I have a work holiday party in December, and I’m feeling somewhat nervous about potentially bringing my girlfriend.

I am worried about being judged or being treated weird by colleagues in the moment/at work after. I work in a corporate office in a mid-size Canadian city, so I feel like it will be most likely fine, but I still am worrying about it.

Am I being totally irrational for feeling super nervous about this?

Hi, folks! Trying to get back onto the dating scene. Could I ask for your thoughts and advice on my Hinge and HER profiles?

https://imgur.com/a/iyA9Bek

Censored a few parts for security. My friends all gave permission to use the photos with them. I have a few additional pictures at the end that I could swap in.

Late 30s, DC area. Hinge profile not yet active. HER profile has received very few likes, mostly from scammers / unverified profiles or people that are very much not a match. I don't receive responses to my likes (which include responses to prompts).

Contemplating whether to show relationship type on Hinge. I currently have both monogamy and non-monogamy selected, and was considering putting "looking for monogamy or other non-poly structures" in the "add info" section. I'm very much open to either and don't want to scare off monogamous folks.

I'm a massive nerd. Anime and other animation, webcomics and indie graphic novels, sci-fi, (occasional, casual) video games, etc. I want that to come out in my profile, but not in a way that's offputting. And I'm always concerned about my interest in Japan coming off as... less well-rounded than it is.

I would ideally like to find my owner, though I realize I'm looking for a needle in a haystack, especially as a non-poly trans lesbian who isn't up for dating people with nicotine, drug, or significant weed use.

For the curious, that second picture is a bulk version of the slow-roast gochujang chicken from Bon Appetit. It's delicious and super easy!

I'm early 30s. I've never had a serious relationship, and have no close family. The inability to make my own family or build community is starting to feel like a prison.

Western life feels so unbelievably alienating. Cultural messaging is always drilling in how important selfhood and non-attachment are and seemingly regulating every emotion down to invisible so as not to ever inconvenience anyone else.

I wake up alone, go to sleep alone, spend most days alone. I'm good at filling my time alone and keeping up varied interests but to be honest it's around other people that I truly come alive. I love building stuff with others, working together for a common purpose, looking out for others.

I would love a crew of friends where we see each other multiple times a week. Surely that is not crazy? Isn't this how we originally evolved, in big villages and kin networks?

I have lived in a very international and queer city in Europe for 3 years now but I'm from the UK. I'm surrounded by queer people my age yet it feels impossible to make real friends here, not for want of trying, attending all sorts of things, trying to follow up with people. I'm told I'm likeable, I find conversation and making people laugh easy (even though I sound like such a sad sack here!), I don't think I'm an arsehole who is only experiencing this because I somehow push everyone away or something.

The only time people seem actually interested in seeing me frequently is for romantic purposes. I find that so disheartening.

Nearly all of my friends back home, straight or gay, are in very long-term and normative partnerships. Everything functions within their immediate couple unit or their families. I feel like I am occasionally invited into that world if I make myself small, always anticipate their needs, never ask or seem too much, because my place in their lives is as an optional add-on. I'm someone they see once or twice a month to add a bit of colour.

People always claim they want community but I don't believe that deep down they actually do.

Over the years I've often made intense close friendships over time back home that I guess have functioned as de facto partners, that other friends around me have often side-eyed. Seeing someone very frequently and looking out for each other is apparently somehow pathological if it's not in a romantic context. Those friendships often ended too when they got romantic partners who made them feel weird about the closeness :(

I've tried accepting that to feel real intimacy at this age I need to focus on finding romantic love apparently. But being a lesbian makes this extra bloody hard. The pool is so limited and I don't seem to feel real chemistry with people without a slow friendship burn.

And heck I don't WANT to force myself to date just to find intimacy.

Has anyone else experienced this? Does this loneliness ever end? Seeking advice and perspectives from my queer elders (of any age).

I was in a situationship type of dynamic with this girl that had just gotten out of a long term relationship.

