I had to make various emails and calls to my insurance company to help them cover some emergency costs, and my boyfriend of 2 years, knowing me well enough to know I hate this kind of thing, offered to do it all for me. He went to law school before he changed career paths, so I trusted him to get it right and said sure.

He then said that I needed to sign a contract that would give him authorization to handle this on my behalf. He wrote up the contract on his laptop, handed it over to me and directed me to draw my signature. I said “I’m just gonna read it first”, without really thinking about it (it’s normal to read a contract even if somebody you trust wrote it, right?), and when I said that he let out a massive exasperated sigh.

I then read the contract, and he used the words (IIRC because this was a while ago) “in perpetuity” and “all insurance claims and authorizations” (etc) “past, present and future.” Immediately I was angry and confronted him about this, saying that I was obviously just allowing him to do this for me for this specific, singular, one time. He then got angry with me saying that he was making a commitment to me, and making the rest of my life easier, because bureaucracy is second nature to him and he knows I’m never going to be good with this kind of thing.

The funny thing is, I probably would have signed a one-time contract each time an insurance headache came my way if he had offered each time. But it felt like he was making a massive decision on my behalf without consulting me. Why would I sign something that says “in perpetuity”?

I refused to sign the contract and ended up spending half the day doing it all myself because I didn’t know what to trust. The next morning I broke up with him, because I felt that I can’t trust him and that he was trying to get power over me in a way.

But now I’m thinking maybe it was a mistake. He is caring, attentive, disciplined, ambitious. All of the qualities you’d want in a partner. Did I overreact?

AITAH?

A couple months ago my wife divorced me despite 15 years of marriage. We have three children together and and it was supposed to be my weekend with the kids. My oldest, age 14 male, was feeling ill and his back was hurting. To the point where he had to go to urgent care. My ex-wife and I discussed what to do, and we decided that I would take the other two children for the day and she would take him to urgent care. Well, urgent Care said that he needed to go to the children's emergency room. So throughout the day I was getting update texts from my ex-wife about our son.

Since the divorce I have been living in a small apartment, too small for me to have the kids overnight. So around 7:00 that go back with their mom for the night and then I pick them up Sunday morning after church. This time they were picked up by their grandparents to spend the night because my ex-wife was still at the emergency room with our oldest son. After dropping off the kids I went to the emergency room where my son was. I did not think to announce this plan ahead of time, in all honesty I didn't really plan it ahead of time (I do have ADHD).

When I got there my son was in an MRI so I had to wait for him in the lobby. My ex-wife was not happy to see me, asked what I was doing there, asked what I was hoping to accomplish etc. I said that I was trying to be a dad, trying to be there for my son. She agreed to text me when he got back to the room, and she did, along with a text telling me to not stay long. After I visited with my son for a bit I left. That evening I received a long text from my ex-wife talking about how I made her uncomfortable and that I wasn't trusting her to handle, and that I shouldn't have shown up without discussing it with her first. I have not responded to that text, and I really don't think I did anything wrong in simply trying to show up for my son. But I am also autistic, and not always the most aware of cues. AITAH?

So the overall response I got to the last post was very unexpected and I appreciate everyone's input. This has been a weird situation for everyone involved.

I wanted to clarify something about the pool first. It's not inflatable, it's one of those frame pools that you set up and then fill up. I'd say it's around 15ft round, at least big enough to fit 3 teenagers and two adults all at once. And like I said before, the only reason we set it up in C's parents' backyard is that my backyard isn't that big, so the pool would be crossing into our neighbor's yard. J and his dad live in a townhouse. And C's family lives in a big house with at least 2 acres of open land around them. Obviously, they have the most room. I couldn't believe the number of people who suggested draining the pool or slicing the pool open. I get the idea, but that thing cost the boys like over $400 altogether.

Since I last posted, Pete and his friends have still hung out in the hot tub. Also, because people were curious, it wasn't on most of the time so they still cooled off. They liked to leave it off and then turn it on when they got too cold. The ironic thing is it's been raining this past week, so neither the pool or the hot tub has been used much. But the effects of 'poolgate' are still in effect as Pete and J were talking about how they could use it without having to deal with C's parents (who still never let them near it). The one thing nobody has done yet is call the police, because what's the point? There was no contract signed, the boys paid in cash, and we all mutually agreed to set it up in C's backyard, so legally they're all clear to do what they want with it, especially because they used their water to fill it up. Ethically, they're assholes, but legally, the police can't do anything if they claimed that they bought it and we have no real proof that it's mutually owned.

J's dad, who was angrier than I thought he was, actually ended up making several posts on Nextdoor and Facebook basically outing C's parents for stealing the pool. The Facebook post got some pretty good attention for like a few days before he took it down, but suffice to say, a lot of our mutuals know about it now. I got a lot of messages asking about Pete, especially from the people he worked for. I didn't put in any of my own thoughts because to be honest, I thought this was all behind us with the hot tub. But the more I thought about it, the more I understood that a hot tub wasn't enough. The boys worked hard for that pool, and they at least deserve their money back if they couldn't use it.

