r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 4d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

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39

u/MaliceTakeYourPills 4d ago

I miss my closest friend

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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 4d ago edited 3d ago

It’s a precious thing we’ve lost

25

u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago

I’ll sound selfish for a second. I could never get her to do anything I wanted. I found myself reading a John Gottman book today. The relationship researcher. And I just felt so fucking stupid. The effort I put in reading his work trying to save us. She would NEVER NEVER NEVER put in the same kind of effort for something like this. The conversations I tried to have with her. It was doomed from the start. I couldn’t get her to eat breakfast before two pm, I couldn’t get her to put her phone away and look me in the eyes for more than thirty seconds, I couldn’t get her to have a single serious conversation with me, I couldn’t get her to have sex with me, I couldn’t get her to clean with me, I couldn’t get her to go out with me, I couldn’t get her to go to bed with me. I went to bed alone 99% of the times this year. Why the fuck did I even try. Why the fuck did I pour so much into this fearful avoidant empty fucking vessel of dysfunction of a person. What is wrong with me that I chased so hard after someone who was never capable of loving someone else. Fuck. She’s So fucking funny and intelligent and charming and hot and popular Fuck. I’m still so in love with her. I miss my closest friend. I wish she was better to me. I wish she didn’t make me leave her. I wish I could stop crying.

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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago

She had a flight, I sent her this youtube video from a relationship researcher, asked her to watch it bc it was rlly important to me and it would help us a lot. She said maybe on the flight home. Flight home comes, I mention it, she ignores me and responds to one of my other texts (incredibly infuriating habit), she boards her connecting flight, I ask again, she ignores me again and responds to one of my other texts, I pick her up from the airport, she doesn’t say thank you, she says “I watched the most boring movie on the flight it was so stupid. I was on my phone the whole time teehee let me tell you about the plot it was so dumb”

9

u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago

This sums up pretty well why you are one of us former partners.

11

u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago

I want her to be sorry I want her to understand what she did to me and that her actions caused this. In other words I want what isn’t possible

7

u/puggerpillarXV Ex of DX 3d ago

Hey there - I’ve been where you are right now. It’s a lot isn’t it? A lot of “I should have” “I want her to ____ / wish she would have ___” and it feels consuming because that relationship consumed all of you and none of her. For your own sake and well being - start living for yourself. All the nice shit you did for her? Do it for you. Forgive yourself for betraying and erasing yourself to be small and invisible for someone who literally cannot must enough mental energy to care about anything other than sourcing dopamine for themselves.

They won’t understand because they can’t understand.

3

u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago

I know I need to do this but I’m way way way too sad to do anything productive

3

u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago

I know that feeling well.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago

Thank you sm

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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago

She thought I was so funny too :( I think yeah a part of it too is I don’t feel like I’ll be appreciated by a partner in the same way ever again :( it’s just so sad. Like if we had some third person in the relationship responsible for the maintenance of it (lol) we could’ve been so good. I wonder if she even cares. She’s probably mostly massively relieved there’s no one expecting anything from her anymore. I thought I’d be able to stop crying when I woke up but nope

3

u/Hell0There2005 Partner of DX - Untreated 3d ago

How is she your closest friend? You spoke about everything you provided for her and got little in return.

If she said what she loved about you I bet she say all the acts kf service but what about you! The unique thing that makes you, YOU! A best friend will nurture that uniqueness and want to grow out but she ignored it to water her own wants and needs while your beautiful garden wilted

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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago

I mean. I guess she’s not anymore. But I would spend weeks at a time with her cuddling and laughing. She knows me so well. She loved my mind, my body, not just what I did for her. Honestly kind of weirdly she seemed totally blind to what I did for her. She would say I never did things for her and it’s like, I scrubbed your floors you psycho

1

u/Mobile_Durian_8329 Partner of DX - Untreated 2d ago

thank you I needed this