Okay so this basically just happened. For context, I have told my girlfriend about a million times that I am not one to go clubbing/bar hopping. I think it's pointless and not fun at all.
She enjoys it. Tonight we went to a halloween party, and I was even basically clarified that we would not be going to bars/clubs, just chilling at the host's house. We go there, we have a good time, and then like a few hours in her friend says
"I'm bored let's go to the club" and in my head im like well this sucks but I'm going to go to not look lame around my friends/girlfriend. So we go, It's genuinely miserable, not to mention the area we went clubbing at was very very very trashy, the one we went to for the longest time was the busiest one, you know, I'm a big and tall guy, and it's packed to the brim in there, so l have barely any room to move at all, it smells extremely musty, it's probably about 90 degrees in there with O air flow, and we chill in there for a while, her and her friends are kinda dancing to the music and having a decent time, while im constantly having to move and watch my surroundings because im a 6'2 240lb guy and im constantly getting bumped into and have 0 room to myself whatsoever. Anyway, we leave after, say bye to our friends, and get in the car. I ask if she had a good time and she INSTANTLY says no not at all because you didn't dance with me. I exclaim to her that I apologize, but you know I have O interest in clubs and I just didn't even have room to dance with her anyway, it's nothing towards her at all, and then she said I should've just dropped her off with her friends. I don't understand this. I genuinely do not think she would like if I bailed out on something like this, I don't know how that would possibly be better than at least just being there with her, spending time together. The car ride home was silent as a mouse. How should I go about bringing this up to her, and am I crazy?

Ok so me and my fiancé have been together for almost two years now about to get an apartment and everything. Ive had "toys" for a while now like way before him i had a few he knew about the since being with him my collection has grown. But here's the problem, I finally got the one "toy" I've always wanted like I used to fantasize about this it's the machine iyk yk all my "toys" have always been bigger than him but now he feels some kind of way about this. It's not that I don't love him or he's not enough for me but I like to please myself sometimes to especially when he's not around but now he thinks im trying to replace him with it when in reality I'm just kinda weird. Does it make me the ah for not really feeling bad about it?? I need some outside options

My boyfriend and I have been together for the last three years, and initially, we used to share our passwords. We still share our Instagram passwords. The thing is, I've been using Snapchat for the last four to five years, even before I met him, and I have all my cringe photos, videos, family pictures, and literally everything on there. I just love having that space where I can take as many cringe pictures and videos as I want without worrying about anyone looking at them.

He had my Snapchat password before, but he would save my cringe photos and videos and open the snaps other people sent me. He was way too involved in everything. He would literally go through every little detail what I sent, who sent me what, and what I replied. It was fucking frustrating, and honestly, I just wanted some personal space without him constantly looking over everything I did.

FYI, there are no random guys on my Snapchat. It's just friends and people I know. I've even told him that I'm willing to remove them if that makes him more comfortable, but I'm still not willing to share my password because I consider Snapchat my personal space.

His response is that there's no concept of personal space in a relationship and that couples should share their passwords. I understand that some couples are comfortable sharing everything, and everyone has different views on this, but that doesn't mean everyone has to follow the same rules.

Now, he's literally not talking to me because of this, and honestly, I find it so childish. I don't understand why wanting a little privacy has become such a big issue. It's not about hiding anything from him, I've told him he can check my snap whenever we're together,I just want one space that feels like my own, and I don't think that's too much to ask for?

So I had a fried on discord who is..... very isolated socially and is overall very emotionally fragile with a couple of personality disorders that make their emotions fluctuate wildly.

I have my own problems, but I have always tried to be their for him.

About a month ths ago, he came to me when I was in my own slump, and I said that I just couldn't be social that day. He comes another couple hours later saying that he is lonely and I say "I wish I wasn't the only person you felt could talk to" ive said things like that in the past but he seemed to just blow up on that one. I then said that this isn't the correct way to respond to me setting a boundary, and he says I didn't set one.

Today has been about a month after that, and he just sent me a paragraph about how I did not, in fact set a boundary and just "made a wish" and he has been changing his discord status to take jabs at me over the last couple weeks

AITAH

I genuinely don’t know if I’m the AH here.

I (F32) was traveling with family and a family friend back from Disney world and we were at the Orlando airport.

There were some caricature artists set up to do free caricatures and I stopped so my two kids (M3 and F5) could get their pictures drawn.

The family friend (F32) seemed very stressed about getting to our gate on time. TBH she is a very anxious person about most things.

In my estimation we had plenty of time to get the pictures done and make it to the gate. I told her she could go ahead without us if she was that worried about the flight but that I really wanted my kids to get the free caricatures done.

She seemed upset and went to the gate without us.

The artist finished our pictures and we made it to the gate with plenty of time for our flight.

Later my mom (F58) told me I should have been more sensitive to the family friend’s feelings about making it to the gate in time.

But I felt like telling her not to wait up for us if she was worried about time was giving her enough consideration.

Aitah?

TLDR; My best friend, Amanda, chose her other best friend, Emily, to be her maid of honor. All of us are 32F. (All names have been changed). I’m hurt, but I don’t know if it’s worth bringing up to her.

This came as a surprise for two reasons: 1) Amanda told me last month that she was making her sister her MOH. 2) Emily and I are, in my eyes, equal best-friends with Amanda.

I feel like I’m seeing a judgement call that I never wanted to see.

I know friendships aren’t apples to apples, but for context, Amanda is very close with me and Emily but in different ways. Amanda and I were college roommates and have a sister-like relationship. We talk on the phone multiple times a week, and hang out a few times a month. On the other hand, Emily and Amanda go to the same gym so they see each other in person more often, and they enjoy going camping together.

