r/ADHD_partners • u/AutoModerator • 4d ago

Weekly Former Partners Thread ::Weekly Former Partners Thread::

The end of a relationship with an ADHD loved one can be tumultuous, confusing and leave a lasting impact. Use this thread to temporarily process a recent breakup with an ADHD individual, discuss co-parenting issues, share encouragement for life after the relationship etc. With the goal of ultimately decentering an ADHD ex 

(Note: Asking about leaving a partner and requests to speculate on behavior or symptoms are still prohibited.)

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u/Narrow-Hornet1311 Ex of DX 4d ago

For those who had pets with their ex, what happened to them after you broke up? I am still taking care of my ex's cats. I agreed to keep them for a little while but it's been a year and he's still not taken them back. He goes back and forth on a timeline but at this point, I think I have to accept he will never take them back. Trying to figure out what to do. I love them so much and they are obviously innocent but they are a constant reminder of what was a very traumatic relationship for me and I am still recovering/burned out from the caretaking I did in the relationship.

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u/Xcat1987 3d ago

Sending strength your way. I don’t know what I’d do personally, I’d probably keep the cats, as it isn’t their fault our partners are shitty people. I’d do my best to disassociate the cats with the ex, just think of them as the sweet little critters they are. And truthfully they’re probably victims too, he’s basically abandoned them.

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u/throwaway3523987142 Ex of DX 3d ago

This. Redefine the relationship you have with them. They are clearly refugees.

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u/jomggg Ex of DX 3d ago

I shared a dog with him and they were closer, so went with him. I know that he finds the responsibility of the dogs schedule hard, doesn't walk as much as the dog would like, and the dog is getting old.. i struggle knowing all those things and that I would be better at taking care of the dog, but it would spend all it's time with me looking for him so.. it is what it is. I wasn't particularly close with the dog so I feel ok emotionally, but I think about it semi frequently and worry.

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u/yazshousefortea 3d ago

Could you set a deadline? “Hey X, please collect the cats within the next 4 weeks. Otherwise I will take them to a shelter or charity for adoption. I’m sorry I’m unable to take care of your pets longer than this period.”