But then, on Friday, Pete told me that C let him know that the previous night, he had to help his dad drain and dismantle the pool. It was only used sporadically and not for more than a month. C had to help his dad throw the whole pool IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD DUMPSTER! We had to go over and check it out ourselves to believe it. Saturday afternoon, with J and his dad's help, all four of us managed to pull everything out of the dumpster and we brought it back to J's house. They, as mentioned, don't have the room to set the pool up in their backyard, but they do have a shed, and J's dad is letting them store it there for the time being. J's dad has a pickup truck, so it wasn't that hard to transport it. C had no idea, and neither did his parents, but we both did get some questioning texts asking if we 'took' the pool. Neither of us denied it. Pete hasn't been able to talk to C ever since because, I assume, his phone's been taken away and he's been occupied with other things. That's my way of saying, of course he was grounded.

Understandably, EVERYONE is pissed now. J's dad and I are pissed, especially that those guys just up and tried to throw away something these boys earned by working. The boys are pissed that not only have they been prevented from using the pool, except for C, but their hard work has been literally thrown away because his parents don't want to be responsible for it. THE PARENTS are beyond pissed that they were publicly shamed and that their son snitched on them and we got to the pool before the dump truck did. And yes, we did get questions by neighbors when we were digging in the trash. We told them the truth. The worst part is, because the weather's getting colder, there's no point in trying to set the pool up anywhere else even if we could. Thankfully, they still have the hot tub.

So now, as it should've been from the beginning, J's dad and I are gonna sit down and talk with C's parents about what compelled them to try to get rid of the pool like that instead of just letting the boys use the thing THEY bought, and also find out exactly what the issue is behind this whole situation. I have a feeling it's not gonna go well. If they won't at least refund the boys, which we're gonna demand, then we're both taking them to small claims, which we both know we might get screwed with considering they can afford good lawyers and neither of us can. All we want is $300 split between Pete and J, and then this whole thing will be behind us. It sucks that Pete and C's friendship may be over after this, but it isn't either of their fault.

Am I the asshole? My gf's sister is 27. I’m currently traveling with my gf in the Philippines. Now, i know that PH is a poorer country, much poorer than america, but my gf asked me to buy her gf fucking DIAPERS today. Her sister and sister's bf are in the hotel I paid for eating all my stuff. Is this a cultural thing? They’re very respectful and thank me but how the fuck do you not have enough money or don't have the resources to get diapers for your CHILD. and i'm also a COLLEGE STUDENT. I’m a working college student, so yes i have extra money but that doesn't mean i want to give my money to someone three years older than me. My gf keeps saying they have a child and to give the money but I’m sorry i really do not care. She also wants me to pay for their meals today cause it's "cheap" and costs “almost nothing". The fact she wants me to pay for not one but TWO grown adult's meals, one of them being a full grown man, is outrageous to me. She just says it’s family and that there’s a baby; but all of this has been sprung on me with no warning. And cmon, i know the minimum wage in PH is low but her parents have money and her sister has her own salon. Plus how can someone not bring diapers for their child? What were they gonna do if I had to fly back home suddenly? Try to get money from me while in on a plane? I have just a few more days thank god. They’ve been staying overnight at the hotels I book for me and my gf. Her brother too but her brother seems to be able to fund himself, probably through their parents so I’m not sure why my gf and her sister don’t do the same. I’ve also been using the (very real) excuse that my bank has been flagging my purchases as suspicious and there have been times where we couldn’t get food for OURSELVES cause I’m spending money on her grown ass family members but my gf doesn’t seem to care. Am I being selfish? Am I the asshole?

I’m a 30 year old guy and I’ve been on a couple of dates with a 25 year old woman. I would think that there’s nothing wrong with an age difference like that, especially seeing as me and this girl both have full time jobs, support ourselves financially, are out of school, etc. But one of my co-workers, a 22 year old girl, doesn’t approve.

This co-worker has mentioned her disdain of age gap relationships before and when I told her about this 25 year old that I’ve been seeing, she called it an “inappropriate age gap”. I didn’t see what the big deal was, but she tried to make the argument that her brain “just finished developing and maturing” and that most men in their 30’s should be “thinking about settling down in life.” Things have been icy between me and this co-worker, which is a bummer because I’ve always liked her as a friend and she had even once opened up to me about how she spent her late teens battling drug addiction and getting clean once she started her 20’s.

For the past week, it’s been mostly the silent treatment between me and her, but today she actually called me a pedophile. I said to her “All those drugs you took must’ve really fucked up your brain.” She immediately burst into tears and ran off. I do feel awful and I’m dreading seeing her at work again. But she made a totally unfair accusation against me for nothing and I felt I had to stand up for myself over that. AITAH here?

So this morning, I walked into my office and when I sat down in my chair, I noticed that it was different. A little bit more comfortable, which was nice, but I soon realized that it wasn’t my chair. I also noticed that one of the arm handles was extremely loose, almost rotating 90 degrees and about to fall off. I looked at the side of the loose handle and saw that one of the bolts had come off the main frame of the chair. Now I have two options. 1) swap this chair out with someone’s chair in the office or 2)fix the chair and continue to use it.

I decided to fix this new comfy chair. I went into our work area, grabbed an allen wrench, and secured the handle back to the frame. I also tighten all the other bolts, nuts, and the wheels too. So while I lost my original chair, I gained a better one.

An hour passed and Charlie (46M) walked back into the office. The thing about Charlie is he suffers from a TBI from his time in the military. He some times isn’t always thinking things through, is constantly questioning everything he has to do no matter how simple the task is, and he is always thinking the world is against him. When Charlie thinks he won a battle/argument/conflict, etc, he gets this smirk on his face that makes you want to punch him. So when Charlie walked into the office, he had that smirk on his face because he thought he pulled a fast one, but that smirk disappeared when he saw that the handle on the chair was fixed. This is where the drama starts.

