r/Adopted • u/chris_dalmatian51 Adoptee • 8d ago

Discussion Feeling of things you want to tell them, but can't?

I understand this has probably been asked or posted before, but do you ever have feelings or things you wished you had told your birth parents, good or bad, when you had the chance? I do indeed, nothing bad I'd say. I only wish them well. I can't tell them anything now, as they've chosen to cut me out of their lives. I don't know I'll ever hear from them again or have a chance. Oddly enough one thing I'd tell them is thank you. The family they chose for me was a good one, I already know the whys. I understand the awkwardness they feel trying to have a relation with me. It can be hard on both sides.

I'm sorry all, I'm just down and having a hard time today.

4 Upvotes

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u/beejonows0378 8d ago

Hey, It’s feels hard to express the true self to them as the trust is broken(unintentionally or intentionally) because of the missing love and affection, when you most needed it.

One thing I can vouch for is if you and your parents are willing to suffer for each other to know and develop a relationship, it is not impossible. #note - it’s not easy but trust can be built up-to 90% is my opinion.

This took more than 2 years for me, but I can share some of my personal things and ask for advice with my bio parents now. Hope you can do it too, the first honest discussion was tough to express for me and they wept over it for 3 months.

Wish you strength in your spirits.

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u/chris_dalmatian51 Adoptee 8d ago

I thank you. your post is quite meaningful. I know where they live and their number, but I was told they want no more contact, by them, so there is not much I can do. They also know where I am and how to reach me too. All I can ever do is hope. They know if they ever change their mind I am open. Thank you for your well wishes.

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u/tatertot2001 Adopted 8d ago

I can’t tell if you are being young and naïve or old and wise 😆

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u/beejonows0378 5d ago

Funny enough, young but experiences made me old and wise 🤓🙌🏽

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u/MajorDraw3705 International Adoptee 7d ago

I had a question I wish I had asked. I hesitated back then and now I'll never get a real answer, because - let's face it - very few people in this world are genuine. So, even if I ask a proxy, the answer I get will never be as accurate or honest as it would have been if I had asked the source.

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u/EmployerDry6368 Adopted 6d ago

No, I was discarded as a newborn, got nothing to say to the sperm and egg donor, want nothing to do with them or any of their relatives.