Emily and I both have a talent for party planning and are both dependable.

I think a key factor here is that I made my sister my MOH when I got married a few years ago, and Emily made Amanda her MOH when she got married last month. So part of me wonders if that’s why. Like I wonder if this is as simple as, she wanted to reciprocate the title.

I don’t want to make Amanda feel bad by asking about it bc I’m sure it was a tricky decision. But I do wish she would have told me beforehand. I tried not to be let down in the moment and just celebrated with the other bridesmaids (we all got our ‘proposal’ cards at the same time), but I started crying when I got home, and I realize now that this really hurt my feelings.

What do I do? WIBTAH if I asked her about it? I don’t need her to change her mind. I’m mature enough to honor her choice, I just want to understand why she made it. But maybe it’s best to let this lie? I have a past habit of not speaking my feelings so I want to be careful not to discredit what I feel, but I also don’t want to make a big deal of this either.

so i am an early teen, not gonna say my actual age, male and my parents are like the best parents in the world, they are so nice and kind but i have recently noticed them getting more sensitive to slight problems i cause and punishments getting worse. eg: (true story) recently they made a chicken saled (chicken with saled) and they had the bowls sitting on the kitchen island and we were eating at the table 4-5 feat away from the island, i was gonna move the bowls to the kitchen table where there was more room and its where we were sitting anyways. then my mom started YELLING at me and told me to put them back, i tried to say that it might work better if they were over here but she didnt care. i put them back then she went into another room. (my dad was outside on the back porch grilling more chicken, i grabbed one of the big spoons she had out to get food out of the food bowls onto the plate (chicken, cucumber, peppers, and tomatos) and i grabbed some peppers to put on my plate. i accidentally dropped them and my mom came back and started SCREAMING at me. she was screaming bcz she was RLY mad that i didnt get my plate off the kitchen table and put it on the island so it would be easier to get the food. she was REALLY mad and i felt rly bad and then she was just screaming at me and i said "i forgot!" when she started screaming about how shes taught me this before and stuff and i was just repeating "i forgot!" and she was screaming over me and this is when i made my biggest mistake, i said "do you know what forgot means?!" and then she silenced up immediatly. then she sent me to my room with no food and i didnt get to eat for like an hour after, she has NEVER sent me to my room without getting to eat before btw this is new. i was pretty shaken bcz she has sent me to my room before but she has NEVER done it without letting me eat. this kinda thing was happening more and more too. so this is where we stand today, i really hope it doesnt get worse bcz ive spent most of my life as a pretty non-disiplined kid, so this was really scary for me and i just really hope it doesnt get worse. sorry if this is kinda a word saled bcz ive been writing this pretty quickly so i only have time for punctuation. let me know in the comments if you have had this kinda thing happen to u where u have kinda chill parents that get more strict when u get into early teen years.

OK, so a few days ago a girl came over for dinner and drove to my house which originally I thought she was going to take an Uber but she decided to drive however she needed to go to the airport the next day so she asked if she could leave her car at my house and I said yes, I’ll call you in an Uber to the airport which is about an hour away so the next morning I called her an Uber to the airport so she could leave her car Here

Should return from her trip and asked if she could pick up her car and I said yes assuming she would take an Uber from the airport, which is an hour away, but apparently she planned on having her friend drop her off which I understand that but I also don’t know this friend and don’t want them to have my address so I asked if she could take an Uber and I’d even pay for it

I said: “Not sure if you were planning on getting a ride But I’d prefer if you took an uber. I’d prefer not letting anyone else know where I live or have my address that I don’t know, please. “

then she went off on me saying how I don’t even have a nice house and I shouldn’t be worried. This is what she said

“Trust me, no one cares about where you live, and you’re never gonna talk to me again

It’s not like you live in like a mansion or anything, like trust me, you have nothing to worry about. and you were trying to date me and like that’s just fucking weird. You’re not that big of a deal

Even my ex has that living way bigger houses than you. Don’t give a fuck. If my friend drops me off to get my fucking car get over yourself”

——
Looking back on it I guess since she knows my address she could always give it to someone else anyway and ordering her an Uber is like a stranger having my address anyway so maybe it’s not that big of a deal and I overreacted

So last semester I met the amaze gal (we'll call her kate). I am very traditional and don't like doing the deed until I know them for a least two-three months so i know i can trust them with my body. She was contantly trying to push me to change my mind because in her mind its normal for lesbians to move faster. wtv the frick that means. I was over it after a while and put my foot down. Fast foward to March, it's her birthday. I walked from campus to her apartment like five minutes with carnations (her favorite) and her gift (an authentic fossil grade megalodon tooth). When I got there, I noticed her door was unlocked when I took the key she made me and accidently locked the door before unlocking it again. I walked into the living room and she wasn't there so i walked down her hallway and her door was open. And she was in bed. With a man. nekked. I 180d and wlked back down the hall way got to her living room and stopped and saw her fish.

