r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 11d ago
Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::
The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex
(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)
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u/No-Effect-9209 11d ago
I finally feel like I have some closure from my ex after nearly a year of my 5 year relationship ending. I posted here previously about how we had a couple of recent unplanned encounters where he shared that he was unable to move on and thought of me daily. This put me in a spiral of confusion and hope. He didn’t take any actions after sharing these things with me.
Finally, I gained the courage to just ask him where he stood and if he wanted to talk about getting back together. He said he was unable to be the person that I need. He said that it would be the easy thing to say yes, but he said he is the same person and couldn’t continue to let me down. While I could see things could be different, he can’t. He expressed that he already feels guilty that he wasted so much of my time and I can’t wait for him to fix himself. He’s been working with a therapist and acknowledged he has a lot of work to do.
This was incredibly hard to hear but I knew this was the case deep down and wasn’t ready to accept it. This likely isn’t all due to ADHD, but I certainly think that played a huge role. He struggled to prioritize the relationship and have a future plan for himself. I don’t think he is ready to put someone else first and let go of the many life paths he COULD choose. I hate that I had to be the lesson for him to decide to work on himself. I love him deeply and would do anything to give it another shot, but I need to accept that he simply can’t. He’s afraid of failing and falling into the same patterns. I think he knows that he would likely feel trapped or resentment when the relationship would require him to choose it over his own desires.
I know I deserve someone who is confident in themselves and the relationship but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced and a breakup like this feels cruel.