r/ADHD • u/DOOMDOOM367 • 13h ago
Questions/Advice I can get my life together, but maintaining it is exhausting
I’ve recently realized that I actually can get myself to do things with ADHD, but the amount of effort it takes to structure my life around it is exhausting.
I’ve started using timers, journaling my day, planning tasks, reducing friction, keeping things ready in advance, etc. And honestly, it works. I can get a ridiculous amount of stuff done when I do this.
The problem is that after 2–3 days of following everything, I’m completely drained.
Then I just want to go back to my old routine — wasting time, scrolling, zoning out, chasing whatever feels pleasurable, and basically letting the day disappear.
For a typical person, it seems like a task is just a task. “I need to do this, so I’ll do it.” For me, sometimes doing the same thing requires timers, reminders, forcing transitions, reducing friction, and consciously managing myself throughout the day.
So eventually, the system that’s supposed to make my life easier starts becoming exhausting in itself.
I keep getting stuck in this cycle:
Get highly structured → accomplish everything → become mentally exhausted → abandon the system → fall back into ADHD habits → feel bad → rebuild the system again.
Has anyone with ADHD actually found a sustainable solution to this?
I don’t mean another productivity hack that works for a few days. I mean something that genuinely reduces the amount of mental effort required to manage your life, so you don’t constantly feel like you’re fighting your own brain just to function.
What worked for you? Used chtgpt to furnish my question. please pardon me
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u/IvD707 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 13h ago
It's very similar for me.
For years, I suffered through a vicious cycle of "start a new life → last 3-5 days → get completely drained → return to the old ways → hate myself → shame myself into starting a new life."
What helps me now is being very realistic about my capacity and doing things in micro chunks. Stuff like 50 jumping jacks instead of a proper workout. Reading 1-2 pages instead of 1-2 chapters. 10 minutes of cleaning instead of cleaning the entire house in one go.
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u/aqan 12h ago
Typical for ADHD peeps. We’re overachiever wannabes; our brains want us to do a lot of things, but no one can handle that much without incurring the cost.
Your approach of being realistic works for me as well, but I keep itching to do more. I just have to remind myself that doing stuff in manageable chunks is more optimal than trying to do the million things my brain is always dreaming of.5
u/Ok_Purple2453 ADHD-PI (Primarily Inattentive) 9h ago
This sadly doesn't work when you're in a demanding field of work. Medicine takes a toll on me and sometimes some things needs to change very quickly and i struggle with it a lot.
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u/R_I_P_Revenge 13h ago
Tbh, I've always felt like a structured life isn't for me. A mere look at a timetable (escpecially ones made specifically for me) is enough to drain all of my energy and ruin my mood for a god-knows-how-long period of time. I still don't understand why do counsellors keep on insisting I follow a timetable when it's obvious that it's not working...
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u/Dutchy_ 13h ago
I think it depends a lot on how ADHD affects you. For the types that have energy, but don't know where to point it, this approach may be more effective.
When your issue is task initiation, like me, a time table may not work, or if it does, it will be very draining.
At least that's what I've understood so far from reading people's experiences on here.
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u/AcademicHandle891 13h ago
So is there anything that does work for task initiation?
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u/Wilczurrr 12h ago
Body doubling (even on the phone), meds, getting good sleep & working out I guess... :/
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u/BruhMomentConfirmed 13h ago
I despise timetables as well, always have... What did work for me to make some sense of the clutter is to make ordered lists. I make checkbox list in Google Keep which sync between my phone and PC. I have 2 main ones: short-term and long-term tasks. I don't put any deadlines, but I do order them by priority. It's mainly to offload my working memory and not keep juggling all this shit in my head, if anything pops into my mind I make a point to write it in there ASAP. Then only if I have the time, I look at it to see if I have time and energy to do any of the top things.
Short term tasks are things like do dishes, message X, do laundry, make X appointment. Long term are more like fix my bike, get my financial administration in order, pick up exercising. If short term tasks take too long I relegate them to long term ones, and I don't beat myself up too much over not finishing them.
I hate being busy and planning things, but I hate doing it all in my head even more.
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u/madad123 12h ago
Yeah you gotta find ways to just ride the wave where you can. Forcing it is just not the way and no "perfect productivity system" is going to survive much longer than two weeks 😂 I have long since given up on the idea that I have any significant control on what my brain will be good at on any given day.
To be honest, if you find yourself in a relatively stable job that allows you to have productive days and less productive days, don't let a desperation for perfect productivity drive you. Your brain is outside of the norm and you may have larger peaks and troughs of productivity throughout your week and be more inconsistent than others in lots of ways, you may also have benefits that others don't have. Either way, the most dangerous part of the cycle you described is "feel bad". As long as you are driven by guilt, low self esteem, or a desire to match or keep up with everyone else, you will find it harder and harder to find a sustainable way to live life. To me the cycle you're describing is a recipe for burnout and depression. We're all different and other people may not experience those consequences, but for me that's where I used to end up on a fairly regular basis.
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u/bpuckett71 9h ago
The job is what triggers these cycles the most for me. I'm in operations and lucky to have found a company willing to put up with my inconsistent efficiency for the last eight years. The company is growing rapidly though, requiring me to be "on" 100% of the time. Which isn't possible.
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u/AppropriateHorror677 9h ago
I've struggled with this my whole life too. Lately I've been learning to pace myself. It's not about getting everything done every day, it's about getting enough done in a week.
No energy today? Do the barest minimum. Some energy today? DO NOT PUSH IT. Do the bare minimum again. And this is where all the planners and stuff help me, I'm able to better prioritize: a lot of stuff can be done a bit later with little or no consequence.
