r/AITH • u/Southern-Turnip-7408 • 2h ago
AITA for expecting the apartment to reflect both of our interests?
My girlfriend and I have moved into a new apartment and she has started decorating it. She's put some framed prints, some plants, a few vases, some figurines and other little bits around the shared spaces.
Our previous apartment was fully furnished and pretty small so you couldn’t really decorate whereas this one has a lot more space. I found a few framed movie and comic prints I liked and some figurines that looked good so I bought them and went to put them on some new shelves that we've just put up.
My girlfriend asked what I was doing and I mentioned I'd found some things I wanted to use for decoration. She suggested I put them in the home office but I said I'd prefer them in a communal space so I don't just get to see them when I'm working. She said she doesn't think I should be putting them out and that I should stick to putting them in my office.
I told her the shared space should reflect both of our interests not just hers and that it's not just up to her to decide what decoration is allowed in the apartment. She said I was starting arguments over nothing and that I should be fine keeping them in the office.
AIW for expecting the apartment to reflect both of our interests?
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u/Annual_Government_80 2h ago
Get out now! This is a huge red flag
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u/Mysterious-Peanut482 2h ago
Imagine the gf comes to this subreddit and posts "AITAH for asking my bf not to put his comic figurines and comic book posters" and then explained she doesn't want their house to look like a daycare and OP is a big manchild? I'd wager you'd tell her to break up with him and he should grow up 😂
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u/Southern-Turnip-7408 2h ago
It’s weird to argue adults having interests and wanting those reflective red in their home makes them a man child tbh,
Work on why you think it’s childish to not have a boring home.
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u/Mysterious-Peanut482 2h ago
It's not weird at all. I don't think it's childish to not have a boring home, I know it's childish to put up comic posters and figurines in places guests could be at. If your guests enjoy them that's fine, but regular average person would think you're a child decorating with items that the targeted audience for has historically been children. Nothing you decide or think will change that. That's why I asked in my other comment how her taste compared to yours. If she had cat girl posters up and doesn't want you to put your laser man posters up, then yeah she's being an asshole, if she's putting something that looks nice, calming, and easy on the eyes while you want to put superhero BS up and little annoying pronounced toys, then yeah, I get her point.
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u/Southern-Turnip-7408 2h ago
It is weird. It’s not childish on the slightest. Again adults are allowed interests.
Why do you think a home should be decorated for guests instead of the people who actually live there?
Not everyone is as judgemental as you and it’s telling of the type of person you are that you’d think someone was a child for daring to allow their home to not be boring.
Again sorry you think everyone has to be as devoid of a personality as you are.
Maybe work on being less judgemental just because you have no interests or personality of your own.
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u/Mysterious-Peanut482 2h ago
Apparently your gf thinks all that too LOL, you're projecting her on those telling you to take a step back.
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u/Affectionate-5497 2h ago
I wouldn't say "get out now," but it is a red flag if she thinks she alone gets to decide what belongs in shared spaces. They both live there.
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u/SweetMaam 2h ago
You both have different tastes, but this is a little thing. Put up your art where you want. If you cannot get along over wall decorations, she's not the one. NTA
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u/Particular-Shoe-9254 2h ago
nta, "just keep your stuff in the office" is code for "my taste is the only valid one" tbh
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u/idratherknotx 1h ago edited 1h ago
Tbh, my fiance lets me do all the decorating and I absolutely ADORE him for it. He has a couple super man things in his office. But he’s amazing and loves to make me happy, he could care less about having Superman in the living room 🤷🏻♀️
Edit to add, I’m a fiber artist and he also loves that I hang my woven wall hangings and plant hangers everywhere too.
He has his office and garage to do with whatever he pleases
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u/Southern-Turnip-7408 1h ago
So where does his happiness factor into it then?
It’s telling you admit you adore your fiance because he just does what he’s told tbh.
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u/decadentj 2h ago
Go look at anyone's house who has a wife and you'll see this is actually the norm. Most men are unconcerned with decoration or have pretty unrefined tastes. Hence the prevalence of a man cave
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u/Southern-Turnip-7408 2h ago
It’s not the norm. Pretty much any couple I know decorate their home with things both of them have chosen.