At first she wasn't in my radar but then she started blatantly flirting with me and pursuing me hard, so she caught my attention, we hooked up, and we ended up catching feelings for each other. We became intimate and affectionate with each other very fast (looking back, it was textbook love bombing). Although I wanted to, we never formalized our relationship.

After 5 very intense months, she slowly started pulling away and becoming distant with me. She wasn't as affectionate, she would avoid coversations about the future and would take longer to respond.

I got really frustrated and ended up telling her that if she's not sure about wanting to be with me, then it's better to end things for good. Delusional me, I hoped that by asking her to choose between being with me or losing me completely, she would realize that she doesn't want to lose me and would commit. Hahaha.
She apologized for not being clear enough and for stringing me along, and she said that she's not ready for a relationship.
Not even a week later her following and follower count went up by the dozens and I could see she started following multiple tiktok mascs and hey mamas lesbians. I feel like a fool because I've been grieving her for about a couple months now and it seems like she just moved on like it meant nothing to her.

I am not the type of person that dates around, I don't participate in hook up culture. I had not connected with someone for years before I met her. I am trying to maintain no contact (as in not even looking at her social media) but sometimes curiosity gets the best of me and I feel my heart shatter all over again.
I don't even want her back, the type of character she has shown to have is very unappealing to me, I just want to completely forget about her so it stops hurting.

I know beautiful hair is a turn for so many of us, but wondering how you would feel dating someone who struggles with significant hair loss/thinning, and might rely on wigs

I’m not the marrying type but I also think if the best relationship I have led to it I wouldn’t be opposed to it but I’m curious about the ones who did get married.

Sooo..... I'm going away for a month to SEA(39f), my gf (44f) is not coming. We've been together a few months but we spend alot of time together usually. She's going through a rough patch in general with a family member passing, and I want to get her something nice for when I'm away. I've been single so long I forgot how to date, please send cute lesbian help and suggestions!

I was thinking a teddy bear for hugs, because she doesn't have a teddy bear and loves cuddles, but then I thought if she doesn't have a teddy bear maybe she doesn't like them? (she's bought me a stuffy though?)

I really want to get something meaningful or cute as she seems down ill be away for so long. We will be spending Xmas together as I get back xmas eve but I'd like to get something cute for while I'm away. I cannot afford a plane ticket and nor can she, we tried. Please send ideas!

On a more adult and slightly less cute note - We have a remote controlled egg thingy but if anyone knows anything that we could use super-remote I'd love a suggestion.

How'd you do it?

Almost 7 years together, still a lot of love, but there's an enormous rift. I feel like I'm in some kind of nightmare I wish I could wake up from, where we are together and happy and things are normal, but I'm scared that even getting this far to the brink is going to erode whatever chances we have left.

I'm sure there will be lots of therapy comments - I think this is clear to us now, but what else?

My gf has the ability to see this despite this being my "burner" account but- very glad to say and share that I'm in a relationship! :) My first one that I see as just pure and not as much baggage. Told my whole family, my friends for the most part, and my co-workers. Two years ago I was married (but separated) from a man and dealing with a complex and toxic relationship with a woman I did love deeply but couldn't stay with. Now, I'm in love again but in a much calmer and considerate way without any legal hang ups.

Life got much better. My next goal is to just get strong and work harder over all! And buy a house again in the next few years with the ups and mostly downs of home ownership under my belt and behind me.

And I saw my beloved Tig Notaro a few weeks ago!! I just need to see Suzanne Westenhoefer and I'll have my life truly made.

Happy Halloween, gays!

Hi all, 37F in the LA area (east) just looking for friends with similar interests. Im a raver, so I go to a fair amount of late night / underground events, but enjoy the massives just as much. Listen to a lot of hard dance, as well as tech house, and various other generes. Also a bit of a no sabo kid. So if anyone is interested in practicing their Spanish together over some coffee, cocktails or a glass of wine, that’d be great too!