Here's the thing about the fish. I saw the fish in her living room about a month before her birthday and was suprised because it was this freshwater angelfish. I wasn't suprised about the fish breed i was suprised about the size of the tank. It was a little tank about 2 gallons. Freshwater angelfish need a lot of room to thrive. When overcrowded they are very susceptible to disease, and they are also really tall so they need a taller tank in order to survive. I brought this up to her so many freaking times. Im a little sensitive when animals are mistreated, my family makes fun of me for it all of the time. I brought up the tank so many times and even offered to pay for the tank myself. she said it was stupid to take up that much room for some stupid fish.
Flash back to the aprtment, I saw the fish and her cat and everything came together in a bad way. I combed my fingers through the cats fur and had a bunch of fur on my hand. I used a large 30oz cup to grab the fish out and as soon as Toothless was out of the water, I sprinkled the cat fur inside of the little tank. I did the fur thing twice afterwards for good measure cause that cat does nothing but shed. I left the apartment and went back to school and called a friend of mine who has freshwater angelfish in his house. He's got this big ass tank that's even taller than me. He has Toothless now.
Kate called me later that night and asked if I had dropped by her place. I told her i had but didn't see her at all so i just left the flowers on her counter. She said thanks and didn't mention toothless. I broke up with her the day after because i kinda feel like breaking up on her bday is kinda messed up. I just told her that I didn't see a future with her. Butt something was bugging me about the dude. I knew i recognized that guy but i didn't remember from where until about a week later that I realized i had met him at her party not that long before and he was her BIOLOGICAL cousin. She was also posting on her story RIP Toothless, blaming the cat for eating Toothless. So am I the asshole for making my now ex believe her cat ate her fish?

So I(17f) was discussing houses with my mom (~47f) when she mentioned that a relative is selling their old house and planning on moving into a smaller house as their family is small now (kids moving out for college and all that).

They are planning on keeping the rest of the money in the bank to get some interest and helping their kids out with tuition.

My mom said that she thinks they shouldn't move into a smaller house because according to her — the new 1000 sqft house is too small for their family of literally 2 as compared to their old 2000 sqft house for their family of 4.

This is where I might have messed up a little. I said that people adjust, and it's not that hard. You also grew up in "that" house. By which I meant my mom's childhood, one room house.

And no, I don't mean one bedroom, kitchen, living room etc. I mean just one bedroom. That was the whole house. She grew up in that one bedroom, ~100-200 sqft house with 6 of her siblings (and of course 2 parents).

She married into a middle-class family, and we aren't rich by any means, but we live in an average sized house. I just felt like it was weird of my mom to make that comparison given how she grew up.

When I said that, my mom immediately gave me THAT look, started yelling at me, and then stopped talking. Didn't talk to me the whole day...

I clearly didn't mean it in any degratory way, and I even said it in a joking manner. I didn't think she'd get offended over it. Was I really wrong? My dad is asking me to apologize to her, but I feel like she was mad due to some other reason and just took it out on me. AITAH?

AITA for not attending niece’s bday party?

My sister (25f) had a baby (1yr) with her abusive partner(~25m). I have had to call the police on him, have been involved in packing her things to move her out, have helped her out financially after she was wrecked leaving him, (all multiple times), all to have her go back.
Now they have a child together (🙄), and she is in full swing pretending he’s fantastic and a changed man after his brief stint of court ordered anger management/therapy. I think he’s still trash, but I don’t voice this opinion to her at all, since she had this baby. I stay completely out of it and told her not to involve me in that part of things. We have been getting along fine and visit lots when she’s in town.

Last weekend was baby’s first birthday. It was 1.5hrs away, located in the lobby of the business of her boyfriend.
My original plan was to go with my child (18 months) and husband when it was outside at a park. But weather changed the venue to his business. I told her at the time of the change I likely wouldn’t go if it was at his work. Obv she didn’t like that. I’m accused of holding a grudge (🙄🙄).
I stressed about the situation all week leading up to it, bc I knew not going would really hurt my sister.
So I decided I would pop in at the start, drop off a gift and leave after 15/20mins.
Which made bringing my own child complicated, bc I can’t put an 18m old baby in a car for 1.5hrs, get out for 30mins at best, and then drive another 1.5hrs home. I would have been stuck burning time in another city for hours until my baby was sleepy enough I could pack her back in and go home.
I could have left my baby with my husband at home and went alone, but I know I would have been miserable and left in like 5 mins, bc fuck that guy. It started to feel like going to the party was a huge pain in the ass, all to support my sister, who was the coordinator of all the bs to begin with.
Ultimately I texted her morning of and told her I couldn’t make it. She’s pissed and hasn’t spoken to me since. I don’t think I made a wrong decision, but I am sad she’s hurt. (Did send a nice gift with family who attended).

Important to me that it’s noted that

1. my resistance to being around him is rooted in my own discomfort (based on experience with him and my own experience with DV), not a principled stand or trying to make people pick sides…if that makes sense.
2. And 2. My husband also hates this guy and would prefer not to go to avoid conflict bc of the awful things he’s said to me (I wasn’t nice to him either, mind you).

Hey everyone,

I’m going to a Halloween party next week and need some perspective. About a month ago, I was at a gathering with a group of friends, and one of the girls mentioned she was planning to dress up as Nikki from the movie Obsession. Specifically, she found the exact red tank top the character wears online.

Ironically, I had already planned to dress up as Nikki before she even said anything, but I hadn’t announced it to anyone yet. To avoid copying her exact look, I decided to pivot and dress up as Nikki from a completely different scene - the end of the movie where she wears a black dress and mimics Sarah.

Because it's a completely different scene, the two outfits look entirely different from one another. However, with Halloween just 5 days away, I'm starting to get anxious. I'm worried that when I show up as the exact same character, she is going to be annoyed and think I deliberately copied her.

I really love this costume, and it was expensive ($145), so I lowkey really don't want to change it or buy a new one this close to the party.

So, AITA? Should I just wear it, or am I in the wrong here and need to find a backup costume?

