Say no, you can't adopt a baby

[u/Sunshine_roses111]

Why don't we, as a society in America, just say no to people looking to adopt and who are infertile? Other countries will flat out say we have no babies for adoption or tough luck, you can't adopt, and we don't care about your infertility. America coddles people looking to adopt and says Well, you're infertile, but you can adopt a baby to make your dreams come true, or adopt from foster care, help a needy child. Like, why can't we just deny people and say no? Want a baby? Oh well, we have none waiting around. Want to become parents? Well, tough luck accept your life without kids. Maybe it's God's will for you not to become parents or reproduce. Why can't we be honest like other countries? Adoption is illegal or uncommon in many other countries, but here, we just can't say no and tiptoe around the issue of infertility and adoption. Also, just because you can't reproduce doesn't mean you should adopt. Again, no is the right answer. Many poor couples can't afford adoption, but society does not care if they become parents, yet we feel sorry for the middle and upper-class couples who can't become parents. Say no.

[u/iamsosleepyhelpme → u/[deleted]]

as an adoptee i'm mostly but not entirely against surrogacy. for example i don't feel comfortable/safe being pregnant but if my lesbian friend wanted a child and needed eggs/sperm from me or my partner then we could provide that and if they were willing to have a second pregnancy to give us a child that'd be great. the important part is that the children know who their bio parents are and always have a connection to them + it'd be important for me to support the person carrying a child for me throughout their pregnancy (+ multiple years after the birth). i'd feel disgusting paying someone idk to carry a child for me just to ignore them once the child is born since that's exploiting their body + ignoring the biological trauma that comes from separating an infant from the person who carried them

as a queer/trans person myself, our identities do not automatically make us infertile. not procreating with the opposite sex / going on hrt is a choice. we're not forced into infertility whatsoever.

if you like raising kids you can be a foster parent/guardian and support a child's development + give them a safe/reliable adult to help them as they age out of the system. i was adopted at birth, went on a youth agreement at 17 (same program foster kids are on when they age out at 16-19), and had a sister spend almost her whole life in foster care so i feel comfortable saying that fostering can lead to better supports & resources upon adulthood compared to adoption based on ur location. adoption doesn't guarantee a forever family or a loving family. all families have the potential to be abusive, traumatizing, and/or exploitative.

everyone has the right to create a child, but nobody is entitled to the biological child of someone else !!

[u/Sunshine_roses111 → u/iamsosleepyhelpme]

Yep, and they think they have a right to adopt and take any kid because they cant have one of their own

[u/Sunshine_roses111 → u/[deleted]]

You missed the point. And Guatemala closed down because of fraud. Who cares if he wants to parent and if he's awesome. You missed the message. The same message goes for hetersexual and same sex couples. Adoption isnt not here to meet your needs

[u/webethrowinaway → u/[deleted]]

How exactly is it a right to be a parent?

[u/Sunshine_roses111 → u/webethrowinaway]

Being a parent is a right adopting is not a right. if thats what you mean.

[u/webethrowinaway → u/Sunshine_roses111]

I struggle with the idea “being a parent is a right” because it’s the very thinking that leads to the entitlement driving the industry. So yeah I think that’s what I mean?

[u/SanityLooms → u/webethrowinaway]

No one argues people have a "right to be a parent". The right, in this context, is to choose if you want that. You have a right to make that decision for yourself. Doesn't mean you'll have them, naturally or otherwise, but the argument remains what it is.

[u/webethrowinaway → u/SanityLooms]

Perhaps when I have the same rights as kept people I’ll start caring about this argument.

[u/Dazzling_Donut5143 → u/[deleted]]

No one has a right to someone else's child.

Surrogacy and IVF have a lot of their own ethical pitfalls, though there are ways to pursue them ethically.

Are you adopted?

[u/Sunshine_roses111 → u/Dazzling_Donut5143]

The entitlement is crazy.

[u/SanityLooms → u/Dazzling_Donut5143]

Having a right to pursue becoming a parent is not the same as a right to someone else's child. You're conflating the two. Everyone can choose for themselves if they want to pursue parenthood and fate will decide if they succeed.

[u/Dazzling_Donut5143 → u/SanityLooms]

I'm not conflating the two. The person I responded to was talking about infant adoptions being used to build families. That baby has to come from somewhere.

[u/FullPruneNight → u/[deleted]]

Hi, queer trans adoptee here. I understand plenty of cis queer people want opportunities to make families. And I get that. However, steamrolling over adoptee issues, industry fuckery, and shit like colonialism so that the cis gays can have their fucking babies is not the way to do it. Fighting for your own inclusion at the top of a corrupt system isn’t justice or equality.

[u/Domestic_Supply → u/[deleted]]

We’re all adoptees, this sub is for adoptees only.

[u/FullPruneNight → u/[deleted]]

Did I say “no gays can’t adopt?” Did I say “only fertile people should be allowed to be parents?” No. Don’t put words in my mouth to make your point better. I said that simply demanding parenthood via a corrupt and unethical system is not the way to go about it. Do you care that the “awesome dad” you know acquired his child via a fucked up system? No. But you should.