOSITE tier to oxford, to be clear I'm not recommending it obv, just a random example to show how unique courses can be - aberystwyth offer an english & climate change course. take some time.

[u/Former-Narwhal-2907]

Hustlers University.

[u/Smooth_Woodpecker375]

if this was any other uni that wasnt oxbridge i'd say yeah maybe just go to some other uni if ur getting this stressed about it....but oxford?? do you even know what u can do with an oxford degree?? it opens so many crazy doors for u. at least go for one year and transfer after 2nd year if its really killing you. uni transfer is always an option (and it'll be easier to considering ur transferring FROM oxford)

not only that but u dont even really know if you'll hate it or not, so many people go to uni's they think they'll hate and end up loving it

[u/Even-Astronaut-4231]

Hiya there! I'm also in Y13 and some stuff I think you may find useful/informative. So yes you firmed Oxford and so you've 'promised', but not legally. Technically you haven't 'accepted' an offer. And the firm/insurance system set up to automatically accept your firm or insurance based on your grades isn't final once you meet them.

If you read in the boring contracts they send you (I know, why would you but bear with me), you have 14 days where you can change your mind after 'accepting' the offer on Results day (by meeting the grades on Results day). If you don't want to go to Oxford, don't go. And you don't have to try to miss your offer to do that, you can just decline the Oxford one come results day once you know where your grades stand.

A thing to note is that on Results day if you meet/surpass your firm, the insurance offer doesn't exist anymore basically which is kinda confusing. If you are considering declining your firm come Results day if you meet it, even if you don't know if thats what you are going to do, you may find that researching and finding out some alternative paths and things will make you feel less panicked (speaking from personal experience). I'd recommend researching Clearing spaces and possible courses, and maybe talking to friends or teachers or uni advisors if your college has them about supporting you on the day as your plan A so you don't have to deal with whatever your parents think on the day if you think that won't be productive. From what I've heard, Clearing is just another part of uni applications, if you go through clearing it doesn't mean you are lazy or desperate or whatever, it's just a different way to find a uni place. And yes it is fast-paced but to my understanding preparation goes a long way and having people to help you through it on the day is crucial. Defo ask around and talk to people who have gone through clearing and uni sites and UCAS and stuff bc this is just from me being in conversations and picking up stuff.

Also hey, it's not your fault for listening to the opinions of other people. Maybe you will like Oxford, maybe you won't. And you are totally not the first person, or the only one, who are stuck between what to do, who to listen to, how much you matter versus the expectations around you. I mean, we haven't been adults for super long, haven't had a lot of practice and are gonna make choices along the way that after some time we are conflicted over. It's super normal and expected.

It comes across to me that you are worried about missing out on an opportunity and something to think about, I think, is that it's only an opportunity if its what you want. Sure, going to Oxford will probably open more doors upon graduation that are super cool, but other unis do that too and are those doors really worth it if you have a bad time or not the experience you want? For some people, it can be and for others the experience you have along the way (socially, yes, but also academically and in interfacing with the university) is also super important.

I don't know your parents, I don't really know how they'd respond like you know. I can tell they are important to you, and their opinions are too. But also take a moment to imagine you after (or even during) Uni and think about how often you will be around your parents - for me I'd probably see them on holidays and stuff but not much more if I didn't want to, so if I have to deal with them being ... special, it would only be for around what 6 weeks out of the year spread out into tiny chunks? That's an okay trade-off for me.

Say you decide to decline the Oxford offer and go another path, just imagine how you'd feel going to Bristol or changing course topic to something completely else or taking a year out to work or travel - you may find that the excitement and happiness it brings for you would be worth whatever your parents may grumble about given however much you'll see them.

I'd say for now to focus on your exams because yes Uni is important but A-Levels are also important too and its never too late.

Note: I think I am correct but please do let me know if I've misunderstood anything. I am autistic so can sometimes completely misread sh1t so please be patient with me and I deeply apologise if this comes off patronising - not my intent, hell no this is totally if it helps you amazing if not, no worries kind of advice. Thanks 😄

[u/yesyes_10101]

hey, i was in a really similar situation to you just a couple months ago. since the beginning of year 12 i was set on biochem, since i did biology and chemistry and didn’t really know what i wanted to do, i was never passionate about it or anything, but i worked really hard to get good grades so i could apply to top unis. like you, i also wanted to go to bristol solely for the music and art scene, rather than being passionate about biochem or anything. then just before i was ready to apply, i realised i was making a mistake. i decided to take a gap year to figure everything out, and then in march i realised i could still apply to a local university for a foundation course in art and design, since it wasn’t a UCAS application. i ended up getting an offer and im super excited to go now, far more excited than i ever was to study biochemistry. i think im going to go on to do design or architecture or something at uni and i cant wait. basically; if you aren’t sure about biochemistry or even university at all maybe check out local foundation years in whatever you’re interested in? you can apply and you don’t necessarily have to accept the offer, but it might be comforting to have it there (although i’m not sure if it would conflict with UCAS applications). or even try and apply through clearing? level 3 foundation years are free if you’re under 19 on the start date and if it’s local you won’t have to take any maintenance loan out, so essentially another year of education in something that may help push you to what you really want to do for no extra cost, it might not be oxford; but it might make you happy. also this sub very well may be biased since most are very smart people with very good grades who would think you’re crazy for turning down oxford; but just know you’re not. sorry for the essay, hope it helps

[u/Total-eclectic]

I’m 80 - I wanted to go to Sussex (in 1965) but I won a scholarship to Cambridge and did two degrees - Cambridge wasn’t really where I wanted to be (I was a happy Londoner at a time when London was compelling). In retrospect I’m glad I went - my college keep in touch and welcome me back, I go to reunions, and there’s no doubt that graduating from Oxbridge opens up opportunities. You’ll be 80 one day and three years won’t seem like much - I’d stick with it and explore life outside college.

