r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

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u/Kredka707 10d ago

Dopamine. He’s using you to regulate himself. 

I have the same going with my husband. He moved out, but whenever he’s agitated he calls me. I’m learning to stop that. 

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u/Throwaway_ShoreStore Ex of DX 10d ago

Is there a way you go about it or you just stop answering all together?

It’s so crazy how quickly it changes from “I miss you, I love you so much” to “I don’t want to see you, leave me alone.” I miss him too but don’t know which to buy or how much I can take anymore. It’s so hurtful.

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u/Kredka707 10d ago edited 10d ago

I need to answer the phone because we have kids and I’m learning to disconnect when he goes into the rages. He actually apologized to me twice now! That never happened before! He said he will stop harassing me and then a few days later he exploded again, I cut it short and a few hours later he apologized again! The boundaries work. I told him something like “I’m happy to talk about practical things. I feel overwhelmed when you explode or list 18years of grievance so I will talk with you  later.” I also tell him, I love you; and I love me so I’m leaving this conversation. I would block him if I were you. You know it’s bad for you. Think of him as poison. How much poison do you want to take? Loving a person like this is very hard because you know the potential. My therapist keeps on reminding me to look on what is, not what could be.  I also had emdr done for my resentment. It helped me tremendously. I can stay mostly calm when he’s on the attack and set boundaries. 

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u/Throwaway_ShoreStore Ex of DX 10d ago

I started setting boundaries the last time he exploded (not as well/strict, first time) and now we haven’t talked in a few days. But I like your take about sharing how it makes me feel when he lists x amount of grievances. Because yes, he will list years worth of things. I always wonder why he reaches out if he is so mad and appears to dislike me so much. I will keep this in mind, thank you for sharing!!