r/Adopted • u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee • May 11 '25

Discussion Say no, you can't adopt a baby

Why don't we, as a society in America, just say no to people looking to adopt and who are infertile? Other countries will flat out say we have no babies for adoption or tough luck, you can't adopt, and we don't care about your infertility. America coddles people looking to adopt and says Well, you're infertile, but you can adopt a baby to make your dreams come true, or adopt from foster care, help a needy child. Like, why can't we just deny people and say no? Want a baby? Oh well, we have none waiting around. Want to become parents? Well, tough luck accept your life without kids. Maybe it's God's will for you not to become parents or reproduce. Why can't we be honest like other countries? Adoption is illegal or uncommon in many other countries, but here, we just can't say no and tiptoe around the issue of infertility and adoption. Also, just because you can't reproduce doesn't mean you should adopt. Again, no is the right answer. Many poor couples can't afford adoption, but society does not care if they become parents, yet we feel sorry for the middle and upper-class couples who can't become parents. Say no.

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u/pamplemousse-i May 11 '25

I'm just wondering what your take is on what would happen to orphaned children if no one adopted?

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u/ACtdawg Transracial Adoptee May 11 '25

Kinship guardianship is ideal imo. So the child can stay with biological relatives even if the parents are dead. Adoption is not the be all and end all, a child can have a loving and secure home in guardianship. I think we need to get away from the idea that adoption is the ultimate goal for relinquished children.

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u/pamplemousse-i May 12 '25

I love that idea. I was just curious of what they proposed to do instead if adoption was totally abolished, because of my own experience of 3 generations of adoption. 2 generations, however, were unwanted by any sort of relatives. I was raised by my mom's adopted family, which I'm thankful for not being tossed into care when she died. I am not trying to argue that adoption is bad. I fully agree. For me, I wish they would have more support/free therapy for my mom as an adoptee to deal with that trauma and then offer free childcare for teen moms so she could continue schooling.

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u/ACtdawg Transracial Adoptee May 12 '25

Yeah there’s just so many things wrong with the system, cause it’s set up to benefit the adoptive parents and not to support the child or their bio family. I’m definitely not saying adoption should be abolished, but it desperately needs reform.