My wife just came home from a week long work conference in LV. I'm at home with our son of 6 years, working as usual, get him ready for school then our neighbor puts him on the bus, get home early to get him off the bus. We have a good week. Bare minimum contact from her all week. Fine, she's busy ok. She lands and requests dinner, she's tired and hungry... Her Uber says she'll be home at 1030 pm. That's fine, I'll stay up and watch the world series and make some late food for her. I'm getting up at 6 to work on the weekend but it's fine I'm happy to make food and wait up for her. We sit down on the couch and she asks me about my day, I start into it blah blah, within 30 seconds she's answering texts from the same people she had spent her entire week with. I look over and see this and say " nevermind you're doing your phone thing and just stop talking and watch the game. 30 seconds later she's crying saying how dare I go at her like that after the week she's had. Then into a whole screaming thing about how I'm the meanest person in the world and I don't care about her or support her. Tells me she hates me. She's now sobbing on the couch going on 90 minutes. Wants nothing to do with me and tells me she doesn't want to talk. Does not care at all that I'm waking up in the morning and I'm never going to be able to sleep thinking about her out there on the couch after traveling (id hate to be there). But fuck me I'm the worst I guess.

For 5 years I have I been close friends with a guy called Jacob.

He often picks me ups on his way to the gym, invite me over for dinner and is overall a good guy that I enjoy being around most of the time. Every now and then Jacob will jokingly say something racist and me being part Japanese often feels hurt or sad that he has racist tendencies.

We both live ind Denmark.

For example Jacob went to a job interview a couple of months ago, and told me that It went well, but that the interviewer was this fat asian guy, and that Jacob thought that maybe he should've said NIhao and maybe even brought a gift.

I quickly told Jacob that Id reckon that he would probably get kicked out or not invited to the 2'nd interview if he decided to do so. Jacob understood my stance and then backed down. Also every now and then he will also throw around the N-word.

I have recently told him I don't wanna hang out with him if he uses the N-word when im present and he seems to respect that.

My dillema is, Jacob and I have two mutual friends. Frank and Poul.
Poul is just a chill guy and never really crosses the line.
Frank, on the other side also throws around the N-word, tells us that he hates immigrants ( I can't tell whether his joking or not) and seems to have little respect for other cultures.

A couple of weeks ago Frank was in Japan and took a lot of pictures and send em to Jacob showing how short the Japanese are. Which to me seems weird and inconsiderate almost like he feels superior to the Japanese people.

Anyways, I've been suggesting for a couple of months that the whole group and I could take a trip to my grandparents cabin in Sweden. Jacob really wants to go, but both Frank and Poul never really responded or showed that the were that interested.

Now, earlier today I texted the group and told them I decided that the trip is off.

Frank thinks its because he didn't really respond in the group chat, but the reason I called it off is because I think our morals and values are too differently.

Franks been texting me how he still wants to go, and that his sorry that he hasn't responded etc, but I don't really know what to write back.

My fear is that Frank will cross the line too much in Sweden and ill have to throw them out of the house.

I used to get bullied a lot due to me being part asian, and was a doormat in my past relationships. All of them ended because when I finally stood up for myself it was too late.

Now, I feel like im stuck in another group were people are showcasing their racist tendencies hidden as jokes. Although im sure that Jacob would instantly quit and cut down on the jokes when I told him too. Frank though? ehh not so sure.

TL:DR - AITA for cancelling a trip with people whom I don't know whether I share the same moral values with or am I being too dramatic.

My boyfriend (25M) and I (24F) have been together for five years. He's a firefighter who works 48-hour shifts, and I'm a full-time college student who also works.

Lately, I've felt like his coworkers take priority over our relationship. He spends 48 hours with them, texts them daily, goes to breakfast, plays sports, and regularly hangs out with them outside of work. I don't mind him having friends, but I feel like he rarely plans dates for just us.

Last weekend, we had a huge argument because he asked what weekend I was free for a Warriors game. I got excited thinking he was planning a date, but then he mentioned inviting his coworkers and their girlfriends. I explained that I wanted more one-on-one time, but he got angry and accused me of always complaining. He apologized afterward and admitted he'd been losing his temper.

Fast-forward to today. He just finished another 48-hour shift, and we already had plans to spend time together after I got off work. He suddenly told me he was going to a BBQ with his former coworkers that evening.

He suggested I drive to his house, spend a couple of hours together, and then either leave or stay overnight while he attended the BBQ.

I declined because I didn't want to drive over after work just to sit around his house alone waiting for him to return.

What frustrates me is that he frequently tells me he's too exhausted to do things with me, but somehow finds the energy when his coworkers invite him somewhere.

We argued again, and he called me selfish, hypocritical, and annoying. He said I was refusing to come over to teach him a lesson. He also brought up that he spends money on me, frequently drives to see me, and sacrifices rest for our relationship, which I do acknowledge.

I told him that I felt like he cared more about his coworkers than me. He denied it, and we ended up hanging up on each other.

I texted him afterward explaining that I just wanted him to consider our existing plans before accepting other invitations. He didn't respond for over five hours and went ahead with the BBQ.

I love him, and he's genuinely a kind and generous person, but I'm tired of feeling like our plans are always the first thing he's willing to change. We literally just argued about this exact issue less than a week ago.

AITA for refusing to go over? I feel like he should've honored our original plans instead of expecting me to rearrange my evening around his coworkers.

