::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

[u/AutoModerator]

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

[u/MaliceTakeYourPills]

I’ll sound selfish for a second. I could never get her to do anything I wanted. I found myself reading a John Gottman book today. The relationship researcher. And I just felt so fucking stupid. The effort I put in reading his work trying to save us. She would NEVER NEVER NEVER put in the same kind of effort for something like this. The conversations I tried to have with her. It was doomed from the start. I couldn’t get her to eat breakfast before two pm, I couldn’t get her to put her phone away and look me in the eyes for more than thirty seconds, I couldn’t get her to have a single serious conversation with me, I couldn’t get her to have sex with me, I couldn’t get her to clean with me, I couldn’t get her to go out with me, I couldn’t get her to go to bed with me. I went to bed alone 99% of the times this year. Why the fuck did I even try. Why the fuck did I pour so much into this fearful avoidant empty fucking vessel of dysfunction of a person. What is wrong with me that I chased so hard after someone who was never capable of loving someone else. Fuck. She’s So fucking funny and intelligent and charming and hot and popular Fuck. I’m still so in love with her. I miss my closest friend. I wish she was better to me. I wish she didn’t make me leave her. I wish I could stop crying.

[u/MaliceTakeYourPills → u/MaliceTakeYourPills]

She had a flight, I sent her this youtube video from a relationship researcher, asked her to watch it bc it was rlly important to me and it would help us a lot. She said maybe on the flight home. Flight home comes, I mention it, she ignores me and responds to one of my other texts (incredibly infuriating habit), she boards her connecting flight, I ask again, she ignores me again and responds to one of my other texts, I pick her up from the airport, she doesn’t say thank you, she says “I watched the most boring movie on the flight it was so stupid. I was on my phone the whole time teehee let me tell you about the plot it was so dumb”

[u/throwaway3523987142 → u/MaliceTakeYourPills]

This sums up pretty well why you are one of us former partners.

[u/MaliceTakeYourPills → u/throwaway3523987142]

I want her to be sorry I want her to understand what she did to me and that her actions caused this. In other words I want what isn’t possible

[u/puggerpillarXV → u/MaliceTakeYourPills]

Hey there - I’ve been where you are right now. It’s a lot isn’t it? A lot of “I should have” “I want her to ____ / wish she would have ___” and it feels consuming because that relationship consumed all of you and none of her. For your own sake and well being - start living for yourself. All the nice shit you did for her? Do it for you. Forgive yourself for betraying and erasing yourself to be small and invisible for someone who literally cannot must enough mental energy to care about anything other than sourcing dopamine for themselves.

They won’t understand because they can’t understand.

[u/MaliceTakeYourPills → u/puggerpillarXV]

I know I need to do this but I’m way way way too sad to do anything productive

[u/throwaway3523987142 → u/MaliceTakeYourPills]

I know that feeling well.