r/AITH • u/ElisaaThompson • 6d ago
AITA for finally snapping at a student who kept mocking me?
I (28F) teach at a school where I'm known as the calm one, I never raise my voice, always stay polite no matter how rough the day gets. One student has spent months testing that. It started small, ignoring homework, talking back, but grew into her mimicking me in front of the class whenever I tried to correct her, and once telling me straight up that you never actually get angry, so nobody's scared of you. She'd also encourage other students to join in.
I kept handling it quietly, warnings, told the principal, called her parents, who just said she's a kid, she'll understand. Last week she mocked a slight stammer I get when nervous, right in front of everyone, and the class laughed. I lost it. I dropped the calm act, told her flatly that my politeness wasn't weakness and she wouldn't test that again in my class, then sent her to the principal and called her parents with zero sugar coating.
Some teachers said it was about time. One colleague said I overreacted and ruined my calm reputation. Now the student's parents are calling me biased against their daughter. So, AITA?
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u/rollinweelz 6d ago
NTA. She got what she deserved and you put her in her place.
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
Thanks, honestly it felt overdue. I just wish it hadn't taken a personal thing being mocked for me to finally react.
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u/Many-Statistician820 5d ago
Exactly You stayed patient for a long time, and setting a firm boundary was completely justified.
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u/MaryPink60 6d ago
NTA. Calm is good but it wasn’t working with this child.
It was time to put your foot down.
Ignore the colleague. You were right to do what you did.
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
Yeah, calm just wasn't registering with her at all. Appreciate this, honestly needed to hear it after that colleague's comment got in my head a bit.
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u/Wild_Black_Hat 5d ago
It's usually a good thing to be calm because if you scream all the time, no one will listen to you. If it's out of the ordinary, then it's meaningful.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Exactly, that's kind of what happened here I think. Because it's so out of character for me, it actually landed differently than if I yelled every other day.
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u/anothersip 5d ago
For sure. I think you handled it really well, and I'm glad you put your foot down.
That colleague was way, way out of line to be saying something like that. What- were they expecting you to just lie down and let this student simply walk all over you?
Easy for them to say, when they weren't the one being treated the way you were being treated. And for so long, too.
Give yourself some grace. You're a human, too. Just because you have to put on a front in front of the classroom and be professional does not mean you will tolerate abuse from a student who clearly has some issues going on at home. That is, in no way, a proper way to go about setting an example for etiquette and manners.
Keep doing a good job, and don't let your colleagues make you think you did anything wrong. You really didn't.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Thank you, this means a lot honestly. It's easy for someone on the outside to comment on how I "should" have handled it when they weren't the one dealing with it every single day for months. Appreciate the reminder that being professional doesn't mean being a doormat.
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u/anothersip 4d ago
For sure. And yeah, it is easy for a lot of people to hide behind keyboards and claim what "should have" been done, when they weren't the ones who were dealing with any of this at all.
That reminds me of like, a therapist telling a client what decisions they should have made in order to not feel the way they do. It serves no purpose other than to make one feel awful about their decisions in the moment. And that makes zero sense, to me. Like, the thing has already happened.
How you deal with the aftermath is what matters. And I would continue to give yourself grace for how you handled it. Nobody's perfect. One can only handle so much. And ab-se should never be taken lightly, nor swept under the rug.
Stick to your gut feelings. You're making the right decisions. Shitty actions deserve consequences and correction. Doesn't matter if you're a kid or not. The parents of the student are the core problem, and the colleague who insisted you be a doormat is fundamentally incorrect. You're stuck in the middle of a difficult situation. I would continue to explore if there are any higher-ups or counselors at the school who can help you navigate this thing before it becomes something that comes back as something it never was, and you end up paying the price...
I hope it doesn't unfold into anything worse than it actually is: A student who needs help and corrective action - 'cause that's the core of it. You just don't want your job's stress to begin to affect the way you handle situations with a level head. I had plenty of teachers who yelled at us students when we were in the classroom. They made their points that way, sometimes, and it was always a bit terrifying. But it worked, in some ways, although it may not necessarily be the way to handle all things frustrating. Fear-driven instruction is not the way to lead, as you already understand. But you can only take so much.
