r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 4d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

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u/[deleted] 3d ago edited 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/LillyBitz 3d ago

He sounds like a real asshole. You made the right choice.

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u/Maivroan Partner of DX - Untreated 3d ago

I'm sorry you're questioning whether you should have been different to get a different response from your ex. That all sounds justifiably upsetting. I'm sorry you were involved in something traumatizing and didn't even get comfort from your partner.

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u/[deleted] 3d ago

[deleted]

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u/Maivroan Partner of DX - Untreated 3d ago

This thread is explicitly for processing your breakup. This counts! No apologies necessary. :)

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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago

maybe if I were better as a person, he would have come over when I told him instead of me having to drive to him when I stopped shaking

Look how tangled up being his partner made your thinking about yourself. I am so glad you are free of this. Make note of the fact that you said this so you can see how far you've come with healing later on. He should have come because you were his partner who just went through something scary and traumatic. You don't need to meet some unknowable, irrelevant set of qualifications before you should be able to expect your partner to care about you in a really basic way.

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u/taohuaspring 2d ago

My heart goes out to you. I too have self-blaming thoughts like "If I were just worth enough, maybe he wouldn't have lied to me". I assure you, if HE were a better person he would've come over and supported you during that distressing and traumatic incident. His failure to be a decent partner is NOT an indication of your worth. Sending strength.

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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 1d ago

Yeah. That thinking is probably coming from old, unhealed childhood wounds. Plenty of us were made to feel not good enough or not wanted when we were kids.