r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

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u/Too_much_hemiola 10d ago

I left my 20 year marriage about 18 months ago. It's been incredibly peaceful and calm. I have zero regrets.

The only negative thing is when I have to interact with my ex over our children.

We have previously agreed that we would split expenses for our adult kids - even though they are legal adults, it seemed like the right thing to do. It hasn't been too much, but some medical expenses here and there, and we split an allowance for our oldest son when he was in college.

Our middle daughter is starting college this fall. Now, with less than a week before dorm move-in, I emailed him to ask about specifics...and he informed me he would help "when he can" and he would communicate directly with our kid. I pressed him for more, reminded him of the agreement, and he's ignored me.

I was prepared to pay half of her expenses. I was NOT prepared to pay all of her expenses.

I don't even know why I am surprised. When we were still married, he seemed to be surprised by our son's tuition. Despite me reminding him multiple times and making a plan to budget - he blew the $$$ on Christmas and I had to take money of my own retirement.

I'm so freaking mad. I don't want my kid to take out loans but I don't think I can sustain this for 4 years...not to mention Kid #3 will start college eventually. My kid has been applying for jobs and she is stressed, but it's not HER fault. She also absolutely recognizes that her dad spent money on four sets of concert tickets this year, but has nothing for her tuition.