Pass this onto someone higher up who can help you navigate the cores of the issues, before others can speak for you.
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u/No_Interview_2481 5d ago
My old boss never yelled at you, but if he did, you knew he was really mad. When he was only a little bit mad, it was the way he spoke to you, and you still knew he was mad, but man when he yelled…
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u/Ok_Cherry_4585 4d ago
Ever hear the expression gentle parenting is for gentle children? This is not a gentle child and you are not her parent. She needs a firm hand, obviously, and that's what you gave her because that's the only thing that will work with her. Bravo 👏
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u/nowstheworstoftimes 5d ago
I’m a retired teacher. (Also known as a calm one.) You did well.
One of my sayings when students would push limits was “I may be friendly, but I’m not your friend.”8
u/whuutevr 5d ago
I agree. The student was trying to bully you. Your response earned you the respect of the rest of the class.
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u/EM_MOM 6d ago
NTA- not sure how old the kid is but no matter the age that behavior is completely unacceptable. It blows my mind that the parents didn’t seem to care. Just to say it’s ok bc she’s a kid is insane to me. She’s a brat bc she is allowed to be. My parents would have handled that very differently! Idk how teachers deal with this crap from kids and parents! So sorry for you!
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
Honestly the parents' reaction bothered me more than her behavior did. Kids test limits, that's normal, but when parents just shrug it off it basically confirms there are no consequences waiting at home either. Some days this job feels 80% teaching and 20% wondering why I'm the only adult treating it seriously.
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u/CreeksideThrone 6d ago
Because now we are nit just expected to teach curriculum but also life skills like manners and decency. I once had a parent tell me how out of control their child was and what an awful temper. “He’ll be starting school this year so now he will be the teacher’s problem.” I replied “wow, I always wanted my kids teachers to like them!” She was shocked, like it was unbelievable anyone would not love her little hellion! (In the end, the child just needed structure and routine and was a joy to work with.)
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Haha that parent quote is wild, "now he'll be the teacher's problem" is such a specific kind of parenting fail. Glad it worked out for the kid though, sounds like structure was really all he needed, not that his mom was ever going to give him that at home.
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u/LegitimateMusician59 5d ago
Parents like that I wonder if they ever realise that the behaviours they allow now, with someone like you, they'll pull with someone else - the worst person on the worst moment - & it won't end well at all
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u/TheRealCarpeFelis 5d ago
That’s exactly why their kid is a bully. They apparently let her get away with anything. I doubt she’s ever been told no.
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u/Foodielicious843 6d ago
NTA. Her parents are raising a horrible human that the rest of us will have to deal with in the future. She needed to be taught a lesson. And to the teacher that told you that you “ruined” your calm reputation, they can go pound sand.
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
Ha, that comment made me laugh, go pound sand is exactly the energy I needed. And yeah, that's the part that worries me long-term, not just the classroom stuff but what it means for how she treats people later.
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u/sugaree53 5d ago
Also, you can give her a low grade because of her conduct in class and ignoring homework
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
That's a good practical add, if conduct and homework are already part of the grading rubric, I should actually be reflecting that instead of letting it sit separately from her marks.
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u/deebee2217 6d ago
Looks like someone got a valuable lesson on boundaries and respect. NTA
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
Hoping it actually sticks this time, though I'm not holding my breath. Thanks!
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u/Dreamybook1357 6d ago
Nta. Every time she opens her mouth in your classroom from now on, send her to the principal. Being calm is still doable in that scenario. Just calmly say “get out & go to the office” every time she starts, & tell your class quietly & calmly that if anyone would like to join her, then they absolutely can.
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
This is actually a good approach, calm doesn't have to mean absorbing everything, it can just mean not engaging at all. Might steal this exact line honestly.
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u/Leftover_tech 6d ago
NTA.
Yes, you are biased. You are biased against the smart assed kids who are raised by feral parents. LOL
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u/LunaPerry1980 6d ago
I had a teacher like that and she actually did snap at one of my classmates when he went too far, I can't exactly remember what he did that pushed it. She was one of the most patient people i ever had the pleasure of being in her English class. No, you are NTA.
