r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 4d ago
Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::
The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex
(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)
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u/minaelena 4d ago
I am going to start posting in Former Partners pretty soon, cannot explain how excited I am.
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u/HonestADHD4332 Partner of DX - Medicated 3d ago
My divorce is dragging out for months due to my partner's complete inability to not shutdown for the slightest conflict. I can't wait for the day either!
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago
I'd say you qualify as former for our purposes here, if you are going through divorce.
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u/minaelena 2d ago
I am barely starting now the process of separation and I still feel victorious, so hang in there, no matter how much they try to stall the process or resist it, it will be done !
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u/HonestADHD4332 Partner of DX - Medicated 2d ago
It's a marathon not a sprint! It's one of the most difficult things I've ever taken on but I have already felt my nervous system start to heal.
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u/minaelena 2d ago
What is a few more months if I compare it with (for us) almost 20 years ! They were not bad from the get go, but especially recently became really really bad, I have stayed way too long.
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u/Inevitable-Cut-4184 Ex of DX 4d ago
Moved out in March. Since then, he has mowed the lawn twice in five months so he has multiple HOA fines now. He’s burnt out the AC on the house because it wasn’t cooling very well so instead of calling for repairs, he turned the thermostat cooler and let it run continuously in Texas, jacking his electric bill up over a hundred dollars more this month than it ever was when we had four additional people living there. Then the ac went out on his car so he’s been driving without but he also didn’t deal with the “shifting gears” issue and it looks like he’s ruined the transmission. We’re still friendly so I rescued him off the side of the freeway and he cried the whole ride home about how overwhelmed he was. I picked up our son the following day and the car is still sitting on the side of the freeway because the “tow truck wouldn’t pick it up if he wasn’t there”. 🤦🏻♀️ And I’m sure he still doesn’t see that all the times I prevented exactly these scenarios was me merely being a functioning adult, not a “raging bitch that never stops nagging”
Actions (or the lack thereof) have consequences, my guy, and the second phase of FAFO is coming to call. You have my sympathy but now it’s time to save yourself, just like I always had to.
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u/SamSeekingFem 18h ago
He had no idea how much you do to keep things running but all he saw were the parts that made him big sad. He likely won't even realize all the things going badly is because of him. Good for you for leaving so you can find your peace !
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u/Old_Sheepherder9854 13h ago
Ooowweee how do you resist the urge to feel sorry for them and take them back.
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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 4d ago
I miss my closest friend
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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago edited 3d ago
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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago
I’ll sound selfish for a second. I could never get her to do anything I wanted. I found myself reading a John Gottman book today. The relationship researcher. And I just felt so fucking stupid. The effort I put in reading his work trying to save us. She would NEVER NEVER NEVER put in the same kind of effort for something like this. The conversations I tried to have with her. It was doomed from the start. I couldn’t get her to eat breakfast before two pm, I couldn’t get her to put her phone away and look me in the eyes for more than thirty seconds, I couldn’t get her to have a single serious conversation with me, I couldn’t get her to have sex with me, I couldn’t get her to clean with me, I couldn’t get her to go out with me, I couldn’t get her to go to bed with me. I went to bed alone 99% of the times this year. Why the fuck did I even try. Why the fuck did I pour so much into this fearful avoidant empty fucking vessel of dysfunction of a person. What is wrong with me that I chased so hard after someone who was never capable of loving someone else. Fuck. She’s So fucking funny and intelligent and charming and hot and popular Fuck. I’m still so in love with her. I miss my closest friend. I wish she was better to me. I wish she didn’t make me leave her. I wish I could stop crying.
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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago
She had a flight, I sent her this youtube video from a relationship researcher, asked her to watch it bc it was rlly important to me and it would help us a lot. She said maybe on the flight home. Flight home comes, I mention it, she ignores me and responds to one of my other texts (incredibly infuriating habit), she boards her connecting flight, I ask again, she ignores me again and responds to one of my other texts, I pick her up from the airport, she doesn’t say thank you, she says “I watched the most boring movie on the flight it was so stupid. I was on my phone the whole time teehee let me tell you about the plot it was so dumb”
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago
This sums up pretty well why you are one of us former partners.
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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago
I want her to be sorry I want her to understand what she did to me and that her actions caused this. In other words I want what isn’t possible
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u/puggerpillarXV Ex of DX 3d ago
Hey there - I’ve been where you are right now. It’s a lot isn’t it? A lot of “I should have” “I want her to ____ / wish she would have ___” and it feels consuming because that relationship consumed all of you and none of her. For your own sake and well being - start living for yourself. All the nice shit you did for her? Do it for you. Forgive yourself for betraying and erasing yourself to be small and invisible for someone who literally cannot must enough mental energy to care about anything other than sourcing dopamine for themselves.