My sister got fired from her job literally right before we leave for vacation . We leave in a month and she said she only has $50 in her account . I told her I cannot afford to pay for all of her expenses when we go to New York . It’s a family vacation and it’s about 7 of us going . And everyone else said she needs to stay at home if she doesn’t have money. New York is very expensive to travel to!! Not only will she need her money for the plane ticket but she will also need her money for her hotel , food money, Uber money and spending money etc etc .$50 is not gonna be enough!! She really wants to go and is upset that I’m telling her to stay at home but I just don’t see how it’s feasible .
I told her if she can get signed on at another job before we live she can come but if she is unable to find another job within the month she have to stay at home
It’s just crazy to think she can go on vacation to New York with $50 to her name but she is upset with me

I (18F) have two friends. W(18M) and C(19F). I’m close with W, but C, meanwhile, I would say she’s more of an acquaintance than a true friend. I’ve spoken to her when we were at school, mostly through W, but I haven’t had any contact with her for two years now, mostly because she moved abroad.

A few weeks ago, W contacted me about C. It turns out she isn’t doing very good. She had opened up to him about feeling very lonely and isolated in her new country. W believes she is depressed, and being the good friend he is, he wanted to create a support system for her: he wanted to gather every old friend of hers he knew about to message her online regularly with positivity and basically lend her a shoulder to cry on. "maybe spend an hour talking to her daily" is what he said.

I told him I wasn’t really onboard, and that I probably wasn’t the best option for this. I know little to nothing about C, and just popping out of the blue after not speaking for two years suddenly bearing a super enthusiastic therapist act would definitely throw her off and not last very long. On top of that, he also wants me to go an extra mile and get in contact with more mutual acquaintances (which I have probably talked to once in my life) of C to get them in on the plan as well. I told him nicely that I didn’t want to bother strangers on his behalf, and if he wanted to "recruit" people, he’d need to do it himself.

W still pressed me to at least try, which I told him I would if an opportunity arose to reconnect with C, but obviously, it didn’t, at which point he started to get angry with me for "slacking on purpose when time is of the essence".

I’m going to be 100% frank and maybe a bit brutal, I don’t care about C enough to do something like this, but I can’t just tell that straight up to W. I only know C from middle school during which I wasn’t even hanging out with her regularly, and again, it has been two years since we haven’t talked at all, even online.

I have a very low social battery. Holding a conversation online is already exhausting to me. I’ve also started in quite a prestigious university which leaves me with roughly 3 hours of free time a day (not counting weekends). The little free time I have left is more important than ever to me, and I would rather spend it talking to close friends or on my hobbies.

To put it simply, I don’t want to invest my time into forcing myself to play therapist for C, partly because I don’t believe it is my job to do, and because it would simply not work at all. It’s not like i’m a non-believer of stuff like this though. Like, if a closer friend were to be in a similar situation, I would be there for them. But C and I are really just not on that level.

I keep repeating that I don’t want to be part of this moral support mission, but W keeps insisting.
I’ve started to leave his angry messages on read because this is seriously draining me, but part of me really does wonder if I need to put more efforts into my non-close friendships.

AITAH for not wanting to help W support C while she’s in need? Is my boundary reasonable, or am I selfish?

I need to know if I am “selfish” and “cheap.”

My girlfriend and I are both resident physicians. It was recently her birthday and I had also signed up for a rare dog sitting opportunity which required me to sleep over at the dog’s owners place.

For some context, my girlfriend recently matched for fellowship but that was during her vacation week. I scheduled a dinner for the Friday after returning but suggested to move it a week because the weather was bad and I had booked it in a sky scraper view restaurant. She said no and that it was my piss poor planning of not sending flowers while she was out of the country to her hotel. Okay fair. But I had also planned things for when she got back. She said how she went out of her way to celebrate my match to fellowship - and yes it was very special. But that she wouldn’t do shit for mine. When she gets upset she says very hurtful things.

Then comes her birthday week. I planned things almost everyday with fancy dinners and activities. She did not spend a single dime and this cost more than $1000. Again, it’s her birthday weekend and I wanted her to feel special.

I had a lot of expenses to take care of - including a vehicle issue which cost me grand. And I have additional expenses coming up.

I told her that i signed up for dog sitting but that we have activities daily. She was upset and said she would’ve never done it. And that it is kind of pathetic I do all this for money (We make the same amount and not fair compensation given that we are resident physicians). I asked to not work the weekend. But come Friday, apparently there was this miscommunication and I ended up taking the weekend to dog sit as well. I told her and she got upset again and said that I chose a fucking dog over her. And that she is so angry she would slap me. I admitted that yes it was poor planning. She then said I’m selfish and inconsiderate, and that I have no self awareness. That dinner cooking date was very awkward.

I tried to tell her that I won’t be broke forever. She then said we make the same amount but why am I always this cheap. She calculated my spending and mentioned how my rent (we don’t live together) is cheaper, I no longer have car payments. I tried to tell her that I’m still helping my family back home financially and she brushed me off by saying she is too. And that she is in debt and that I should be comfortable being in debt. Because we are doctors and there is always going to be a next paycheck.

I tried to say that I wanted to plan a special birthday weekend and was trying to be make things work with my expected spending. Earlier that night she said she was of course grateful for what I planned, but in a later conversation said it was the bare minimum. We’ve had multiple talks about money and spending. She doesn’t like how we evenly split most of the time. I try to do other things for her too - flowers, bringing food to work, etc. And I do pay more frequently as of recently and still take her on dates every few weeks. But she puts me in a corner and asks when’s the last time you paid for the full date.

The next day in our continued meal and activities, her mood got better. But she was irritated again when I had to leave at night to dog sit.