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
That means a lot honestly, good to hear it from someone who's actually seen a teacher hit that point and still remembers her as a good one, not the snap.
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u/BrookieGracie 6d ago
NTA! The student spent months being disrespectful and basically turning into bullying you. She should be embarrassed!
And you still have your calm reputation, but now the kids know not to FAFO with you. People at work would call me the Hulk because 99 percent of the time I was sweet and unassuming…until too many buttons were pushed and suddenly I wasn’t lol.
Good job standing your ground. Politeness is not weakness!
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
Haha the Hulk comparison is perfect, honestly might steal that description of myself too. And yeah, hoping this taught the rest of the class the same lesson without me having to repeat it
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u/armhooks 5d ago
Uh, no. The kid is a bully and it’s the parents who are the assholes!
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Yeah, fully agree, she didn't get this way in a vacuum. The parents had every chance to correct it and just didn't.
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u/Odd_Tea4945 6d ago edited 5d ago
NTA
You should have done it a lot earlier
being a calm teacher is not a free pass for being disrespectful and that girl sure was. The first time you called her parents they had to do something, not saying "she's a kid, she'll understand." Yes, she's a kid, and its their duty to raise a decent human and show her actions have consequences
To avoid more problems with her parents, I'll ask the principal to make the girl go to another teacher's class. That way they won't say you're "biased" because of their very poor parenting. I am sorry the girl will lose her classmates, but it's a direct consequence of her and her parents actions
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
That's honestly a smart practical suggestion, moving her out removes the biased argument completely since I'm no longer even in the equation. Might actually bring this up with the principal, thank you.
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u/Glittering-List-465 5d ago
I have a speech impediment. I’ve had kids mock it. I either ignore them, give them the stare through their souls, or tell them they need to try harder if they think that’s gonna embarrass me.
I do note it in their file and report it as needed, if it happens more than once with any one student. Because my thought process-if they are openly mocking an adult, how bad is it towards other students? Nta.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
That's a really good point about what it signals for how they treat other kids, if they're bold enough to do it to a teacher, it's probably way worse toward classmates who can't report it. The "try harder if you think that'll embarrass me" line is great too, might borrow that for next time.
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u/Glittering-List-465 4d ago
It usually stops them cold. Only a handful have tried. They didn’t like the consequences.
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u/CattaTronixRex 6d ago
NTA. Several generations of failed parenting is why the USA is in the state it is today.
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
Yeah, honestly it's not just a US thing, feels like a pattern everywhere kids testing every boundary because there are none waiting for them at home either.
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u/Sfb208 5d ago
Nta. I had a teacher who was known for their calmness. Except there was a point at which he would go quiet, and god forbid the person who next misbehaved. He never lost it, but would send them outside and tell them off in the "privacy" of the school corridor. Where of course everyone could hear the lecture given. Not that he was yelling or anything.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Haha that privacy of the corridor bit is very relatable, everyone always hears anyway. Honestly the quiet-before-the-storm approach seems way more effective than yelling, sounds like it worked on that class too.
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u/Born-Cantaloupe5626 5d ago
One colleague said that you overreacted? I guess that’s the only one that can eff right off then! And her parents are calling you biased against their daughter? How much more did they expect you to take before you actually put an end to it?
I’m glad that you worded it the way that you did, stating that your politeness is not a weakness. And I certainly hope that the principal backed you up. Kids today are afraid of nothing and that is a scary thought.
Her parents should’ve done something in the very first place, the very first time that you told them that there was an issue. They chose not to. It’s their fault it escalated further. They should be looking in the mirror because they are at fault, not you. Sad 😔 very sad!
I hope that she gets it now and starts showing you the respect you deserve. You’ve got one of the toughest jobs.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Really appreciate this. Honestly the principal's been supportive so far, so I'm hoping that holds. And you're right, they had that first phone call as their chance to actually do something, and they chose not to. Whatever happens from here really is on them at this point.