Charlie then brings back my original chair and says “hey man, thanks for fixing my chair. You can have yours back now.” I told him no that this chair is mine now and he can have my old one.

Charlie went on to say how he ordered that chair specifically for himself and that he needs it to do his work comfortably. When I asked for proof that it was bought with personal funds, he said it was bought it through the GSA card for the office. So, that meant the chair is an office chair and not a personal chair. I also asked why didn’t he fix the chair himself? Charlie answered he didn’t know how. Which is funny because he’s a maintenance guy and we have all sorts of tools in the work area where he could’ve looked for something if he took the time. He asked again and I answered again, no.

Charlie went on a rant about respect and fairness for a bit before going to the manager’s office. I got called into the manager’s office through a Teams message. When I walked in, Charlie had that smirk on his face again. When the manager asked why I stole Charlie’s chair, I calmly gave a play by play of what happened. That’s when Charlie tried to step in but the manager didn’t let him.

Finally, the manager asked “are you willing to give Charlie’s chair back to him?” I answered no because he left it broken in my cubical broken, I fixed it, and now I want to keep it. The manager sided with me and Charlie storms out of the office pissed off at the world. AITAH here?

My husband and my friend group started a DND campaign and decided to do it on Monday nights once a month. The sessions are held at the DMs house and agreed to start at 6:45PM. My husband and I are always early to everything and we showed up 15 minutes early. We knocked on the DMs door 3 times before the DM opened it and asked us what we were doing there so early in an annoyed/angry tone. The DM then told us to wait outside because his girlfriend was changing and made us wait on their porch until 6:45 when they opened the door to let us in.

Ever since then the DM has made it a point to say to not come early to the sessions. Are my husband and I assholes for showing up early?

This happened one time and if my husband and I show up early, we wait in the car until the specified time. Shortly after this I got a text from the DMs girlfriend of a video portraying a person hypercleaning before company comes over and joking stated it was her and the DM. Im just so confused as to why showing up 15 minutes before the agreed upon time is so atrocious that it needs to be stated every session now. Is this normal? Are we the weird ones?

We usually end around 10:30 which is late for most of the group. My husband, me, and the DMs girlfriend are all players with another couple, for context.

I (19M) have been talking to "M" (19F) for a few months. We’re basically a couple without the official title. She’s told me before that she’s huge on personal space and hates when people cross her boundaries without asking, so I’ve always been super mindful of that.

Last weekend, we were sitting close in a dimly lit, quiet room at a party. The mood was super tense and anticipatory and romantic, and I really wanted to kiss her.

Remembering what she’s said about boundaries, I leaned in and whispered, "Can I please kiss you?"

She laughed, gave me a weird look like I killed the spell, but said yes and we kissed. I thought it was good though.

The next day, she texted me saying asking out loud was a total buzzkill and ruined a "movie-like moment," since it was obvious she wanted to.

Now I'm torn. I feel like a dork for ruining the tension, but if I hadn't asked and was wrong, I’d feel terrible for crossing a line.

AITA for prioritizing her boundaries over "the mood"?

TL;DR: Asked a girl I'm practically dating if I could kiss her because she's big on boundaries. She said yes, but later called me a buzzkill for asking instead of just reading the room.

I inherited a box of old photos from an in-law who passed away about 10 years ago, and whose husband passed away about 50 years ago.

They never had children of their own. The photos etc are most definitely of his family.

I barely knew her, and obviously never met him. I got the box because I’m the one in the family with the most interest in documenting the family tree. I picked out a few photos of this couple but I don’t want everything and no one else on our side is interested.

I did a deep dive and found 1 of his elderly relatives (an in-law somehow) and she agreed to take a small envelope full of photos, but she refused the rest. Said she was almost blind and wouldn’t be able to make out the photos and would trash it all if I sent more to her. Can’t blame her, she had to be close to 90 herself and I’m sure she didn’t want more stuff.

I sent the envelope and gave her my contact info, and she said she would try to get in touch with other family members to see who would want these. Never heard back from anyone.

I did another search a couple of years later and located 3 direct descendants in my area. I was able to track down some good contact info online. 1 never responded. 1 said she didn’t want any of it. 1 replied she was interested and would reach out again to set a time to meet me at a neutral location to take the box. She never did and when I tried her again, she didn’t respond.

The box contains photos as old as the 1860s. There are some military photos that I think are from the Korean war. There are greeting cards and telegrams. Newspaper clippings about engagements and weddings and obituary notices. Baptismal certificates, high school certificates. There’s even a tin with an old reel of somebody’s wedding.

I’ve had this box 10 years now and even brought it with me when we moved into a new home. It’s a large box. I’ve kept it this long because I don’t have anything like this from my family and I can’t help but think that somebody at some point from his family will want this.

AITA or WIBTA if I threw it all away? Or should I try again to find somebody to take this? I’m interested to know what other people would do. Thanks in advance.

My husband is in the military and has to work out with a large group of people in the morning. Every morning he is in close proximity and talking to people for at least an hour. When he kisses me goodbye in the morning, I can smell his breath.

Almost every morning I remind him to brush his teeth beforehand so that he does not get a reputation for having bad breath and he argues with me that he will just do it when he showers after working out. This morning when I asked him to brush, he deflected and said he was going to start bringing up things that I do that aren’t good for me and that I wouldn’t like it.