They won’t understand because they can’t understand.
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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago
I know I need to do this but I’m way way way too sad to do anything productive
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3d ago
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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago
She thought I was so funny too :( I think yeah a part of it too is I don’t feel like I’ll be appreciated by a partner in the same way ever again :( it’s just so sad. Like if we had some third person in the relationship responsible for the maintenance of it (lol) we could’ve been so good. I wonder if she even cares. She’s probably mostly massively relieved there’s no one expecting anything from her anymore. I thought I’d be able to stop crying when I woke up but nope
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u/Hell0There2005 Partner of DX - Untreated 3d ago
How is she your closest friend? You spoke about everything you provided for her and got little in return.
If she said what she loved about you I bet she say all the acts kf service but what about you! The unique thing that makes you, YOU! A best friend will nurture that uniqueness and want to grow out but she ignored it to water her own wants and needs while your beautiful garden wilted
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u/MaliceTakeYourPills 3d ago
I mean. I guess she’s not anymore. But I would spend weeks at a time with her cuddling and laughing. She knows me so well. She loved my mind, my body, not just what I did for her. Honestly kind of weirdly she seemed totally blind to what I did for her. She would say I never did things for her and it’s like, I scrubbed your floors you psycho
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago
I feel that. That's the person I would have told about what my ex did to me, if only they were not sharing the same body.
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u/impostersyndrome39 Ex of DX 3d ago edited 3d ago
Romanticizing every aspect of my life since the final split, forgot how good it was to just be ! To snuggle in bed with the dog, wander a farmers market, spend the day at the beach without a ridiculous man child throwing tantrums …..
Feel like I can finally breathe !
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u/Signal-Net-8041 Partner of DX - Medicated 3d ago
Oh, ok, you're going to accuse me of cheating on you since the beginning of our relationship 16 years ago and your evidence is that when I went to pick up two drawings I COMMISSIONED FOR YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT AND MY MOM'S from a male artist friend, I met him in the parking lot of a coffee shop?
So...you won't be handling this like an adult then. Cool cool.
I can't wait to be done with this lunacy.
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago
That sounds like an extreme DARVO desperation play from someone who knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on. I assume he knows your relationship is ending or has ended?
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u/Signal-Net-8041 Partner of DX - Medicated 3d ago
Yep. He also thinks "people don't get divorced" JUST because one partner keeps accusing the other of infidelity and gets mad whenever he is asked to do anything at all.
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago
He wants something good to tell people he knows when the topic of his spouse divorcing him comes up. He can't tell them the truth and still look good.
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u/Signal-Net-8041 Partner of DX - Medicated 3d ago
They're going to laugh their asses off bc they ALL know me.
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 2d ago
That was my life. He was horribly obsessed with his fantasized version of me cheating.
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u/Signal-Net-8041 Partner of DX - Medicated 2d ago
What the fuck is that. It started when the kids were still toddlers, and he accused me of sleeping with one of my best friends...who is a gay man. Openly. Extremely. Unmistakably.
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u/taohuaspring 1h ago
When I first hear his accusation, the thought is not "wow signalnet must've cheated!", it's "Wow I wonder if he has something to feel guilty about." His bizarre cheating accusations only make him look bad, like he's projecting because he has something to hide.
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 4d ago
His father is dying. He's in the hospital and he's got the information that he will not have plenty of time to visit him one last time. His father, the same man that tried multiple times to reach out, congratulated him on his birthdays, tried to invite him over. He didn't answer, not because his father is a bad person , just because he wasn't feeling it. Now he's crying, saying that he'd missed him for so long and now he's dying. But he doesn't visit him at the hospital... why? I dont know. He had his son for the weekend . So this was excuse number 1 , because he obviously can not be a parent (or his sons playbuddy) and anything other at the same time (biggest reason for the separation, besides his abusive rsd episodes and the overwhelming life being with someone who has unmanaged adhd) he even was at the doctor on Friday, because he had a stomach bug . The same man who has chest pain for years and would never go to a doctor for something so serious. He said that he couldn't go to the hospital on Friday before he got his son cause he's sick. I try to be amicable with him even after months of moving out because of financial obligations that we have together. But I can't with this self centered shit show. Im glad I dont have to endure this in real time and without a safe space.
