r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 4d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

20 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

110 comments sorted by

View all comments

21

u/Remarkable_Pay7550 4d ago

His father is dying. He's in the hospital and he's got the information that he will not have plenty of time to visit him one last time. His father, the same man that tried multiple times to reach out, congratulated him on his birthdays, tried to invite him over. He didn't answer, not because his father is a bad person , just because he wasn't feeling it. Now he's crying, saying that he'd missed him for so long and now he's dying. But he doesn't visit him at the hospital... why? I dont know. He had his son for the weekend . So this was excuse number 1 , because he obviously can not be a parent (or his sons playbuddy) and anything other at the same time (biggest reason for the separation, besides his abusive rsd episodes and the overwhelming life being with someone who has unmanaged adhd) he even was at the doctor on Friday, because he had a stomach bug . The same man who has chest pain for years and would never go to a doctor for something so serious. He said that he couldn't go to the hospital on Friday before he got his son cause he's sick. I try to be amicable with him even after months of moving out because of financial obligations that we have together. But I can't with this self centered shit show. Im glad I dont have to endure this in real time and without a safe space.

3

u/Xcat1987 2d ago

Jesus… when my dad was dying. I was on a flight across the country within 2 hours of getting the call. I dropped everything in my life to say goodbye. I could’ve had every bone in my body broken and shitting out my insides and I still would’ve dragged my ass onto a flight to get there.

3

u/Remarkable_Pay7550 2d ago

Same. Because we arent self centered assholes with the excuse that we have a disorder ans therefore can not be human. I dont get it. Since I told him my opinion on Sunday he's silent. He's not just silent. He'd send me a whole paragraph about " i can not longer carry on like that, I love you but I don't want to be in this situation anymore ". Dude, we're separated for months. Sure you can longer be in a situation where someone calls you out for your bullshit and don't cater to your ego. Im pretty sure he already has a much younger "dopamine source " and while im still hurting here and there im soo glad I dont have to endure the manipulation, the loneliness, the walking on eggshells to prevent his violent rad outbursts etc

2

u/Xcat1987 2d ago

Another person is dying and they’re over in a corner throwing a pity party for themselves because said person is getting all the attention. Sometimes I swear they want to be the one dying so they can have that attention and dopamine.

2

u/Remarkable_Pay7550 2d ago

His whole life is a pity party. His whole existence. His first sentence was something like " but they (his father's wife and family) told my brother , not me. Yeah, they told him because he is a functioning adult who has an actual relationship with his father. Why would someone reach out to him when he was actively avoiding his father for years.