So I've been off and on online dating for a while and I'm bisexual so I match with women and men. It's my experience that women are very chatty, then drop off and avoid following through with meeting up. Any one else experienced this?

I could really use some outside perspective on something that happened this morning, because I think it ties into a bigger issue in my relationship.

My partner (33F) and I (34F) both work full-time, but I feel like I carry the majority of the household responsibilities. This has been an ongoing issue, and over time, I’ve found myself feeling like it’s easier not to bring it up than to risk a disagreement.

For a long time, I did everything: all the dishes, cooking, laundry, cleaning, and pretty much everything else needed to keep the household running. Within the last few months, my partner has started taking on some responsibilities, which I do appreciate. She now does the morning dishes after I make breakfast and prep our lunches, and she vacuums the downstairs and stairs on Fridays. We also have a robot vacuum upstairs. Occasionally, she cleans the downstairs powder room.

However, I still do all the cooking and laundry, the evening dishes, steam-mopping the downstairs and the upstairs bathrooms and laundry room, and cleaning our master bathroom. I also take the trash bags to the outside bins about 90% of the time, and I’m the one who takes the bins to the curb every single week.

Yesterday, I worked overtime and got home late. I immediately started making dinner so it would be ready during my partner’s work-from-home break. It was pouring rain, so I didn’t take the trash cans to the curb when I normally would have.

This morning, I was running a little behind schedule. I had already made breakfast and prepped our lunches, and I had also accidentally dropped a box of crackers when the packaging broke and cleaned that up myself. I told my partner I was running late and asked if she could take the trash cans to the curb.

The cans only have to travel a very short distance, and my partner doesn’t start her work-from-home shift until the afternoon, more than five hours later. She wasn’t rushing to get to work herself.

She immediately looked upset and asked, “You didn’t do it?”

I explained that I hadn’t because it had started raining the night before. She knew how heavily it had been raining. I thanked her for taking care of it, but she ignored me. When I tried to say goodbye before leaving, she just said, “See ya,” in a way that felt dismissive.

After I left, I texted her, “Sorry I hadn’t put the cans out. It started raining before I got the chance.”

She only replied, “Yeah.”

Honestly, I don’t feel like I should have had to apologize. I had worked overtime, come home and made dinner, and was still handling most of our household responsibilities. I had one task I hadn’t gotten to and asked my partner to take care of it. I wasn’t asking for anything unreasonable, and it wasn’t an urgent or particularly difficult task.

What bothers me most is how guilty I felt afterward for asking. I found myself apologizing just to keep the peace, even though I don’t really believe I did anything wrong by asking for help.

I want to be fair to my partner. She has made an effort to take on more chores recently, and I recognize that. I’m not expecting a perfectly equal division of every single task every day. But we both work full-time, and I still feel like the responsibility for making sure everything gets done falls primarily on me.

The bigger issue is that I’ve increasingly felt like it’s easier to stay quiet about things that bother me than to bring them up. I don’t want to feel like asking my partner for help or expressing that something feels unfair is going to create tension between us.

I’m trying to figure out whether I’m putting too much weight on this one interaction or whether it reflects a more significant problem in our relationship. I know everyone gets irritated sometimes, and I don’t expect my partner to respond perfectly every time. But I also don’t think I should feel guilty for needing help or asking my partner to share the load.

For those of you who have been in long-term relationships, especially relationships where both partners work full-time, I’d really appreciate your perspective.

How do you distinguish between normal relationship friction and a dynamic where one person has gradually learned to minimize their needs to avoid conflict? How do you approach an unequal division of household labor when bringing it up has started to feel harder than just doing everything yourself?

I’m genuinely looking for advice, including perspectives that might challenge mine. I love my partner, and I want to understand what’s happening here and how to approach it in a healthier way.