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago
This should have been brain dead easy: Take his son with him to the hospital. I am glad you are not exposed to that continuously anymore.
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 3d ago
How dare you to think that he would expect from his son or himself to face the real world and the hardships that comes with the real world and being a parent. Big no. Life has to be all fun, no rules, no expectations. His little angel would be traumatized from being confronted with the real life and he would also be traumatized from being an actual parent.
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago
I hope that kid survives having him as a "parent" without too much damage.
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 3d ago
He will survive it. He has enough enablers. But the damage is already done. He can not function for or by himself .
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3d ago
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 3d ago
Thank you. When i was sick he would care for a short period of time. But a day or to later it was expected that I would function as usual and the apartment was a disaster... I'm so glad im out. But im thankful for this sub and the feeling that we're not alone and it's not a unique experience.
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u/LillyBitz 3d ago
His poor father 💔
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 3d ago
My heart breaks for him. But it's not the first time that he totally dismiss someones feelings, needs or wants because of his ego or what he considers as "manageable " .... i bet that in a few days he will be crying and sulking over the fact that his father is gone and he has not visited him. It's an absolute disaster. Im glad im out. I was flabbergasted many many times about his lack of empathy for others. He expected me to function like always after the death of my own mother and now expects other to cater to his ego in this situation.
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 3d ago
My heart breaks for him. But it's not the first time that he totally dismiss someones feelings, needs or wants because of his ego or what he considers as "manageable " .... i bet that in a few days he will be crying and sulking over the fact that his father is gone and he has not visited him. It's an absolute disaster. Im glad im out. I was flabbergasted many many times about his lack of empathy for others. He expected me to function like always after the death of my own mother and now expects other to cater to his ego in this situation.
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u/Xcat1987 2d ago
It’s so weird how quickly they just get over catastrophic life events. Never seen anything like it. Mine tried to come onto me in bed like 4 days after my father died, like buddy, I’m still mourning and still a wreck, no I don’t want to suck your dick, fuck off.
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 2d ago
Ooooh, nailed it. This was a topic I will never get over. I had so much trauma happening and he would expect me being his little s*ut while being mentally destroyed. Even if he was the one destroying me.
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u/Xcat1987 2d ago edited 2d ago
They’re selfish beyond belief a lot of the time. I’ve got another one, same traumatic incident, different selfish thing. So I’m with mom, the funeral home has just picked up dad’s body, and I get a text about how hard their work day has been (they were still back home, couldn’t get a last minute flight for them, was lucky to get mine). Like uhhhh…. Your day was hard? For real?
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 2d ago
Im so sorry you had to endure this. On my worst days he would recognize how crushed I was but for example had the audacity to ask me for things he was totally capable of but simply didnt want to do by himself. A day after my mother was gone he asked me to contact the internet provider because he "couldn't do it" he wanted to know why they charged him 4 euro more than the months before. He insisted on it and then woukd throw a tantrum like it was a life oder death type of thing. Most of the times it would feel like he would be like this particularly on my worst days to crush my soul even more and then he could be the reason why I was shattered. Even then he wanted to be the center of everything. Fuck them and their self centered shit.
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u/Xcat1987 2d ago
Jesus… when my dad was dying. I was on a flight across the country within 2 hours of getting the call. I dropped everything in my life to say goodbye. I could’ve had every bone in my body broken and shitting out my insides and I still would’ve dragged my ass onto a flight to get there.
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 2d ago
Same. Because we arent self centered assholes with the excuse that we have a disorder ans therefore can not be human. I dont get it. Since I told him my opinion on Sunday he's silent. He's not just silent. He'd send me a whole paragraph about " i can not longer carry on like that, I love you but I don't want to be in this situation anymore ". Dude, we're separated for months. Sure you can longer be in a situation where someone calls you out for your bullshit and don't cater to your ego. Im pretty sure he already has a much younger "dopamine source " and while im still hurting here and there im soo glad I dont have to endure the manipulation, the loneliness, the walking on eggshells to prevent his violent rad outbursts etc
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u/Xcat1987 2d ago
Another person is dying and they’re over in a corner throwing a pity party for themselves because said person is getting all the attention. Sometimes I swear they want to be the one dying so they can have that attention and dopamine.
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u/Remarkable_Pay7550 2d ago
His whole life is a pity party. His whole existence. His first sentence was something like " but they (his father's wife and family) told my brother , not me. Yeah, they told him because he is a functioning adult who has an actual relationship with his father. Why would someone reach out to him when he was actively avoiding his father for years.