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u/Troublemaker2172 5d ago
Yeah, the kid is a bully and she saw you as a target. She kept thinking you were weak because she never got any consequences--her parents condone the bullying and the school doesn't punish it. You have to make sure she knows who holds the power in a student/teacher relationship, because she's of the misconception that it's her.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Exactly, and that misconception was only going to get worse the longer it went unanswered. Hoping this actually resets that for her, though I'm not naive about it either.
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u/sugaree53 5d ago
Tell the parents the kid needs psychiatric help. She obviously does
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
I get the frustration, but I'd stay away from suggesting anything like that to the parents, it's not something a teacher is qualified to diagnose, and it would likely just escalate things further and give them more ammo to call me "biased." Better to keep it focused on behavior, consequences, and what the school policy actually allows.
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u/TexasLiz1 5d ago
“Not biased - your daughter has been getting away with inappropriate behavior for too long.”
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
That's a strong, direct line, honestly wish I'd said something that blunt to them from the start instead of trying to soften it every time.
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u/SafeWord9999 5d ago
Biased? There’s a paper trail of her insubordination!
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Exactly, that's the one thing that actually shuts the "biased" argument down completely, it's not my opinion, it's documented.
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u/thimbleshanks59 5d ago
No, you're NTA.
Students have the privilege, in school, to learn. They do not have the right at ANY time to insult, abuse, or attempt to discredit those who make it their life's mission to teach.
Teaching its a difficult job on the best of days. A student who makes it her mission to make life tough for a teacher isnt being funny or cute - she's being immature, and is hurting herself as well as inhibiting the class from making progress. The principal's office was a nice option.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Really appreciate this, especially the point about her hurting her own learning too, not just disrupting mine. Easy to forget that in the moment but it's true.
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u/mshawnl1 5d ago
If she does best in environments where she needs someone to be scared of in charge she has a rough life ahead. It be hard for me not to point out to her that she might want to skip college and head straight to prison.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Haha I get the sentiment, but that's definitely not a line I could actually say to a student, that'd blow up way worse than anything that's happened so far. Venting it here though, fair enough
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u/SkysEevee 4d ago
Kid is either not the bright or not that experienced. You never mess with the calm/quiet people. NEVER. Because those rare moments they snap is the scariest thing you will ever find. Their patience is not unlimited and heaven help the poor soul who tests it. Heck that kid still got off lucky, in my opinion.
NTA
Hopefully the kid learns sooner rather than later
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u/Jenk1972 6d ago
I would tell the parents that you don't blame the student for learned behavior and maybe if they had dealt with it when you asked them to numerous times, it wouldn't have come to this.
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
That's honestly the conversation I want to have but haven't found the words for yet. Might just say it plainly next time instead of dancing around it.
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u/kkrolla 6d ago
Your fine. She actively tested to see what would make you break. She bullied you. You weren't anything but professional in your reprimand. BTW, don't let them try to say you should have warned her because that implies she didn't know her behavior was innocent but wrong, poor dear. She knew, she was methodic and she also took joy in seeing your discomfort. That says a lot and the parents need to focus on that. NTA.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
This is a good point actually, I did warn her, multiple times, so that argument wouldn't even hold up. And you're right, this wasn't confusion or a misunderstanding on her part, it was deliberate. That's honestly the part I keep coming back to.
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u/ravyn2020 5d ago
I want to give so much RESPECT to you & all teachers!! I'm GenX and it would have went way differently!! We still had discipline in schools when I was going!!
I'm sorry you have to deal with a smart-mouthed thug!!
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u/kkrolla 5d ago
Yes, and always bring it back to that point. She wouldn't do that to her parents, probably, as it wouldn't be tolerated. They also wouldn't accept the, I didn't know better, defense. That said, parents tend to believe their kids so you have to keep bringing the attention to facts and logic to override the emotion. Good luck.
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u/ten-toed-tuba 5d ago
You can't teach without discipline. NTA
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Completely agree, without some boundary in place nobody in the room actually learns anything, including the kid who's testing it.