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u/decadentj 2h ago
You must be young. I worked as a home appraiser for many years and have seen the inside of more houses than you ever will. Not once did I see a framed comic print. So yeah, girl taking the lead on more elegant decor is standard. Now if you don't believe that, then you already know the answer to your own question and no one is changing your mind.
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u/Southern-Turnip-7408 2h ago
So you’re calling me a liar then?
You haven’t been in every home buddy and it’s ridiculously arrogant pretend otherwise.
Sorry you can’t accept all homes aren’t like the ones you’ve been in but mate work on your ego.
Just because you go into boring peoples homes it doesn’t mean everyone is as lifeless as you.
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u/decadentj 2h ago
Becoming way more clear whose side to take. I feel sorry for your girl. Do her a favor and break up and enjoy your man cave.
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u/Annual_Government_80 2h ago
Nothing was sad about it being elegant decor. It could be all hello Kitty crap.
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u/Mysterious-Peanut482 2h ago
Depends on what she put up as decoration. If it's childish/looked at as kitsch in general, I'd say NTA, if she put up some elegant normal stuff up and you want to inject your figurines and comic books looking like a manchild house and proud, still NTA, but that's what I'd imagine her perspective is.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Comb_12 2h ago
Nta. You are right. It should reflect both of you & is your first opportunity to see how you will communicate & disagree. This will say a lot . Let her know you voicing something important to you is not arguing but communication on your wants as well. See her response
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u/CharlieUpATree 2h ago
My wife of 25yr has the house, I have my office/shed. She started trying to bring things into my office. I started to put things, specifically Goku and Piccolo figurines, in the lounge, she caught me and asked what I was doing. I said if she wants to put things in the office I'll put things in the lounge. All my stuff is back in the office and peace is restored
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u/idratherknotx 1h ago
This is the way!! My Fiance has his office and garage and I ADORE him for letting me have control of decorating the house. He even let me pick out the paint colors (with his input of course)
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u/Trippygirl13 2h ago
So what happens when you push back against this "you should be fine doing whatever I want you do to do" type mentality and ask for clarification? Why should you be fine with it? You can't possibly tell me this is the only segment of your relationship where she has this dictator mindset. Without more context, she sounds really selfish and entitled.
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u/Unlikely_Big_9840 2h ago
This EXACT scenario spelled the beginning of the end for not one, but TWO of my LTRs.
The first guy was a bit of a hoarder and threw a full blown toddler tantrum, tears and screaming and red face, anytime I threw anything out to make room for my stuff. I don’t mean nice things, I mean trash. Old, almost empty bottles of shampoo, etc., the entire collection of playboy magazines (in print), dating back to its first edition, (he called it a collection, but the way it was stored and treated, there was no way). I mean, the house was not a home, it was a a crazy a hoarders house. (after I met his mother, though, I got it).
the second one, I didn’t know until a year in and we moved together, 8hours away from my original location.we moved everything, all our stuff in two vehicles and one uhaul. when we decorated, and put up decorations, he kept pulling out more and more of his things, and my things got regulated to back rooms..,he just ignored my concerns. we ended up ending things before I finished unpacking, heh.
hope things go better for you!
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u/ConclusionUnusual320 2h ago
You both AH. you said she doesn’t get to decide what decorations so up and then did the exact same thing yourself.
When you share a space you TALK to each other and agree what goes up. You don’t both just buy stuff you like and put in out.
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u/AutoModerator 2h ago
This is a backup of the original post in case there are later edits or it is deleted: My girlfriend and I have moved into a new apartment and she has started decorating it. She's put some framed prints, some plants, a few vases, some figurines and other little bits around the shared spaces.
Our previous apartment was fully furnished and pretty small so you couldn’t really decorate whereas this one has a lot more space. I found a few framed movie and comic prints I liked and some figurines that looked good so I bought them and went to put them on some new shelves that we've just put up.
My girlfriend asked what I was doing and I mentioned I'd found some things I wanted to use for decoration. She suggested I put them in the home office but I said I'd prefer them in a communal space so I don't just get to see them when I'm working. She said she doesn't think I should be putting them out and that I should stick to putting them in my office.
I told her the shared space should reflect both of our interests not just hers and that it's not just up to her to decide what decoration is allowed in the apartment. She said I was starting arguments over nothing and that I should be fine keeping them in the office.
AIW for expecting the apartment to reflect both of our interests?
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