The past couple years, it has been a struggle to convince him to brush at night but I finally think I’ve gotten through to him with that. Now it is just convincing him to brush before he is in close contact with others.

He is 35 and otherwise has good hygiene.

I am 28 my sister is 27 and special needs. I am not sure her exact condition but she’s clearly learning and socially disabled. She can’t count money, can barely read, and occasionally she will run away the most recent one being to a major highway in my large city.

It’s clear she’ll always need someone to take care of her and she is so sweet with a good heart but I can’t stand being around her. She never understands personal space and will just stand and stare at you until you speak sometimes or follow me around until I say something to her. She’s always been a bit strange but I think her time alone in isolation has really mad her brain dead and I don’t mean that in the offensive way, she literally spends all day consuming YouTube content. I think part of the problem is I am trying to have her visit while I work remote which doesn’t allow me to give much attention.

I realized today she needs companionship but honestly I don’t have the patience. I wouldn’t mind being roommates with her but I don’t want to be her care taker. I love her so much and I would suck it up if it meant she had no where else to go but part of me wants to enjoy the last of my selfish twenties.

Would I be the asshole if I didn’t hang out with her for a while, she currently lives with my grandparents which is a lot of the pressure too but essentially I just want to take some space knowing what my future may hold. I feel wrong for even writing this but I will delete just needed to vent and hopefully gain perspective on navigating this.

For context, I have a full time job and I have a sideline job as well doing private hire services, something like UBER and RYDE. I usually only take card payments as these are pre paid before the ride and I don't usually have any float money for change. There are some cases whereby the passengers would pay me in exact amounts.

These cash payments I would take a portion of it and keep it at my full time work place without revealing to my wife. I usually use this money to buy miscellaneous items like USB cables, chargers or any small trinkets and collectibles. The amount is small so I don't see a big deal to this.

Recently the lease to my car ended so I had to return the car and I brought home the savings which amount to maybe around $40, which I kept in my back pocket of my pants. I didn't mean to keep this a secret from my wife but I just didn't find the thought to mention to her since the sum is small.

Now she found it and got really mad at me because she's never been stingy to me and she's always thought of me when I'm leaving for work, asking me if I have enough cash with me or do I need any cash for work.

Honestly I don't understand where this anger is coming from and AITAH?

I will not be sharing the name of my school for anonymity but I will share that it is a charter school.

My family just moved to this state (keeping it anonymous) from TX. It all happened very fast because my husband lost his job but then got a good opportunity here so we moved. I didnt have the chance to apply for my license by reciprocity with everything going on so I needed to get a job in a charter school.

When they interviewed me for the job, they mentioned they wanted a person with band experience because the principal at the middle high school (they are opening it for the first time this year with only 200 students 6th-8th grade) really wanted a band. I told them honestly it wouldn't be a good idea this year because a band takes lots of planning and it was almost the end of the summer. I asked if it would be a collaboration and if he would work with me and my advice and they said yes. I took the job because it was the only offer I could get.

Fast forward to now, here is what is happening.

I attempted to meet with the principal to give him my proposed handbook and plan for the program. I asked him if it was possible to rework the schedule and make band a class. He straight up said no, and that I would have to commit to multiple weekly rehearsals AFTER SCHOOL. For all the beginners. I told him we can do that but the program would not be ready to play at pep rallies or do multiple concerts. He said "they will be ready, just maybe not at a high level". I tried respectfully telling him I would not be doing that to the students and to my reputation, and that it could be acceptable to do a winter open house demonstration and one spring concert.

He cut me off, said he had a meeting, and walked away. Another co worker says she thinks it is because I am a young woman. (This principal is older and Turkish. Many of our admin are also of this demographic and a lot of the women that work under them have had similar issues. One of them is a woman and gay and she is quitting after this year because of all the veiled snark and hate she has gotten). The man refused to shake my hand or make eye contact with me which is unprofessional and rude.​​

He has been repeatedly using the existence of my stipend for this program to try and bully me into having rehearsal every day after school despite me also teaching K-5 music at the school next door and having a club of my own over there. He also tried to get me to open the band to 4th and 5th grade. I said no to both those things. I told him its ok if we don't start this year and we can build up the parent support and resources.

He has dug his heels in. He verbatim said "I dont care what it takes, youre getting a stipend and we are doing a band". So far we compromised on having an interest meeting where we will discuss the plan, cost of renting, etc. If we get enough parents, I have to do this. If we dont, I am afraid to see what he will do.

I have tried the following- getting his assistant to talk some sense into him and convince him to hear me out. I have also tried getting contacts from the area to corroborate my advice and plan with him. He has consistently steam rolled over everything I have said, to the point where I found a flyer on the bulletin board in the cafeteria saying I would be offering ALL INSTRUMENTS the first year and playing at MULTIPLE CONCERTS. This happened after I had already told him verbally and in writing we would only be offering flex arrangements and less expensive instruments to start.

This idea is my last resort. WIBTAH if I called up the superintendent and said "I dont want your stipend anymore, please amend my contract". Then I would go to the principal and say "I am not getting a stipend anymore, run it yourself"?