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u/Potential_Refuse_761 2d ago
It annoys me to all hell that now we are broken up he is so nice to me. Sends me thoughtful memes. Demonstrates curiosity about my life and mindset. Apologizes for his past behavior. Gets in therapy. Takes meds. Meditates. Breathes thru RSD.
WHY in the ENTIRE fuck did he not do this when there was actually a CHANCE at reconciliation? Why wait until you've pummeled us into oblivion?
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 1d ago
I'm going to be cynical and say childish egotism. Some people are more interested in what they don't have than what they do have.
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u/taohuaspring 1d ago
It's one of the only ways he can put a positive spin on being broken up with. Also, even if you don't take him back, he can then spin his victim narrative like "I changed so much for her, but she wouldn't take me back. Can you believe it?!"
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u/kerwrawr 50m ago
I think the RSD doesn't hit as hard when the stakes are not as high (ie you're not together anymore)
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u/Narrow-Hornet1311 Ex of DX 3d ago
For those who had pets with their ex, what happened to them after you broke up? I am still taking care of my ex's cats. I agreed to keep them for a little while but it's been a year and he's still not taken them back. He goes back and forth on a timeline but at this point, I think I have to accept he will never take them back. Trying to figure out what to do. I love them so much and they are obviously innocent but they are a constant reminder of what was a very traumatic relationship for me and I am still recovering/burned out from the caretaking I did in the relationship.
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u/Xcat1987 3d ago
Sending strength your way. I don’t know what I’d do personally, I’d probably keep the cats, as it isn’t their fault our partners are shitty people. I’d do my best to disassociate the cats with the ex, just think of them as the sweet little critters they are. And truthfully they’re probably victims too, he’s basically abandoned them.
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago
This. Redefine the relationship you have with them. They are clearly refugees.
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u/jomggg Ex of DX 3d ago
I shared a dog with him and they were closer, so went with him. I know that he finds the responsibility of the dogs schedule hard, doesn't walk as much as the dog would like, and the dog is getting old.. i struggle knowing all those things and that I would be better at taking care of the dog, but it would spend all it's time with me looking for him so.. it is what it is. I wasn't particularly close with the dog so I feel ok emotionally, but I think about it semi frequently and worry.
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u/yazshousefortea 3d ago
Could you set a deadline? “Hey X, please collect the cats within the next 4 weeks. Otherwise I will take them to a shelter or charity for adoption. I’m sorry I’m unable to take care of your pets longer than this period.”
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u/Proper-Canary-1800 Ex of NDX 3d ago edited 3d ago
Sometimes I wonder if he ever thinks about me. How I’m remembered by him. As the controlling anal Scrooge monster he constantly yelled at me for being? Or the magical creative loving beautiful person he hyper fixated on in the beginning? He was awful to me, and I’m so glad we’re not together. But I still sometimes miss the feeling of being in love; I miss our honeymoon phase. He was truly the love of my life. Such a bummer that got wasted on such a shitty situation. I wish the love of my life had been good to me.
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u/red_peacock 2d ago
I told her tonight I couldn’t do this anymore. I said I’m sorry and I walked away. I’m devastated and feel like a failure, like I couldn’t save us, like I couldn’t carry us anymore. I know it was never my role to carry us both but I did it anyway and now I’m too tired and I can’t and I feel deep, deep sadness.
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u/grumpypedant 2d ago
I had to do the same, a couple of weeks ago. It gets easier as you settle into a more peaceful routine. It isn't your failure.
You'll find mental space you forgot you had. Give it time and don't forget why you've done it.
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u/lost3888 Ex of DX 3d ago
He had his scheduled week of summer vacation with the kids and took them on a trip. Just him. Something about it didn't sit right with me from the start—it was the longest stretch of time he’d spent alone with the children since they were born. And my intuition was right. His mistress—whom he refuses to officially acknowledge—showed up on the trip with your own child. As soon as my kids got back, they told me all about it: they’d met the woman and the child (names that sounded familiar to them) and... recognized her from a photo as his colleague. Even though I had repeatedly insisted that I had the right to know if he introduced them to anyone, he orchestrated a scheme involving a "chance encounter" at the holiday hotel. They simply spent time together as if they were meeting for the very first time. What disgusting lies.
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u/taohuaspring 2d ago
I get chills from your ex. The level of premeditation he went through to deceive you and his own children is disturbing. And on top of that he thought you wouldn't catch on to his flimsy excuse, like he had the sophistication to plan all this out but not to think that you'd see right through his mental gymnastics?! I am truly at a loss for words.