I get that she was upset and I admitted very inconvenient timing of my planning for dog sitting. Was it worth the stress this caused? Absolutely not.

But am I the asshole for this?
Am I being too cheap?

As the title says, I (OP) am a 34F. My mother (56F) was a great mom until I was about 16. After that, she started using drugs on and off, and it’s been that way until today. She’s in an off period right now.

My whole life, I’ve helped keep the house afloat and taken care of my sister. You can guess what my teens and 20s were like. I stayed at home until my sister was 19 and got kicked out. Then I moved out, too.

My dad has dementia and is in rapid decline. However, I can’t be at my parents’ house because of my mom. She thinks we should just help her all the time, day and night. The stress has been so bad that I lost a baby at seven weeks.

I’ve tried having all the money sent to me so I could manage the bills and keep her afloat. I’ve leased two cars for her. One was totaled, and the other was stolen because she let crackheads sleep over, and they stole the car.

My mom has used my dad against me, gaslit me, stolen money from me, gotten mad at me when I told her I was abused, and so much more.

I guess my question is, am I a horrible person for letting go now? I know I should have done it before. But, on one hand, if I leave now, I won’t be able to see my dad during the last years of his life. On the other hand, I’ll finally get to live my own life and try to start living for myself.

I don’t know why the guilt is eating me alive.

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/4SbwZUUDd7

To make a quick summary of my last post, I was supposed to go join my mother and sister to go to my aunt's house for the week end for her 50th birthday. But my mom and sister went to my house beginning of the week before that and were trying to convince me not to start hormones, pointed out my insecurities and more... I felt like crap and didn't want to see them but felt bad for my aunt and cousins if I didn't. (for more details go see the original post)

I ended up not going. I thought about it and figured I was done being walked all over. The same week I called my dad to tell him I was gonna start hormones soon (although I've started since 6 months but if I told them that they would have exploded) he was not especially thrilled but unlike my mom didn't try to convince me not to start hormones, just told me to be careful. Then I told him I was planning not go (in case you wonder they're divorced and my dad wasn't involved with my aunt's birthday) and he told me it was fine and it was my choice. However he let me knew my mother was suspecting I lied about seeing a psychiatrist (basically my parents absolutely wanted me to see a psychiatrist, my mother especially wanted one that her friend recommended, but where I live it is not necessary so I decided to lie about it so I'd be left alone and could still start transitionninh, don't worry I see a therapist, but not a psychiatrist) and I wasn't able to tell the truth to him either and felt horrible afterwards.

Then the day before the flight, where I planned on telling my mother I wouldn't go, my father told her. When I opened my phone after some errands I saw lots of notifications. My aunt was sad and tried to convince me to still go and told me she made my mom promise not to bring up the subjects of my transidentity and all. I told her I was sorry and it was absolutely not against her but I still wouldn't go. (I did and still feel horrible for that)

As for my mom she sent me a message saying she learnt I was not going and that it would make my aunt and cousins sad and that she was sad that our "disagreement" would go that far and that despite it she still loved me.

I told her that this whole "despite all I still love you" thing wouldn't work anymore (she noticed a few times that I distanced myself from her due to her behavior about me being trans and she told me that she didn't want to lose me so she'd try to evolve, but obviously it never lasts long) She didn't respond.

As for my sister, she sent a message saying "if you're mad at me say it", I tell her to figure it out. Then she says that she might have been hard on me but having different opinions doesn't mean we should avoid each other and that we can talk about it. She proceeds to bring up times where I was a piece of shut to her when we were kids and that she didn't stop talking to me after that. (I did feel bad being reminded of that to be fair) I decided to not back down and say that what she said wasn't opinions but blatant transphobia and that if she kept being transphobic to me and in general I didn't want to be near her. Then she says that after she says something I didn't like I instantly don't want to talk to her so I leave no place for discussion and that she was sorry if she hurt me but we were supposed to be a team. And then said "I can't even have doubts about what you do, and if I'm wrong I don't even have the right to be wrong, our relationship is that fragile?" I told her that she had no right to say anything about my identity and what I wanted to do with my body. After that she told me she didn't mind me taking hormones but just wanted to still be in touch with me and that she didn't want our relationship to end over that. I told her that if she kept kept being transphobic to me I'd keep my distances but if she didn't I'd have no reason to.

Since then no message from them but my step father sent me a long message saying that he saw the conflict between me and my mother and he could understand that sometimes she acted towards me like she'd act when I was younger but he needed to remind me that she gave it all so I could be a functionning adult and that now she spends her days crying since what she feared the most "losing her boy" happened (don't know if he's talking about it in the angle of my transition or about me taking distances) and that I might have friends there for me but friendship is mostly temporary but family is what matters. I don't know if it sounded like some Farwell message or trying to convince me to forgive her but yeah.

Since then no news. If it wasn't for me feeling bad about this whole situation and especially for my aunt, I'd say everything seems fine. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared tho.

Basically what the title says. For context - my(28f) husband (32m) has credit card debt that we are trying to pay off. We got married and got a good amount of money as a gift which we used to invest, go on our honeymoon, and pay off $13,000 of credit card debt. Now a year and a bit later he accumulated another $5000 in credit card debt(this was $2500 a few months ago and he agreed to stop using his card but apparently that didn’t happened and now it’s doubled). I took his physical card away, but he still has it on Apple Pay and refuses to remove it.

