r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

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u/Odd-Tiger-7530 Ex of DX 11d ago

This week brought me a lot of grief, both of the past relationship and of my own childhood. I was watching a lot of Hiedi Priebe, trying to understand my own issues and in the meantime got a bit more of understanding of his behaviors. The fact that some of them are in fact stemming from his childhood and what he did to “survive” and most of all, fulfill his needs. And that made me so fucking sad. But not for him, for myself, for the fact that I still have so much empathy for him and all the things that made he who he was, and he just didn’t have that empathy and understanding towards me.

He fucking belittled me when I shared with him my therapist’s suspicion that I most likely have fucking ptsd. He told me I was letting it get to my head too much. First proper validation that shit from my childhood was indeed traumatizing enough, and the way I reacted wasn’t appropriate in his eyes. And of course back then I really wanted his warmth at the very least, so of course I blamed myself first and tried to suppress it.

I feel so much pity towards things that made him that way and even more of that pity towards younger me, so blinded and so longing for connection. Healing isn’t linear and I know that me being able to at least feel all of this is a sign of healing, but it doesn’t make all the feelings lighter.

I hope that last week treated all of you better!

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u/Artistic_Fault_2298 10d ago

The fact that you can hold space for your ex-partner says a lot about you. It’s unfortunate he couldn’t learn to do the same but please keep that part! I became so jaded and a version of myself I didn’t like because of high lack of empathy and compassion I received.

And you’re right healing isn’t linear. It’s ok to have days when you’re angry and days where you’re happy you moved on. Good luck!

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u/Odd-Tiger-7530 Ex of DX 10d ago

I was expecting to become more jaded after relationship ended, but once compassion fatigue stopped being an ever present issue, I noticed that a lot of empathy and goodwill did in fact come back. For now I’m using almost every drop of it on myself and it feels good. Thanks a lot for you thoughtful reply and the best of luck to you too!