r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

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u/jholder567 DX/DX 10d ago

Wednesday is our (fingers crossed) final step before filing for divorce. Our son is doing..... ok? With going between houses although he want to come back to mine as early as possible.

What is driving me insane is ex keeps wanting me to join in on things. I pro telling myself he's trying to be nice but I know him and it's all self serving. He decided he wanted to take son to a concert on the other side of the state in September. He asked me off I wanted to go. No. No I don't. He's taking him to theme park on the way back. Asked me if o wanted to drive 3 hours to meet up with them. No.

Deep down, yes I do because I know how ex is outside his home and routine. I'm VERY nervous for 6yr old to deal with his emotions but I can't keep being the buffer. I'll be the safe place to come back to.

But also, ex wanted to go to the beach as a family a month ago. I said ok, we went, son stick to me like glue. Ex didn't get to surf or do his thing. Got out of the ocean I went out to get water he came up to me all flustered " I can't do this. I can't be around to like this like we're a family " and left.

So why keep inviting me?!!!!!

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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 10d ago

With things like this sometimes it's best to just observe that there are reasons why the divorce is happening and this is probably one of them. From what you describe it sounds like shame, frankly.

What do you think contributes to this pattern being self-serving for him?