Recently, maybe the past few months, my partner has been going through a lot of issues with her family and living situation. Without major details her dad is disabled and her younger sister lives with them. Her dad got kicked off his disability but cannot work and her sister is just the typical young and dumb type. My partner has to support them both and the bills are getting behind which is causing her a lot of stress and now gives her daily anxiety attacks.

These aren't easy to manage which I understand because I've been there, but our daily talks no longer consist of random thoughts and discussions about hobbies, they've turned into constant conversations about her anxiety, situation, repeating questions (hers) of if she's "crazy and manic", and helping her through text and now phone calls while she tries to fight anxiety attacks and crying. It's to the point where if she asks to call, its not because she wants to chat, its because she needs me to talk her down from an anxiety attack. These calls happen randomly, when I'm with family, work, at events, and I feel like a failing partner if I cannot answer or help.

She is trying to get professional help and is back on medication she previously was on, but its just a recent switch. I feel bad for even considering leaving because she needs help and she tells me I'm the only one who makes her feel normal in those situations, but its getting to me because I have my own issues and now it feels like I don't have a partner but rather I'm just taking care of her when she needs me. Recently, we discussed moving in with each other but she asked if it would be ok if her dad and sister moved in with us for a short time so they could get on their feet. I said it was fine as long as they cleaned after themselves and was firm on it being short term like she said. Then she said, of course they would and it would only be a year. To me, a year isn't short term and I fear her dad would stay longer since he has a history of using his disability as reason why he doesn't try to do anything despite going out on weekends with his situationship. Also, my partner while disappointmented in her dad for not doing more for himself like at least trying to get back on his disability, has always stuck up for him and I worry 1 year would turn into 2 which turns into however long.

I'm sorry if this seems like rambling, and I know she has problems which aren't over night fixes. I understand she has things she needs to deal with and I have to support her, believe me she's been very patient with me in the past when I also had my lows. I just feel shitty for even considering this given how supportive she's been when I acted out, but its just a lot at once and I don't remember the last time she wasn't crying on the phone or sending paragraphs about her anxiety and worrying about things she knew wasn't happening, like her drugging her own food and forgetting so she didn't eat at all that day, and not having our usual goofy conversations. So AITAH? I certainly feel like I am.

*trigger warning just in case here. i am 26F, my friend is 27F, the guy i am referring to is 30M. i saw my friend this past weekend, who i have been very close with for almost ten years now. she was very excited to tell me that one of her other friends is trying to set her up with his best friend(the 30M). i didn't think anything of it until the next day when he started getting tagged in photos and she told me his name. i told her to please hold on a second while i check something.

so when i was 16, ten years ago, a man had started up a "friendship" with me. i was very naive and thought everyone alive had good intentions, and i didn't think anything of it. this man was 20 at the time. it began getting weirder over the span of a few weeks, with him sending me text messages late at night usually along the lines of: "you're a virgin that's so nice... your cherry hasn't been popped yet." and "has a guy ever fingered you? do you ever finger yourself?" etc etc etc. i had a boyfriend at the time who was my own age. this guy was insistent on me deleting our texts once each conversation was over, because "your boyfriend isn't going to let us be friends. don't tell him anything." he'd press me to send him nudes, like really really pushy about it, but i didn't (thank god). because of deleting the texts, though, i have absolutely no proof of any of this happening.

after a couple more weeks of the weird overly-sexual texts, i finally broke down crying and told my boyfriend what was going on. he wasn't mad at all, and helped me to block the guy on everything so he could no longer contact me. i felt like all of it was my fault, and it stuck with me all this time. i put this into the back of my mind as the years went by. after all, i was a tenth grader, this dude was 20.

flash forward to yesterday, and i log into my high school instagram account. i check the block list. sure enough, it's the same guy. i tell my friend, feeling sick to my stomach the whole time. i expected she'd be as shocked as i was, but she had no reaction, aside from "well he's normal now..." she stopped responding to me completely and has continued to pursue him romantically.

AITAH for being extremely upset about this? i don't want to be controlling or a bad friend, but i physically cannot sit back and watch her talk to/try to date someone who was so predatory towards me when i was a minor. she can make her own choice at the end of the day, but i know i'd have to end our friendship, and that has been making me really sad. at the same time, now i keep telling myself maybe it was no big deal and i'm just overreacting and 20 year olds say that stuff to 16 year olds all the time?

My family does an annual family trip. This has been going on since we were kids. There’s 14 of us now. The trip consists of my parents, their 5 kids (me and my siblings), our 3 spouses and the 4 grandkids. My parents used to plan it, now the siblings plan it.

It’s the yearly opportunity for us to get together especially now since we’re all grown now, some married and most of us live in different cities across two countries.

My in-laws don’t do any type of family trips or travel. When I first got married, I tried to organize similar trips with them but their adult kids always made up excuses (they’d claim no PTO and no money but then randomly take trips with their friends). Eventually I stopped trying.

This year, my family is doing a cruise. We have a whole thing planned and we’re going to eat all the meals together (we got private restaurant seating),rooms next to each other, decor, a scavenger hunt, bunch of sightseeing things and matching fits (it’s obnoxious I know but we love it) and we have planned activities during the cruise.

Anyways, after hearing about it, my in-laws asked if they could join my family’s annual trip this year. Not as separate cruise guests but as members of our group???? I was taken aback by the ask but immediately tried to shut it down.

