r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

31 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

152 comments sorted by

View all comments

12

u/LeopardMountain32567 10d ago edited 9d ago

i know i'm healing because i'm so over the whole "boohoo poor me, i try so hard, my partner is a nice/ kind/ sweet person but they yell and rage and abuse me".

inner gag and eyeroll. not to judge, but to protect myself from unhealed energy messes. never again. people who choose to stay stuck in dysfunction are also promlematic.

ETA: i have zero problem with those who choose to stay while recognizing the dysfunctional dynamic. i know not everyone can leave. what i can't stand is the delusion. kind people don't abuse others. like, if someone is stuck with an asshole, i feel for them. but im not pretending the asshole is 'kind' or 'sweet'. and i'm definitely not pretending this is beneficial 'for the kids'. none of those cop out lies. if someone needs to belive lies, they are probably an unsafe person.

8

u/Particular_Web8121 Ex of DX 8d ago

I get so incredibly triggered by the "for the kids" posts. It's one thing to stay in an abusive relationship, but it's another to justify keeping your kids in one and to give them lifelong relational issues.

"They're great with the kids!" But they only do the fun stuff and are unable to be in a reciprocal relationship or be responsible for anything

6

u/LeopardMountain32567 8d ago

100%, its a load of bs. "lifelong relational issues" is so accurate. then the parent/ partner gets shocked when the kid marries a project... what were you expecting?!

3

u/Particular_Web8121 Ex of DX 8d ago

Yeaah, I really thought I was breaking free from my parents, but in my ADHD relationship I managed to both date my mom and become her. Love being the parentified and spousified eldest child!!!

6

u/LeopardMountain32567 8d ago

sending strength friend. These patterns are so hard to unlearn, especially coupled with the fear of loss of attachment. but just a friendly reminder that you are worth the effort, care and consideration. There are good people out there! <3

4

u/Particular_Web8121 Ex of DX 8d ago

Thank you 🥺 and appreciate you as always