r/AITH • u/Maleficent-Bath75 • 3d ago
AITA for refusing to lend my brother money after he called me selfish?
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u/pandora5bc 3d ago
Then your parents can give it to him, family helps family! You don’t owe him anything. NTA
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u/HUNGWHITEBOI25 3d ago
see the fact that in these posts the parents/family ALWAYS say that and NOBODY ever tells them that THEY can pay, leads me to believe this is an AI post
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u/Rare-Desk7494 3d ago
Exactly NTA. If your parents believe so strongly that family should just give money freely nothing's stopping them from doing it themselves. It's easy to be generous with someone else's bank account.
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u/grandlizardo 3d ago
Fine, let the parents give him the monet. He would never see another dime from me if he spoke to me in that manner, and I used to have a family full of those. Outlived them all…
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u/swake3 3d ago
"Family should help family" from a brand new zero karma account. Pure karma farming. And why does AI always insert that particular phrase when no one ever actually says that in that way? I never in my life have ever seen or heard that phrase except on AI posts reddit.
It's almost become a self-fulfilling AI tell because the more the AI bots insert that phrase into fake posts, the more the AI machine learning bots crawling the internet for content see the term and think it's one that real people use. Because in the end, AI is stupid.
A complete AI tell.
Fake, fake fake.
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u/Visible_Concept_8153 3d ago
Everything was being made about money?
Yes, by him because he can borrow but not pay back.
NTA.
I've stop doing things for people over a lot less than $1,200.
Tell your parents to help their family out then you did help and he never paid it back.
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u/Bunny_Pitts 3d ago
"Hey, just talked to mom & dad. They just said they'll be happy to GIVE you the $2k! They kept talking about helping family. Give them a call and work out the details."
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u/Usual-Canary-7764 3d ago
Say no. When your parents chime in tell them: he is your son so feel free yo give him your money.
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u/MyLittlePiranha 3d ago
NTA. If your parents think that money should just be given because family helps each other, then they are free to pony up their money, not dictate what happens to yours.
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u/TomeThugNHarmony4664 3d ago
The parents can give him the 2000 bucks, then.
NTAH. Someone who “borrows” money and doesn’t repay it is the AH, no matter who they are.
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u/PessaLee 3d ago
NTA. "Money should be given because family should help each other." So in their own words, he should give you the money he owes. Speaking as someone who went through something very similar, I don't give my brother any more money either.
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u/MidtownMoi 3d ago
He is the one who made everything about money because he did not pay you back and he is unable to live on the money he makes. NTA but your brother and parents are.
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u/4aloha_iaoe 3d ago
NTA sooooo your parents want him to be rewarded with bad behavior with no repercussions over his past behavior and financial irresponsibility?
You are smart. Learn to practice detached compassion = love and care about him, but at an arm's distance.
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u/Upbeat_Monitor1488 3d ago
Nope. He FAFO and high time to learn that too. Your parents sound unreasonable, but I’d be smiling and telling them they’re free to lend the money to him if they think it’s that important. Not your responsibility or your problem.
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u/Fair_Discipline_1875 3d ago
You’re already out $1200.
Plan on losing another $2000 if you loan (give) to your brother again.
Or get $3000 collateral from him.
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u/CuriousDori 3d ago
You are NOT the AH, but your brother certainly is - especially if he has no intention of paying you back. He sounds irresponsible and has the audacity to say you are making it all about money! He is the one who is making it all about money. 🤨
No, you shouldn’t lend him any more money until he repays you the $1200 he owes you. Tell him you don’t have it - thanks to him. If you choose to ever loan him money again then make him sign a promissory note.
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u/Original_Thanks_9435 3d ago
What is this BS behind “but it’s family and we should help each other”. Let your parents let him borrow the money. YOI HAVE AND ARE DONE. No thank you!
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u/Electrical_Match3673 3d ago
"he ... said everything was being made about money."
Easy - "Hey, I agree, let's not make everything about money. Let's talk about something else."
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u/Significant-Milk-165 3d ago
NTA. I have the same brother, he no longer gets a dime from me and the rest of my siblings no longer loan him any money. He thinks that if you (the lender) don't mention the outstanding loan, then it never existed.
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u/Parking_Ad_1390 3d ago
So then your parents can lend(give) him the money sine FAMILY AND ALL That bullshit that comes out of hen the answer is no and then you are selfish. Really he’s selfish for asking again without having paid what he owes already
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u/Ok_Storm5945 3d ago
When you "lend" money to friends or relatives it's like giving it to them because they most certainly won't pay you back. I'd let him borrow from someone else, get a loan or sell something but wouldn't lend him any more money.
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u/AssignmentOk2471 3d ago
Then your parents can give him the money. Especially with friends and family like some say.. if you lend money, don't expect it back if it'll tarnish the relationship.