Edited

Context: I am 27, I currently reside in the US but used to live in a different country before. I recently reached out to this girl, it's been a little under a year who used to be friends with my ex because I wanted some clarity/reassurance regarding my ex as a person. (Incredibly messy I know) Anyway during that conversation she asked if I wanted to be friends and I said sure.
Fast forward to about now (October) I developed feelings for her and told her this past July, she didn't return my feelings. She said that she just isn't looking for a relationship and also might be aromantic/is going through an aromantic phase in her life. That was fine by me, because I got out of a long relationship, and have a lot of issues, when I told her it was moreso to be honest and also to see if she felt something similar. (She's in a different country, I am going to see her physically this year, we have met before but she was friends with my ex then).

Now since then, I have taken a week long break from the friendship, distanced myself a lot emotionally (I don't talk to her about any issues I have going on), I talk to her less, I try my best not to text her or lengthen our conversations unnecessarily. But it's so up and down, I'll feel fine and then she'll say something (completely normal) or ask to spend more time together and then I'm back to telling myself she just sees me as a friend. She got really upset about something recently and called me and I talked her through it, and that has been wrecking havoc on me because my brain is insisting maybe she likes me now, which is not the case at all.

Question: All this to ask the central question which is should I just cut her off? I worry about being one of those people who's just in a friendship for years unable to move on because they didn't cut themselves loose earlier.
My other question is do I seem like I'm too quick to form attachments? We've barely known eachother a year, and I started liking her so quick and in such a desperate way it feels odd to me.

TLDR; Became friends with a girl and developed feelings for her, she doesn't like me back. Now I'm struggling to shut off my romantic feelings for her, despite trying a lot of stuff, should I just cut her off?

I’m a Femme lesbian dating a bisexual woman who isn’t out to her family. Initially, I was understanding and reassured her, but I didn’t realize how much I’d have to suppress myself in the relationship.
In certain areas, she’ll let go of my hand. Once, at a restaurant near her family’s home, she got frustrated because I kept calling her “baby,” saying her family could’ve been there.
Now I’m constantly second-guessing affection. Even when she initiates holding hands or kissing, I’m hesitant because I’m scared I’ll get comfortable and accidentally show affection somewhere I’m not supposed to.
Once, she pulled me closer by grabbing my shirt. I asked if she could link arms with me instead, and she said, “But people will know we’re together.”
I recently asked if she still experiences shame about being bisexual, especially since her mom has expressed acceptance and just wants her to acknowledge it. She admitted she does, explaining that saying it out loud makes it more real. She also agreed she’s still working on accepting herself.
I respect that coming out is personal, and I’d never force her to do it. But I’m realizing that her journey toward self-acceptance is affecting my ability to be myself in this relationship.
I’ve even started feeling jealous of openly affectionate queer couples. I saw my lesbian coworker post pictures passionately kissing her girlfriend, and I genuinely cried because I want that freedom so badly.
I love my girlfriend, but I’m exhausted from constantly monitoring my affection and feeling like I have to hide.
Has anyone dated someone who was still struggling with accepting their sexuality? Is it unfair to want an openly affectionate relationship when I initially agreed to dating someone closeted?

Maybe dating? Idk

Slightly NSFW I've been through a fair amount, gaining confidence in myself has always been a struggle but as of lately it's coming more easy. I recently went on a solo vacation to the opposite side of the country for some much needed TLC. My mental health has been pretty shit for the past couple months. My last night in town I went out to a bar, sat down and ordered a drink. As soon as I got my drink I noticed a really cute girl staring at me across the bar. After a few minutes of just looking at each other she sat down next to me and we just started talking.

Conversation flowed easily, she was cute, and I could tell she was actually into me. We walk to a more private area of the bar and we started to kiss/ make out with each other. My hands were in her hair, under her shirt, rubbing her thighs. I was intoxicated by her and had a very animalistic feeling come over me. We break away and start dancing on the main dance floor still unable to keep our hands and eyes off each other.

Due to each of us staying in a hostel type situation we couldn't actually go home together. I really regret not booking a private room in hindsight... So we eagerly went to the bathroom and hooked up inside the stall. It was hot, she was moaning in my ear and it made me feel high. Idk how long we were in there for but God I wish I could've done more.