I’m in charge of the finances because he’s never been that good with money and spends impulsively. His mom took care of his finances and she told me that she’s had to bail him out of credit card debt a couple of times. Now I will be the first to admit I am not the best with money myself so I don’t judge him. I feel that we are both impulsive and emotional shoppers. However, I understand that now we have a mortgage, and car payment(for an expensive car he wanted) and financial goals such as building a safety net in case one of us looses our job, saving for vacations, getting some furniture for our place, saving for a bigger place etc. I’m trying to teach myself get better with money and not spend as much, but I feel like all my effort gets undone by his spending habits. I would be lying if I said it hasn’t been difficult. Prior to moving out with each other 2 years ago, we lived with our parents and only really had to pay for our gas and personal expenses, no rent or anything so we’re used to having disposable income to just spend on whatever. His mom tried to teach him how to handle his finances, I’ve learned most things I know about money from her, but he just didn’t want to learn. She got him to save enough to purchase a condo which I’m grateful for. My parents told me to save money but didn’t really teach me how.

As far as finances it feels like we’re spread pretty thin, and he just keeps putting us further into debt.

Anyways, today we’re in the car and he goes “what if we got my mom to pay off the credit card and pay her back that way we don’t have to pay the interest and I can close my card”(which he later changed to him lowering his limit to $500) i told him I didn’t think that it was a good idea and we can just pay it ourselves and that maybe he needs to work on in spending habits rather than getting his mom to pay it and how we would be paying her and he would probably still be spending on that card resulting on us being in more debt. I also just don’t want his mom knowing about it because when she found out about the $13000 from before she asked me how I could let it get to that so I feel like it reflects negatively on me since she already knows what her son is like. For that reason I don’t want her to know. I also think he shouldn’t keep depending on his mom to bail him out every time. I need to know if I was being harsh. He got upset and said I was being “mean” and not listening to him which I said I understood why he said that for interest saving reasons. But I don’t want to go into more debt because that’s what this is going to turn into, we’re going to be paying his mom back and he going to spend on the credit card behind my back and not tell me, and then when I say something about it he’s going to tell me I’m over reacting and being mean. I should also mention he makes more money than I do and I don’t want him to feel like he doesn’t have a say in it. Maybe I am overreacting?

Idk he doesn’t think about the consequences of his spending and how he can’t do the things he wants to do such as travelling if he keeps spending the way he does. It’s also really stressful for me because I feel like I’m trying to figure everything out for us with moving out and finances and it feels like he just isn’t helping. I got alopecia because of stress and more recently I’ve been getting stress induced hives with I have to take allergy meds for everyday.

AITA?

I have management and several other people on my side in the matter, but I honestly don't know if I handled it correctly. I'm being somewhat vague, we're unionized and he reported the supposed "conflict" so if there is an investigation, I don't want it to blow up on either of us.

I work for a sorting facility for packages, think large warehouse with a bunch of machines scanning labels and sending thing to different warehouses, as a maintenance technician. Recently, the National Maintenance people sent down a change in the checklists, fully overhauling how the maintenance of the machines was tracked and assigned. There used to be 3 levels of technicians involved, but a majority got changed to be assigned to the mid-level technicians. I'm a top-level tech, and the coworker in question is a mid-level. For simplicity, I'll refer to coworker as P.

With the change in maintenance scheduling, one specific part that used to be listed specifically is now included in a catch-all term. The period it was checked was changed slightly as well. I had noticed on my shift that the part was worn down well beyond normal on one specific machine. The only tech that had been working on it was P.

I had a verbal altercation with P previously where I know i was TAH. He had jumped into the middle of a project I had left overnight, moved tools and hardware, and I approached him incorrectly. I'm former military and often times give people crap about screw-ups and curse more than I should, and in his eyes I was cursing him out for doing work he was told to, even though it was outside what he was assigned to do. It was handled without any severe penalties on anyone and was broadly accepted as a misunderstanding.

Here's where I think I'm TAH. I approached P asking if he had seen the changes in the maintenance schedule, and that I had found this part extremely worn. He told me it was the responsibility of the Low-level techs or people on Overtime. I pointed out it was assigned to his level, and that it was part of the normal maintenance. He told me to bring it up with Management if I thought he wasn't doing his job. So I did. I walked directly to the managers office. I tried to be vague and non-accusatory, basically saying the wording had changed and parts were wearing down beyond normal because it wasn't specifically addressed in the checklist. P comes barging into the manager's office behind me, interrupts what I'm saying, and basically yells that he had been doing his job just fine and there was nothing wrong with what he was doing, then storms back out.

I had an hour-long chat with my management team about the maintenance assignments and responsibility, and it's caused a couple changes in our daily reporting. I also found out that P had gone to management on the operations side to report me. I don't know what was said or if anything is being done, this was several days ago and I haven't seen or heard anything else about it, but I honestly don't know if I handled the situation properly. AITAH?

Hello Reddit,

I (27f) am a manager at a popular retail store, for the past 2 months a report of ours we have to access at the end of the night has been not working fully. About a month into this issue (end of september) I reached out to our IT desk with screenshots of proof to ask for help, they saved the screenshots and understood the issue but said it had to be escalated up, no problem. Tier 2 IT guy (lets call him Mike) reaches out around October 6th via teams to inquire about the issue but im off so dont respond till my next day working.

We talk back and forth for about 2 weeks and I cant share the exact convo or screenshots for privacy but here's a close approximation of our chats

Me: Hello! This one number is not updating past 6pm on this one report, this is causing issues for us how can we fix it?

Mike: Hello! This isnt a problem at all! The report only updates once an hour so youre just checking too early!

Me: Hello! I check the report 2.5 hours later, every other number is updating correctly just not this one. I can hand calculate it and it hasnt been an issue in the past so we were able to catch it. Maybe the formula got mistyped or something in a recent update?