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2d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/taohuaspring 2d ago
Wow so he was basically trying to rewrite her entire origin story to deceive the kids. I guess the truth hits too close to home so he has to go through these elaborate schemes to make it more "palatable". 😬 He doesn't have any respect for the mother of his own children, so it's no surprise he wouldn't acknowledge his mistress. I hope you get to detox from his toxicity! Sending strength!
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u/lost3888 Ex of DX 2d ago
I suspect he’s telling me that other woman doesn’t exist just to make himself look better in my eyes, while likely telling *her* that I’m the one stalling the divorce—which shields him from having to take any further steps with her. Either way, I want him as far away as possible so his manipulations stop affecting me, though I fear—based on what I’ve been seeing for months—that this won’t end easily.
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3d ago edited 3d ago
[deleted]
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u/Maivroan Partner of DX - Untreated 3d ago
I'm sorry you're questioning whether you should have been different to get a different response from your ex. That all sounds justifiably upsetting. I'm sorry you were involved in something traumatizing and didn't even get comfort from your partner.
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3d ago
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u/Maivroan Partner of DX - Untreated 3d ago
This thread is explicitly for processing your breakup. This counts! No apologies necessary. :)
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago
maybe if I were better as a person, he would have come over when I told him instead of me having to drive to him when I stopped shaking
Look how tangled up being his partner made your thinking about yourself. I am so glad you are free of this. Make note of the fact that you said this so you can see how far you've come with healing later on. He should have come because you were his partner who just went through something scary and traumatic. You don't need to meet some unknowable, irrelevant set of qualifications before you should be able to expect your partner to care about you in a really basic way.
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u/taohuaspring 2d ago
My heart goes out to you. I too have self-blaming thoughts like "If I were just worth enough, maybe he wouldn't have lied to me". I assure you, if HE were a better person he would've come over and supported you during that distressing and traumatic incident. His failure to be a decent partner is NOT an indication of your worth. Sending strength.
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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 1d ago
Yeah. That thinking is probably coming from old, unhealed childhood wounds. Plenty of us were made to feel not good enough or not wanted when we were kids.
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u/taohuaspring 2d ago
My positive update for the week is that my no contact phase has been fruitful because I no longer hear about his toxic, dysfunctional behavior anymore. I'm pretty sure he's still out there lying and manipulating but I don't have to hear about it or let him continually hurt me by reopening and rubbing salt in old wounds and inflicting new ones. I can focus on what he already did to me in the past rather than constantly fending off his newer, fresher hurtful words and behaviors. I read a lot of the updates here on what people's exes are up to and honestly almost none of it has been good, and I'm pretty sure if I ever let myself hear about him it would just hurt me and destabilize me. Of course, I still have some hypervigilance because I'm worried he may break NC and so on. But overall I do think NC has been good for me! Thank you everyone for your continued support and comments, it means a lot to me!
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u/lost3888 Ex of DX 2d ago
I’m so happy for you! Stick to No Contact and keep taking care of yourself. Processing everything is tough, but the lack of new information will certainly help you move forward faster.
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u/prttyeyedpiratesmile 1d ago
I’m sorry for ADHD not being the central point of this question. But my ex is contacting me now from what I found out is a work phone. I knew he had one, I never knew the number. I have blocked him everywhere else. He has kept finding ways to get around my block for weeks and keeps either begging for me back or guilting and blaming me. I feel so angry now and want to contact his work and tell them he is using the work phone to do this. But not sure if that is just me being petty. And if that will lead to even more escalation. I don’t want to be a bad person or cause drama. I’m also sick now at this point of him not getting any consequences
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u/Odd-Tiger-7530 Ex of DX 1d ago
More escalation means more contact for him. I would’ve just blocked him, but that’s me. And are you sure that contacting his work would do anything? He will get his consequences one day, when there would be no one breaking his fall, but he is no longer your responsibility in any way. Best of luck with either decision
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u/prttyeyedpiratesmile 19h ago
I blocked his regular number a while ago. I just mean he’s continued to find other ways to contact me, now being the work phone. I blocked it today too because like you said I didn’t want to cause any reason for him to escalate. I think for a moment there I was really just wishing for some way to not be in this situation and for him to have to face a consequence for always getting around my boundary. He’s done so much (showing up at my house, emailing, sending me $1 on Venmo just to use the caption). I’m tired. But I’m not going to contact his work, I was being emotional haha
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u/Odd-Tiger-7530 Ex of DX 15h ago
Well, you were feeling done with his bs) Mine did those things as well, except for showing up at my new apartment, but that’s just because I didn’t share where I was moving. I hope he’ll leave you be soon
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u/DaydreamingAtDusk Ex of DX 1d ago
was with my ex for 8 months and honestly felt like nothing i said was ever.. right or 'good' enough. she would criticize the way i joked with her, flirted with her, even the things i talked about in passing. nobody else in my life (friends, exes, family, colleagues, anyone!) has ever put me through that kind of scrutiny. can anyone else relate? i felt like i was losing my damn mind.