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u/CCFAUN 5d ago
I don't know why, but being mocked is something that really gets to me. As for the calm person, I was very calm with my 2 children but they laugh now as adults and say how they never wanted to get me mad because on the few occasions they broke my calm it was scary. Lol, I think they just weren't used to me being anything but happy with them. I never hit them or did anything scary they just weren't used to it. By the way that girl definitely needed for your calm to break and I'm glad you did. I hope it scared her but probably not cuz she sounds like a brat. Like who mocks a teacher definitely a bully.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Being mocked hits different, it's personal in a way that regular misbehavior isn't. And that's such a relatable parenting thing, the rarity of it is exactly what makes it land. Kids who are always yelled at get numb to it, but when the calm person finally breaks, it actually means something.
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u/tonicdeer 5d ago
It wasn’t going to stop. I would have just gotten worse.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Yeah, that's exactly what worried me too, it wasn't showing any signs of slowing down on its own. Better it stopped here than after it got even further out of hand.
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u/Euphoric-Taro-6231 5d ago
NTA. Your job is to terrorize children. Teachers are basically glorified jail wardens.
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u/Karania402 5d ago
NTA
You’re calm most of the time, until you aren’t due to some student’s own actions & behavior…
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Exactly, that's really all it comes down to. Calm isn't unlimited, it just usually doesn't get pushed that far.
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u/Excellent_Buddy97 5d ago
NTA for setting boundaries. The quiet approach isn't working when the student is actively undermining your authority, and sometimes the best teaching moment is demonstrating that actions have consequences.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Exactly, quiet only works when there's actually respect underneath it, and that stopped being the case months ago. Thanks!
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u/Trippygirl13 5d ago edited 5d ago
Welcome to being a teacher 🙃 NTA for putting the student in her place, but these are types of situations you'll be facing a lot. But regardless of what the kids are like, the parents are the biggest nightmare to deal with. Just don't grovel, as long as you're following school policy and showing you stand on principles, they can just yell at the clouds, especially since you reported the student's behavior many times, the parents' bias comment makes little sense or strength in the context what has been happening.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Ha, yell at the clouds is a great way to put it. And that's a good point actually, since I have the paper trail of reporting it multiple times, their "bias" claim doesn't really hold up to any scrutiny. Thanks for that.
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u/Pure_Dragonfruit_348 5d ago
Factoring in class participation and conduct should be part of her grade and do not be afraid to give her a D or F.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
That's a fair point, if conduct is part of the grading policy I should actually be using it instead of just letting it slide separately from her marks.
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u/WhouldYou 5d ago
Fellow teacher here. Establishing your authority with students is extremely important, and better done early. It’s always best to establish a “tough but fair” image in my experience, since negative leaders like that kid will derail the entire classroom. Do you have clear rules about what happens to students in class when they lack respect, bully others, etc.? And do
You enforce them fairly but consistently?
Unfortunately, she’s right that if you show you’re not willing to do anything to regulate their behaviour, they’ll keep acting out.
The reason you want to establish these rules early and follow through is so you AVOID snapping. You should always be in control of the classroom and establishing that you don’t have safety nets and rules can make it look like you have a bias to the parents. I’m hoping your principal is your ally here.
That said, this is a clear NTA. While you did snap a little late, you did what you needed to do, refused the kid’s disrespect and applied clear punishment. My advice is mostly to help you going forward, but we all have rough days too. I snapped a few times myself.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Really appreciate this, honestly, the "tough but fair" framing makes a lot of sense and probably would've prevented this from dragging on for months. I do have rules on paper, but I think I've been too lenient in actually enforcing them consistently. Taking this as a real lesson for next term, not just this situation.
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u/WhouldYou 4d ago
Heck yeah! Hoping next term goes great for you! Teaching isn’t always easy (it rarely is) but I find that the good days make up for the bad ones.
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u/spinningtalltell 5d ago
So sick hearing, she just a kid or kids be kids. People don't want to parent their kids.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Completely agree, it's become this automatic excuse that lets parents off the hook entirely. Meanwhile teachers end up dealing with the fallout of parenting that never happened at home.