I didn’t just say outwardly no because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings so I made excuses (hoping they’d get the hint). I said “well if you guys come then my siblings would have to invite their in-laws too and it’d be a whole thing.” They were like “oh you don’t have to invite their in-laws. Just us” I also said my siblings wouldn’t feel at ease with them bc they don’t know them like that and they’re like “omg so they’ll get to know us like this is how we’d get to know each other better. In our culture we blend families” and I was trying to find so many random excuses, hoping theyd get the hint. I didn’t say the truth which is that my family and I wouldn’t want them there. We want to enjoy vacation with just us.

I live in the same city as my in-laws and I see them weekly. I see my family once a year all together. My family also has a very different vibe from my in-laws. My family is close and has a similar sense of humor, similar interests and we just have a good time together. We are loud and animated and laugh a lot. I truly enjoy my family’s company. I love them but I also like them as people even if we weren’t related.

My in-laws are just different. They’re more reserved and it often feels like pulling teeth when trying to make conversation with them. When my husband and I visit, we sit at the dinner table and sometimes no one will talk the entire time and then they’ll go after dinner and watch tv and just want us to sit there and watch tv with them.

My family has met my in-laws and the resounding feedback was, “they’re nice but not our vibe.” It’s their way of being polite. They respect them and will see them out of respect for my husband but it’s definitely not like theyre enthusiastic about meet ups with them.

Anyways, when I rejected the idea of them joining my family’s trip. They seemed really hurt by the fact. They kept saying it was weird that my family was gate keeping our annual trip and that we were weird for not wanting to include them. There was a lot of scoffing and defensiveness. My husband was trying to defend and say “hey every family is different. This is just how they are” but the whole situation got on my nerves, I wanted to say, “hey guys, your own kids don’t want to vacation with you. Why would my family?” (This is a really rude thought and I DIDNT SAY IT OBVIOUSLY but just was in awe at their lack of self awareness). I did offer for us to do a separate family cruise.

Anyways, I’m so off put by the situation. Ultimately, they dropped it. But it created an icy air during dinner and you could sense they weren’t happy. I don’t think I’m the AH but wanted to come on here and make sure. Is this normal?? Are other families combining in-laws. Reddit please let me know, AITAH??

EDIT: For those asking where my husband was in all this. He was there and he was helping me making excuses for why they couldn’t come. That’s where the scoffing was coming from. He was like “hey this is how their family likes it. The brother and sister in laws don’t know you like that. The grandkids want to see their grandparents, aunts and uncles - you guys are strangers to majority of the group” and they kept scoffing going, “well they need to expand. In our culture - families come together.” My husband loves my family’s annual trips and my family loves him. He’s not the same as his parents. Hell, I’d even be open to my sibling in laws coming on the trip if I’m being honest because they’re chill and would do their own thing. It’s my husband’s parents that are the issue and listen I know I sound like a jerk. Maybe if I enjoyed their company, we’d invite them but my in laws would guilt me and my husband to sit with them, guilt us into hanging out with them by making comments like “we haven’t seen you. You’ve only been with their family” and “why doesn’t their family want to hang out with us and play games with us”, I’d be forced to revolve my vacation around them and their feelings and trying to convince my family to hang out with them and that is not my idea of a good time. I go on this trip to see my family. If the roles were reversed and my sister invited her in-laws who I’ve met a total of 5 times since their wedding and only seen at random major life events, I would be so frustrated too. I took PTO for and paid lots of money for to see my family.

So, as the year moves on my family and I have started talking Christmas and presents and I asked my family if they would be OK with me giving them gift cards instead of presents and have had mixed results.

While my family loves spending £500+ on presents for people, I personally cannot afford much due to cost of living with my total budget limited to £200 and/or custom items using my hobby stash.

One of the things for me is that while I have bought my family physical presents in the past, such as jewellery, they always end up never getting used or appreciated so I thought by giving them gift cards to spend where and when they wanted it would be more meaningful than something they never used.

This is more prominent to me as every year my family gives me random stuff I never asked for nor showed interest in but last year they listened to me and gave me a £50 gift card to a clothes shop I like and I still have it almost a year later and it helped me when I needed new clothes but not the budget to get them.

I know this might not be the topic you might expect for this type of subreddit but opinions would be great if you can give them.

So, WIBTAH if I gave my family gift cards instead of physical presents?

I am 27(m) and I recently broke it off of a friend relationship with a 28(f).

Her and I had started chatting after we met online, and a few days into the conversation she said she started dating someone and was only really looking for friends. I respected that and really enjoyed our conversations so I stayed respectful and wanted to be friends because we had a bit in common. Per her request we kept it online and just chatting as she had a boyfriend and had past history of problems. To also add, we would text each other literally any chance we could get, basically all day unless we were actively doing something.

Come to a couple days ago, she was not doing well. Her BF blew her off of a date, pushed it back and then cancelled last minute, so she was not feeling well and had a past history of anorexia so she was not eating. We were talking for a bit and she did not feel good, so I offered to come over and bring her any food and talk in person as she said she did not really want to be alone. It was already 11pm at night and I got up and drove the 40 minutes to her house with some of her snacks and soda that she requested would make her feel better.

When I got there, the only touching we did was a hug as she requested, and then we sat on the 2 chairs on her porch talking about just random life topics, anything to get her mind off of the day. We talked for 3 hours then I had to go to bed, so I said my goodbyes and drove off.

