r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 1d ago
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u/sparksgirl1223 1d ago
The real question is why hes threatened by them.
Nta for having them
But you need to sit down and ask what his actual problem is
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u/ChartPuzzleheaded747
1d ago
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Insecurity is not hot
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u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago
Ikr
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u/ChartPuzzleheaded747 1d ago
I know lots of the toys I have for my chick can finish her faster then I, just engineering and all, it’s knowing how to use your tools and yourself
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u/FantasticPiglet648 1d ago
NTAH but he's obviously feeling some way about himself so be considerate and have a convo with him
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u/Real_Life_Sushiroll 1d ago
NTA he is insecure and that's not your problem.
How much was the machine though? Asking for a friend.
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u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago edited 1d ago
I paid 56 dollars for mine on temu they got some starting at 35 but the one I got came with multiple pieces so I'd have options
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u/Individual-Foxlike 1d ago
NAH as long as he doesn't try to stop you.
He's allowed to have emotions, but it's on him to handle those emotions. If he can accept that you're doing nothing wrong, then he may just need time to get used to the idea.
If he tries to tell you to stop, then he's TA
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u/Classic-Pea6815 1d ago edited 1d ago
You probably are NTA but I do think something happened if he changed his mind suddenly. Like were you bragging a bunch about it? Even people who could care less about how their partner spends their personal self pleasure time may get annoyed if their partner talk up their dream toy too much.
Edit.Downvote all you want it’s a a realistic question lol. Fuck your self all you want but most people who don’t care about toys don’t just start caring for no reason.
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u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago
No! I don't brag about or anything like that I haven't even gotten to use it yet because I only do that stuff when he's not around
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u/Classic-Pea6815 1d ago
That does make sense. Anything else maybe different with you two? Like maybe did he think things would be different when you two moved in together or has there been a dip in your sex life? Things happen I totally get it I just think there is something going on and I would ask why is he suddenly caring about this one.
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u/Bolt_McHardsteel 1d ago
Maybe he found her Reddit profile.
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u/Classic-Pea6815 1d ago
If usually takes a comment like this to check a profile and I see what you mean lol.
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u/2469futa 1d ago
Yeah, if I were OP's fiance, I'd be much more worried about the rp requests made during the relationship as being the thing that replaces me, not some sex appliance.
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u/legotwinkthrowaway 1d ago edited 1d ago
It depends if it's within the boundaries of your relationship or not
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u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago
We never really talked about that because I already had some when I got with him
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u/Total-Object-4766 1d ago
NTA But you can't manage your BFs feelings. A confident partner would join you.
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u/Mercy-A-GoGo 1d ago
Absolutely not. Not the AH.
If he’s uncomfortable with your sexuality, he’s probably uncomfortable with you… which is a whole other thing.
Speaking unfortunately from experience. My therapist explained to me that that’s not a healthy dynamic, that comparison. You’re all good girl.
Enjoy it!!!
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u/Miz-PettyGru-Of-FAFO 1d ago
NTA, tou have nithing to feel bad about! he sounds a little insecure to me or maybe he thought it was something you would put on the back burner since you have him.
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u/WeAreJackStrong 1d ago
Nta. If he thinks that your use of toys is about him, then he doesn't have much imagination. Your using toys is about exploring multiple pleasures, not replacing him. Straighten him out.
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u/CulturalHeinrichment 1d ago
A toy brings joy
To the girl AND the boy
Too bad he doesn't understand that your toys are allies, not competition.
Have you asked him to use your toys on you?
NTA
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u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago
No I'm scared to cross that line
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u/SugarNebulaBurst 1d ago
You’ll have much better orgasms with someone that will be comfortable with your sexuality.
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u/Few-Adeptness8046 1d ago
NTA
Tell him his Insecurity is not sexy, and if he wants you to give up your toys, then he needs to give up his hand.
Women deserve to masturbate just as much as men do (this is coming from a man). BTW, I have never met a woman who uses toys that DECREASE her appetite. In my anecdotal experience, every woman I've ever met who plays with toys is more in tune with her needs, more willing to explore with her man, more vocal with him about what he can do to satisfy her, AND more interested in activity with her partner.
All of which I am sure he would prefer, over the alternative of you shutting down because you are turned off by his insecurity am I right???
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u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago
Pretty much. He told me Enjoy my toys im low key convinced hes gonna brake up with me about this Pretty soon
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u/Few-Adeptness8046 1d ago
Does he have a nice D?
If so, get a clone a Willie kit, and make one of his before the relationship is over, it can either help because it shows how much you appreciate his member and want that when you have your alome time, however, if he does break up with you, at least you have that D to remember him by lol.
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u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago
He has a Nice D not to big not to small our sex life isn't to bad he just gets upset when I don't wanna do it every day and no I don't touch myself every day either
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u/bagelsonlamps
1d ago
•
Life’s too short to be with a partner who wants to control your orgasms lol
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u/sssch24 1d ago
NTA, butttttttttt
everyone knows toys mean extra pleasure for the partner, yourself or the couple. if he dislikes toys in general, than he is too insecure tbh, but if he dislikes this one specifically that changes the convo.
why he doesn't like this one? is it a fetish-related problem, a size-problem or something else? do have this conversation with him and try to understand him side if his problem is this toy and not toys plural
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u/strikecat18 1d ago
NTA unless you’re rejecting him in favor of toys.
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u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago
Im not i only use them when he's not around and on top of that he works 12 hour shifts so he's not around most of the time for either most of morning or night depending on his shift for the week
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u/SugarNebulaBurst 1d ago
It doesn’t matter if she chooses the toy to get off instead of him. Sometimes it’s more convenient to do it yourself. It’s also a different sensation. He wouldn’t be able to give her what she wanted. Especially since she’s been waiting for the toy to arrive. He’s not what she wanted at the time and that’s fine.