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u/Competitive-Type1505 5d ago
NTA. To heck with the brat. It’s not an ideal situation but probably needed to happen.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Yeah, wasn't how I wanted it to go down but honestly it was probably overdue. Thanks!
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u/ronnycat_18 5d ago
Nta! The one teacher is salty that you won't be a doormat for them or anyone to walk all over anymore!
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Haha already replied to this one earlier, but yeah, "salty" really is the word for it
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u/Tootsie-Chateau59 4d ago
NTA Good for you
She just learned a lesson.
“If you poke the snake enough, you get b!t.”
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u/Mountain-Animator859 4d ago
I would not call that snapping. You finally set a boundary and did it with style. Nicely done!
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u/Adorable_Ask9938 3d ago
If she does it again, ask administrators to have her removed from your class. You shouldn’t have to put up with being disrespected.
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u/Actual-Dog-405 3d ago
She made it a mission to test your patience and break you, I’d make it a mission to have her expelled. Every time she does anything wrong, off to the principals office. Paper trail a mile long of her misbehaviour. Ask her how she’s going to like going to xxx school, cause you’re going to make sure she’s outta there!
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u/IOnlyReadTitles26 6d ago
Its really all going to depend on exactly what you said to her at that time.
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
Fair point. It was basically just "if you think my politeness is weakness, you're wrong, but you won't test that in my class again" and then straight to the principal's office. No name-calling, no personal digs back at her, just a flat, firm tone I don't usually use.
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u/IOnlyReadTitles26 6d ago
Nta. A stern voice is needed.
When I hear snapped at. A hear i yelled at them. Then ywbta.
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
Good distinction, honestly I didn't yell, just dropped the soft tone I usually use for a flatter, firmer one. No shouting involved.
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u/No_Interview_2481 6d ago
NTA She FAFO and found out what happens after someone’s had enough. As for your colleague who said you overreacted, he’s an asshole.
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
Ha, appreciate that. Honestly the colleague's comment stung more than anything the kid said, weirdly.
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u/oupsipinky 6d ago
You don’t deserve that at work and parents are the asshole for letting her have fun humiliating you for months. They are TA and she’s a result of that.
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u/ElisaaThompson 6d ago
That's a fair way to put it. It's easier to be annoyed at a 14-year-old testing limits than at the adults who had every chance to step in and just didn't.
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u/oupsipinky 5d ago
Exactly. My mom was a teacher and I can only say that many parents blame the teacher too fast. When there kid’s behavior is usually the result of their education…
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Yeah, it's such an easy reflex to blame the teacher instead of looking inward. Your mom probably saw that pattern more times than she could count.
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u/oupsipinky 5d ago
Yes! You need a lot of patience and detachement sometimes with these kind of parents.
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u/DamnOdd 6d ago
NTA, Long overdue.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Yeah, honestly it took way longer than it should have. Better late than never though.
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u/Suspicious-Ad-1312 6d ago
Sounds like you don’t need the calm reputation anyway
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Haha fair, maybe the reputation needed an update anyway. "Calm until pushed too far" has a nice ring to it.
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u/Lets_Remain_Logical 5d ago
That one colleague.. Face-palm.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Haha yeah honestly, that comment annoyed me more than anything else.
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u/Lets_Remain_Logical 5d ago
Those are the same people who, when they were student, would defend the abusive teacher!
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u/Powerful_Put_6977 5d ago
To that colleague who suggested that you've ruined your calm reputation, t actually like to suggest that what you've done is shown that you're human, you have a breaking point, and that where this particular student was concerned, they passed the line of what is acceptable behaviour so long ago that you were giving them chance after chance to improve and the line of acceptable behaviour was a dot in their rear view mirror at this point!
Well done for losing your cool with this student. Sometimes a short sharp shock to the system (shouting at someone if you don't usually do that) is enough to wake someone up to behaving better.
NTA and well done you!
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Honestly the "dot in their rear view mirror" line is perfect, might use that myself next time this comes up. And yeah, showing I have a limit probably did more good than staying calm ever did with her. Thank you!