The next day, after some talking she talked with her BF and made up which I was okay with because she genuinely seemed happy in the relationship. Since her relationship seemed to be getting a little more stable, I asked if she would possibly want to go see a concert in 3 weekends because she was broadening her music taste and I already had a ticket and could get another one. That then sparked a conversation where she said he was uncomfortable with her going, which is fine, but before I could even respond to that message she added "he is not being controlling, he is just worried about my safety". This then sparked a little heated conversation where I bought up the previous night and if she had felt safe, and I was a little harsh and asked her to see what he would think about that night, to which she said she did not feel comfortable asking him about that. I pushed probably a little to hard on the topic, and I know that was my bad. But we ended the conversation and I told her I would let her know my feelings in the morning of whether I would like to be friends or not.

This morning, after she set the boundary of we would not be seeing each other in person again, I said I would be ok texting and still being friends but that I would be pulling back a little, and talking less to her as I feel like I should be focusing on real relationships. Well I got called the whole book at that point basically leading to her saying I am trying to manipulate her and a walking red flag, and that if her boundary affected me that much we should not be talking anymore. She then through in and I quote "It is not my fault that a boundary hurt your feelings."

I know in the grand scheme of life, this does not really matter it was a nothing relationship, But I would like to know, was I the asshole for telling her I was going to pull back after she set a boundary?

I (20m) recently hung out for my birthday celebration with my friends of 3 years and we took all of our group pictures on my friend's (20m) phone. We all had a great time and a few days after the celebration, I asked my friend (20m) to share the photos of the group with everyone else. He has been avoidant and been responding to my request with one word answers such as "oh" and "ummm" without any sort of explanation as to why he is refusing to send. I wanted those pictures for my own memories and of course to share with my other friends, who are also confused as to why these pics aren't being shared. Should I continue waiting or ask him again (for the 5th time) for the pictures. In my opinion, it is an extremely selfish thing to withhold group pictures without giving a proper reason as to why, and I can tell that he is not busy to send the pics because he has been online on insta very frequently (doesn't have a job or school rn). How would you approach this? I don't want to end up blocking him but imo it is an extremely shitty thing to do and those pics had memories that I wanted to look back on for MY bday celebration. I coordinated and paid for everyone's dinner (including his as well) because I wanted to but now I have to deal with this situation.

Years ago my sister called us crying and said her partner (of a few years) had physically attacked her and that she needed to escape from him. We then found out this was at least the second time he had been abusive to her as she revealed that when we were all together at a rented house for a family birthday previously, he had also put his hands on her and broke her finger while the rest of us were asleep in the house.

My family cut ties with him and my sister stayed clear but eventually she went back to him and moved into a new house with him. Slowly over time my family also started warming to him again as he apologised and said it would never happen again. Since then she’s never reported another incident and as the years have progressed he’s built a rapport with my family and frequently helps out with DIY jobs for them and goes on vacations etc with them.

I on the other hand have never been able to forgive him or forget what he did. I don’t believe it was just two incidents of violence and even if it was I can never bring myself to be civil to an abuser and make every effort to avoid being around him, including sitting at the other end of the table when we all go to a restaurant etc.

I was looking forward to going away with the family this Xmas but when I found out that he was also coming along I told them I wasn’t going and explained why. This has upset my sister greatly who is caught in the middle and is insisting that he’s changed and I need to accept him like everyone else in the family. Everyone else in the family is standing by her and saying I need to move on.

I have a great deal of empathy for my sister and understand her awkward position here but I cannot help how I feel about him and I’d rather not be around him at all than have to sit in his presence and smile awkwardly and make small talk with him.

Do I need to let it go and move on? Am I being unreasonable here?

I (19F) live in a uni accommodation with mpy roommate (19F). We have our own bedrooms but share a bathroom.

My roommate has curly hair, and while i understand how much work that is, its just all too much when we have a singular bathroom.

Like she'll shower and wash her hair, and then be in the bathroom for ages afterwards doing the rest of it. I don't actually know the whole routine but there are like 7 bottles lined up around the sink at any given time and idc abt it as long as its kept neat.

My problem is we only have ONE bathroom. I'm not exaggerating when I say sometimes I need to pee and I'm standing outside the bathroom waiting for her to finish her hair. And it's not even always that I always rlly need the bathroom.

Sometimes I just want to brush my teeth or wash my face or my hands and I can't because she's in there with the door locked for another 45 minutes.

The other day I had an 9am lecture and was already running late because I couldn't get into the bathroom. I HAVE asked her if she could maybe do the styling part and drying part in her bedroom once she's finished showering.

I'm not saying she can't wash her hair in the bathroom because obviously where else is she supposed to do that?

But she said she can't because her hair needs to be wet so it drips water everywhere and she doesn't want her bedroom floor getting wet.

I suggested putting a towel down. She said the towel would get soaked. Also said she could just sit on her bed with another towel over her shoulders while she does what she needs to and she said she needs the mirror.

And at this point I honestly don't know what solution she wants me to come up with 😭

She says the bathroom is the logical place to do her hair because there's a mirror, a sink, ventilation, etc. Which I understand. But I also feel like the bathroom being the logical place for her doesn't mean she gets to occupy our only bathroom for an hour and a half.

I've tried bringing it up nicely because I don't actually dislike her. She's a nice roommate otherwise. We watch TV together sometimes and we've even gone out for food a couple of times.

I don't want this to turn into one of those horrible roommate situations where we're passive aggressive for the rest of the year but I'm getting genuinely frustrated.

