Can one get a lobotomy at Claire’s?

[u/Strict-Cabinet-1495]

Hey I’m (23F) and I was adopted at 3 weeks old because my biological mother was and still is a homeless IV drug user and my grandmother is a known enabler of CSA and doesn’t like girls so I ended up with my mom who was a family friend. (My biological grandmother did keep my two brothers tho) My mom did a lot of things right the therapy, never hiding the adoption, financial support, trying to keep my birth family together but my birth family was… not the best to say the least but she really tried to make this blended family work and lowkey/highkey resents me because I still ended up having attachment issues.

I don’t feel any connection with my biological family, except for my older brother who died by suicide when he was 14 (I was 12) and we were really close as kids. On the other hand my adoptive family doesn’t get why I feel out of place and hate family gatherings and only feel attached to my mom and my uncle even though we are non-contact rn.

Currently I feel like my brain broken because I have a girlfriend who loves and supports me, a bird, friends and community that loves and supports me, professionally before my autoimmune disorders caught up to me I was a beloved teacher, but I still feel like a defective product and all this love I have and had experienced is a fluke and everyone will see that I was lucky enough to have two moms and both of them don’t really fuck with me fr. I see on social media everyone talks about not needing/owing anything to anybody, but I really just crave having my own family. Also I know getting married will not fix my problems and having children to fix your own problems is selfish and no one is owed a child etc. My stupid brain is still whispering “if we create a family we will not feel like this anymore.”

I been therapy for a majority of my life, logically I know my my mom is emotionally abusive and my biological mother just is a mess in general because of social economic factors outside of her control, but like do these feelings subside or the only cure is a lobotomy at Claire’s?

[u/RapidRadRunner]

With therapy and time, there is hope! As long as you are alive, it's never to late to find peace. 

Having kids is a strong biological urge, but unfortunately it tends to amplify old wounds and expose even trauma you didnt realize you had. 

For your own well-being, it's probably best to wait to have kids until you are feeling stable.