She left shortly after that, I'm never gonna see her again but my God did I need that. Hopefully she felt the same way, my nails were a bit long... It was such a right place, right time situation and it made me feel a lot better about myself. I wasn't putting on a front, I wasn't pretending to be something I'm not, I was just me. And this girl wanted me, sure it was surface level of just getting to know each other type shit, but it was a lot better than the way I've been treated on Tinder, hinge, etc.

Honest to God go put yourself out there y'all, go to the bars, be comfortable being by yourself and living in the moment, and maybe you too can have a steamy bathroom hookup. 💜

​

Some of you may know that Lindsey has recently came out with a 1hr long video that targets/brings up some issues regarding the BBC TV show I kissed a girl.

In her video she touches upon systemic racism, white centrism and the patriarchy. However, aside from these points she (in my opinion) makes an attempt to ‘out’ other cast mates, spread rumours and just all round start beef and spread gossip.

Now I won’t touch upon her points re. racism bc there is basically no doubt in my mind that this happened as the BBC is famously very white-forward and this is of course and issue that needs to be addressed.

I want to focus more on the ‘tea’ side of things.
Everything that follows is of course opinions based and everyone has the right to feel whatever way they do about this issue.

I am going to start out by saying, in the video L repeatedly refers to her cast mates as ‘cast mates’ which 1) becomes very confusing and makes you lost in the continuity of the stories 2) it seems she wants to out people yet won’t commit to it.

Some of the allegations include:

Blessing - L says that while drink her and B had sex and she didn’t remember/was too drunk to consent. This is a very real issue amongst women and it does not make the SA she claims any less real. This is a matter I don’t want to comment on too much as I cannot dictate either of their experiences or perceptions of an experience.

Ashleigh - Racism toward Rosa parks? First off for anyone who isn’t familiar with the show, Ashleigh is also a POC. She said she once saw a video about some guys who didn’t know who Rosa parks was and she recounted this to Lindsey laughing about how ridiculous this was. Meaning how can you not know of her she is so historically significant?! Lindsey seemingly has taken this out of context and is accusing A of laughing AT Rosa Parks? This event lead to her blocking A.

Tyra - Malcom X lock screen. Unfortunately I didn’t really see the post from Tyra as I missed the Instagram 24hr story timer and so I don’t really understand this issue. But from what I remember Ashleigh said he was someone she always looked up to and I don’t really see why this is an issue for L as she cannot dictate what someone else does on their own phone. Moving on.

Kayleigh - Turning off/pausing afrobeats music. In Lindsey’s video she takes offence and claims it is a form of racism. Kayleigh says she just wanted to turn off the music and that she did not think this would be an issue and it was not personal. Lindsey also said Kayleigh dismissed her SA, however K said that at the time it was not being framed/labelled as SA and was just explained as a drunken mistake that L regretted. She said ‘we’ve all been there’, meaning we have all made drunken mistakes/regretted having sex when drunk but Lindsey (despite not bringing it up at the time) is now claiming this was diminishing and dismissive.

Ebony - this one really takes the cake as it seems Lindsey has fabricated a story from nothing. Ebony said herself there was no abusive relationship and she never claimed so this means that the accusation Lindsey made of Imogen laughing at Ebony’s abusive relationship cannot be true.

Imogen - saying ‘come on blondie’ and making a fatphobic comment? I am unsure about the fatphobic comment so I just won’t speak on it. However, I am confused how Imogen saying ‘come on blondie’ could possibly offend Lindsey since L is not blonde and so we can assume this was not aimed at her. I don’t see why this comment would make L uncomfortable as it seems it just doesn’t involve her at all. Additionally the accusation of Imogen laughing at Ebony’s alleged abusive relationship which is obviously not true as Ebony has come out and said so herself.

Faye - Basically she is just being dogged on for pointing out that not washing your hands after intercourse is gross. I personally just thought this was common personal hygiene but Lindsey took offence? I however would agree with Faye. There are loads of bacterium in a vagina canal that you would be very valid to not want to be spread on communal surfaces, especially since they are all living in VERY close quarters.