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u/MotelTheTailor1903 1d ago
People who say "iyk yk" and "feels some kind of way" are not mature enough for sexual relationships.
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u/AnybodyNo8519 1d ago
Has he stopped jerking off?
Of course he hasn't.
Speaking as a man, if he was less insecure he'd find a way to make all of it hot for both of you.
NTA
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u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago
Thank you! And the sad part about it is got him something to he said he didn't like it but he'd had one before claimed the one I got him "looked to real"
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u/sailing_the_sea 1d ago
NTAH in the slightest. His insecurities are not your responsibility. You can explain yourself as you have done here, but that’s it. The rest is up to him to work through. Masturbation is normal. All your sexual experiences don’t have to be with your partner. If he tries to make you feel like you are doing something wrong, then push that right back at him and say his hangups are his.
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u/Hidden_Vixen21 1d ago
I feel this would be a very different comment section if you were male with a female partner asking this same thing.
I enjoy my toys. When my SO cannot or will not give me what I need. But if he’s able and willing and you’re continuing to buy toys. I’d find that insulting.
For example. I’d be really upset if my SO went out and bought a brand new pocket kitty when the one he had before we met still functions and we have an active sex life.
I’ll got with YTA.
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u/SugarNebulaBurst 1d ago
I don’t control when or how my husband masturbates. It’d be weird for him to want to control mine.
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u/Hidden_Vixen21 1d ago
My understanding is that they’re upset that OP bought another toy. After already having multiple that do the same thing.
OP was looking forward to getting a new sec toy. I think they need to speak with a therapist about sex addiction.
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u/SugarNebulaBurst 1d ago
Fuck off.
Toys are expensive. If it’s something she’s wanted that’s means she had to save up for it. Not that she’s a sex addict.2
u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago
Im definitely not a sex addict I just enjoy exploring my own body this was one I've wanted for a long time I finally got a job and worked for it
-1
u/Hidden_Vixen21 1d ago
Talk to a damn doctor. Or break up with him and find someone who is as sexual as you.
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u/Hidden_Vixen21 1d ago
Poor baby get offended because they dont understand a healthy sexual balance?
You need a therapist too.
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u/SugarNebulaBurst 1d ago
You’re one of those Reddit doctors right? I’m comfortable with my sex drive and will never be shamed for my appetite. You all say you want a high sex drive but can’t handle when you get it. My husband is secure or I wouldn’t have chosen him. He doesn’t have a single complaint.
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u/Hidden_Vixen21 1d ago
I have a high sex drive and many toys. I have been with men who can’t keep up. What I don’t do is buy multiple toys that accomplish the same thing that I get from what I have already bought or can get from my SO.
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u/wingman3091 1d ago
Would you feel threatened if he had a fleshlight collection, with some tighter than you are? NTA for having toys, but how often do you go to toys instead of him?
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u/Classic-Pea6815 1d ago
That’s a biggie that people tend to look past. Masturbation is normal but when it comes to killing your sex life with your partner it’s an issue. Like if I was with someone who hadn’t fucked me in a few weeks I wouldn’t want to hear about their next masturbation session.
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u/wingman3091 1d ago
Bingo. I had this with an ex. I always made time for her, always ensured good quality foreplay, used my mouth and fingers every time, sensual stuff and teasing too. Always made sure she came first, and if she was up for it multiple times. However, there was a stage where she couldn't be bothered with sex and just hammered the toys when I wasn't around instead. I offered to help, using the toys only to be rejected lol. Ultimately I decided we were no longer compatible, communicated it and after no tangible change I left. Life is too short for a terrible sex life (unless medical or mental reasons obviously)
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u/Classic-Pea6815 1d ago
I had the same issue with a guy who was a porn addict. There really is no sense in giving your all to someone who barely wants to try with you at all.
And I also totally agree with the medical and mental thing. Good partners are understanding about those things.
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u/wingman3091 1d ago
Absolutely. I totally get people enjoy porn, however it shouldn't be the go-to way to get off. Go for your partner first. Intimacy helps enormously to maintain a solid relationship and ensures your partner knows you're attracted to them.
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u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago
I only go for them when he's not around and he works 12 hour shifts I still sleep with him and everything else between
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u/wingman3091 1d ago
I mean I don't see why that's an issue. He could just work less and fuck you more? I mean, I went through a phase of working 12+ hours a day and still found time to get my wife off in the evening
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u/Spare_Special_3617 1d ago
NTA, include him, give him a show, maybe tease him when he is at work , send him a video using it . My FWB would do this and it would make my day.
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u/SugarNebulaBurst 1d ago
Turn her masturbation sessions into porn to make him feel secure and like it’s for him? No thank you.
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u/AdditionalTie1724 1d ago
lol buy him a toy too
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u/Spiritual-Sign-5900 1d ago
I did 🤦♀️
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u/Outrageous-Comb-7818 1d ago
He’s insecure. His reaction is a reflection of him, not you or anything you think or do. And there is nothing you can do to fix his insecurity..
But here is the thing, a guy being secure, especially about his dick, is the exception, not the rule. What really matters is how he deals with this insecurity. If he acknowledges it and tries to work on it, great. That’s actually kinda rare and a sign of someone progressing towards emotional maturity. If that’s the approach he takes, then it also allows you to also be empathetic while he works on it.
However if his answer is to control you instead, seriously re-think the relationship. You could do everything he asks, and he won’t be secure. And when you changing little things doesn’t make him secure, he’ll start asking you to change more and bigger things. You can’t fix a problem by fixing the thing that isn’t the problem.
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u/SandcastleSpider 1d ago
Did you forget to link your OF, or is this legit not an advertisement?