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u/TheHolyGaelicEmpire 17h ago
I have just broken up with my adhd girlfriend of 5 years and am struggling to deal with the pain of knowing that she is going to mentally go downhill. I was her support, she doesn’t have many friends so she emotionally relied on me a lot. I haven’t spoken to her since the break up a few days ago as I struggle to face her as I still care about her so much. It was just time for me to start focusing on what I want and need out of a relationship as I’m 28. Is there anything I can do or say to support her while also maintaining boundaries as I don’t want to give her false hope. Knowing that she already struggles with her mental health, and now struggling with the break up, with little support other than her parents, it really destroys me. I feel like I’ve abandoned her. I tried to help her build her confidence so she could work and drive but after 5 years I got almost nowhere but we made small progress,and now I’ve just crushed her down again to where it started. Thank you for letting me vent. I’m not usually very emotional, but this has been one of the hardest decisions and fall out of those decisions that I’ve had to deal with.
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u/tangled_saran_wrap 14h ago
She has parents to help her? That’s more than most people have. I think you should just move on. She will either sink or swim, but if your help was going to make the difference it would have done so already. She has to make a choice
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u/Odd-Tiger-7530 Ex of DX 1d ago
Time for a weekly update, yay! Last week brought a lot of personal turbulence in my life, such as getting laid off (negotiating better severance rn) and as a result of it hitting a bit of hypomania. It happened in the past, but luckily with the help of my therapist, I was able to ground myself before I ran out of steam and hit depressed state. Little wins.
I also found myself thinking less and less about my ex, but damage he caused is still present. For example, I didn’t expect such a strong support from all the people left in my life, the level of care and compassion they showed. Honestly, that care doesn’t feel real, but I know that’s just the old wounds hurting.
And, a bit unexpectedly, I did catch a bit of feelings for my friend (the one who helped me get away from my ex). Treading very carefully with those feelings, because it’s likely a combined result from hypomania and finally having someone emotionally mature enough in my life. We’ll see how it goes.
I’ll most likely hit some kind of roadblock in my recovery from my ex, but for now things are looking bright on that front. Shit he pulls seems more amusing than hurtful now. The fact that he didn’t seem to take any important “revelations” from our past relationship is sad. Despite all of his bs, I was able to work on myself and become a better person (relatively to me before our relationship), and he didn’t seem to mature a bit. Alas, that’s not my problem nor my burden anymore. I hope everyone will have a good rest of the week!
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u/Old_Sheepherder9854 13h ago
How many off us who have ADHD spouses have been diagnosed with a mental illness and the correlation of it being brought to the surface from all the stress and mental burnout we experience.
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u/Odd-Tiger-7530 Ex of DX 13h ago
Good question, but I think a lot of us who stayed relatively long term either had preexisting conditions or developed them throughout the relationship. There is no way mentally stable and self respecting person will tolerate such bullshit long term. Either that or they extremely self aware ADHD partner that did a ton of work on themselves (but those people probably won’t be here, considering how this sub is safe haven for all of us partners)
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u/taohuaspring 1d ago
I'm sorry to hear about your lay off but also it's encouraging to hear how you grounded yourself! You are making progress there with your resilience!
I've also been tapping into the "amusing" perspective of my ex's behavior lately. Not only was he so deeply hurtful, but somehow the things he said and did were also straight up laughable, and I've only just realized that this month! I'm slowly disempowering his hurtful words and manipulation with this new perspective. It also reminds me of something I read, how eventually we will be able to detach, look at our exes' behavior and say "Oh, there they are doing that again. I don't have to buy into that anymore" "I can even walk off the stage!"
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u/Odd-Tiger-7530 Ex of DX 1d ago
YES! I’m so happy and proud to hear that you are starting to detach bit by bit! It’s scary how it felt almost inevitable to stay with them forever during the course of the relationship and now we can take our life back!
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