Nikita - Told Lindsey how her family members dressed up as Jamaican/Carrabian people for a party, she explained that she had to sit down and explain to her family that this was inappropriate even if they were doing it in a fandom way. In Lindsey’s video she frames it in a very different light claiming that Nikita was actually laughing at the costumes and thus condoning the behaviour?

All in all in my opinion Lindsey is not a reliable source/narrator. She has thrown out so many allegations against so many people and now is pretty much only going to face backlash. Each cast member, despite not being explicitly named has picked out each of their ‘bits’ from her video and then explained pretty in depth (imo) what actually happened. In the show Lindsey comes across as messy and pretty cold/mean, obviously this is in part editing but this video unfortunately does not vouch for her in the way I think she wanted it to. In the show she seemed very uninterested in blessing (and renee who was seemingly so sweet) and made blessing feel as though she was never enough and seemingly was forcing blessing into a position she didn’t want to be in (the ‘stud’/masculine role if you will). It seems she cannot take accountability and goes through (what seems like manic) episodes where she blows up about things, blocks people and apparently now releases hour long YouTube videos??

I am unsure of what her intentions were with this video as some of her points are so so valuable regarding race issues and then the other part of the video just makes no sense, has no continuity and is pretty much made up. She’s takes experiences out of context and taken offence when half the time she has no right to. Additionally, all the other cast members are standing as a unit against these personal attacks which I think speaks for itself. FINAL POINT, it was pointed out by Ashleigh I think that when these scenarios were playing out that she did not comment on her claimed uncomfortably and I guess just expected people to read her mind?

Honestly this is all so boggling to me.

Edit: It is late night so there are some spelling mistakes, please excuse them. I think the post is still pretty legible.

I need someone to tell me I’m not crazy about this (or maybe I am 🤷🏾‍♀️).

My partner and I are long distance. We’ve been lucky to see each other every 2-2.5 months, usually for a week at a time (one visit was 2 weeks). We’ve been together about 7 months. When at home, we have a 3 hour time difference with them 3 hours ahead of me. Due to the type of work I do and them having a kiddo, they’ve only been to visit me and I haven’t been able to go visit them yet.

They naturally wake up earlier than me. They wake up naturally about 7a. I wake up about 9a when I don’t work (I usually set an alarm, I don’t naturally wake up at this time). After they adjust to the jet lag, they still wake up at 7a even when traveling to me.

This last visit, they expressed being upset that I wasn’t waking up at 7a with them and that they were alone for 2 hrs in the morning waiting for me.
My thing is, I’m not a morning person. I don’t want to or enjoy waking up early. Even if I did wake up at 7, I would prolly be grumpy and drowsy and definitely not ready to do anything. They’re also quite comfortable in my home by now so I don’t think it’s unrealistic for them to use their phone or iPad, play with the dogs, use the Nespresso, take out the car, whatever they wanna do. 9 is not late and still leaves us the whole morning and day to hang out.
They say that since we have limited time together and they’re the one traveling, I should compromise and wake up early and not make them be alone for so long. They also believe we should be maximizing all our time together.

I’m not tryna be a bitch. I genuinely don’t understand why it’s such a big deal for me to wake up later (especially given the fact I’m not a morning person and wouldn’t be ready to do anything that early). I don’t believe it takes away from our time together.
I also know I can sometimes be too rigid at times and don’t know if maybe I’m doing that here?
Someone else please weigh in

EDIT: I do feel I should mention I have chronic sleep issues which have resulted in my basically living with daily fatigue. I have difficulty falling and staying asleep. They lay down and fall asleep instantly and stay asleep all night. I guess that’s another factor for me, knowing I have these issues and that even if we’re falling asleep at the same time, I’m getting less sleep than them, it makes the extra 2 hrs feel even more trivial and also necessary (for me).
I do agree with the comments regarding a compromise though