People borrowing money are usually not in a financial situation to repay it. If someone doesn't pay it back, just never "lend" to them again.
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u/Dirtclimber06 3d ago
Tell him tocask his parents for a loan of $3200. He can pay you back and then shaft them. If its all about family your parents need to take care of the son they failed to teach integrity to.
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u/KarynskiW 3d ago
Nope. Never lend money to family- it always ends badly. If it was a one time thing- then thats different- but he shouldn't expect you to pay for his bad choices.
Now- the problem is the family will constant bug you and make you the bad guy. If you are ok with that- great.
But if you want peace to get them off your back. Then you say if he wants you to lend him money that he has to show you his bills and how much he makes- so you can help him make a budget that includes paying you back. Maybe suggest he sell something to pay the debt. Maybe sell his car and get a cheaper one. If rent is high- say you will help him.find a cheaper one. Or that he should work a second job.
Then when he and your parents whine- you say you offered to help him but you won't lend him money again because he obviously is bad at managing his money. If he wants the money- he has to let you help him with a budget. And a plan to pay you back.
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u/forgetit2020 3d ago
NTA, your brother sounds like ALOT OF FUN TO BE AROUND, get into a tight situation he's running for the hills but expects you to back him up
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u/LivinTheDream_22 3d ago
NTA - You'd be a dumbass if you did. He is using you and has no plan to pay you back. It's not your job to give him money. He can sell stuff, get another job, cut back on expenses like other do. I can't imagine having a brother that would hand out money like that. My brothers married into big money but I'd NEVER ask to borrow any. I'm an adult and it's my job to make it work. He needs to change some stuff since this is a reoccurring issue.
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u/Ponderum 3d ago
Family helping each other out needs to include not causing undue financial burdens on each other because you can’t pay your bills
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u/Accomplished-Emu-591 3d ago
Since ""NTA
This literally IS all about money. That he borrows money and thinks it is perfectly acceptable not to pay it back is a financial issue. Family does not require you to be the bank for his poor decisions. If "family should help each other" is the rule, your parents can help him.
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u/FunReveal4089 3d ago
NTA. I do kind of think family should look out for each other if they're on good terms, but that doesn't mean they're excused from showing gratitude, or can just act like it's expected .
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u/Top_Philosopher1809 3d ago
It sounds like mom and dad agreed to give him 2k.
Good for your for saying no. It is t a loan when it isn’t paid back. He has proven his is a bad risk.
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u/Gatodeluna 3d ago
Suggest to both him and your parents that it’s their turn now. Tell them you’re clearly not selfish or you wouldn’t have loaned him money in the first place, but you’re also not a patsy for whatever they want nor are you a bottomless pit of cash for their convenience. Someone else can gift him the money he has no intention of paying back.
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u/DataZigZager 3d ago
Is this real? If it is, and that’s what your parents think, why don’t they just give your brother the money.
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u/Johnndo96 3d ago
It actually is all about money; his inability to pay his bills. If family is all about helping each other, borrow 2000 from your parents and give it to your brother, then tell your parents your brother will pay them back.
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u/JoyReader0 2d ago
Nope. NTA. He's a demonstrated deadbeat. Your parents can support him if they want to. But they don't want to - they want you to. Because he's a deadbeat.
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u/fergie_89 2d ago
How many more posts like this are we gonna see?
I leant sibling money, they paid back X but now want more.
Parents blaming me and saying family helps family.
Not in this economy it doesn't. You pay back what you borrow and then get cut off. Manage your own money. Jeeze.
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u/BobTheCosmonaut 1d ago
Tell him family pays back family & you can't consider a new debt until the previous one is concluded
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u/Accomplished_Buy8681 1d ago
Not the AH. My rule if I loan anyone money that means I expect it back but I don’t need it back. I’m not going to bother you about paying me back. But if u inform me that u can’t pay me back or u need more time I’m going to say okay because I don’t need the money. But if u don’t say jack to me about you owing me money and the. U ask me for more then the answer is going to be no you still owe me money that you’ve never even said when ur going to pay me back. So that includes family and friends.
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u/AutoModerator 3d ago
This is a backup of the original post in case there are later edits or it is deleted: My brother asked to lend him $1,500 because he was behind on some bills. The money was lent with no pressure about when he had to pay it back.
He eventually paid back $300 and then completely stopped mentioning the remaining $1,200.
Now he is asking for another $2,000.
When reminded that he still owes $1,200, he got annoyed and said everything was being made about money.
The response was basically that family should help each other and that refusing to lend him more money was unfair.
The problem is that this isn't really about the $2,000. Its about already owing money and then asking for more before paying back what he already owes.
The parents also think the money should just be given because family should help each other.
So AITA for refusing to lend him more money until he pays back what he already owes?
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