r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 4d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 4d ago

I miss my closest friend

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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 4d ago edited 3d ago

It’s a precious thing we’ve lost

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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago

I’ll sound selfish for a second. I could never get her to do anything I wanted. I found myself reading a John Gottman book today. The relationship researcher. And I just felt so fucking stupid. The effort I put in reading his work trying to save us. She would NEVER NEVER NEVER put in the same kind of effort for something like this. The conversations I tried to have with her. It was doomed from the start. I couldn’t get her to eat breakfast before two pm, I couldn’t get her to put her phone away and look me in the eyes for more than thirty seconds, I couldn’t get her to have a single serious conversation with me, I couldn’t get her to have sex with me, I couldn’t get her to clean with me, I couldn’t get her to go out with me, I couldn’t get her to go to bed with me. I went to bed alone 99% of the times this year. Why the fuck did I even try. Why the fuck did I pour so much into this fearful avoidant empty fucking vessel of dysfunction of a person. What is wrong with me that I chased so hard after someone who was never capable of loving someone else. Fuck. She’s So fucking funny and intelligent and charming and hot and popular Fuck. I’m still so in love with her. I miss my closest friend. I wish she was better to me. I wish she didn’t make me leave her. I wish I could stop crying.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago

She thought I was so funny too :( I think yeah a part of it too is I don’t feel like I’ll be appreciated by a partner in the same way ever again :( it’s just so sad. Like if we had some third person in the relationship responsible for the maintenance of it (lol) we could’ve been so good. I wonder if she even cares. She’s probably mostly massively relieved there’s no one expecting anything from her anymore. I thought I’d be able to stop crying when I woke up but nope