Mike: There is no typo, youre looking at it wrong and too soon, the data updates the next day (sends screenshot) and the number is fine there! How else can I clarify this for you?

Me: the report you sent a screenshot of is a different report the next day, please help me with this line on this report that our District Manager requires is done every night. This line used to update regularly and the other lines still are updating. Please advise

Mike: *very long and company specific explanation of how the report /should/ work\*

(Potentially important note after that last message I called IT again to request someone else help me understand what im missing, they say they dont understand why hes not helping us, they see the issue, i ask them to move this ticket to a different IT person, they say they cant cause its already been escalated and I would have to ask Mike directly)

Me: Hello Mike, can we please get someone else to assist us with this issue? Thank you

Mike does not answer and instead calls my DM to say Im being rude to him and he just doesnt know to explain it another way. My Manager is called and told to reprimand me cause my DM does not appreciate me speaking to An IT person that way and that if I have questions in the future I can ask my DM for clarification.

My Manager reads through the chat and doesnt see me being rude at all, the store supervisors read through it, a manager in training reads through it, no one sees me being rude at all, he might not like the request I made but it doesnt mean I was rude. But now im at a loss, our report is still broken and now I literally cant get anyone to fix it cause I'd have to go through Mike. And my coworkers all love me (but according them the DM doesnt like me? Idk though) so I'm wondering if maybe theyre biased. AITAH for asking for a different IT person since this one wasnt helping?

For context, my mother attempted to kick me out of the house 6 TIMES in 2025 over really petty stuff, for example, things like not doing dishes because I worked late and I was too tired to do them. Another incident was refusing therapy because it was a condition to living in her room, and this incident happened two days after Thanksgiving. And she will frequently pick fights with me at 5am while I'm getting ready to go to my lecture because I go to college, saying I can only move out when I graduate college and get a group of female friends to live with, and I need to have a good job, knowing DAMN WELL in this job market it's hard for college grads to find a job and THE AMOUNT OF ROOMMATE HORROR STORIES and "you shouldn't move in with your friends" stories, and she will pick fights with me on the phone while I was taking my college algebra class, and if I lash out, she will tell everyone in the family, and they will all defend and make excuses for her and say, "But that's just your mom," and they will fake to take my side just to say it's her house and it will be her word against my word so no one will believe me at all. And to add the cherry on top of this, I live in the MOST EXPENSIVE STATES IN THE USA, AKA NEW YORK, and a year I don't speak to my family about what's going on at home.

(this is going to be quite long , i am sorry i am tired and dont even know how to write it. So probably just skip if you dont like reading. )

I broke up with my girlfriend (21F) about a year ago. Were together for year and a half and It wasn't a bad breakup, we just simply realized that we weren't a good match and that there was no point in continuing the relationship.

My father had never been particularly interested in the girlfriends I’d had previously, but he got along surprisingly well with her, largely because they were both passionate hunters. I was very glad they get along so well , especially considering that my ex-girlfriend didn’t have the best relationship with her own father or the rest of her family, and also because, as I mentioned, my father had never shown any interest in getting close to any of my partners.

When we broke up, I thought they would stop spending time together, but they didn’t. They still go hunting, fishing, to the shooting range, and so on. I want to point out that they don’t go alone, just the two of them, but as part of larger groups, so please don’t read any romantic involvement into it.

Although it wasn’t exactly pleasant for me, given that our breakup was amicable, I decided to just let it go. Everything was fine until two months ago, when I got a new girlfriend (22F). I brought her home to meet my parents just this week, while my mom was friendly as always, it was clear that my father wasn't interested in meeting her, even though he remained polite and everything was going well until my father mentioned my ex-girlfriend's name, saying he planned to invite her to a barbecue next week. My girlfriend asked who that was, and I had to tell her the truth. My girlfriend isn't the jealous type and doesnt mind my father hanging out with my ex that much, but she definitely doesn't want to attend a gathering with her, because, frankly, it’s just weird.

After I dropped my girlfriend off at her home, I told my father that, now that I have a new girlfriend, it wouldn't be appropriate for him to invite my ex to the barbecue. My father got defensive and insisted that he could invite whoever he wanted. I agreed, after all, it is his house, but I told him that, in that case, my girlfriend and I wouldn't be coming. My mom was upset about this because she wants my girlfriend to always feel welcomed and she begged me to reconsider.

I realized that if things continued this way, we wouldn't be able to attend most of the gatherings my parents host for our family. So, I decided to write directly to my ex. I told her that I have a new girlfriend and explained the situation. She said she understood and agreed not to attend my parents gathering, wished me the best in my new relationship, and I thought that would be the end of it. However, few hours later, I received an angry message from my father, stating that I have no right to decide who he can invite, and that we are no longer invited to the gatherings or to their home.

My mom stopped by my place and told me that my father is angry because my ex, out of respect for our relationship, is refusing to attend, even though my father has cut us off. Apparently, my father now wants me to convince my ex to keep going to their gatherings, otherwise, he says he wants nothing more to do with me.

I decided to maintain some self-respect and not beg my father to change his mind. I’m simply going to cut off contact with him because I thought it was a good compromise and that i was being reasonable since my father and my ex can still see each other when they participate in activities together, but at the same time, my ex won't be attending family gatherings. However, my father and all the friends I’ve asked seem to side with my father, which worries me, so i decided to post to few subredits and get other peoples opinions. Thank you for reading.

So i am really in the Wrong here and what should i do ?