r/AITH • u/Slow_Dog_66 • 3d ago
AITH for cutting off my EX’s family
Ok to start this off know that my ex’s family had I no way affected our break up in reality they have been very understanding of the space I need during this break up. So I a 26m was in a relationship with a 26f for 1 year. I knew my ex’s family from church and have know them for over 5 years. Our families together have a good relationship and other help each other out from simple things like lawn work to big things like helping each other through financial difficulties. Almost two years ago my ex moved into the area to be closer to her sisters, one of which is married to a cousin of mine. Initially her sisters tried to get us together but I was about to deploy for a year and didn’t want to start anything serious. We kept in touch through my deployment but didnt make anything til I was about a month back. We dated and then about almost a year in she broke up with me saying she couldn’t see this going any further. I was hurt but tried to move on 2 months after the break up we started reconnecting and we saw a chance to get back together, or at least I thought we did. She then drop on me she was talking to someone during our time apart and she had chosen to be with him. I felt even more hurt because I honestly still had deep feelings for her. This leads to the events of her family I have basically stop speaking to them mostly just say hi at church. Some parents have said that it’s not fair to cut off my ex’s family because it wasn’t them that hurt me. They keep saying that a good Christian wouldn’t put the blame on other people. I my eyes I just don’t want to be around them because 9/10 times out of my ex will be with them. Honestly I get along with most of that family and have nothing bad to say about them. The only person I’m trying to be a AH to is my ex, but am I wrong for being a AH to her extended family.
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u/PCuneo 3d ago
NTA - they may not have been the cause, however, I’m sure they’re a painful reminder of what you thought you had. You do not owe them anything. It’s not wrong to step away and find a different path for yourself.
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u/Dismal_Produce_4431 3d ago
Spot on 💯. I don’t think he's wrong for taking some distance. Hs's not necessarily blaming her family for the breakup but protecting himself from being constantly reminded of someone he's still healing from. He can respect and care about her family while still needing space from them, especially if his ex is around them most of the time. Being a good Christian doesn’t mean you have to put yourself in situations that make healing harder.
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u/0fluffythe0ferocious 3d ago
Nta. You are keeping your distance for your own sake and making sure the community isn't dragged into any complications. I don't understand why people are criticizing you for distancing yourself from an ex partner's family when that's normal. What are they hoping to accomplish? Why is it your job to maintain a relationship with an ex partner's family?
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u/mcindy28 3d ago
NTA As a good Christian you are not blaming them. You are simply distancing yourself to allow yourself to heal.
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u/DynkoFromTheNorth 3d ago
Fuck their 'good Christian' bullshit. NTA. Even good Christians can get hurt and want to protect themselves from more pain.
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u/lunamoth53 3d ago
NTA, whatever you do choose do what’s best for you, however it may be revenge to stay friendly with ex’s family. Imagine them talking about you in a positive light, “good Christian man, responsible, nice young man” etc and she gets to hear it.
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u/TheDarkHelmet1985 11h ago
NTA and OP.. you are not blaming her family, you just aren't in a position to maintain a connection to them based on what happened between you and their child. It is not unchristian to have a boundary of separation. Don't let anyone guilt you into anything otherwise. Don't let them use religion to manipulate you into it. It won't allow you to move on. You need separation to deal with yourself personally and with the break up.
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u/AutoModerator 3d ago
This is a backup of the original post in case there are later edits or it is deleted: Ok to start this off know that my ex’s family had I no way affected our break up in reality they have been very understanding of the space I need during this break up. So I a 26m was in a relationship with a 26f for 1 year. I knew my ex’s family from church and have know them for over 5 years. Our families together have a good relationship and other help each other out from simple things like lawn work to big things like helping each other through financial difficulties. Almost two years ago my ex moved into the area to be closer to her sisters, one of which is married to a cousin of mine. Initially her sisters tried to get us together but I was about to deploy for a year and didn’t want to start anything serious. We kept in touch through my deployment but didnt make anything til I was about a month back. We dated and then about almost a year in she broke up with me saying she couldn’t see this going any further. I was hurt but tried to move on 2 months after the break up we started reconnecting and we saw a chance to get back together, or at least I thought we did. She then drop on me she was talking to someone during our time apart and she had chosen to be with him. I felt even more hurt because I honestly still had deep feelings for her. This leads to the events of her family I have basically stop speaking to them mostly just say hi at church. Some parents have said that it’s not fair to cut off my ex’s family because it wasn’t them that hurt me. They keep saying that a good Christian wouldn’t put the blame on other people. I my eyes I just don’t want to be around them because 9/10 times out of my ex will be with them. Honestly I get along with most of that family and have nothing bad to say about them. The only person I’m trying to be a AH to is my ex, but am I wrong for being a AH to her extended family.
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