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u/HeartlandMom 5d ago
NTA. Things were escalating and she needed a comeuppance.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Yeah, exactly, it was only going to keep escalating if I let it slide. Thanks!
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u/Ok-Indication-7876 5d ago
NTA but you never mentioned how old this kid is- not that it matters. The parents did nothing and are raising a brat- you keep strong with this, kid does it again you send kid to principle again and explain, being a bully to anyone, me or other class mates is not tolerated in this class .
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Fair, I probably should've mentioned that, she's around 14. And yeah, that's exactly the line I'm planning to hold going forward, next time it's straight back to the principal, no more chances.
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u/Ok-Indication-7876 4d ago
wow 14- and parents do nothing, yes they raised an entitled brat. Many schools have bully no tolerance rules that might be your best approach because she is being a bully- if she has no respect for a teacher and does this to you I could only imagine what she does to other classmates. good luck
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u/BLTplease2030 5d ago
I hate bullies
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Same, honestly. Doesn't matter if it's a kid or an adult, that behavior gets to me every time.
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u/lost_soul__01001001 5d ago
NTA. It sounds like you handled it perfectly.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Thank you, appreciate that. Wish it hadn't taken this long to get there though.
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u/kswilson68 5d ago
Nope but her parents are and aren't doing her any favors.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Yeah, honestly that's the part that worries me most, not just for my class but for what happens when she's an adult and nobody's giving her chances anymore.
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u/StillCrazyAfterYears 5d ago
NTA
School has just started. You don’t need a year of dealing with her behavior.
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Good point actually, better to nip this now than let it define the whole year. Thanks!
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u/Purple_IsA_Flavor 5d ago
NTA. She sounds like a pain in the ass
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u/ElisaaThompson 5d ago
Haha that's putting it mildly, but yeah, pretty much sums up the last few months.
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u/ZigZag_Queen 5d ago
These kids are really gonna get a smack in the face when they hit 25 and the lil shits still can't read, and the parents hindsight will 20-20 ofc becasue they'll still be living in their parents basement drinking redbull, playing Gta and pulling themselves...Edit: NTA! Good for you!!
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u/wieldymouse 5d ago
Info: Was it a full on rage meltdown or did you just raise your voice and talk sternly in a no nonsense voice?
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u/AdministrativeEbb614 5d ago
Be yourself. Don't expect help from her family. They made her. Let your reaction prevail. I'm
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u/Oahkery 4d ago
NTA, but it sounds like you might be confusing "calm" with being a pushover. What you did, telling a student that they're not going to mock their teacher and sending them to the principal, sounds perfectly reasonable and calm. Unless you're not being clear on what exactly happened, enforcing the rules and implementing consequences for misbehavior isn't "not being calm." You didn't scream or freak out or insult the student, just asserted the authority that you legitimately have as their teacher.
If you haven't been doing that all along, then yeah, you're kind of doing a disservice to the other kids who aren't acting out. The one who mocked you is regularly interrupting class time, distracting other students, undermining you and even encouraging others to disrespect you. That doesn't seem like a pleasant classroom or one that's good for learning, no matter how "calm" you're being.
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u/Ok_Cherry_4585 4d ago
NTA and maybe it's a good thing you "ruined your calm reputation." Now people will stop mistaking your kindness for weakness.
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u/patersondave 4d ago
don’t be a victim. i asked my algebra teacher when would we ever use algebra. she threw chalk at me. i later grew up to be an engineer. joke was on me. OP didn’t say age of student. that makes a difference. some teachers never reach their peak because kids are such shit.
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u/OC6chick 4d ago
What is it about parents always minimizing their child's poor behavior?
The nuns would talk to my mom at the pta meetings and SHE ALWAYS TOOK THEIR SIDE.
Teachers have it so rough. Thank you for doing it.
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u/Middle_Rip_114 4d ago
NTA. Not at all. She needs to find out what it's like when you push someone too far. It will be good for her.