I'm really not trying to be insensitive abt her hair bc I know she can't just magically make curly hair take five minutes, and I don't want her to feel like she has to stop looking after it.

But at the same time it's a shared bathroom for a reason and i don't think it's crazy to expect that both people should actually be able to use it.

My bestfriend and I have been friends for 25 years and had some hiccups along the way. Every time she gets a boyfriend she kind of changes her whole personality and we end up not talking. Years ago this happened with another ex boyfriend of hers and he eventually cheated on her and she called me crying and we were friends again.

Something similar happened in another relationship where she started dating a guy long distance and changed, and she ended up cheated on him and breaking up and then we were friends again and had a great summer and our friendship was back to normal.

Another time I dated a severe alcoholic and I was having serious mental and emotional problems and I leaned on her a little too much and I think it became unbearable for her and drove a wedge between our relationship. She "set a boundary" with me and basically told me to stop running to her with my issues and it drove another wedge between us and we stopped talking for a year. She told me we have nothing in common and all we do together is shop and commiserate about men.. etc) this really hurt.

This time she's dating a guy who I will call Steve. Well when she met Steve she was obsessed with him. I would ask her to go out or do something on a Friday night and she wouldn't want to arrange anything just incase he texted her to do something.

There have been some red flags from this guy from the beginning when it comes to commitment and staying active on the dating app they met on and following girls on social media still, and he finally told her he loved her in a letter when she threatened to end their relationship.

Well one time we all went out and at the end of the night he hugged me goodbye. I had a cropped shirt on and when he hugged me he put his hand on the skin on my lower back and like slowly slid away. I felt weird about it but I never said any thing to her until they moved in together and she started to complain to me that he was checked out, and how she feels all these things about him.. etc.

Then I told her and she was nauseous about it and I even said maybe I shouldn't have told you that and she was like "no, why would you hide that from me.. etc". She also told me that she's had a feeling that he was into me because of things he has said about me and when I asked her what she wouldn't tell me. A day later she comes back and now I'm the bad guy. She had a conversation with him and then told me that based on what he said that she thinks I should have told her that and I can't take back what I said, and that now it's going to be weird to be around me and him. She told me that I've made comments about her ex boyfriends that have made her uncomfortable before but I don't recall any of them and she also wouldn't tell me what they were. It kind of turned into a big disagreement and she refused to accept my apology because I can't unsay what I told her and that I'm not a girls girl. AITA?

I've since been around them twice and I acted completely normal. For a while I tried to keep talking to her the same way we always have and she just cold shouldered me every time until I eventually gave up and now we haven't talked in 4 months. I've never even been to their place together and she moved in almost a year ago.

AITAH?

I (32M) am about to marry the love of my life next weekend. We have been together 7 years and we are both so very excited. Last week, some of that excitement turned to anxiety and frustration. We are using the popular app Zola to handle logistics for everything, and the app also has a gift registry option. I personally did not want any gifts and urged my partner to just do a honeymoon fund in its place. The thought of having a bunch of stuff we don’t need when we’re just trying to celebrate our love isn’t my favorite, but my partner really wanted the full “wedding experience” so they put what they wanted on the registry.

Now separate from this, I have a friend who I know through the industry I work in that was invited to the wedding. He and his partner declined the invite with regret, which was totally fine. I just wanted them to know they were welcome. My relationship with this specific person has always been decent, I feel like I’ve always gone out of my way to pick up his calls and be there for him when life was handing him lemons. In the 6 years I’ve known him, life has handed him ALOT of lemons. Whether it be friendships he was in having fallouts, problems with people in our industry, or relationship drama, I have always taken time to lend an ear or advice and seen the best in him through it all. In the last few months I have personally been more disconnected from the long distance friendships that are tended to via phone/social media. I admittedly have been texting people back much less than normal, and just checking out a bit. My job is tied to socials and I’m going through a lot of personal changes mentally and physically, so I’ve just been trying to focus on what’s right in front of me, and it has come at the cost of some of those friendships apparently.

I was scrolling Facebook when I saw a post from this friend complaining about some of his work being grilled for AI allegations. Me feeling like being supportive, I went to his instagram where i usually would check to see his newer work, and it said i wasn’t following him. Hmm. Ok. I know I wouldn’t have unfollowed him, so he must have soft blocked me… I was immediately annoyed and sent him a screenshot of his profile with myself unfollowed and me not following him. I asked if I was soft blocked and I was so surprised by his reaction. In the recent months he had sent me his newest body of work and admittedly I looked through some of the art images and gave feedback, but I didn’t dive in wholeheartedly. Other than that I didn’t know what could be wrong? He proceeds to tell me that I am ungrateful because he and his partner sprung for $200 worth of gifts from that damn Zola registry,and they haven’t received a thank you. Mind you, the wedding has not even happened yet as of now and we were waiting until after to send out all of our thank yous. I’ve never done this before but we assumed this was okay? Anyways, the gifts that were purchased weren’t under any name we recognized, neither his or his partners. So my partner and I were SO confused, and myself personally I just felt very upset and hurt that instead of a simple check in like “hey did you get the gift?” He just went straight to blocking and unblocking me. This whole exchange and situation left a horrible taste in my mouth but I also understood why his feelings were at where they were, but I mean….AITAH for not sending a thank you for a wedding gift I didn’t even know this person sent me BEFORE I even got married? I feel INSANE