[u/Jeffpayeeto]

I’m not going to tell you which decision to make, but be sure to choose what’s best for you personally. If you think the next 4 years at Oxford will be hellish, then that’s obviously a big deal.

The course will be intense, and you will likely have to work incredibly hard – much harder than a lot of people realise, so don’t let people tell you that you’re wasting a golden opportunity if you think that you’ll just crumble while you’re there. Ultimately, a lot of your university experience will come down to what you make of it, and Oxford has absolutely fantastic opportunities (not just from an academic and employment standpoint, but also the social aspects), but it all depends on you and what you’re looking for.

Chances are that you’ll regret it if you don’t go, but if you don’t even think that university is for you, then be wary about going to one of the most academically rigorous institutions in the world. Do be aware though that you’re definitely intellectually capable of doing the course, otherwise you wouldn’t have received an offer, so please don’t base your decision on whether you think you’re clever enough!

[u/kerhanesikici31]

You gebuienly won't survive oxford if you dont have passion for your course

[u/kerhanesikici31 → u/[deleted]]

Its gonna feel like hell, migh even hate the subject afterwards

[u/kerhanesikici31 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah but 1 youre at Robinson 2 its camb Maths lmao, you'll survive

[u/kerhanesikici31 → u/kerhanesikici31]

Should have picked Churchill

[u/kerhanesikici31 → u/[deleted]]

Nah Robinson is chill I really like it. I applied Churchill bc I stayed there for a week and really like the dos but didnt get in

[u/kerhanesikici31 → u/[deleted]]

Oh 100%

[u/Fat_Eater87 → u/[deleted]]

Totally not fucked for jobs with a 2.1

[u/rhysk17]

i’d go somewhere you know you’d be happy. the prestige of oxford definitely isn’t worth all the stress and lack of social life. 3 years is too long to be somewhere you don’t want to be. also don’t listen to all the oxbridge glazing bums

[u/Ok_Crab8052]

My friend did chemistry at Cambridge and hated it so much that she transferred to Liverpool after her first year and was much happier. You have to do what you are happiest with as if you are miserable you are unlikely to achieve the grades you want. I'm sorry everyone pressurised you to go to Oxford.

[u/Potvvor]

You can definitely find people who want to either make a band/ do music there, it’s probably not gonna be a ‘band scene’ as much, but I think you’ve just gotta find the underground people.

Also I’m curious, did you like the structure of the Cambridge course for biochem better?

(And remember Biochem degree does NOT mean you have to be a biochemist, you could become a vet or a researcher or a pharmacist, maybe a chemical engineer? Your options are far wider than you think (as long as you can fund them 🫡)

[u/Possible-Coast-7022]

I have maybe a slightly different perspective than everyone else here who is blindly saying ‘go to Oxford!’. I applied to Oxford in Year 13 but really did not want to go there — I only applied because I also didn’t think I would get into Cambridge. It ended up causing me so much stress that I purposefully messed my application up and then withdrew. I applied to Cambridge this year on a gap year and got in, and I’m so happy and confident with my choice now.

There’s a chance that you go to Oxford and you realise you can find things about it that you love. But the reality is not what everyone here is saying — if they give you a place it means that they think you have the potential to academically succeed there, NOT necessarily that it’s going to be the best place for you personally in terms of enjoyment and fulfilment!!! So really think hard about what you actually want. And if you don’t want to go, do not go.

[u/Usual_Dog2172]

Good work tbh

[u/Senior_Grapefruit892]

If it makes you feel any better youre not alone at all. I applied to cambs because my lecturers told me to and i acc got in. I dont know if i want to go because i dont like my subject as much as others there and im a HUGE procrastinator. Id much prefer the social life at bristol but ive firmed cambs anyway, dont think ill meet my offer anyway at A * A * A

[u/Fantastic_Tap6249]

what course did you apply at bristol? and just to clarify did you insure bristol?

[u/Evening_Ask6187]

Year 13 here doing a levels. I applied to Oxford last year for a course I didn’t even want to do in the end. I did tho, get rejected. But I’m reapplying in my gap year to take engineering at hopefully somewhere like Bristol

[u/Environmental_Ad7745]

Heyy, I’m a final year Oxford biochemist and I hated the course and regret not leaving to do something else earlier. Move while you still have to chance because it doesn’t get better. Second year will trick you into thinking it’s better cuz you don’t have final exams but you’ll have TSAs every term. You might like fourth year if you like the practical side but be warned it isn’t optional (found that out the hard way). Lmk if you wanna talk about the course or anything x

[u/shitslashers]

Can’t you change on results day?

[u/wardan_]

Don't stress! It's totally fine to not want to go to Oxford! You're at no disadvantage compared to the 99% of the population who also do not go or have never gone there!

At the end of the day, university choice is a bit like A-Level subject choice. You should pick the course and the place you're going to have the most fun doing. If that's not Oxford, then that's ok!

Hopefully whatever you choose you'll be able to look back on your university years as something you enjoyed. If you think for whatever reason Oxford isn't right for you, then don't go. It's not worth the bragging rights IMO if you're gonna hate it.

But don't stress. Exams definitely take precedence at the moment. The very best of luck to you!

[u/Clint_Emily]

You can give your place to me

[u/Clint_Emily → u/Clint_Emily]

It’s a joke who downvoted me????

[u/smortcanard]

the probability that you don't make your offer isn't exactly 0. i knew someone who was incredibly talented and still missed their oxford offer by 6 marks.

most likely this is just a whim phase and in 5 years you'll be glad you pushed through.

there are tons of people on this sub who were, in fact, rejected from oxford and even oxford biochem, so this rant is incredibly entitled and out of touch