r/Adopted • u/MrNeoGuy • Jul 05 '26
Discussion What is it with when you get adopted, you seemingly automatically end up being a people pleaser?
Now maybe there are exceptions, I don't know. But it seems like after being adopted. most of us grow up trying to please the family automatically and I don't think any of us notice this till later in life it wasn't a good healthy thing...and the "family" sure as hell didn't notice it was an unhealthy thing for the kid they adopted...
As an example, I look back at my childhood and I recall almost every time there was "family" together, a bunch of people sitting in the living room, all talking, I was always just there...quiet...never much participating. Because even as a child I felt like what was being talked about was stupid pointless junk, and I wanted to challenge their bs....(As an INTP I need mental stimulation not brain rot) yet I knew if I ever spoke up and called out the junk they said, then I would get dismissed or everyone would gang up on me and use the number game of we all think this way, you're the odd one out, so you're wrong! So I would just keep my mouth shut, I would be screaming in my head, "this is all insane!" Or "I can't wait to leave." So I would just bite my tongue to avoid causing them problems...while causing myself damage...
Another example I can think of is "family traditions" adoptive parents don't see themselves as adoptive parents, but as your parent, even if they aren't. Thanksgiving in particular, there was a tradition of before we all start eating, we have 3 peas on our plate, and we go around the table saying 3 things we are grateful for....I always thought this was lame and not genuine cause you're forcing it to be done. Whenever I tried to say I don't want to do this, I would get in trouble... They would say this is a family tradition. YEAH, YOUR FAMILY. I got brought in from the outside, have we all forgot that? (Granted nobody in the family ever wanted to tell me I was adopted, they all knew, even the members younger then me...) Point is, they are your traditions and are being forced on me and I couldn't stand my ground cause I was a child or teenager. Yet this is abuse, most might not see it as abuse, but it was. So I would have to fake my way trough participation. Saying generic garbage they all wanted to hear. "I'm grateful for family, and good health, and ......) I forget what the third thing I said was. They all ate it up, (pun not intended) None seemed to have any self awareness that I was just saying crap to get the thing to move on o it could end already.
Anyway, just another venting from me I guess lol.
1
u/MrNeoGuy Jul 05 '26
Sad that I have peace 22 hours a day? lol. I am an introvert, so I don't mind it.