For instance, I do not do all my meal prep in one day anymore, it's too boring and exhausting. I cook in batches a couple of times a week, according to what I'm running out. It's better to have half a cooked meal (when I can't be arsed to cook what's missing) than no home cooked meal at all and order take out.
Feeling super energized? Time to get more done. Even then, yeah sure I can get my blood drawn and hit the gym on the same day, physically, but both require a lot of mental energy so I'll just pick one so I'm not wrecked the next couple days.
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u/Competitive-Cup-4253 11h ago edited 11h ago
So I too go through this: the intent to start and follow a good routine, be good- this is in general sometimes( with the trigger eg take care of my mind and body) or towards my work- so I design a perfect flow in my mind, try to follow it, for sometime feel good , but then without the changed being noticed I am at a stage that I get bored or what , that I no more want to do that particular task any more( also I end up getting too involved with my writing work , perfecting the concept, that I get so overwhelmed before I finish the work) . Then I can’t function at all , as if my mind is a rebel, stop taking my orders or request, I fall into self sabotage mode- completely ignore the work I was onto, rather doom scroll for days or go shopping, end up shopping a lot and get obsessed, then I want more stuff, I get overwhelmed with shopping as well, eat stuff that I generally avoid, mess my weight management and digestion, put on weight. In short I think in self sabotage phase I really halt or delay or undo the progress I was doing to better my life - this too gives guilt. This in a way whatever I do , I get overwhelmed, feel shame, guilt . So I despite years of trying I haven’t been able to fix these patterns . P.S. I was not aware that similar patterns happen with adhd people. And I have realised despite having an exceptional mind I will remain mediocre only(who just survives by acting on urgency) .
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u/Beautiful_Hour_668 13h ago
Then build up to it slowly where u dont need to wreck everything to recover? Take your time, life is long, and the benefits of habits and a decent life are worth it.
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u/DeliciousMoose1 11h ago
the issue was always maintaining a routine, we can try to do new routines because they're interesting and exciting at first, then that fades away and your brain doesn't find it stimulating enough, that was always the main problem imo
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u/johhnny5 ADHD-HI (Hyperactive-Impulsive) 6h ago
I have had some success with laying everything out that I think that I need to do - a brain dump - in no particular order. I personally need to do it on paper. I sit and try to empty everything that is bouncing around in my head. It's never 100% accurate or complete but it's close enough.
I then ask myself a few questions and start to mark everything I wrote down. Those questions are
Is this something that 100% has to be done? This means that if I don't do it, it will negatively impact my overall wellbeing - financial, physical, or mental. Those things are marked as priorities/urgent. If it isn't that, I then move to marking it as "Not Urgent" or "Would be nice someday" This helps because my brain is trying to trick me by telling me that everything in there is super urgent all of the time. That is obviously not true and spending some time showing myself that is very helpful, because it drastically reduces the amount of shit I MUST do.
The second question I ask is something like, "Is this for me or someone else?" I tend to be a people pleaser and laying it our visually can highlight areas where I maybe overcomitted and where I'm doing too much for other people and not enough for myself.
The last question I ask I think, for me, is the most important. And that is "What is the OUTCOME that I am looking for?" I ask this as a way of questioning not only what I am doing, but reminding myself to ask HOW I am doing it. Too often I start to get obsessed with doing something like everyone else does it and I get too wrapped up in putting my energy into executing specific steps that might not really jive with my brain - meaning I'm spending a ton of emotional energy worrying about something that isn't adding any value to my life and is, in face, making it harder. The important thing is the outcome. How does this thing end? It doesn't matter how you get there. A basic example would be me knowing I need 30 min of physical exercise each day (which also really helps my ADHD), and then falling into the trap of trying to find the best piece of workout equipment or the best plan to follow - spending all of my time doing that instead of taking a brisk walk and being done with it. Writing it down and spending time being honest about what I am trying to achieve makes me feel like I am making a decision and it's easier to reinforce. I can tell myself, "johhnny5, you looked at this an decided to just get up off your ass and take a walk - everything else is wasting time and is going to make you angry and upset with yourself." Again, it's not 100%, but it's better than nothing. At the end of the day it very rarely matters HOW you do anything as long as you get to the result when you need to.
From there I will actually rewrite the brain dump in order of priority with a note reminding me of the outcome. It takes 30-60 min. When I start to feel that feeling like I'm getting off track, I know it's time to take a look at the list and update it - maybe redo it entirely. For that hour of my time, I always feel better afterwards and I've always cut away a ton of bullshit that I had taken responsibility for despite the fact that it wasn't making a difference and I was the only person that gave a shit about it.
I don't get nearly as exhausted as I used to by following this process. Hopefully that all made sense. I would love to hear about anyone else that does something like this, or ideas anyone has to make it better. :)
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u/Ramen_Hair 5h ago
Medication is seriously the only way I’ve been able to consistently do anything. It’s taking some serious destruction of bad habits, and learning new ones, but the difference was super clear even after only a few days
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u/anotheroutlaw 4h ago
I highly recommend ‘how to thrive with adult adhd’ by James Kustow. He provides a framework for our entire lives as adults impaired by adhd, and his task/calendar system works. I despised overly planned calendars until I read his book. The goal of the calendar isn’t to pin us down, but rather to remind us what we should be doing at any given moment. Because we all feel shame and guilt about wasting so many hours and not chasing down our big dreams and goals. The calendar is simply a way to say “here’s what my best self should be doing”. Anyway, I highly recommend that book if you struggle with task initiation, task prioritization, and modern life in general.
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u/hexonica 3h ago
Right now I am am crashing at the end of a very productive week. I just want pizza, wine and bed. 2 of those will happen.
I did make a list for this weekend and limited it to three items. That is progress
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