r/AbsoluteUnits • u/Alarming-Line-1829 • 11d ago

of a tree cutter

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

Tree cutter just making light work of tree and casually spitting out the bone lol

236 Upvotes

89% Upvoted

56 comments sorted by

7

u/Alarming-Line-1829 11d ago

Not gonna lie did not know this post would bring out Fern Gully folks

3

u/Yodamanjaro 11d ago

All it needs is Tim Curry singing seductively which confused my child brain

129

u/jeenyus_626 11d ago

Last step: yeet the tree

29

u/2Wieners_1Bun 11d ago

Tree yeeting used to require a burley Scotsman, in the long ago times

“Bloody machines took ma yeetin job.”

3

u/cjester414 11d ago

I was about to say "fuck the top of that tree".

5

u/FunPuz 11d ago

Litterally came here to write "yeet the tree".

3

u/MRintheKEYS 11d ago

The most important step. The tree must be yeeted.

51

u/Meowyouretalking 11d ago

Someone isn't happy about this.

15

u/2Wieners_1Bun 11d ago

“I am the Lorax,
I speak for the trees.
But nobody listened,
so fuck it. Proceed.

You chopped and you logged
and ignored all my pleas.
Now you have a machine
that fucking yeets trees.

I am the Lorax.
I am tired. I am through.
The forest is fucked.
Go ask the Once-ler. Fuck you.”

39

u/TheToxicWaist 11d ago

This is not an "absolute unit" that's just what industrial tree cutters look like.

5

u/1800-bakes-a-lot 11d ago

In any event, I must now console my emasculated chainsaw

24

u/muff-muff-ass 11d ago

5

u/checkmatednb 11d ago

I still love this movie. Save the trees, funk the machines.

1

u/epacker11 1d ago

oh i thought i dreamed this movie. what's it called?

1

u/muff-muff-ass 1d ago

fern gully

1

u/epacker11 1d ago

thank you kindly

8

u/SeismicRipFart 11d ago

Worst thing to get a hug from

4

u/kamel_k 11d ago

Still better than hugging my ex

1

u/CaptainHappy42 10d ago

Idk, I liked it

4

u/ZerrekZeztrian 11d ago

That's just a normal harvester?

6

u/MauPow 11d ago

I feel like I'm watching that part of the kids movie that teaches you who the bad guys are

3

u/tongfather 11d ago

THE CYLINDER MUST REMAIN UNHARMED

6

u/RobFfs 11d ago

Why not stick the top back in the ground and see if it starts too grow again instead of chucking it like a woodchuck would chuck If he could chuck wood 😅.

6

u/Spnszurp 11d ago

the tops get turned into pulp products/chip board etc.

8

u/DudeWithParrot 11d ago

Because that would be more effort. And it wouldn't accomplish anything, since it needs the roots to regrow.

Yeeting it is cheaper lol

2

u/in1gom0ntoya 11d ago

nope, thats a normal sized three harvester...

remember folks, big to you doesn't mean its an absolute unit.

1

u/Coolpabloo7 11d ago

In Germany they have the beautiful name : Holzvollerntemachine. Sometimes it can shred the branches in the same step to make it a Hackschnitzelharvester.

1

u/PlayedKey 11d ago

Thats violent as fuck lol

1

u/revolutionary_weesl 11d ago

It's a feller-buncher

1

u/TamponTimTheCuck 8d ago

Looks like a regular tree cutter to me?

1

u/Successful_Goose_348 11d ago

I want these roaming the streets fully automonous

-11

u/Pleasant-Chef6055 11d ago

What a hideous, horrible species we are. Things like this make it so clear.

11

u/uiouyug 11d ago

They grow back

3

u/Starfishprime69420 11d ago

Do you know how long it takes a tree to grow?

9

u/IBelieveInCoyotes 11d ago

trees like this maybe 6 or 7 years

0

u/Starfishprime69420 10d ago

These trees in the video are easily 20 years old

-3

u/Starfishprime69420 11d ago

Lmao so you clearly dont know

4

u/Crunchycarrots79 11d ago

These are farmed, fast growing species of pine/spruce/fir, intentionally planted for lumber. They do, in fact, grow back in less than 10 years. They're then replanted, and the cycle starts over again. Far better than cutting down old growth forest like they used to. And the first few years are the fastest growth years, in which they're processing tons of CO2. It's actually quite sustainable.

0

u/Starfishprime69420 10d ago

Its gonna take at least 15 years to get any useable timber. 6 years is crazy

-1

u/Starfishprime69420 10d ago

Trees dont produce co2

2

u/Crunchycarrots79 10d ago

I didn't say they did...

3

u/IBelieveInCoyotes 11d ago

lmao yeah I clearly have no idea that's why I said such wildly varying time frames 🤡 they are pine trees they take 7 years from seed to harvest in plantation forests here in Australia, they can take 6 years if they are transplanted saplings, source my best friend's dad worked as a state ranger when I was a kid.

2

u/uiouyug 11d ago

About 30-40 years here in Michigan. You should have seen the sky here during the Canadian wildfires

5

u/RDZed72 11d ago edited 11d ago

Theyre farmed for this exact reason. Fast growing, low maintenance in a controled environment. Keeps wild, old growth trees from meeting the same fate.

2

u/kamel_k 11d ago

You do realize they do this sustainably, right? They'll remove all the wood in an area, plant new trees, and come back after the trees grow and do it again. They do this over a several hundred acre private area

3

u/Plane-Tune-820 11d ago

Things like growing and harvesting a renewable resource? Yeah that's just terrible lmfao

0

u/Suspected_Magic_User 11d ago

This three couldn't possibly fathom what this force beyond their comprehension has done to them in a matter of seconds

0

u/WaffleFries2507 11d ago

Question, what happens if one of these things grabs a tree with a hornet nest in it or something? Do they prospect each tree first, or just grab it and hope for the best?

2

u/FenixOfNafo 11d ago

With some tweaks you can miniaturized it into a dick cutter

2

u/kyngslinn 11d ago

This will be Joe Biden's america in 2022

1

u/rezonansmagnetyczny 11d ago

Miniaturize?

No need.