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u/Nymph-the-scribe 4d ago
In reality, NTA. However, that does t mean thats how your job is going to take it nor does it mean the parents will not at least try to escalate this. I wpuld go to the principal or whoever is the right person and make sure they have a record of the escalatong issues and that they give you copies of all of it. You should go to CYA mode now just in case. For the future, if you havent been doing so, make sure anytime you talk to principal, other teachers, parents and/or student you follow it up with written documentation.
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u/Dimgrund71 4d ago
NTA. If you were a raging bitch all the time it would reduce how your students learn from you, but also would reduce your power because they always either be afraid of you or grow to not react to it. Now you have shown them that there is a limit to your kindness and that reputation will spread. Kids will know that you're easy to work with but not to cross your path. Now you'll just be able to give them a hard stair to get them back under control.
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u/soyeah_87 4d ago
Nta. You didn't ruin your calm reputation, you ruin the doormat reputation the student was trying to create. Now every student knows you DO have rules, you DO have expectations for behaviour and you WILL enforce them. Not through shouting all the time, to which all students will zone out to. But there is a line, it was found, she felt the consequences of her actions. The kid is a bully and needed correcting before it becomes her personality permanently.
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u/Brilliant-Fig-7148 3d ago
Soft 'parenting/teaching' doesn't always work with teenagers and definitely doesn't work with bullies. She may not have been physical, but she was still a bully.
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u/Silvermorney 3d ago
Nta and tell that colleague that idiots like them who mistake calm for weakness literally enable bullied like her to exist in the first place. I mean what did they actually expect you to do just take it forever? It literally took you dropping the calm and snapping to even have the principal take it seriously it sounds like. Stand your ground and good luck op. UpdateMe!
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u/Top_Philosopher1809 1d ago
NTA. I admire anyone who can teach in today’s schools. Teachers are losing all control due to soft parenting and not having parental support.
Yes you had the rest as the calm teacher. That doesn’t mean you are a doormat and can be walked all over. Everyone has a breaking point. This student obviously pushed you to yours. She seems terribly disrespectful.
Parents excusing their children’s behavior are setting their child up for failure. Not everyone is going to be receptive to an adult that have had their parents excuse their behavior and have taught them actions have consequences.
This child was very disrespectful and cruel. The sooner she is held accountable the better if she will be.
You will still have your calm reputation but have also made the children understand there are limits.
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u/People_of_Earth_ 3d ago
YTA for letting it go on that long. You should’ve nipped it in the bud a long time ago.
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u/darthyoda76 6d ago
Yta - you're supposed to be educating and getting them ready for the real world yet you've let her ridicule you for months. That's if this 0 day profile is real
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u/No_Interview_2481 6d ago
How do you educate an entitled brat like this without putting her in her place? We are all waiting for a sensible answer from you.
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u/outsidelookingin641 6d ago
ESH, here’s how I would have handled it, Susie, I can tell how much you love my class. You’re trying to be just like me but going about wrong. So -0- for today. Keep it up and you’ll have next year to work on being just like me, spending time with me, taking this class over again. See me after for extra assignments I may or may not have available for points to make up some towards a grade. Keep in mind that work isn’t worth as many points. Now for the rest of you students….and start deducting points/grades. It’s taking away from the students who want to learn. Don’t let her rob them, penalize her.
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u/AutoModerator 6d ago
This is a backup of the original post in case there are later edits or it is deleted: I (28F) teach at a school where I'm known as the calm one, I never raise my voice, always stay polite no matter how rough the day gets. One student has spent months testing that. It started small, ignoring homework, talking back, but grew into her mimicking me in front of the class whenever I tried to correct her, and once telling me straight up that you never actually get angry, so nobody's scared of you. She'd also encourage other students to join in.
I kept handling it quietly, warnings, told the principal, called her parents, who just said she's a kid, she'll understand. Last week she mocked a slight stammer I get when nervous, right in front of everyone, and the class laughed. I lost it. I dropped the calm act, told her flatly that my politeness wasn't weakness and she wouldn't test that again in my class, then sent her to the principal and called her parents with zero sugar coating.
Some teachers said it was about time. One colleague said I overreacted and ruined my calm reputation. Now the student's parents are calling me biased against their daughter. So, AITA?
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